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The Standard

Caption Competition

Written By: - Date published: 2:42 pm, April 4th, 2014 - 95 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour - Tags:

Paula Bennett and Wizard.jpg-large

95 comments on “Caption Competition”

  1. Tracey 1

    “3 sticks to bash benes with”

  2. karol 2

    I caught these 3 over-paid beneficiaries trying to fly under the radar, out of NZ.

  3. Toby 3

    Three wizards and one witch.

  4. mickysavage 4

    Minister announces extension of policy cancelling benefits for overseas travellers to those travelling by broomstick.

  5. Handi 5

    I make as much sense as these guys, but my spells really stuff with poor peoples lives!

  6. One Anonymous Bloke 6

    The Minister of Social Development and her closest advisers.

  7. The Real Matthew 7

    National sends feelers out to Wizard Party for co-alition negotiations

  8. Blue 8

    Green Party representatives in their formal wear, share with Paula Bennett their economic policy.

  9. One Anonymous Bloke 9

    “No, you fucking idiots, I said you’ll need an innocent sacrifice!”

  10. just saying 10

    Tutor and government minister, Paula Bennett poses with the first graduates of the inaugural Masters course in the ‘Dark Arts of Capitalism’ at the University of Auckland.

  11. karol 11

    “I am the future of NZ – have handbag and my own personal diplomatic protection squad!”

  12. One Anonymous Bloke 12

    Eye of Newt and spleen of Sharnelle: beneficiary organ harvesting discussion group meets to consider strategies.

  13. Naturesong 13

    SCENE I. A cavern. In the middle, a boiling cauldron.

    Thunder. Enter the three Witches

    First Witch

    Thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.

    Second Witch

    Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined.

    Third Witch

    Harpier cries ‘Tis time, ’tis time.

    Thunder. Enter the Wizard of Christchurch

    Wizard of Christchurch

    Sex is not for men at all! Sex is for women!
    The only men who like sex are HOMOSEXUALS! OR TEENAGERS! OR AMERICANS! …..

  14. The Witches of Westwick

  15. Princess19 15

    Wicked Witch of the West and 3 dudes dressed like wizards.

  16. McFlock 16

    Each of the houses was represented by a Hogwarts graduate.
    Pick the Slytherin representative.

  17. tc 17
    1. Ok if we give you a ‘collins begone’ curse will you leave us alone
    2. Wizard 2 is peeved he drew the short straw to pull the ‘grin stupidly’ cord on the Benefit doll.
    3. Sorry we don’t mean to scare the kiddies but she just refuses to stop following us around.
  18. just saying 18

    “They told me it was mufti day”

  19. captain hook 19

    I never had sex with that woman!

  20. scotty 20

    Dishonest Hypocrite

    Privacy trouble

    Come September.

    We’ ll pop this foul bubble

  21. Te Reo Putake 21

    PB:

    If Bad12 says so much as a word, I’ll chin him.

  22. TV3 reports no conflict of interest over ministers flying visit to Hogwarts

  23. Ad 23

    National Party social policy workshop no.7

  24. Ad 24

    Paula: “My handbag gave me just quarter of an acid tab and now Johnnie Steven and Bill are just amazingly bearded.”

  25. McFlock 25

    Junior wizards receive C- for “Demon Summoning” assignment, while the Wizard of Christchurch is annoyed at effect that this will have on his National Standards scorecard.

  26. McFlock 26

    Third wizard has yet to realise that the knob has just fallen off his staff.

  27. joe90 27

    September 20th you say – you’ll never guess what I’ve got up my sleeve….

  28. Daveosaurus 28

    Wizards with staves finally locate missing knob.

  29. Stephanie May 29

    They’re here too, HELP!?

  30. ianmac 30

    “Miramar homicide: Police searching for witch costume.” -Herald.
    Connectivity???

  31. Chooky 31

    Who is the REAL wizard, who are the pretend wizards? ….and why is THAT woman with them?

  32. Chooky 32

    Real WIZARD to himself…”OMG how did I get here with this rum lot?!”.

    Question:..which one is the REAL wizard?

  33. Chooky 33

    I think the one with the orange cardigan is the WICKED WITCH of the NACT WEST

  34. “Sorry, when someone said there was a queue for people who need to learn spelling, John told me to sign up so he wouldn’t have to keep drawing me pictures.”

