web analytics

Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 2:25 pm, December 10th, 2011 - 80 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour, national - Tags: , , ,

80 comments on “Caption contest”

  1. reedfleming 1

    By the skin of her teeth.

  2. Does this mean I am no longer a westie?

    • lprent 2.1

      No there’s something wrong with that…

      “Does this mean I don’t have to pretend to be a westie”

      After all, like being unemployed we have to believe that it is a choice that people make to avoid working.

      Oh well, now she is clear to parachute into the North Shore or Howick.

  3. dancerwaitakere 3

    Smile and wave.

  4. jps 4

    Matt Lucas?

  5. kriswgtn 5

    im so trying not to force one out my ass

  6. Jenny 6

    Ouch, that smarts!

  7. mike 7

    “I ate his liver with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti.”

  8. Craig Glen Eden 8

    Back seat of the Holden with yeah yeah coarse I will.

  9. Gruntie 9

    Im still going to screw the benies, bitch

  10. anne 10

    ‘You just wait til i get my un-elected hands on you’

  11. drongo 11

    Before I answer that one just let me fart. We all do that, right?

  12. just saying 12

    Bugger you all. I know my rights.
    I’ve been working here for much longer than 90 days

  13. My waters just broke. Phew, I’d be in trouble if I was having another child while still on a benefit.

  14. drongo 14

    I grimace like this to help cover up the shit I talk and that this can be seen in the fact that I do it more as the level of shit I talk increases. Check me out on youtube to see for yourself, here I am here, and nobody can fucking tell – I’m un-fucking-believeable, ou’ tau ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3y2QXrHfKL0

  15. Irascible 15

    These falsies KeY inserted should stop me saying anything for the next three years. Mind you I’ve never said anything meaningful so I can’t understand his insertion on me wearing them. At least I can still smile & wave.

  16. rod 16

    Who cares, we’ve still got John’s two Poodles and three more lined up.

    • Tel 16.1

      Wagging her tail fresh back from the dog groomer, shunned poodle made to beg for food.

      • Sunny 16.1.1

        All this comparison of the Key and Banks with poodles is unjust….poodles are smart little creatures capable of love.

        • Hami Shearlie 16.1.1.1

          Agreed Sunny! I have had three poodles! Banks is neither beautiful or intelligent which poodles are -he’s more like a vicious chihuahua called Noo-Noo on The Dog Whisperer. Dunne is like a spaniel, biddable, can be stubborn, not overly smart. Bennett is definitely NOT like a poodle. She’s a bulldog, stubborn, full of noise,(maybe a bit of drooling, and lots of foul wind) but, mainly, pretty darn thick!

          • Ms X 16.1.1.1.1

            Now you’ve upset the spaniel brigade…..

            • Hami Shearlie 16.1.1.1.1.1

              Sorry Ms X – I love spaniels too, had a Cavalier – he was clever in a sneaky way, but not brilliant like a poodle – spaniels are adorable though, unlike Dunny-Brush!

  17. Hilary 17

    See the teethwhitening and dental work you taxpayers funded. Only the best for me.

    • arbeitslos 17.1

      Thought very much the same

      “Good thing I paid $$$$ for the teeth whitening before the election”

      P.S. Paula – my teeth are full of holes – have to wait for an emergency i.e. they fall out or break before WINZ will fund a trip to the dentist!

  18. Tel 18

    Waitakere United debut new look football for 2012

  19. McFlock 19

    No, I’m not the Joker in disguise. It’s just pure coincidence that I kept referring to the electorate as “West Gotham”.

  20. red blooded 20

    You’re mean!
    I’m going to hold my breath until my face turns blue… Oh wait: it already is!

  21. Deadly_NZ 21

    Fuck John Key, I’m a Joker Fan

    • mik e 21.1

      I haven’t lost ! any weight with my tax payer funded stomach staple so I have had my teeth wired.
      So like bill English I have nothing I can say

  22. fabregas4 23

    “I made the most of a strong welfare system myself, I did” “But why should anyone else get any help”

    “it’s all about me! Me! Me!”.

    “fuck I lost”.

  23. Populuxe1 24

    “Bring me Solo and the Wookie”

  24. fabregas4 25

    “I’ll do 12 of you if you can get your vote in quickly”. “bugger it, I’ll do it anyway”.

