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Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 10:31 am, January 3rd, 2014 - 110 comments
Categories: brand key, class war, crosby textor, john key, Minister for Overseas Holidays, Minister for Photo-ops, same old national, slippery, spin, us politics - Tags:

Celebrity golf!  Which one will get voted off the island first!?



Meanwhile the world burns, the poor struggle, workers are exploited and increasingly insecure, and the wealth gap continues to be a blight on our country.  It seems to brighter future is in Hawaii, for the bankster-supporting elites.

110 comments on “Caption contest”

  1. tricledrown 1

    HawaiiKey marches to Americas tune.

  2. NOT fisiani 2

    John, I trust you will beat David in the election. Good luck.

    [lprent: Already banned – adding another IP. ]

    • fisiani 2.1

      That was not a post by the one and only fisiani

      [lprent: Ah yes… Thank “santi”. ]

  3. tricledrown 3

    I know what you saying we johnny.nsa joke.

  4. tricledrown 4

    Unidenfified person seen with another world leader.

  5. taranaki 5

    President Barack Obama plays golf with an unidentified guest

  6. Will@Welly 6

    karol, I made a very snide remark about Key and Obama earlier in the piece, holidaying in Hawaii together. What a joke.
    Caption: “Unidentified newbie horrifies Obama by displaying too much pasty flesh.”

  7. Pascal's bookie 7

    Two competitors in the annual Upper Class Twit of the Year practice for the Synchronised Walking event.

  8. fender 8

    Synchronised Spies..

  9. Kevin 9

    See, Left and Right can get along together. Worth another 100,000 votes for John….

  10. xtasy 10

    I am NOT the LEAST surprised, as that is exactly what I had expected “Golden Boy Johnny” (aka the ‘Slippery Slimy Schemer’) to get up to during his Hawaiian retreat!

    But I am waiting for some photos of him with some Hollywood greats, with the CEO of Monsanto, of other multinationals (IT, pharmaceuticals and so), and perhaps some great “banksters” also to surface.

    Lest we be surprised, this is what the much MSM cheered “Leader Maximo” is all about! And who has shares and owns Mediaworks, APN, Fairfax and Sky TV? Who now sits on the boards of TVNZ and Radio NZ? Who of them in private media and entertainment will write out fat cheques for the National Party, and who will front talk back and the TV screens leading up to the general election 2014? Let us wait and see, I suspect we can already make some presumptions with at least a moderate validity.

  11. infused 11

    Yes. Because the PM can’t have a holiday.

    • fender 11.1

      Yes(?). Because the PM can’t have a holiday in NZ when he’s required in Hawaii to receive his next set of instructions.


      • infused 11.1.1

        This must be why the left get no traction. Posting bullshit like this.

        • fender

          Don’t you dare call our Key bullshit!! Get it right!! He’s a lapdog, FFS!!

          • Will@Welly

            fender – you are so beautiful, that makes me almost cry.
            as for infused, methinks totally confused, bitter and twisted, like someone’s ill-gotten little sibling, who got forgotten in the Christmas rush, and ended up with just a raspberry at the bottom of their Christmas stocking – sad. Still, J.K. might give them a lollypop to suck on when he gets home, just like the one J.K. got to suck on in Hawaii with President Obama.

    • North 11.2

      Yes (?). Because he’s played many stages has John Boy.

      Prime Mincer

      Prime Mournister

      Prime Mashie

      Prime Monster next ?

    • karol 11.3

      If he’s on holiday, why the front page promo photos?

      • infused 11.3.1

        Are you really that stupid?

        Because like most fluff, people gobble it up. You being one.

        Same crap with the batch.

        All you’ve done, once again, is give Key & National more lime light and show NZ that the tall poppy syndrome is still in full swing.

        I don’t care, it just blows me away you guys still going on about this, fluff, then cry foul when the left can’t gain any traction. Look in the mirror.

        • Pete

          Until the left can appreciate their adversary’s strengths, they will always be a step behind. This sort of meaningless spite repels a lot of left of centre voters. For pity sake just focus on the issues and leave the ranting behind. My personal view is that there are a lot of middle ground voters who are waiting to be wooed with credible policies, and many of these don’t like personality politics. Key is probably the most popular PM ever, so the continual snide attacks are playing to his strengths, and continuing to portray the left as bitter.

          • SPC

            So the relentless personal attacks on Helen Clark turned off voters and made National less electable?

            • Pete

              You missed the main point of my comment. Key is very popular- there is no point playing to his strengths. Because he is so popular the attacks rebound on the messenger. Helen Clark had lost a lot of her mana so personal attacks were more effective. Having said that I found them very distasteful (just in case you were wondering).
              Labour spent too much time and resource focussing their efforts on attacking and discrediting Key. Far better to go after him another way. That is what I am saying.

