Caption Contest

Written By: - Date published: 12:27 pm, April 4th, 2011 - 89 comments
Categories: john key, leadership, national - Tags: , ,

89 comments on “Caption Contest ”

  • Comments are now closed

  1. marsman 1
    4 April 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Sneaky,Clueless and Bozo.

    • Akldnut 1.1
      4 April 2011 at 8:30 pm

      Beagle 1, beagle 2 & beagle 3.
      capcha “dangerous” lol

      • D-D-D-Damn ! 1.1.1
        5 April 2011 at 4:14 am

        Oh sweet Jesus ! Gerry’s got his hand on my arse !

        • D-D-D-Damn ! 1.1.1.1
          5 April 2011 at 4:17 am

          Excuse me, dearie, I wonder if you could get your editor to call the police ? I’m being sexually molested by Lord Brownlee of Ilam as we speak.

          • todd 1.1.1.1.1
            5 April 2011 at 10:43 am

            Please excuse us, we need to go and get changed into our dominatrix outfits, we’re really going to fuck the country now. Ha ha ha!

            • D-D-D-Damn ! 1.1.1.1.1.1
              6 April 2011 at 1:58 am

              Well, yesshh, of course I’m pissshhhed !, I mean I’ve been drinking heavily for the lassht 6 hours, after all ! But no worries – Gerry’s propping me up and Steve’s promised to keep an eye out for any early signs of diarrhea. I mean I hardly need to tell any of you in the Pressh Gallery that excessive drinking always gives me a runny botty, do I ? ‘Watery Bowel Movements’ is my middle name.

  2. browncoal brownlee 2
    4 April 2011 at 12:38 pm

    Me and my homies ‘toad’ and ‘BIG Coal’ are putting out a rap album this year, the title track is ‘it’s all for sale’ and a second hit is called ‘smile’.

  3. Tangled up in blue 3
    4 April 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Yes, we are out of ideas,  but a party without an opposition can afford to be.

  4. vto 4
    4 April 2011 at 12:43 pm

    “No, Gerry dropped that one..”

  5. mcflock 5
    4 April 2011 at 12:45 pm

    “ekshully what tends to surprise people at the end of the day is that I talk and Gerry doesn’t even open his mouth. Because you can tell he’s “mining my natural reserves” right now. “

  6. RedLogix 6
    4 April 2011 at 12:49 pm

    None of us are at all relaxed about the colour tie Bronagh picked out for me today…

  7. Sean 7
    4 April 2011 at 1:11 pm

    “Gerry and Steve both support me in recommending the new cockroach diet to those now unemployed in East Christchurch…”

    • Sean 7.1
      4 April 2011 at 1:18 pm

      “… it would be the ‘Catfood diet’, but shipping catfood to Christchurch is expensive, whereas cockroaches are a locally produced resource in the Canterbury region…”

    • the sprout 7.2
      4 April 2011 at 1:30 pm

      yup, eckshully we’ve decided to re-brand them as ‘self-propelled ration packs’ – we thunk it’ll go a long way to taking away some of the sigma

  8. fabregas4 8
    4 April 2011 at 1:14 pm

    “No, I’ve done comedy, perveing, cricket, and modelling, now with SJ and Biffa B I plan to head a kinda boy band, we will call it the Evil Axis and I have written its first single based loosely on a Bob Marley song called “No money No Care”.

  9. marty mars 9
    4 April 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Look – I’ve decided to come down hard on bullying – steve poked gerry first so gerry has every right to be very upset.

  10. fizzleplug 10
    4 April 2011 at 1:25 pm

    John Key answers questions from the media, flanked by Ministers Steven Joyce and Gerry Brownlee. No-one knows who the fence is, but by the time anyone had noticed he was there, the photos had been taken.

  11. Olwyn 11
    4 April 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Woop Woop. That’s the sound of the keys,
    Woop, Woop, of our new limousines.
     

  12. todd 12
    4 April 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Yes! We all practice our concerned look in the mirror.

  13. Sean 13
    4 April 2011 at 1:57 pm

    “All the men in cabinet have vowed not to wear pants, until the Rugby World Cup is won.  Ahhh, Steve – stop looking down.”