  25. Jackal 26

    My teeth aren’t the only thing I’m clenching.

  26. ianmac 27

    When monkeys bare their teeth watch out!

  27. Adrian 28

    “I just needed 12 more people to weigh in on my side. Fuck, I weigh more than 12 people, doesn’t that count.”

  28. drongo 29

    Shut up Murray, I think I’m about there.

  29. fatty 30

    OK then…make it 4 scoops – and throw in a couple of donuts

  30. randal 31

    is that a big fat joint in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

  31. higherstandard 32

    Hooray are we doing fat jokes ?

    here’s one for you all.

    http://nx-files.blogspot.com/2011/08/carmel-sepuloni.html

    • drongo 32.1

      And notice how the pathetic two comments didn’t say a thing about anything Carmel said in the clip. All those TWO people could focus on was what she was wearing. Just take a hike, loser.

  32. jaymam 33

    Runner up in the John Key look-a-like contest!

  33. Uhoooo……Gareth honey – it’s me…Paula.

  34. ropata 35

    I am going to sit next to Banksie in the House! Yippee!!!
    I just sat on a poor kid, Ooopsie LOLZ

  35. Paul Campbell 36

    Do I believe that MMPs who lose electorate seats should not be allowed to get in on the list? Yes! of course!oh, oh, wait, that was yesterday, No! No!

  36. Jackal 37

    Look what twice the dose of smile and wave meds did to me.

  37. Jared 38

    11 Votes, what a mandate!

  38. seeker 39

    “gottle of geer, gottle of geer, gottle of geer……”,

  39. Treetop 40

    Being beaten fair and square by the better opponent would not have left her grining like a donkey.

  40. arbeitslos 41

    Ooh that hurts just a little bit – stick it to me John!

  41. Karl Sinclair 42

    Bubbles DeVere

    Call me Bubbles darling, everybody does!’ “Why don’t you take a photo? It lasts longer!”

    clip

    [lprent: got to fix this bug. ]

  42. kriswgtn 43

    ouch agh hell

    FUK OUCH

    That jokey hen has my remote control for my pleasure dispenser

  43. alan 44

    Not really a caption, but if Princess Fiona and the Donkey (in Shrek) were to breed – –

  44. Roy 45

    I can only smile and wave at the same time if I concentrate really hard.

  45. Think Toothpaste Advert

    “Oh Look, it does get in…NOT ANY MORE!”

  46. swordfish 47

    Photographer captures the exact moment the collective boot of Waitakere voters hits Paula Bennett’s arse.

  47. prune 48

    Look at me before I go back on the DPB.

  48. newsense 49

    The superglue was essential to holding the smile in place whatever happened, but the the tension in the neck muscles betrayed the jaws’ desire to be prized apart and scream.

  49. Craig Glen Eden 50

    I said I wanted a boob job but the Surgeon said Austerity was in so I had a facelift and chin enlargement on a reduced rate, what do think ladies?

  50. strategos 51

    Vacancy: Aviation Adviser, AfPak Border

  51. Takere 52

    Jenny Craigs best advice for Paula on how to lose weight …. keep your mouth shut!!

  52. Chris Oden 53

    I’m totally relaxed.John loves me because I always say and do exactly what he tells me to.He will just bump someone else off the list.Just for me!AND I came first in totally meaningless smiling class.

  53. Jackal 54

    I’m trying not to leak… your details to the media.

  54. fender 55

    “Behind me you will see some photos of children I intend to destroy through poverty, my smile is fake but I will enjoy seeing them starve”

    ” I’m now number 9 instead of 14….and you all thought I was too big to fit under the table between JK’s legs”

  55. M 56

    “Shit, forgot to have my tetanus shot.”