              • felix


                The personal attacks against Helen Clark have been consistent from at least the 1980s onwards, through all phases of her political career, including the height of her popularity.

                They are also far, far more vicious and nasty than anything Key is ever likely to endure.

                • Anne

                  Can confirm that is correct. I was there. It actually began before she won the Mt Albert candidature in 1980 when a covert campaign was waged to prevent her from being selected. However, they didn’t take into account the membership – some 400 of them were present at the meeting – who voted overwhelmingly for Helen.

                  • karol

                    Was that from within Labour? I get the feeling some Labourites (the Tamihere-types for instance), still have not got over their angst at having had a woman PM.

                    • Anne

                      Yes karol. They were part of the right wing faction in Labour and most followed Roger Douglas and Richard Prebble and joined ACT.

              • karol

                All the parties attack the leaders of other parties one way or another (Key on Norman for instance). John Key’s smiley photo ops are the Nats’ main election pitch – therefore should be exposed.

                There’s also a difference from MPs & their staff attacking other MPs/PM and non-party people making a few jokes.

              • Bill

                Agree with the basic point your making Pete. Don’t know about the mana and Helen Clark. I’d suggest that being a woman, she was always in danger of being an easy target for easy vitriol that was very unlikely to back fire.

                That, and I’m over ‘the bagging’ of Key. It’s fcking boring. People aren’t stupid. This swanning around being all rich and blokey blokey is just possibly wearing thin.

                Except, just maybe – drowning man thrown life belt of counter productive slagging?

                • adam

                  Ah come on Bill it’s a wee bit of fun. Like

                  “Obama shows Key how to really f*&k over indigenous culture, playing golf with Hawaiian nuts”

                  “Kiwi’s shocked to discover Prime Minister is really white dough”

                  ” New Zealand Prime Minister told ‘Dam those legs are white, never heard of a spray tan?’ “

  12. Treetop 12

    During a game of golf was the management of Dotcom mentioned?

  13. joe90 13

    Hey there Barry – does ya like mā shirt….

  14. North 14

    “Fuck sake John Boy, stop whining ! Even if the tracking device does malfunction I’ve still got some balls left…….”

    Interesting that at time of writing a slight majority of the respondents to the Stuff Poll about what it all means have gone with – “Nothing – two rich guys playing an elitist sport”.

  15. fender 15

    Golf carts park on the left because they realise these two only slice it to the right..

    • alwyn 15.1

      For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of a round of golf with President Obama I suppose I should point out that he only slices the ball to the LEFT, not the right.
      He plays left-handed golf you see. Not a bad golfer for someone who gets as little practice as he does.

      • fender 15.1.1

        “He plays left-handed golf you see.”

        Scandalous. This must be that gigantic bombshell Donald Trump was going on about..

        • alwyn

          I had to check the date on this item, just to make sure that it wasn’t 1 April.
          Trump certainly is more than a little bit nuts isn’t he?
          I wonder if he ever came out with anything? He probably announced, to a fanfare of trumpets, that that evil man Obama had once sworn at his daughter’s puppy for chewing one of his slippers.
          Actually Trump makes Mike Williams seem almost sane. Remember how Mike was going to drop a “neutron bomb” on John Key during the 2008 campaign. That fizzer was just as successful as Trump’s little effort here.
          This one gave me a laugh though.

          • fender

            Mike does sound “a little bit nuts” when he “agrees with Matthew (Hooton)” every other day, but it’s certainly unfair to say he could make Trump seem sane.
            Others will know exactly what Mike went searching for but I suspect “that fizzer” was just a lack of concrete evidence involving Keys part in the 1987 attack on the NZ dollar , or some other shady banker related goings on. With his dishonest face and ability to tell lies I’m sure there is plenty NZers are yet to learn about Key.

  16. C George 16

    “Scratch me Barack and I’ll keep kissing YA”

  17. Rebel Radius 17

    “As Key holed with a 9 iron on the 11th green, a few kiwi’s pondered a potential false flag event”

  18. C George 18

    ‘President humors his poodle!’

  19. seeker 19

    The odd couple.

  20. fender 20

    Obama: ” I said get me a round with Lydia Ko, not an idiot nobody knows!!!”

  21. Seeker 21

    The odd couple.

    Very odd , and if truth be told unsettling and quease inducing.

  22. obama to key:..

    ‘did you get the latest memo from ‘the boys’ in zurich as well..?

    ..they are getting a bit antsy about all that anti-poverty stuff..


    ..we’ll have to crack down on that..nip that in the bud..’

    phillip ure..