  14. The Voice of Reason 14
    4 April 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Look it’s akchully not right that my ministers are as thick as two short planks. Look at that fence behind me for example; Steve’s not short at all in comparison and Gerry’s obviously much thicker.

    Or:

    Ummm, Steve, I’m not sure putting me in front of a fence is akchully making me look less wooden.

    Or:

    I’ve asked Steve and Gerry to be here because this is a matter of national importance, akshully. According to the chick from New Idea Liz Hurley has just filed for divorce, so that’s me outta here. I’m leaving Gerry in charge. Steve’s job is to tell Bill. And Bling Bling.

  15. Armchair Critic 15
    4 April 2011 at 2:04 pm

    JK “Did you say whose toupee?  No?  Oh, who’s to pay?  For lunch?  Steve – he draw the short straw.”

  16. Salsy 16
    4 April 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Watch and learn Joycey, glove puppetry might be a dirty business, but John knows how to take one for the team…

  17. Mac1 17
    4 April 2011 at 2:13 pm

    “Where’s Mitch and Tich?”

  18. Bored 18
    4 April 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Look, I only travel with baldy and fatty to make me look more photogenic.

  19. Irascible 19
    4 April 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Chauncey Gardiner , aka John Key, gives an interview without a cue card and engaged brain to acclaim by his supporters, Brownlee and Joyce.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBFv4JaKq4s&feature=related
     
    The film reveals the truth about NZ politics.

  20. Treetop 20
    4 April 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Hit a nerve there John, thinks Gerry; I just can’t look em in the eye thinks Steven; I’m gonna throw up thinks John.

  21. ianmac 21
    4 April 2011 at 2:20 pm

    “Actchully, I am very very very s-s-s-er sorry for not looking after your New Zealand. Do you forgive me pretty please? Mmmm?”
     

  22. Tel 22
    4 April 2011 at 2:21 pm

    Straw pig announces “new Christchurch houses are to be made of lawn clippings from rich people’s country homes” as stick pig and brick pig try to stay awake after a night in the trough.

  23. ak 23
    4 April 2011 at 2:23 pm

    “No, no, Steven never said Gerry’s lies were an offence against humanity, he said his tie was in a fence in Canterbury.”

  24. Adrian 24
    4 April 2011 at 2:37 pm

    ” Aw yeah, the food costis terble, we was just driving past a family eating grass on a bare patch by the sideothe road, so I took pity onem and got my driver to dropem off at my place cos I’ve been so busy been unspiratunal the bloody stuffs a foot high there”.

  25. The Voice of Reason 25
    4 April 2011 at 2:44 pm

    … and so, despite Steven’s objections, I promise my Government will not raise GST on cockroaches this term.

  26. Sanctuary 26
    4 April 2011 at 2:55 pm

    The future King Gerry I wonders if now is the right time to announce his coup d‘état.

  27. RobC 27
    4 April 2011 at 2:56 pm

    “Yeah, Wayne asked us to come and look at the results of his cuts in De Fence spending”

  28. Armchair Critic 28
    4 April 2011 at 2:59 pm

    This should have been a spot the difference competition.
    The three at the front are thieves.
    The one at the back is a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fence_(criminal).

  29. Tel 29
    4 April 2011 at 3:03 pm

    New Cereal Launch Press Release:
    “The’rez a problem with th’ Roach cereal we’ve just lunched. It seems as vough Steven couldn’t spot a Giraffe amongst all the roaches and axidently in-jested the free plastic animal. According to advice from our liars, poor people should take th box back and we’ll exchange it for free with a fresh box of weevil pops.”

  30. The Voice of Reason 30
    4 April 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Our position on daylight saving? Look, it’s not up to the Government to save daylight. Daylight needs to take responsibility for its own problems, akchully, and get up on it’s own two feet and start looking for a job, not a handout. Gerry, do we need any daylight down the mines? Yes? Really? Well, there’s your answer.

  31. The Voice of Reason 31
    4 April 2011 at 3:10 pm

    … doeshn’t give my opponentsh mush time to prepare for an election, hic …

  32. Richard 32
    4 April 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Diagonal stripes on tie make man look fat.