  56. Jackal 57

    Shut up or I’ll eat you.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Andrew Little visits Zaatari refugee camp
    Leader of the Opposition, Andrew Little, has visited the largest Syrian refugee camp in the world, Zaatari in Jordan, a day after seeing New Zealand troops at Camp Taji in Iraq. Mr Little spent several hours in the camp, meeting… ...
    3 hours ago
  • Com Com’s Z Energy decision anti-competitive
    The Commerce Commission’s decision to allow Z Energy to buy Caltex can only undermine the competition in the fuel industry that is needed to ensure New Zealanders pay the lowest price for petrol, Labour’s Consumer Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says.… ...
    11 hours ago
  • Com Com’s Z Energy decision anti-competitive
    The Commerce Commission’s decision to allow Z Energy to buy Caltex can only undermine the competition in the fuel industry that is needed to ensure New Zealanders pay the lowest price for petrol, Labour’s Consumer Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says.… ...
    11 hours ago
  • OAG raps Govt over the knuckles on HNZ contracts
    The Government has been rapped over the knuckles by the Auditor General over its failure to properly manage $2.3m of contracts and conflicts of interest in relation to a merchant banker advising them on the state house sell-off, says Labour’s… ...
    1 day ago
  • OAG raps Govt over the knuckles on HNZ contracts
    The Government has been rapped over the knuckles by the Auditor General over its failure to properly manage $2.3m of contracts and conflicts of interest in relation to a merchant banker advising them on the state house sell-off, says Labour’s… ...
    1 day ago
  • Brownlee must step in as EQC spin exposed
    Gerry Brownlee needs to step in after EQC’s desperate spin in the wake of yesterday’s landmark settlement has been exposed by its own documents, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. “Yesterday’s settlement showed that thousands of homes may not have… ...
    1 day ago
  • Brownlee must step in as EQC spin exposed
    Gerry Brownlee needs to step in after EQC’s desperate spin in the wake of yesterday’s landmark settlement has been exposed by its own documents, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. “Yesterday’s settlement showed that thousands of homes may not have… ...
    1 day ago
  • OIO must explain Argentine pollution prosecutions
    The Overseas Investment Office (OIO)has questions to answer about how it safeguarded our sensitive land by allowing foreign investors with criminal prosecutions to purchase Onetai Station in Taranaki, says Labour’s Land Information spokesperson David Cunliffe.   “Rafael and Federico Grozovsky… ...
    1 day ago
  • Aussie banks in NZ should ban lending to offshore buyers
    ASB, Westpac and ANZ must confirm whether or not they will continue to fund the over-heated property market by lending to non-resident offshore home buyers, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “This issue has arisen because their parent banks have… ...
    1 day ago
  • Aussie banks in NZ should ban lending to offshore buyers
    ASB, Westpac and ANZ must confirm whether or not they will continue to fund the over-heated property market by lending to non-resident offshore home buyers, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “This issue has arisen because their parent banks have… ...
    1 day ago
  • Murray McCully needs to come clean over Tokelau ferry debacle
    Foreign Minister Murray McCully needs to come clean on why a New Zealand aid-funded vessel intended to service the Tokelau Islands is delayed, over budget and failed its sea trials, Labour’s Foreign Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says. “The new ship… ...
    1 day ago
  • Full independent inquiry needed to save New Zealand’s reputation
    Revelations that John Key's personal lawyer and trust advisor led a lobbying campaign to shut down a review of New Zealand's foreign trust regime makes the case for a full scale independent inquiry a matter of urgency, Labour's Finance spokesperson… ...
    1 day ago
  • Full independent inquiry needed to save New Zealand’s reputation
    Revelations that John Key's personal lawyer and trust advisor led a lobbying campaign to shut down a review of New Zealand's foreign trust regime makes the case for a full scale independent inquiry a matter of urgency, Labour's Finance spokesperson… ...
    1 day ago
  • Andrew Little visits NZ troops in Iraq and refugees in Jordan
    Opposition Leader Andrew Little has visited New Zealand troops at Camp Taji, Iraq. Mr Little also met with Iraqi Defence Minister Khaled Al-Obedih and senior military officials from the Coalition forces in Iraq. He now heads to Jordan to see… ...
    2 days ago
  • Workplace death toll still too high
    It’s a damning indictment on the Government that as workers gather to remember their lost workmates on Worker’s Memorial Day, New Zealand’s workplace death toll is still far too high, Labour’s Workplace Relations and Safety spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway says. “At… ...
    2 days ago
  • Workplace death toll still too high
    It’s a damning indictment on the Government that as workers gather to remember their lost workmates on Worker’s Memorial Day, New Zealand’s workplace death toll is still far too high, Labour’s Workplace Relations and Safety spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway says. “At… ...
    2 days ago
  • Minister must come clean on implications of landmark settlement
