web analytics
The Standard

Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 5:16 pm, December 10th, 2012 - 36 comments
Categories: caption contest, Judith Collins - Tags: ,

This one almost captions itself!

36 comments on “Caption contest”

  1. One Tāne Viper 1

    Vacuous incompetent poses unconvincingly for camera.

  2. mike 2

    Leaked photo from secret National caucus Satan summoning.

  3. mike 3

    Man makes effective horror film with just one photograph.

  4. bobo 4

    “Hello Clarice…”

  5. bobo 5

    TVNZ introduces “Tory Kitchen Nightmares” in which MP Judith Collins is not invited (but goes anyway) by the owners to spend a week with a thriving restaurant in an attempt to ruin the business.

  6. Akldnut - ASP 6

    There you go – I’ve saved you the trouble

  7. Conor 7

    Garlic Crusher Collins.

  8. Akldnut - ASP 8

    Newsbreak: A Mad Cow has just broken out of the shed….. last seen wearing an apron….. anyone seeing this mad beast is urged to take great care. (Mugshot supplied)

  9. karol 9

    No denying times is hard, sir!
    Even harder than the worst pies in Nat-land.
    Only lard and nothing more-
    Is that just revolting?
    All greasy and gritty?
    It looks like it’s molting!
    And tastes like…well pity.
    A woman alone…with limited wind
    And the worst pies in Nat-land!
    -[with apologies to Sweeney Todd]

  10. xtasy 10

    Welcome to my barbie, sweety.

    Would you like grilled bull’s testicles or leader’s testicles with chips?

    There’s a beer besides John’s famous Tui board to grab as well.

    Have a good time!

  11. felixviper 11

    Some of the most exciting bio-tech work is in the field of “intelli-fabrics”. This garment, called the “Freudian Slip”, contains bio sensors to “read” the wearer’s thoughts and display them dynamically as a word cloud.

  12. IrishBill 12

    And that was the last anyone ever saw of Steven Joyce.

  13. NoseViper (The Nose knows) 13

    felixviper
    Brilliant.
    or
    I don’t mind dropping my sweetness mask for a short while. It just shows that I can wear whatever abuse that may be thrown at me and still come up smiling. I think all the put-downs the crowd knows are on there, they haven’t enough imagination for Abuse 202..

  14. geoff 14

    Argh that picture is too large and too collinsy

  15. I was told UFO’s and big rigs were coming from outer space, stopping off at beehive looking for some food to eat. I didn’t want to disappoint them

  16. fender/same sentiment less eloquent Viper 16

    This is a good photo of me, the lighting is good as it highlights my forehead implants. However my blouse is being sued for defamation by grannys curtains.

  17. Skinny 17

    Walking proof “you can’t make/bake/fake a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” literally!

  18. fender/same sentiment less eloquent Viper 18

    After debilitating Key with her taser the Mad Cow prepares “Dear Leader Boil-up” while wearing his favourite “gay shirt”.

    It’s out with the “Smiling Assassin” and in with the “Maddest Butcher”.

  19. Skinny 19

    Cut “umm Mrs Piggy Collins… make room for the frog… Kermit Joyce… he has a new snake oil recipe for the gullible New Zealand public.”

  20. “Judas…..my precious…..”

  21. Huginn all God's Vipers 21

    No caption needed. Just print it out and send it to John Key as a Christmas card.

  22. CnrJoe 22

    has she been butchering…flowers..?

  23. post-colonial viper 23

    Underneath this portable word cloud, I’m an emotional pink and white – a bit like chromatophores on a squid. Crusher Collins ? That was yesterday. Vote for me at the leadership spill and the snap election for an aotearoan republic.

    The serfs would never guess.

    I love confronting journalistic cliches. Quiche, anyone ? Squid pie ?

    Anyway,

    .. what’s a nice girl like me doing in a place like this ?

  24. marsman 24

    ‘bullshit pie anyone?’

  25. David Viperious H 25

    See I can be one of the boy’s, just like John. Yuk how do they drink that Beer stuff.

  26. post-colonial viper 26

    This image was originally captioned as

    “The ACC’s new cowshed safety apron. I’ve told them to get a woman farmers one next.”

    Source: Twitter feed on top left of photo, above.

  27. aerobubble 27

    Moral of the story, don’t walk in on your dead family, as all you will see is my smiling face.

  28. Tracey 28

    … and that’s just my breakfast

  29. post-colonial viper 29

    Independence of the judiciary ? Uneconomic. I have Canadian judges for breakfast. Now, what was that small matter about Erebus ?