  33. mikesh 33
    4 April 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Can’t afford bodyguards these days, what with tax cuts ‘n all, so these two goodfellas will have to do.

  34. higherstandard 34
    4 April 2011 at 3:48 pm

    “CONGRESS TART !”

  35. marty mars 35
    4 April 2011 at 4:07 pm

    How many times… it’s not ratpack – we are known as the ratchetpack

  36. Deadly_NZ 36
    4 April 2011 at 4:07 pm

    See I told you we CAN kick em when they are down.

  37. Ms X 37
    4 April 2011 at 5:32 pm

    “oh you wanted the truth?!!”

  38. cin77 38
    4 April 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Not a caption, but that picture makes jk look like Dopey Dwarf

  39. felix 39
    4 April 2011 at 5:37 pm

    Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
    Thy micturations are to me
    As plurdled gabbleblotchits
    On a lurgid bee
    That mordiously hath bitled out
    Its earted jurtles
    Into a rancid festering
    Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles
    Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts
    And living glupules frart and slipulate
    Like jowling meated liverslime
    Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
    And hooptiously drangle me
    With crinkly bindlewurdles,
    Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
    See if I don’t.

    • higherstandard 39.1
      4 April 2011 at 6:11 pm

      I thought National were the Hutts and Labour were the Vogons.

      • felix 39.1.1
        4 April 2011 at 7:10 pm

        The one on the right could be a Hutt.

        The one on the left with the unnatural fetish for building expressways is Vogon Commander Joyce.

    • Owen 39.2
      5 April 2011 at 6:23 am

      Cartooning can be used for serious purpose too – this example cruelly exaggerates facial expressions in order to highlight the undesirable personality traits in a thicket of thieves.

  40. Descendant Of Smith 40
    4 April 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Blackheart Beagle with two of his favorite sons –
    176-671 the dumber one who often tends to foul up the plans, and 176-761 the food and wine taster with a special liking for prunes.
    “This is much easier than robbing Scrooges money bin – hell we’ve got a whole country to plunder and I only have to wear a silly outfit at APEC.

  41. kriswgtn 41
    4 April 2011 at 6:08 pm

    The price of cat food is going down but there will be no gst increase
    omg wtf am i saying
     
    i need a drink

  42. RobM 42
    4 April 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Well, look, again that may be the case, but yeah the reality is we’re, I mean, we’re deadly serious on this one, the NZ worker is completely fucked.

  43. William Joyce 43
    4 April 2011 at 6:57 pm

    JK – “I’m quite relaxed about that question but I haven’t received any advice about that…”, turns to Gerry “…what do I think about ….”

    ————

    JK – “Earthquake in Christchurch? I did hear something about that – but there are always rumours around parliament.”

    ————

    JK – “Earthquake in Christchurch? Ha, well that’s what you get from the failed policies of nine years under a Labour government.”

    ————

    JK – “Cockroaches? You think they’ve got it rough? used ta live int shoebox int middle o rord….

    ————

    Thought bubbles….
    Steven : “I’d like ta git me a bita dat ass!”
    Gerry : “Spider pig, spider pig…….what! Did someone say cat food? Hmmm, cat food……oh look, something shiny”

  44. tc 44
    4 April 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Nope that question’s not on my list to answer and bovver boy and bunter are being seen but not heard like the good lackies they are.

  45. RobM 45
    4 April 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Freehand Telco, Darth Trader and Gerry the Rut announce Treasury’s new plan for ChCh’s PPP Death star. “Don’t make me destroy you” quipped a relaxed Darth Trader.

    • felix 45.1
      4 April 2011 at 7:15 pm

      Darth Trader!
       
      You know what’s funny? No matter how many names we come up with for Key, none will ever be as nasty, as vicious, or as cold-blooded as the one his friends gave him – The Smiling Assassin.
       
      That bears some thinking about, innit?

  46. M 46
    4 April 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Maybe if I’m good Liz will show me some make up tips so my eyes don’t have a dead fish cast to them.

  47. M 47
    4 April 2011 at 7:43 pm

    John is led to scaffold 26/11/11 by his faithful retainers.

    Anti-spam: sensible – Garth eat your heart out.

