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NZ’s biggest welfare beneficiary revealed in shock horror Herald exclusive expose’

Written By: - Date published: 11:45 am, September 2nd, 2010 - 21 comments

rich-man-poor-man

To find out who it is, click here.
Will this individual’s personal file be read out in Parliament by Paula Bennett?
Will this beneficiary’s sex life be investigated by WINZ as grounds for disqualification?

Key: Obama’s my pen pal

Written By: - Date published: 12:33 pm, September 1st, 2010 - 12 comments

obama no you hang up

Key says his personal relationship with Obama (met the guy twice) means he can call him. Don’t think it’s your winning grin mate. Think it’s because you’re PM of New Zealand. Anyway, this ain’t a game of collecting phone numbers, John. You’ve got to deliver something concrete. How’s that free trade deal coming?

Kiwi jester to play for Queen

Written By: - Date published: 9:15 pm, August 30th, 2010 - 12 comments

key telling a joke

Self-styled ‘Jokemeister-in-chief’ John Key has been selected from a host of eager clowns, buffoons, and slapstick artists (known as the National Party) to perform for Queen Elizabeth the Second for a weekend next month. Asked if he has any nerves ahead of the big show, Key whipped out his old catchphrase saying “nah, I’m pretty relaxed”.

Lost respect and trust

Written By: - Date published: 1:19 pm, August 26th, 2010 - 19 comments

champagne-flute-thumb

I was wondering whether to write a post on the very odd things that outrage the tight little circle of right wing bloggers we have in this country. But MikeG in a comment at Dim Post made the point far far better than I could have.

McCully does have vision..

Written By: - Date published: 7:52 am, August 24th, 2010 - 16 comments

Keys Crew

There have been a lot of complaints that Murray McCully is useless as our offshore representative and shows a complete lack of vision. Stop complaining.

John Black shows you what the alternatives could be…

Government NACTered

Written By: - Date published: 2:11 pm, August 19th, 2010 - 34 comments

key-maybe-thumb

Kingmaker Winston Peters today dashed the second term chances of the troubled National-ACT coalition government. Political commentator Q Werty describes this as a risky but gutsy move by the principled Peters.

Massive series of blasts to close gap with Australia

Written By: - Date published: 1:08 pm, August 19th, 2010 - 4 comments

dollar explosion

Prime Minister John Key today outlined a plan to close the gap with Australia using his skills as a money trader and a stockpile of ex-Soviet nukes.

One of these things is not like the other XI

Written By: - Date published: 4:25 pm, August 18th, 2010 - 16 comments

mussolini hide boscawen marx

One of these things is not like the other, One of these things is not quite the same Can you guess which one is not like the other, Can you tell me before I finish the game?

Boscawen new ACT deputy

Written By: - Date published: 1:55 pm, August 17th, 2010 - 37 comments

boscawen lamington

Clad in traditional climate change denier headwear, John Boscawen today assumed the role of ACT Deputy Leader, vowing to use his new powers to launch a crusade against NIWA. Standing beside him, Rodney Hide told reporters “Don’t give me that look. At least he’s not David Garrett”

All hail honourable leader’s birthday

Written By: - Date published: 10:25 am, August 10th, 2010 - 28 comments

freedomofpress

Rapturous crowds of workers from the People’s Information Services spontaneously gathered in the Beehive theatrette yesterday to praise Beloved Leader of People’s Constitutional Monarchy of New Zealand, Honourable John Key, on the anniversary of his birth. “Comrades! I thank you!” said Honourable Key to the sighs of the crowd. One young cadre presented Beloved Leader with a birthday card.

National’s Economic Plan Found

Written By: - Date published: 2:38 pm, August 7th, 2010 - 9 comments

Observation of the Trans-Tasman wage gap

After half a government term of insisting that NACT had an economic plan, it has been ‘misplaced’. The full plan, said by informed sources to have been found in a brief case (along with a pie and a men’s magazine) and written on the back of an old rental expenses claim form, reveals that the government expects significant economic development will be lead by the construction of a single national transport infrastructure, namely a National Cycleway.

Don’t ask directions from Colin

Written By: - Date published: 10:12 am, August 3rd, 2010 - 14 comments

broadband-world.jpg

Needed a laugh. Luckily, C Espiner always delivers: “While his predecessor was fond of visiting Europe, Key has virtually snubbed the northern hemisphere since he has been prime minister.”

Labour 12% ahead in the polls!

Written By: - Date published: 10:14 am, August 2nd, 2010 - 30 comments

spin-thumb

I’m very pleased to report that Labour has leapt to a dramatic 12% lead in the opinion polls over National! It’s looking good for 2011! Bravo Phil Goff and the rest of the Labour team.

Where’s Kate? Wanted for media avoidance…

Written By: - Date published: 5:46 pm, July 30th, 2010 - 10 comments

Missing Kate Wilkinson

While there are some ministers who are pretty scared of fronting up for their portfolios, Kate Wilkinson is one of the worst.

There is also this little gem about a Minister that is happy to be anywhere that Sean Plunket isn’t. I guess this image will get a lot of use. Anyone got a good caption?

We have it wrong…

Written By: - Date published: 8:00 am, July 25th, 2010 - 1 comment

Conservation Mining

We have it all wrong. What Brownlee was really trying to say. From William Joyce

U turns

Written By: - Date published: 11:34 am, July 23rd, 2010 - 5 comments

nat-u-turns-thumb

Another gem from Tom Scott.

