The Government announced that it was withdrawing its Alcohol Reform Bill today and introducing prohibition after it realised that alcohol was used by the ‘Beast of Blenheim‘ to stupefy young girls.
“It’s what we’d do if it was any other drug, particularly as it’s associated with the ‘Beast of Blenheim‘,” said Justice Minister Judith Collins.
National however intend to decriminalise cannabis as part of the same law.
“We need something to keep the population happy and distracted, otherwise people might realise that the $1 billion per year we spend on ‘fiscally neutral’ tax cuts, and the ever more billions we spend subsidising polluters on the ETS might be better spent on reducing the deficit instead of selling profitable assets to do it,” Judith Collins laughed.
When prompted with research that cannabis could also be used to stupefy children for paedophilic purposes, John Key said he was “relaxed” about it.
However it’s understood the Government is looking into ecstasy as a replacement, or the possible development of soma, should any unsavoury crimes be associated with cannabis after its decriminalisation.