  48. M 48
    4 April 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Jerry and Steven just manage to retain their lunch after John loses his butt plug. 

  49. William Joyce 49
    4 April 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Steven & Gerry – “Whoa, who did that? It wasn’t me. OMG, John what did you have for lunch?”

  50. logie97 50
    4 April 2011 at 8:39 pm

    “Obviushly you are jokin’. 
    A substanshul pay rise for all those emergenshy
    workers you saw me with lash month in Chrishshirch? No. No way. 
    Actchully they’re Gerry’s to deal with now… I’ll leave him and Steve
    to finish this.  I’ve got an expenshive dinner date to get to.”

    captcha: over

  52. Salsy 52
    4 April 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Gerry and Steve keep watch for any movement in Keys pants. While the cloven hoof and forked tongue are easily disguised, the tail has proven both dangerous and highly erratic..

  53. peterlepaysan 53
    4 April 2011 at 9:09 pm

    “Those two guys behind me scare the s… out of me.
    Trust us we know what we are doing”

  54. Colonial Viper 54
    4 April 2011 at 11:05 pm

    “If only I’d got the star role in “Coneheads” I’d be PM now, not him”

  55. Philoff 55
    4 April 2011 at 11:26 pm

    John: Quick, make sure you look concerned when they tell you about the catfood families
    Gerry: But I always do that Rock-brow thing when I pretend to give a crap
    Steven: I find if I just start to nod off it looks like I might be concerned about something

  56. DJ 56
    5 April 2011 at 1:28 am

    The three stooges.

  57. logie97 57
    5 April 2011 at 7:15 am

    “Do you know if there is anything which can be done to reshape the back of my head to become more rounded, as it is particulary flat?” 

  58. logicroller 58
    5 April 2011 at 10:56 am

    3 stooges? Never heard of them.

  59. todd 59
    5 April 2011 at 11:04 am

    I would just like to inform the public that there is nothing to worry about… Genetically Engineered cockroaches might be taking over the World but they are still nutritious, eat them before they eat you.

    Man like beer, man like friend, man like meat. Man don’t like green fence in background.

    It is confirmed that Brownlee has been causing conshiderable aftershocks from running around and knocking down everything in sight, I sinsherely apologise on his behalf.

    Why the F isn’t there a crumbling building in the background… Who’s in charge here?

    There’s no such thing as a free lunch, unless it’s a cockroach.

  60. appleboy 60
    5 April 2011 at 11:26 am

    “Boys, not like that..like this ..it’s my great big f**king puppy eyes look. They’ll love it”.

  61. randal 61
    5 April 2011 at 11:52 am

    hooey dooey and looey.

  62. todd 62
    5 April 2011 at 2:27 pm

    And now introducing the new boy band sensation… The Looters. Hurray!

  63. logie97 63
    5 April 2011 at 5:18 pm

    “…yes, good question. How do you tell us apart? Well… one of us is wearing a rug, one of us is not, and one of us is clearly fatter than the others.”

  64. Jenny 64
    5 April 2011 at 8:38 pm
    Caught in daylight three suited ghouls, were backed against my garden wall

    Their eyes were dull, their expressions flat, they had no charm at all
     
    I didn’t show disgust or fear,
    because peasants with pitchforks were drawing near.

  65. Deadly_NZ 65
    5 April 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Resistance is Futile

  66. M 66
    5 April 2011 at 10:11 pm

    After a night’s carousing, John, Steve and Gerry thought they had got away with their three-way but were snapped this morning looking slightly worse for wear. 

  67. Bob 67
    5 April 2011 at 10:21 pm

    Ave you met my friends ? They only smile wen breaking legs

  68. seeker 68
    6 April 2011 at 12:18 am

     
    “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?  No, not us, that was the monkeys – we’re the snakes in suits,” explains John.
     
    Captcha- recordings!

  69. Greg Salmond 69
    6 April 2011 at 1:36 pm

    “No Sir! I didn’t tag the fence, Sir! But hey, I’ll cut you a deal. See these two guys behind me? Well, they’ve got “guilty” written ALL OVER their faces, don’t they? Thankyou Sir. No, I won’t do it again, Sir. Two bags full, Sir. Can I go home now, Sir?”

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