    Gerry Brownlee has urgent and serious questions to answer in the wake of today’s landmark EQC settlement, which potentially has major implications for thousands of Cantabrians, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. ...
    2 days ago
  • Mossack Fonseca links to OIO approvals must be investigated
    The Minister for Land Information must investigate and disclose how many applications to the Overseas Investment Office (OIO) have links to Mossack Fonseca, says Labour’s Land Information spokesperson David Cunliffe. “Labour can now reveal the OIO approved an application from… ...
    2 days ago
  • Mossack Fonseca links to OIO approvals must be investigated
    The Minister for Land Information must investigate and disclose how many applications to the Overseas Investment Office (OIO) have links to Mossack Fonseca, says Labour’s Land Information spokesperson David Cunliffe. “Labour can now reveal the OIO approved an application from… ...
    2 days ago
  • Govt complacency leaves RB no room to cut
    The Government has put the economy in a holding pattern, leaving the Reserve Bank Governor with little room to manoeuvre as he tries to balance a rampant housing market with non-existent inflation, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler… ...
    2 days ago
  • Govt complacency leaves RB no room to cut
    The Government has put the economy in a holding pattern, leaving the Reserve Bank Governor with little room to manoeuvre as he tries to balance a rampant housing market with non-existent inflation, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler… ...
    2 days ago
  • Dam not out of doldrums yet
    Ruataniwha Dam promoters Hawke’s Bay Regional Investment Company (HBRIC) still has hurdles to clear and a lot of work to do before ratepayers and taxpayers will have confidence in the scheme, says Labour’s MP for Ikaroa-Rāwhiti Meka Whaitiri.“We need sustainable… ...
    2 days ago
  • New study shows Smith’s insulation fails Kiwi kids
    A new Otago University study shows Nick Smith’s inadequate insulation standards will see hundreds of children unnecessarily hospitalised for housing-related illnesses every year, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. ...
    3 days ago
  • Government out of touch on foreign trusts
    John Key’s poor handling of the foreign trusts issue is starkly revealed in a poll today which shows the majority of Kiwis are worried about the country being a tax haven and almost half think the issue has been badly… ...
    3 days ago
  • Government out of touch on foreign trusts
    John Key’s poor handling of the foreign trusts issue is starkly revealed in a poll today which shows the majority of Kiwis are worried about the country being a tax haven and almost half think the issue has been badly… ...
    3 days ago
  • Biggest trade deficit for 7 years a warning for Govt
    The biggest trade deficit for seven years shows the Government can’t be so complacent about the economy and must take action to diversify and encourage exports, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The biggest driver has been the fall in… ...
    3 days ago
  • Biggest trade deficit for 7 years a warning for Govt
    The biggest trade deficit for seven years shows the Government can’t be so complacent about the economy and must take action to diversify and encourage exports, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The biggest driver has been the fall in… ...
    3 days ago
  • Government’s record on climate change under fire
      The Royal Society’s latest report on climate change has made it clear that it believes the Government’s current approach to climate change is inadequate, says Labour’s spokesperson on Climate Change Megan Woods.  “The report, ‘Transition to a low-carbon economy… ...
    3 days ago
  • Government’s record on climate change under fire
      The Royal Society’s latest report on climate change has made it clear that it believes the Government’s current approach to climate change is inadequate, says Labour’s spokesperson on Climate Change Megan Woods.  “The report, ‘Transition to a low-carbon economy… ...
    3 days ago
  • Mainfreight director agrees with Labour on rail funding
    Richard Prebble – in the past accused of ruining rail and now a director of Mainfreight – agrees with Labour that secure funding for KiwiRail is the best way to minimise congestion in our major cities, says Labour’s SOEs spokesperson… ...
    3 days ago
  • Mainfreight director agrees with Labour on rail funding
    Richard Prebble – in the past accused of ruining rail and now a director of Mainfreight – agrees with Labour that secure funding for KiwiRail is the best way to minimise congestion in our major cities, says Labour’s SOEs spokesperson… ...
    3 days ago
  • Government to Reserve Bank – Rock or Hard Place?
    The Government’s complacency on the housing crisis and the economy has put the Reserve Bank Governor in a no-win position as he contemplates the OCR tomorrow, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler is stuck between a rock and… ...
    3 days ago
  • Government to Reserve Bank – Rock or Hard Place?
    The Government’s complacency on the housing crisis and the economy has put the Reserve Bank Governor in a no-win position as he contemplates the OCR tomorrow, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler is stuck between a rock and… ...
    3 days ago
  • John Key’s land tax could push up rents