  30. fender Viper 30

    While I’m pleased my blouse wont get covered in my dribble, I don’t agree with what is printed on my new apron. NO! close your eyes I’m not letting you read it.

  31. Pakeha-Jaffa 31

    It’s all white meat now

  32. Canuck Vipers for Justice 32

    I’m negotiating pork belly futures prices with my friend Miss Piggy ..

  33. Bowels in or bowels out?

  34. ANDRE 34

    I am here to serve the public… but my friends will be served first….

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

1 2 3 8

  • Tragedy must be impetus for better training
    The Police Minister needs to explain why unsworn and inadequately trained custody officers were put in a situation of caring for a medically unwell prisoner on a busy Saturday night, Labour’s Police spokesperson Kelvin Davis says. Commenting on an IPCA… ...
    12 hours ago
  • Government must be more transparent on investor state clauses
    The Government must be more transparent around the draft investor state dispute settlements in the TPPA, says David Parker, Labour’s Export Growth and Trade spokesperson. “Labour is pro trade, and is proud of the FTA we negotiated with China, which… ...
    16 hours ago
  • Protect university staff and student voices
    The Green Party believes ensuring student and staff representation on university councils is important. National recently passed a law reducing the size of university governance councils while increasing the proportion of the members nominated by, guess who… Steven Joyce. The… ...
    GreensBy Gareth Hughes MP
    1 day ago
  • C’mon Nick what’s the truth on the RMA
     “Nick Smith has got to fess up and tell us what is happening to his much vaunted RMA reform, Labour’s Environment spokesperson Megan Woods says.  “With just a day and a half to go before the polls open in Northland,… ...
    1 day ago
  • SSC salaries sink National’s spending spin
    Massive pay rises at the State Services Commission prove National’s claims of clamping down on spending in the public sector are simply fantasy, Labour’s State Services spokesman Kris Faafoi says. “Salaries in this one department are almost $70,000 more than… ...
    1 day ago
  • We can fix Christchurch and keep our assets
    The Christchurch City Council is seeking public feedback on its proposed 10 year plan for Council revenue and spending. This is probably one of the most significant 10 year plans ever to be written by a local council because of… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    2 days ago
  • Epidemic of serious assaults in our prisons
    Labour wants stab proof vests and pepper spray for all corrections officers to keep them safe from the epidemic of serious prison assaults that are occurring around the country’s jails, says Labour’s Corrections Spokesperson Kelvin Davis.  “There have been five… ...
    2 days ago
  • Listen to the locals Hekia!
    Minister Hekia Parata needs to understand what consultation is, Port Hills MP Ruth Dyson says. “It means you have to listen to what people say in their submissions and then be able to demonstrate you have considered their views when… ...
    2 days ago
  • Thanking our caregivers
    Let’s celebrate and thank our caregivers. This week is caregivers’ week. It’s a chance to acknowledge the thousands of women, and occasional other person, who are caring for the elderly and disabled in our country. They hold people’s lives in… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    2 days ago
  • Mana Post shop the best outcome for community
    Labour MP for Mana Kris Faafoi has welcomed the move to place the services from the Mana Post shop to a local small business. “This is the best outcome for the community we could ask for. All the vital services… ...
    2 days ago
  • Labour looks to put the tea back into entitlements
    Labour is moving to restore the rights of Kiwis to take tea and rest breaks, Leader Andrew Little says. “Within months of the Government’s Employment Relations Amendment Bill becoming law we are already seeing some of our largest companies, including… ...
    3 days ago
  • Desperate money grab to keep Ruataniwha afloat
    The Hawke’s Bay Regional Investment Company’s decision to borrow $4 million to keep the Ruataniwha project afloat is a case of throwing ratepayer’s good money after bad, says Labour’s Water spokesperson Meka Whaitiri and Napier MP Stuart Nash.   “This bridging… ...
    3 days ago
  • Roundup: UN finds it “probably” causes cancer
    At last the UN has spoken out against the widely-used weedkiller Roundup. The UN’s International Agency for Research on Cancer has identified glyphosate, the principle ingredient in Roundup, as a probable carcinogen. They also include as probable carcinogens the insecticides… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    4 days ago
  • Invermay petition delivered to Parliament
    Labour’s Economic Development spokesperson David Clark handed over a 12,450 signature Save Invermay petition to Dunedin South MP Clare Curran on the steps of Parliament today.  “The level of support that the petition has received across New Zealand is overwhelming,”… ...
    4 days ago
  • Redcliffs School closure plan wrong
    The Government’s proposal to consult on the closure of Redcliffs School not only goes against the best geotechnical advice, but more importantly goes against the best educational outcomes for Redcliffs children and the health of our community, Port Hills MP… ...