A chilling vision of the future?

Written By: - Date published: 10:51 am, July 19th, 2010 - 40 comments

explosm education thumb

Cutting education is the dumbest thing a government can do. You want a prosperous, clean, low-crime, happy, dynamic society with a bright future? You want to invest in education. Even if you’re a Tory you want education – smart drones produce more than uneducated ones. Yet these morons are cutting education at both ends. Where does this lead?

Needs a caption?

Written By: - Date published: 3:17 pm, July 15th, 2010 - 26 comments

mcully as homer simpson

From the Flicker pages of William Joyce, we have this cogent visual comment on Murray McCully and his diplomatic skills. But the image needs a good caption… :twisted:

PM punts for growth

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, July 15th, 2010 - 15 comments

river of money

Prime Minister John Key today conceded that growth remains too weak, unemployment is too high, and that it is unacceptable that workers’ wages are going backwards when he promised they would match Australia’s in just 15 years. Speaking to a rapturous crowd of schoolchildren and journalists, Key announced a bold new economic agenda.

Mum & Dad investors keen to put a few mil in privatised assets

Written By: - Date published: 10:47 pm, July 10th, 2010 - 10 comments

not for sale v2

Kiwi Dad Michael Fay and his wife Sarah announced today that they would be keen to invest in any SOEs the government privatises. “My old mate David Richwhite and myself made $500 million off the last round privatisation.” said Fay, “It was a great success. We used other people’s money to buy public assets. Asset-stripped, flogged them off and walked away”

Party central

Written By: - Date published: 7:52 am, July 9th, 2010 - 86 comments

party-central-thumb

Enough was written yesterday about the latest instalment of the slow motion train wreck that is John Key’s “Party Central”. So here’s Emmerson’s visual take.

Blubbering into oblivion

Written By: - Date published: 4:47 pm, July 7th, 2010 - 46 comments

whale oil

I had to laugh at this comment by Mako about my least favorite wingnut… More desperate anti-Brown smearing from Slater. His latest allegation is that ‘Looney Len’ wants every school to plant 500 trees a year. A waste of our precious education budget! he wails. Child slave labour! he howls. ‘Surely one of his backers …

World Cup according to genius bankers

Written By: - Date published: 3:15 pm, July 6th, 2010 - 13 comments

dartboard-thumb

Economists, bankers, Treasury officials, financial wizards of various kinds, they like to pretend that they know what they’re talking about. All too often they don’t. Predicting the behaviour of complex systems is hard. Consider for example, the big banks’ predictions on the winner of the Football World Cup…

God, she writes like she talks

Written By: - Date published: 2:44 pm, July 5th, 2010 - 53 comments

clown bennett

Paula Bennett in a letter to Tariana Turia: “Because of that sort of addiction it can be really tough on them and you see, certainly, financial hardship being increased and I think also with that sort of stress you can look at domestic violence,”. I don’t think that sentence would pass the national standard.

Mummy! The bad man cut my pre-school’s funding!

Written By: - Date published: 11:59 am, July 3rd, 2010 - 7 comments

crying child, john key

John Key had a busy day playing rodeo-clown yesterday. Before having the Air Force fly him to Ohakune for the opening of 16 whole kilometres of cycleway Key had photo-op with children. It’s is a John Key favourite. The perfect distraction from lying in the House, the weak economy, and Anne Tolley. But the clown show doesn’t always go off without a hitch :-)

If real life were more like the internet…

Written By: - Date published: 12:14 pm, June 30th, 2010 - 4 comments

If real life were more like the internet thumb

  Ring any bells? Tom Tommorrow at Salon is a great satirical cartoonist, for more of his work have a look at This Modern World.

Key bullish on Kiwi, bearish on pandas

Written By: - Date published: 1:01 pm, June 28th, 2010 - 26 comments

panda on bike

Itching to get back into the markets, and having solved all New Zealand’s economic and social woes in 18 short months, John Key has announced he is putting aside his Prime Ministierial duties to become the country’s head trader in exotic animals.

That’s… odd

Written By: - Date published: 12:29 pm, June 25th, 2010 - 12 comments

ManScratchingHead

I was looking through the physical versions of this weeks’ newspapers for something yesterday. I don’t normally do that and I saw some bloody odd stuff. Did you know that the PM asks permission from his staff before he does things? Do you what academic means? Because Paula Bennett doesn’t. And do you know statistics are behind the changing number of school children?

The media

Written By: - Date published: 3:38 pm, June 23rd, 2010 - 20 comments

xkcd-756-thumb

The frequently brilliant xkcd on the state of the media.

Numbers I pulled out of my arse show Brown unhurt by Nat smears

Written By: - Date published: 1:40 pm, June 19th, 2010 - 23 comments

typing blindfolded

My new poll shows Len Brown will get 90% of the vote. Even though the survey is unscientific and consisted of a self-selected group most of whom think like me, it provides an interesting take on the two weeks of intense political and media scrutiny of Mr Brown’s credit card expenses.

Canterbury government in exile

Written By: - Date published: 12:51 pm, June 16th, 2010 - 21 comments

ecan-thumb

Since the fall of Canterbury to the newly installed dictatorial regime, a few of the deposed representatives have escaped the closing net and set up a local government in exile. Vowing to “continue to serve you in your region”, this ragged band will fight to keep the flame of democracy alive.

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