  23. obama to key:

    ‘so then i told him:..’you will do what i fucken say..or i will drone you’..

    ..he nearly shat his pants..and then did what i ordered..’


    phillip ure..

  24. paPA Tuanuku 24

    Key keeps well to the right of Obama.

  25. obama to key:..

    ‘so..how did the boys go with the insurrection-suppression exercise in little ol’ noo zeeland?’

    key:..’good..good..it’s all sorted..we’ll be able to get the whole country locked down in about 72 hrs..

    ..should the peasants get restless..’


    ..key:..those urban-insurrection-suppression armoured vehicles helen clark bought are a godsend..

    ..they mean we can get quickly to.. and crush ..any ‘brushfires’..’

    obama:..’heh..!..good..!..good work..!..

    ..i’ll tell the boys in zurich you have done well..’

    ..key:..(shuffling-feet)..’aww!!..thanks barry!’

    phillip ure..

  26. obama to key:

    ‘you into swinging..?..a little bit of holiday ebony and ivory..?..’

    key:..’i’ll check with the missus’..

    phillip ure..

    • karol 26.1

      Not funny, phillip.

      • phillip ure 26.1.1

        really..?..um..!..why not..?

        ..how exactly is that ‘out of bounds’..?

        joke breakdown:..

        ..’swinging’..golf..get it..?

        ..a little riff on a michael jackson/paul mccartney duet..?

        ..and the surprise/humour of the unexpected..

        ..it’s a three-fer..!

        ..and i wd submit..at least as funny as others’ contriibutions on this thread..

        phillip ure..

  27. joe90 27

    Hey Barry, put it there bro, à trois.

  28. obama:..

    “..you’re wearing the black-hat..

    ..and i’m wearing the white one..”

    (key:..’yeah..!..funny that..’..(thinks:..’fuck..!..this guy is boring..!..is that all he’s got..?)..’

    phillip ure..

  29. key to obama:..

    ‘see..i can march in lockstep with you..!’..

    obama:..’yeah..ok..just make sure you keep it up..’

    key:..’oh!..i will barry..i will..!..i promise..!..

    ..and can i please come to the white house again this year..?..

    ..it’s an election year for me..and it’s gonna be close..’


    ..key:..’thanks barry..!..thanks..!’..

    phillip ure..

  30. fisiani 30

    Yes we can.

  31. C George 31

    ‘The master spends some time with his faithful lapdog’

  32. Brian 32

    Key demonstrates his concern for those living under bridges in his usual fashion.

  33. Rebel Radius 33

    Interesting to note that my caption was censored. I have no idea why? Here’s another shot down the fairway.

    “As Key holed with a 9 iron on the 11th green, a few kiwi’s wondered about a false flag”

    [lprent: First time comments from a new identity are always moderated. That depends when a moderator is around and during holiday periods, the answer to that is “rarely”. You have to get one comment approved by a moderator before your comments are passed without mandatory moderation. We have this little tool called “approve with probation” that helps us on the marginal cases. ]

  34. Steve Wrathall 34

    “I’m spending shitloads more than my predecessor”
    “Yeah, me too”

  35. obama to key:..

    “..you remember we’ve got that big meet with the zurich boys tomorrow..eh..?

    ..you and helen..and me and george w…they have demanded that we all be there..

    ..dunno what that is about..but i guess they’ll let us know then..

    ..and..do you want a un-job too..?.john..?…when they finally throw you out..?

    ..you’ve earned it..”

    phillip ure..

  36. joe90 36

    Now, about that those health care reforms…

  37. obama:..what is the pot-crop on maui like this year..?..”


    obama:..’heh!..send me some..’

    obama:..’will you legalise in new zealand..?’

    key:..nah..!..the booze-lobby won’t have a bar of it..(geddit..?..geddit.?..’bar’..?..)


    key:..’they are screaming that it would hurt their bottom-line..

    ..and they are big contributors…

    ..and it is an election year..

    .so..nah..!..there’ll be no pot-legalising on my watch..’

    phillip ure..

  38. C George 38

    “What’s taking you so long? Just hit the blasted ball!”

    “David is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot!”

    “Forget it. You just don’t stand a chance in hell of hitting him this year from anywhere, let alone from here!”

  39. Philj 39

    “Key Apes President”

  40. Tracey 40

    “I’ve never felt whiter” b obama

  41. Tracey 41

    President Obama with unidentified caddy st exclusive Hawaiian golf club

  42. David H 42

    Key to Obama. “Where’s the camera’s, where’s the Camera’s, Please,please tell me where the Camera’s, are so I can get my good side in.”

  43. BLiP 43

    Why aren’t you carrying my bag, Obama? In fact, how did you even get on Planet Key?

  44. Grumpy 44

    Who is the black guy with John Key?

  45. Grumpy 45

    I’m sure we left Vladimir around here somewhere, hope he’s not hiding in the bunker again.

  46. Grumpy 46

    Well, John, now we have solved World Peace, what do you know about The Meaning Of Life?

  47. Grumpy 47

    John, do you think you could get me invited to play a round at Millbrook?

  48. Grumpy 48

    John Key enjoys a holiday using his own money!

  49. C George 49

    BO plays with his white slave.

  50. McFlock 50

    [to self] goddammit! I’d really wanted to suck up by dressing exactly like him, but my cap is dark blue!

  51. rhinocrates 51

    Obama: Ah, John, I really need to use the… you know, the bathroom.

    Key: …akshully… ah, well, we don’t have any.

    Obama: What?!

  52. Seti 52

    John, I thought I’d have more in common with the left of your political spectrum but your Mr Cunliffe thought golf was an updated people’s car.

  53. amirite 53

    Obama on spotting Key on the golf course, mutters to himself : Fuck, not him again!

  54. Philj 54

    “Racewalking REALLY is cool, Barack! “

  55. C George 55

    “Talk birdie to me, BO”
    “The eagle has landed! The eagle has landed!…Oops! I mean the hawk!’

  56. woodpecker 56

    Ya doesn’t look like I’ll be getting a third term either.

  57. C George 57

    “Hey Johnny, can you make a hole in one?”
    “Sure! How deep do you want it?”

  58. SPC 58

    Barack, my people come from Hawaii Key, and soon I must go to them and continue my reign.

  59. Pete 59

    Obama kept on teeing off first as Key had no honour at all.

  60. irascible 60

    Key hires Obama mimic to play golf … following advice from PR company that polling looks bad for him.

  61. home help 61

    When Johnny comes marching home again blah blah blah
    When Johnny comes marching home again he’ll write more lies with his fountain pen
    Hurrah hurrah home to Dixie land

  62. tricledrown 62

    Alwyn Obama has played 150 rounds of golf since becoming president.
    151 Now

  63. fender 63

    The kind of photo Keys new photographer was supposed to capture.

  64. mac1 64

    “Hmmmmm, how about….

    “Hail to the PM we have chosen for the nation,

    Hail to the PM! We salute him, one and all.

    Hail to the PM, as we pledge cooperation

    In proud fulfillment of a great, noble call.

    Yours is the aim to make this bright country brighter,

    This you will do, that’s our strong, firm belief.
Hail to the one we selected as Prime Minister,

    Hail to the PM! Hail to the Chief!”

  65. ruup 65

    Obama to key “I’ve lost my balls”
    Key to Obama “I never had any”

  66. tricledrown 66

    Key saying to Obama can we change the name of our home state back to its original name(Hawaiikey).
    Yes we can.

  67. tricledrown 67

    Obama to Hawaiikey one “we” problem the Can problem ,you expect me to Go Behind the Bushes.
    By the way do you have the Key to the john.

  68. tricledrown 68

    How are the allwhites going this year we johnny not so good.
    The allblacks are doing really well though.

  69. Treetop 69

    Photo courtesy of the GCSB and the FBI.

    How many GCSB and FBI are in the golf carts?

    Key to Dotcom “I said twos company threes a crowd, go and hide in the trees.

  70. grumpy 70

    I won, please send chocky fish to Amy Adam’s electorate office for me to pick up……….

  71. tricledrown 71

    Humming Nilsons me and my shadow.

  72. ecossemaid 72

    Keys: ” Yes Mr President, Anything!”
    Obama: “Yet I haven’t asked you to do anything yet John!”
    Keys: “Of Course Mr President”
    Obama: ” After that unfortunate security incident in South Africa, its been decided by my Security advisors I need my own 24/7 Signer, who has to be able to Sign in complete bollocks”
    Keys: “Oh I am very fluent in absolute bollocks, ask any one back home!”
    Obama: “Yet your allegedly Prime Minister of New Zealand, wont they miss you?”
    Key: ” I am hardly ever there, they wont even notice Mr President”
    Obama: ” Your Hired! Now make yourself useful and clean my balls!

  73. ropata 73

    JK: “Will you please render Kim Dotcom to Guantanomo Mr President?”

    BO: “Hmm, only if you ratify the TPPA, hand over the GCSB, and give away more stuff to Hollywood moguls… and let me win this round of course”

    JK: “Sure thing boss, anything to be re-elected”

  74. tricledrown 74

    Your talking of brownoseofKey.
    Abreviated brownosofky.

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