    A land tax proposed by John Key as the answer to the housing crisis could push up rents and risks having no effect on skyrocketing prices, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “The Government needs to explain why the thousands… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government should ban foreign speculators
    The Prime Minister’s musings about a land tax on non-resident buyers is just more tinkering, and the Government should just ban foreign speculators as the Australian Government has done, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “This is classic John Key.… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government must protect Pharmac as promised
    John Key must tell New Zealanders that he will not bow to pressure from wealthy drug companies or their US negotiators and put Kiwi lives at risk, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says.   “News reports today have the drug… ...
    4 days ago
  • Action not words, needed on housing speculation
    John Key should be taking action to crack down on speculation in our overheated housing market, instead of random musings on land tax, Labour Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford said.  "John Key suggested today on TVNZ's Q and A programme that… ...
    6 days ago
  • Tertiary education cost rising 7x faster than inflation
    New figures show the cost of tertiary education is rising seven times faster than inflation, putting post-school education out of the reach of many, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says.  “Figures release this week show how much more students or their… ...
    6 days ago
  • Buying Lotto is not an arts funding strategy
    The Government must rethink the way the arts are funded after falling Lotto sales has left the sector with declining resources and increasingly vulnerable, Labour’s Arts, Culture and Heritage spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says.  “Our arts sector is in a sorry… ...
    6 days ago
  • Parents hit in pocket by Government under-funding
    Parents and families are left forking out more and more for their kids’ education as a direct result of Government under-funding, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says.  “The latest data shows that the cost to families of primary and secondary… ...
    6 days ago
  • Scientists ‘gasping for oxygen’ under National
     Steven Joyce's claims to be creating a science and innovation hub in New Zealand are a sham based on PR fluff, says Labour's Science and Innovation Spokesperson David Cunliffe.  “A damning critique of the science funding model by the New… ...
    1 week ago
  • Scientists ‘gasping for oxygen’ under National
     Steven Joyce's claims to be creating a science and innovation hub in New Zealand are a sham based on PR fluff, says Labour's Science and Innovation Spokesperson David Cunliffe.  “A damning critique of the science funding model by the New… ...
    1 week ago
  • Water for grass
    Last Saturday, my colleague Eugenie Sage took me for a drive across the Canterbury Plains. I had seen from the air the landuse changes across the plains in recent times; a patchwork of crops and stock raising has been transformed… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    1 week ago
  • Water for grass
    Last Saturday, my colleague Eugenie Sage took me for a drive across the Canterbury Plains. I had seen from the air the landuse changes across the plains in recent times; a patchwork of crops and stock raising has been transformed… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    1 week ago
  • Thousands of invalid votes likely after National refuses to change rules
    National’s refusal to make it easier to enrol and vote could result in tens of thousands of votes continuing to be ruled invalid at general elections, Labour’s Justice spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says. The Justice and Electoral select committee today released… ...
    1 week ago
  • Social Development stats don’t add up
    Today’s figures released by the Ministry of Social Development show that despite a drop in the number of beneficiaries, fewer people are going into paid employment or study, says Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni. ...
    1 week ago
  • Fonterra sticks with high pollution goal of increasing milk supply
    This week’s reported comments by Fonterra chair John Wilson that dairy “volumes were only going to keep increasing”  are troubling. Mr Wilson was supporting a potential renegotiation of the New Zealand-China Free Trade Agreement (FTA). Under the FTA dairy products such… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage
    1 week ago
  • Coleman’s ‘efficiencies’ strangling health
    New Zealand’s district health boards have made ‘efficiencies’ of more than $672 million over the past five years at the expense of everything from new drugs to elective surgery, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.  “This is a body blow for… ...
    1 week ago
  • Coleman’s ‘efficiencies’ strangling health
    New Zealand’s district health boards have made ‘efficiencies’ of more than $672 million over the past five years at the expense of everything from new drugs to elective surgery, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.  “This is a body blow for… ...
    1 week ago
  • Record debt to income ratio shows economy out of balance
    National’s complacent attitude to debt to income ratios rising above pre-financial crisis levels will be a concern to many New Zealanders and the Government must take action to rebalance the economy, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson.   “The borrowing… ...
    1 week ago

Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere