Written By: the sprout - Date published: 12:49 pm, November 23rd, 2012 - 82 comments
Categories: accountability, caption contest, david shearer, leadership -
Ah.. um… ahh… well… the … ahh…
“You looking at me? I said are you looking at me ! “
It has been such a l o n g week. TGIF.
I’m all conferenced out.
“Damn,did i get it all wrong 91″
‘Yes,Max, you did”
Is it me or does Shearer have an uncanny resemblance to Rodney Hide? (With a little extra hair of course and a few more wrinkles)
“Call me ‘too nice’ now, motherfucker! I dare you – no, I double dare you!”
I was talking to a constituent of mine the other day, and he tells me that David Cunliffe has been painting his roof. He said it wan’t fair and I agreed.
Why would David Cunliffe be painting a constituent’s roof? Surely he is not that desparate for votes.
“I don’t know what the fuck that is, but it sure looks like something I just scraped off my front bench”
Where’s my magnifying glass ?, I’ve got a “White Ant” to burn
Gower get over here M8!
“Give me wodka, i want to appear socialist”
I learned this look from the best warlord of Mogadishu… bitch!
“I have had enough of these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking caucus!”
Bite them before they bite you.
Why do I keep hearing John Key’s distant laugh ringing in my ears?
Read my lips, I play the meanest guitar and I write the song cos Im the leader I will always be the leader and I expect you all to pledge your allegiance for as long as you shall live.
I hope those bastards at the Standard don’t find out I’ve got some darkened curtains and a computer screen of my own.
“So David what is best in life?”
“Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women”
I’m going to tear you a new arsehole Cunliffe.
David Shearer reads a blog for the first time.
Jeez, Trevor, who let Lynn Prentice into my conference?
I can understand Cunliffe’s cheezy grin, but why is Robertson so cheerful?
Whaddya mean we have no mango skins? How the heck are we going to end poverty then?
Oi, you, get down off that roof, one of us could get hurt.
If I try to look like Tony Soprano, do you think Cunliffe will back off?
Sh*t, why did I embellish my CV that much? They believed all the war zone hero crap! Robertson is the only one who knows….I think. Mmmmmmm..should I trust him?
The Mr Magoo of speaking ponders his next sound bite.
Hmmm … … … Can’t send the blighter to the Siberian salt mines. I wonder if Stewart Island would be far enough.
Why is Cunliffe constantly posing, waving into the middle distance, again, like he knows someone in the crowd? Something Brian Edwards suggested he do, I guess?
“If I look reeeeaaaaaaaly serious maybe people will take me seriously”
prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttt ……………. pfrrrrt … pfrrt
Committee man keeps his enemies close
Everybody (even Key) is calling me a “nice guy”. I might sound a little simple but I’m not, and I can read between the lines and realise nice guys finish last. I’ll show them I’m as batshit crazy as an Act Party candidate and do some irrational crazy shit wearing this demonic face that even Anthony Dixon couldn’t have done better.
You WILL dance to my tune or else I’ll smash this guitar over your head.
I think I should grow a beard.
Time for a geek joke. Star Trek: The Next Generation was regarded as pants by Trekkies until Jonathan Frakes (playing 2nd in command Riker), grew a beard. Now “growing a beard” is their shorthand for finally getting your shit together – the opposite of “jumping the shark”.
Worf factor SPF A-
Mogadishu was never like this.
Bring me Cunliffe’s heart in this box
Who’s the best man in the front bench now
Do you feel lucky, punk?
“Three more months boys, three more months.”
ROAR! See, I am the strong man of Labour!
Mirror, Mirror, on the wall,
Who is the anointed leader of the Labour Party after all?
Focus, focus, focus, hold still……
“That’s weird… it feels like there’s something stuck in my back”
See my forehead? Guess where it’s going…
Hi I’m John….no David my er name is er Dave um David.
Looking to the Left. With obvious distaste and suspicion.
Caption contest on “The Standard” ? ya say …. yeah sure M8, any publicity etc (*wink*)
OK how’s this look? …..
Do you see a “Leader”?
Cunlife… smirking all the time…bastard. I’ll get him. Got to make a show of my authority. Robertson… smirking a lot too… don’t like him. Bastard. I’ll deal to him too. What’s Hipkins doing on telly? Hogging the limelight, that’s what. Bastard. I’ll get him next. Make a show of it. King? Been around, knows too much. Get her. Goff… clearly thinking of a comeback. Bastard. I’ll get him too. Mallard, now him… been there all the time, undermining everyone… I’ll get him. Bastard. Now about Shearer? Who’s that guy? Can’t pin him down. Doesn’t seem to believe in anything. clearly incompetent too – and paranoid. I’ll get him too. Bastard.
(don’t touch the hair)
Jeez, I sure hope Hooten’s having another BBQ this summer, I could use some more advice.
‘Make my day Cunliffe,go on, vote for the 40/40/20 split,i dare you’
I am in great fear – have I gagged everybody?
Okay, you’ve got me. It started out as a simple prank that got out of control – I really am Wayne Rooney posing as a Labour MP. It’s not my fault you fell for it and made me leader.
“read my lips”
That fing little weasal gower
Take me to your leader.
“Am C D F
Am C E7 E7
Am C D F
Am E7 Am”
House of the Rising Sun? -err, I mean Son?
Well played, Mary.
Do I look like a smiling assassin?
I see the babies are playing blogosphere again!
(Not QoT’s this, is it? Or she’ll jump on me with her size 15 Doc Martins, and flatten me but good.)
Vicky, you’ll go far in life if you learn how to fucking read.
Right up there? Under the big bold letters at the top of the post? It says “By: THE SPROUT”.
This is how you and all the other Standard readers can tell who has made a particular post.
I’m sorry I’m talking to you like you’re stupid, but the alternative explanation is that once again you just couldn’t help but make a pathetic dig at me for no actual reason, in a thread I’m not even involved in, because you have a truly infantile vendetta against me. So I figured “stupid” was the best conclusion to come to.
but the alternative explanation is that once again you just couldn’t help but make a pathetic dig at me for no actual reason, in a thread I’m not even involved in, because you have a truly infantile vendetta against me.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist!
To misquote Alexei Sayle, “I prick pretension, but QoT is a pretentious prick”..
Seek help from a medical professional, you have an unhealthy obsession.
Seek help from a medical professional, you have an unhealthy obsession.
If you mean me. then get a sense of humour! Do you know what the crazy woman said and did the other day? That deserves me poking at her sense of self-importance a bit, hey?
Oh all politicians look alike after they’ve been a leader for a while:
THIS is NOT a LEADER, he is a “roof-painter’s enemy”!
I can burn your portfolio just by staring real hard like this, but please don’t make me do it too often, ‘cos as you can see it makes my skin go all blotchy.
” If I am the answer for leading the Labour Party going into the general elections of 2014, what is the question ? “
Well um , I guess I seem to look OK, and ahh, my back story is strong but…… I don’t have any substance and wont really be any good for your long term well being…..”HONEY PUFFS!”
oho- Spidey sense- the Standard is running a caption contest on me this time! Success! Only 723 to catch Johnny boy…
Mogadishu, I lost a platoon of men there. They were ambushed and before I could say f…f…f…f…f…f…fire it was all over.
Look!…I am left leaning!
At least I’m not called a “top of the bus Herne Bay wigger” Nat Radio Sunday am.
I’ve sorted out Cunliffe, Mangogan style.
Hmmmm…..I thought I heard Matthew Hooton say I was Leader of the National Party….Is Matthew going mad?….. or was I just hearing things ?
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