  35. dv 35

    The cops are looking for costumes like those!!!

  36. Stuart Munro 36

    Identity parade for beneficiary bashing case.

    The victim identified the assailant as the hirsute individual in black, second from the right.

  37. Stuart Munro 37

    The handbag? No, I’m not trying to send a message to the PM.

  38. fender 38

    Fake smile spell works well on the mean-spirited Thatcherite holding the oversized handbag/beneficiary body bag.

  39. AB 39

    PB: ” National has an evidence-based social and economic policy”

  40. AB 40

    PB: “This is such an important meeting I brought along 3 Treasury advisors”

  41. Philj 41

    Xox
    I told you it would take at least 3 wizards to turn her into a frog!

  42. Stuart Munro 42

    Breaking News: Voldemort Survives the Deathly Hallows!

  43. Akldnut 43

    Three of them have dicks
    The other one is a dick

  44. Akldnut 44

    All four grow facial hair
    But only one shaves

  45. Akldnut 45

    The men are wearing dresses
    The witch is wearing pants

  46. ropata 46

    This handbag is made from the foreskins of my enemies!
    The 3 most powerful wizards of Aotearoa cannot stop me!!
    Now smile for the camera like good little boys or your souls are mine AHAAHAHAAAAA

  47. tricledrown 47

    Bene bashing bitch turns up at witches conference instead of bitches conference.

  48. Richard Christie 48

    Three works of Art and one piece of work.

  49. anker 49

    If only I could get these three to replace Key, English and Joyce, then I could fight it out to be leader against Parata and Collins in the Battle of the (hand) Bags.

  50. anker 50

    Bennett “They’re the only friends I’ve got”

  51. tricledrown 51

    Paula benebasher highers new “staff” to demonize beneficeries.

  52. tricledrown 52

    Bennett bene basher shows off new ” staff “member to her left his rod hasn’t been broken in like the other 2 .

  53. tricledrown 53

    Bennett says new carrot and stick approach to welfare their will be a lot more stick and less carrot.
    Like Orange is the new Black dearies.

  54. tricledrown 54

    Paula steels wizards thunder downunder

  55. Dazzer 55

    Another spelling mistake on The Standard…

  56. Ecosse_Maidy 56

    Bennett…”Jezzus, They told me that smoking & inhaling that synthetic cannabis, has no effects…..Oh well I better try a proper toke on the joint…..and the witches will go”

  57. Ecosse_Maidy 57

    Blimey!since we privatised Air New Zealand, they have really come on, I do like the new staff uniforms”

  58. Ecosse_Maidy 58

    The patients of cheapo cosmetic surgery pose for group photo

  59. Ecosse_Maidy 59

    “Has anyone seen Karol?”

  60. Ecosse_Maidy 60

    Paula would of had her own staff…but she lost it by shuving it through the heart of a single mother on benefits.

  61. Ecosse_Maidy 61

    GOD!!!!! I know I said I needed body guards but when I said come undercover……………..

  62. Ecosse_Maidy 62

    Pb, “Is this really what happens when you lose yr virginity and sell yr soul”?

  63. Ecosse_Maidy 63

    Pete George (wizard.. far left) hoped the cunning disguise would hold good.Otherwise his latest switch of allegiance would become apparent.

  64. JanM 64

    Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble!

  65. Vaughan M 65

    More stick, less carrot. With Rogering Sticks at the ready WINZ staff sport their latest weapons used in the “War On Bennies.” Minister refuses to reveal what she did with hers. . .

  66. Ecosse_Maidy 66

    In spite of what other people said…PB thought her evening at the speed dating was a stunning success.

  67. Bennett cannot hold her glee as three senior national cabinet ministers fall for the old, “It’s mufti day tomorrow” trick.

  68. ffloyd 68

    First wizard to other wizards.
    “Have we disappeared her⁉
    Nah, she’s still here.
    Bugger, must-have the weight to spell ratio wrong.
    Needs the triple whammy.
    Altogether!!!!!!!!!

  69. Ecosse_Maidy 69

    First wizard to other wizards…..Look Lads..Its my fooking stag night!!….I may be half pissed…Yet even I can see, that’s she a cheap stripper/lap dancer…You could of spent a few more bucks couldn’t you?You cheap bastards!!!…

  70. Ecosse_Maidy 70

    The four men of the apocalypse arrived at Auckland International Airport on a fact finding tour ..Unfortunately one had forgotten its uniform…

  71. Ecosse_Maidy 71

    3rd wizard to other wizards, look I told you fellas.We cant take the dog on the flight..That will never get past customs.

  72. Ecosse_Maidy 72

    Ms Bennett was introduced to her new outsourced, under minimum wage, privatised, team of cleaners for her ministerial office.

  73. Ecosse_Maidy 73

    2nd Wizard from Left..”You have no idea what I am doing with my left hand… all I can say is its stuck and I can’t get it out….HELP!”

  74. Ecosse_Maidy 74

    Paula Dildo salesmen, tried to look happy in their newly found WINZ assisted jobs.
    Paula commented..”Now that’s what I call real economic growth!”

  75. ffloyd 75

    Any smile, you can smile I can do better. Compliments of the taxpayers of course.!!!!

  76. Stuart Munro 76

    The pinata at this year’s surprise Beneficieries Bash Back gala didn’t suspect a thing…

  77. Rogue Trooper 77

    Witchygoo Fark.

  78. Ecosse_Maidy 78

    Somewhere In Deepest Middle Wellington.

    Centre Wizard To Wizard On Right.

    “That’s Its Lprent, I Have Had ENOUGH
    This Is The Bloody Third Time This Week You Have Directed Us To The Wrong Destination!
    Oh Its Always Excuses With You Lprent Isnt It?
    The Broom Sat Nav Is Not Working Properly,
    You Need To Go To Another Appointment At Specsavers,
    You Put Regular Instead of UnLeaded In The Broomsticks,
    Well Enough is Enough!
    When We Get Back To The Witch Academy Your Busted To An Elf!
    Because,

    This Is NOT FOOKING KANSAS!
    This Tub Of Lard That’s Attached Itself To Me ISN’T BLOODY DOROTHY!
    Also That Dog You Ate Whole, WAS NOT FRIGGIN TOTO! It Was A Passing Guide Dog YOU MORON!”

  79. Ecosse_Maidy 79

    “Ok Mickey We Are Gonna Have To Get The Fook Out Of Here,
    On The Count Of 3,,, Tell The Devils Own Tub Of Lard,
    That You Smell The Scent Of First Born Babies Being Cooked Coming From The Keys Office,?
    When She Starts To Foam At Mouth And Takes Off, Run Like Fook To The Taxi Rank?
    We Will Meet You There…Its Ok Lprent Is Paying!
    Lets Do This Thing!
    1, 2, 3!”

  80. whatever next? 80

    Professor Umbridge and the Ministry of Magic

  81. drmrs 81

    The new Washington Wizards fan club with Voo Doo Mama. drmrs 4/10/2014

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    National are so desperate to look like they are doing something about the Auckland housing crisis they have dusted off Labour’s 2008 inventory of government land available for housing and re-announced it, says Labour’s housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “Despite National… ...
    1 day ago
  • Access to gender reassignment surgery essential
    I was frankly disgusted to hear the Minister for Health say that funding gender reassignment surgeries is a “nutty idea”. A recent study found that in New Zealand 1% of young people identified themselves as transgender, and 3% were unsure… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    2 days ago
  • Global milk prices now lowest in 6 years
    The latest fall in the global dairy price has brought it to the lowest level in six years and shows there must be meaningful action in tomorrow’s Budget to diversify the economy, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Dairy prices… ...
    2 days ago
  • Big risks as CYF checks stopped
    Revelations that Child, Youth and Family is no longer assisting home-based early childhood educators by vetting potential employees should set alarm bells ringing, Labour Children’s spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says. “Doing away with an extra mechanism for checking potential new employees… ...
    3 days ago
  • Housing crisis about real people not numbers
    The Government’s continued failure to tackle the housing crisis is seeing thousands of vulnerable Kiwis being kept off social housing waiting lists, while others, who are on the list, are being forced to live in cars and garages, says Labour’s… ...
    3 days ago
  • Housing crisis about real people not numbers
    The Government’s continued failure to tackle the housing crisis is seeing thousands of vulnerable Kiwis being kept off social housing waiting lists, while others, who are on the list, are being forced to live in cars and garages, says Labour’s… ...
    3 days ago
  • State of origin
    Kiwis are increasingly concerned about the food they give their families. New Zealand consumers have the right to know where their food has come from, particularly when it involves animals, and should be able to expect our Government to label… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    3 days ago
  • Relationships Aotearoa
    It is disturbing that Relationships Aotearoa, a voluntary organisation set up in 1949 to help couples struggling with their relationships following the upheavals of World War II, may be forced to close, says Acting Spokesperson for the Voluntary and Community… ...
    3 days ago
  • An economy that is just working for some is an economy that is not working
    The National Party presents itself as a great manager of the economy, but if the economy is only working for some we really need to question that assertion. Alongside the perpetually elusive surplus, the levels of risk in our economy are… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    3 days ago
  • An economy that is just working for some is an economy that is not working
    The National Party presents itself as a great manager of the economy, but if the economy is only working for some we really need to question that assertion. Alongside the perpetually elusive surplus, the levels of risk in our economy are… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    3 days ago
  • House prices to a crack $1 million in 17 months
    The average Auckland home is on track to cost $1 million in 17 months’ time if nothing substantial is done to rein in soaring price rises, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “Auckland’s house prices have skyrocketed 63 per cent… ...
    4 days ago
  • Vital support services can’t be left in lurch
    The National Government has big questions to answer about how a provider of services to thousands of vulnerable New Zealanders is set to fold, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. Relationships Aotearoa which provides support and counselling to families, individuals… ...
    4 days ago
  • Treasury and IRD on a capital gains tax
    Both the Treasury and IRD have been advising the National Government on the benefits of a capital gains tax. Documents released to the Green Party under an Official Information Act request show that John Key has been selective with the… ...
    GreensBy Russel Norman MP
    4 days ago
  • Charity legislation needs review
    It is unacceptable that the big corporate based charities claim  millions in annual income tax exemptions, while small community based and operated non-profit organisations  struggle to gain official charity status, Labour’s acting spokesperson for the Voluntary and Community Sector Louisa… ...
    4 days ago
  • John’s panic-Key response to housing crisis
    John Key needs to tell New Zealanders what caused his sudden change of heart that led to the Government’s scrambled and last-minute housing measures, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says. “The Prime Minister’s sudden rush of blood to his head followed… ...
    4 days ago
  • Keep our Assets Christchurch Campaign: An update
    I recently presented my submission to keep Christchurch Council assets at the Christchurch City Council’s public hearings on its 10 year plan on 13 May. The hearings are live-streamed and recorded so you can watch them on www.ccc.govt.nz. The Council’s… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    4 days ago
  • John Key finally admits there’s a housing crisis
    John Key’s weak measures to rein in the astronomical profits property speculators are making are an admission – finally – that there is a housing crisis, Labour Leader Andrew Little says. “But yet again National is tinkering with the housing… ...
    5 days ago
  • Government stifles voices in CYFs review
    The Government’s exclusion of the Māori Women’s Welfare League in a panel on the future of CYFs is a cynical ploy to stifle views, says Labour’s Māori Development Spokesperson Nanaia Mahuta. “It's unbelievable that a significant review on the future… ...
    1 week ago
  • Speech to the Otago Chamber of Commerce
    Thank you very much for the opportunity to be here today. It’s a pleasure as always to be back in the town that raised me. Growing up in St Kilda meant that there was one thing that was a big… ...
    1 week ago
  • Key can’t just be Prime Minister for Parnell
    John Key must show New Zealanders in next week’s Budget that he is more than the Prime Minister for Parnell, and is also the Prime Minister for Pine Hill, Putararu and Palmerston North, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. In… ...
    1 week ago
  • Stop the conversions
    This week, some Waikato locals took me and intrepid photographer Amanda Rogers on a tour of some  lakes and waterways in their region, and up to the massive dairy conversions in the upper catchment of the Waikato River. It… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    1 week ago
  • More regional jobs go in Corrections reshape
    News that 194 Corrections staff are to lose their jobs will have ramifications not only for them and their families but for the wider community, Labour’s Corrections spokesperson Kelvin Davis says. Prison units at Waikeria, Tongariro and Rimutaka face closure… ...
    1 week ago
  • Government’s climate meetings off to a bumpy start
    On Wednesday, I attended a hui and an evening meeting that the Government had organised in Nelson as part of its climate change consultation tour, to support the Nelson community telling the Government to take meaningful action on climate change.… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    1 week ago
  • Taxpayers the only ones left feeling blue
    Ministry of Social Development bosses could have saved themselves thousands of dollars in consultants’ fees by providing staff with rose-tinted spectacles, Labour’s State Services spokesperson Kris Faafoi says. A report out today reveals the Ministry is spending over half a… ...
    1 week ago
  • Why are the regions still facing restrictions?
    Labour's Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford is questioning why the regions should continue to be saddled with LVR lending restrictions announced by the Reserve Bank today. “Labour has been calling for the regions to be exempted from LVRs for the best… ...
    1 week ago
  • The high costs of weak environmental regulation
    Te Waihora/Lake Ellesmere is described on the Department of Conservation website as “Canterbury’s largest and New Zealand’s fifth largest [lake], and an internationally important wildlife area.” But the lake is also polluted by nutrients leaching from farms in the catchment.… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    1 week ago
  • Submissions to Wellington City Council on their Gambling Venues Policy
    Every three years Councils across the country are required to check that their gambling venue policies are still fit for purpose and they can choose to consult on their policy if they are thinking of making changes. Councils don’t have… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    1 week ago
  • Reserve Bank action shows Govt out of touch and out of ideas
    The Reserve Bank’s unprecedented measures today show it understands the serious risks of the overheating housing market – in complete contrast to John Key’s refusal to acknowledge the crisis, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. “The Bank is right to… ...
    1 week ago
  • Send us your snaps: 25 Years of the Green Party
    This year we've hit a milestone. We're turning 25.To help celebrate a quarter of a century, please send us your photos from the last 25 years of the Green Party Aotearoa New Zealand! Note: Photos must be jpg, gif or… ...
    1 week ago
  • 25 Years of the Green Party
    This year the Green Party sends 25. To help us celebrate a quarter of a century please send us you photos of 25 years of the Green Party!Photos must be jpg,gif or png and smaller than 2MB. If you are… ...
    1 week ago
  • Bay growth plan too little too late
    Today’s Bay of Plenty growth study from MBIE is another example of Government spin - lots of talk but little action, says Labour’s Regional Development spokesperson David Cunliffe.  “This is a region that desperately needs to develop the downstream processing… ...
    1 week ago
  • Government bows to ACC pressure
     The Government has finally buckled to pressure from Labour and the New Zealand public in making a half billion dollar cut to ACC levies, but the full benefits are two years away,” says Opposition Leader Andrew Little.  “$500 million over… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • False figures cloud Auckland transport facts
    The Prime Minister should apologise and issue a correction after both he and Transport Minister Simon Bridges have been caught out misrepresenting facts on Auckland’s transport spending, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. "Both John Key and Simon Bridges have… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Govt books confirm National can’t post surplus
    The last publication of the Government’s books before the budget shows National will break its promise of seven years and two election campaigns and fail to get the books in order, says Labour’s Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The Government is… ...
    2 weeks ago
  • US state joins NZ with GE food labelling
    New Zealand has a similar law making the labelling of many GE foods compulsory, but the Government seems to let it slide.  Because the government has not monitored or enforced our GE food labelling laws since 2003, it seems the… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour Pays Tribute to Erima Henare
    “E ua e te ua tata rahi ana, Ko te hua i te kamo taheke i runga raa. No reira e te rangatira Erima takoto mai I roto I te ringa o Ihowa o nga Mano e moe e.” ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour Pays Tribute to Erima Henare
    “E ua e te ua tata rahi ana, Ko te hua i te kamo taheke i runga raa. No reira e te rangatira Erima takoto mai I roto I te ringa o Ihowa o nga Mano e moe e.” ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour Pays Tribute to Erima Henare
    “E ua e te ua tata rahi ana, Ko te hua i te kamo taheke i runga raa. No reira e te rangatira Erima takoto mai I roto I te ringa o Ihowa o nga Mano e moe e.” ...
    2 weeks ago

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