    4 days ago
  • Cotton On first to test the tea breaks law
    Australian corporate Cotton On, the first major business operating in New Zealand to exploit the new tea breaks law, could walk away from negotiations if it doesn’t get its own way, says Labour Party Labour Relations spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway.  “Cotton… ...
    4 days ago
  • World water day: eight rivers in one day
    Our photo journey started by the Waioweka (also known as Waioeka) River which flows from Te Urewera to Opotiki, and is surrounded by beautiful forest. The water looked great! Kopeopeo Canal It contrasted greatly with the Kopeopeo Canal near Whakatane,… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    4 days ago
  • Council can stop Port’s encroachment on harbour
    As owner of the Port of Auckland, Council can stop the wharf extension and reclamation if it wants to, says Labour’s Auckland Issues spokesperson Phil Goff. ‘As owner the council is custodian of the port and harbour on behalf of… ...
    4 days ago
  • We all benefit when education meets everyone’s needs
    As Dyslexia week comes to a close,  Dyslexia NZ have reminded us that around 10% of our citizens are dyslexic and are entitled to better support. One of their strongest arguments is that failure to provide identification and support for… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    5 days ago
  • State house sell-off fiasco a gift for developers
    The Government’s property developer mates are the only people who can salvage National’s state house sell-off now the Salvation Army has torpedoed the policy, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “Having been cynically used by the Government as the poster… ...
    5 days ago
  • National reinforces inequality in schools
    The National Government’s flagship programme Investing in Educational Success is clearly reinforcing inequality in the school system, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “The analysis released today by the NZEI clearly shows schools in wealthier suburbs are the main beneficiaries… ...
    5 days ago
  • Big change starts small
    Today marks Race Relations Day in New Zealand. Race Relations Day coincides with the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination.  The United Nations General Assembly chose this day as it marks the day in 1960 when 69 peaceful… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    7 days ago
  • Israel, Palestine and the question of statehood
    The knife-edge election in Israel complicates the Middle East situation, even more than usual. The Prime Minister-elect, Binyamin Netanyahu, is moving to form a government. Netanyahu has indicated that, during his term, a Palestinian state would not be established. That… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    1 week ago
  • Christchurch transport goes backwards
    The Green Party has a vision of a liveable, accessible Christchurch with a sense of identity and strong connected communities. Instead, 2013 census figures released by Statistics New Zealand reveal a fractured community, and tell a story of frustrated Christchurch commuters… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    1 week ago
  • Super Fund should divest $140 million in high risk coal
    The Green Party is calling on the New Zealand Super Fund to divest their $140 million investment in coal companies that are vulnerable to becoming financially stranded according to a damning new report from Oxford University. The Smith School of… ...
    GreensBy Russel Norman MP
    1 week ago
  • Learn to count with Mark Osborne: 0 + 1 = ?
    The adage about the first casualty of war being truth is one that might often be applied to the political battle for hearts and minds, and of course votes. A rather unfortunate example of this has been arriving in the… ...
    GreensBy David Clendon MP
    1 week ago
  • Is it still a safety net when the holes are this big?
    Over the last few weeks I’ve been wondering how safe our income support system is for people, especially those with cognitive or learning disabilities. I’ve been trying to support a young man who was severely injured in a workplace accident… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    1 week ago
  • Pasifika – protecting the Pacific needed now more than ever.
    Over the weekend thousands of Aucklanders flocked to celebrate our city’s diverse Pacific communities and cultures at the annual Pasifika festival and the Greens were there to join them. The Pasifika festival has been held every year for 23… ...
    GreensBy Denise Roche MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Sounds Stakeholders Seek a Sustainable Future
    It was heartening to see a large number of people who care about the Marlborough Sounds come together at the Marlborough Marine Futures’ forum in Picton on March 8. Fellow Green MP Steffan Browning, who lives in Marlborough, and I… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Solid Energy, who will clean up the mess?
    What can you say? This state-owned coal miner is facing some very serious problems. They haven’t run a profit in years, have required two Government bailouts, laid-off more than 700 staff and look like they need a third injection of… ...
    GreensBy Gareth Hughes MP
    2 weeks ago

Removed at the request of The Daily Blog.
Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere