web analytics
The Standard
Advertising

‘Cos I say so

Written By: - Date published: 10:22 am, November 26th, 2008 - 22 comments
Categories: health, humour, national/act government - Tags:

Following Tony “cos I say so” Ryall’s media success with his plan to cut down waiting lists using the King Canute model of governance, the word around the traps is that several of National’s front bench are planning similar moves.

Over the next few days expect the following:

Simon Power will announce plans to tell all criminals to stop committing crime. The Herald will celebrate the new government’s fresh and ambitious approach.

Nick Smith will announce plans to tell carbon to get back into the ground “or else!”. Spokespersons for CO2, CH4 and a variety of other greenhouse gases will not be available for comment. Smith will claim victory.

John Key will announce plans to tell New Zealanders crossing the Tasman to turn back at the gate. He will do this in a photo op with a big red stop sign (or perhaps one of those giant novelty foam hands).

Other frontbench MPs will announce plans to tell sickness beneficiaries to get better, the economy to pull itself up by its bootstraps, workers to work harder (there may be some kind of horsewhip involved in this) and the wage gap to start closing (note this may involve an Australian ‘wage drop’).

If only Labour had realised how easy this governing business is we could all have enjoyed nine years of kicking back and watching the gains roll in. So many wasted years.

22 comments on “‘Cos I say so”

  1. The irony is, National’s education policy – standards in literacy and numeracy (or as Key bizarrely calls is ‘a crusade on literacy and numeracy’) – really is a ‘cos I said so’ policy – no more money, no more resources, just a higher hurdle for kids to jump over.

  2. Chris G 2

    I enjoyed that. Good post.

    “Spokespersons for CO2, CH4 and a variety of other greenhouse gases will not be available for comment.”

    Gold!

  3. Ianmac 3

    Minister of Welfare says “All those on the DPB get to work and all your problems will be solved!” And lo it was so. Before long the were 34,563 new Ministers of Social Welfare. Simple.
    Herald welcomes the drop in DPB beneficiaries!

  4. Strathen 4

    Excellent post!!! I feel that it’s absurd that politicians do not reveal every minute detail in media releases to the public of proposed plans. I expect articles to be at least 24 pages long. In fact I propose we ban overviews in media reports and releases. We should also backdate this mandate 30 years.

    How hard can it be? MP’s obviously write the news articles, and therefore should be held accountable for the lack of information in them. This will also help the media industry to get rid of most reporters on their books. The money saved should then be passed on to the consumers during this credit crisis. I think everyone should receive $50 per week from the media sector through this cost saving venture.

    IB, you’re on to something here my good friend. We should run with it…

    IrishBill: You’re an idiot.

  5. Observer 5

    Steve
    No problem with the Education Budget. Just stop the meetings to arrange meetings to decide who should attend a meeting to agree the seating for the meeting to decide what the meeting should be about, and enough money will be saved to add 50% to the number of teachers, doctors and nurses in the public service – probably enough left over to give them all a 30% pay increase as well! (The papers on this “Value for money in Education – 2005″ and “Eliminating waste in the Health Bureaucracy; 2004″ were both protected from dissemination on the basis they were commercially confidential – go figure)

    IrishBill
    I thought that was exactly what the Labour Led Government did, except instead of telling the bureaucrats what to do, they told the tax payers! “use this light-bulb” comes to mind :-)

  6. Quoth the Raven 6

    Observer – The nanny state told me to stop using my CFC refrigerartor in the eighties. I told them to stuff it I pay my taxes I don’t need to obey laws. I’m the one laughing now we’ve found out the ozone layer was a fiction created by the communist science lobby group. Ha ha ha.

  7. Kerry 7

    hehe. Scary thing is I could see people like Matthew Hoooooooten reading that and thinking it was a mighty fine idea….bet hes putting together a paper on it right now for John boy…..dont use big words Matthew….he wont understand!

  8. Jum 8

    Back in February 2008 a prophetic message was given to Mayor John Banks by a very clued up person – I hope they don’t mind me repeating their words.

    “John, you have to be joking. You say, “Don’t force your views down the throats of other people. “, then we get an article all about your opinions. Your kids don’t get a chance because they have to live your way. You work harder than everybody. You proved two points in the last two elections, the first said they didn’t want you and the second said they don’t want Hubbard. Listen to yourself:
    “We have to be careful with our children that they don’t get everything too easy. My kids work for everything, earning pocket money. Quite a lot about the last mayoral election was about proving a point. No one works harder than me. No one. Most people don’t understand what struggle is. I have a single-minded attitude to having a vision, setting goals and winning. I have never been on a golf course – life’s too short. I go for a walk. ”
    Maybe you should try something like a game of golf and appreciate why some people find it a pleasure. Maybe it would help you if you took time to smell the roses.

    It will be a sad day if too many people with fixed opinions like yours find their way to power! ”

    I think they just have.

  9. Tim 9

    Sue Bradford was ahead of her time. Stop abusing your kids because she says so.
    Glad to see it worked for Nia Glassie and Jyniah Te Awa.

  10. Ianmac 10

    Tim: 113 MP’s voted for the Child Protection Act S59 repeal. Bradford had the weight of an Act of Parliament with her. Tony Ryall just says “Cut back the hours you lot, or I will be after you with my big Nanny stick!”

  11. Jum 11

    Tim

    Sue Bradford helped put in place a discipline for the future treatment of, and equal humanity, for children. Like all Labour and supporting parties’ legislation it’s all long term (smoking legislation being an excellent example of us now breathing fresher air and reducing deaths through lung cancer).

    I’ll use the ‘I told you so’ message on you and mention the history of destroying people’s dignity through job losses and low value attached to the importance of support systems of 10/20/30/40 years ago that drove the Nia Glassie and Jyniah Te Awa tragedies.

    Now Act/National are likely to renew the damage by reversing all the good things Labour have put in place to rebuild damaged psyches. Key has the perfect opportunity to put his “I would love to see wages drop” plan into action in this current environment. I shall watch the New Right’s policy enactments with interest, both the overt and the covert ones.

  12. higherstandard 12

    Jum you are an idiot

  13. Quoth the Raven 13

    HS – Take it back to kiwiblog. Where’s d4J? his trolling was far better then yours. His was eloquent and intelligent in comparison to your pathetic, senseless ramblings. You are without a doubt the dullest, most tiresome and idiotic troll to ever inhabit the blogoshpere. If neanderthals had blogs, your trolling would be witless and brainless even by their standards. If there were thousands upon thousands of other intelligent lifeforms in the universe and they all had blogs your trolling would still be the ultimate in idiocy. You should change your name to substandard or better yet stop trolling.

    [lprent: Actually HS was one of the most eloquent of the centre-right earlier this year. However trying to even read the comments here is often a wearing experience. But that is why he gets a lot of leeway from the moderators (and generally isn’t regarded as a troll by me), he has a lot of earned mana for participation.]

  14. Chris G 14

    na d4j in my brief encounter on here with him he was a right douche.

    HS is way better. However I do disagree with u simply calling jum an idiot. jum made some good points

  15. higherstandard 15

    QTR

    I suggest you start a club and invite Jum to join.

    You can then both have a bit of a cry and try to appoint blame to anywhere except where it lies.

    Jum is an idiot for trying to pass off the murders of children by sub human scum on anything but the filth that subjected those children to the abuse and murders in the first place.

  16. Quoth the Raven 16

    Chris G – D4J was like a surrealist poet. HS is just a dull simpleton. When Lyn gets his troll program up and running it will be exactly like HS not D4J. A computer program will not be capable of poetics, but it will easily be able to simulate HS because it will have no intelligence.

  17. Observer 17

    Jum

    re your
    >
    The history of destroying people’s dignity through job losses and low value attached to the importance of support systems of 10/20/30/40 years ago that drove the Nia Glassie and Jyniah Te Awa tragedies.
    >

    Doesn’t seem right somehow. The parents involved would have been between nine and twelve years old ten years ago, so their entire political experience as thinking people was under a Labour Led Government, that never required them to learn. The consequences are there in today’s news for you to read! Based on its instructions from various ministers over the last nine years, the MinEdu wants to eliminate topics in the new curriculum that are too hard for some pupils to pass. It seems we now live in a world where everyone has to rank as ‘achieved’ or everyone else has failed! Shame no one told the two failed applicants for a job with me that failure was possible, or the Black Caps that achievement was a requirement – eh!

  18. Ianmac 18

    higherstandard: I was struck by something that I think Gordon Campbell said the other day. (Paraphrased.): We feel for those kids who are treated so badly. Yet at some point the survivors cross-over and may become the perpetrators as adults. Our sympathy for them turns into regarding them as “filth.”

  19. Tim 19

    Jum, you can believe what you want, as can I.

    In the Nia Glassie case at least these people are proof of the failures of welfare dependency fostered by Labour. They have no compulsion to get jobs so they spend all day getting drunk and stoned and looking for something to do. Unfortunately in this case the something was abusing a little girl and ultimately killing her.

    So it is I who get to say “I told you so”. Not that I told you, but I told lots of other people even before this case came to fruition, much like I told people the same about the Kahui twins. Yes, I know, my foresight is awesome. But it’s not hard to see what is going to happen when you have generations of these people who live on welfare and have low motivation and low self-esteem.

    Regarding wages, say an employer had worked out he could afford $60/hour in wages to employ staff in his business, would it be better for the workers if he employed 6 people at $10/hour, 5 at $12/hour. 4 at $15/hour, 3 at $20/hour, 2 at $30/hour or 1 at $60/hour? Would it depend at all on the productivity of the employees?

  20. QoT 20

    Darn straight, Tim. We should ignore the actual realities of poverty in this country, or the fact that Nia Glassie’s mother was in work, and just let the filthy underclass starve until they get motivated properly.

    “Welfare dependency” doesn’t happen because you have welfare. It happens because a class of people are told they are useless and predestined to be criminals anyway. Especially in times of “delusionally” low unemployment, where are these hundreds of jobs for poor unqualified (and especially brown) people that the right wing seem to think are just sitting in the Situations Vacant column waiting to be filled?

  21. Rex Widerstrom 21

    Spokespersons for CO2, CH4 and a variety of other greenhouse gases will not be available for comment.

    By the looks of the volumes of heat and hot air this debate is generating, it seems the spokespersons were all busy at The Standard :-D

    I’m sometimes accused of being a bleeding heart when it comes to the underclass, and I admit I tend to favour measures such as a liveable minimum wage, truly “sensible” sentencing with emphasis on rehabilitation and restorative justice etc etc.

    But I’ve also been poor. So poor that, as I’ve admitted elsewhere, I had to resort to petty theft of milk and bread (home delivered in those days, so I wasn’t holding up gas stations). So poor that I’ve stood there in the morning going through all my jacket pockets hoping to find enough extra change to send one of the kids down to the dairy for a toast loaf so they had breakfast before school.

    I don’t gamble, I don’t smoke, I don’t take drugs and I don’t drink when I can’t afford to… it was simply that raising four kids on a benefit was – at that time, I have no idea about now – one hell of a stuggle.

    The stress of living that way saw me see-sawing between despair, hopelessness and anger.

    My partner (the kid’s mum) grew up in a dysfunctional Maori family where drunkeness, violence and sexual abuse all occurred. According to the likes of Gordon Campbell, then, she was a sitter to grow up and start being an abuser.

    Yet the worst I’ve ever done to my children was an open-palm smack on the bottom when they did something really bad – usually to a sibling. That occurred maybe half a dozen times, across all of them.

    To the best of my knowledge my (now ex) partner never laid a hand on them. She told me, in fact, that what she’d seen as a child meant she never would. That’s a choice anyone else is equally able to make.

    So exuse me if I call bullshit on the right wing idea that welfare dependency is an indicator or even cause of an abusive person’s behaviour, and draw the same conclusion about the commonly held leftist belief that it’s all because these hapless souls had their egos dented by some heartless supposition that they’re criminals, or destined to be poor.

    They are criminals, of the lowest kind, and they’d be so whether or not they received 10 times the amount they get on a benefit. They deserve our contempt, and a punishment befitting the crime.

    Meanwhile the rest of those on a benefit are decent people doing the best they can for their children, with perhaps some mistakes along the way, simply because they’re human. They deserve our respect, and the greatest possible level of assistance to better their lives.

  22. lenore 22

    Then Jon Key will go on to “rid the world of all known diseases” or else! Actually Monty Python have the answers. Check out:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNfGyIW7aHM

Important links

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

1 2 3 7

  • Time for NZ to prohibit the killing of great apes
    That ban was widely hailed, and spurred efforts in other countries to get similar bans. However, apes are still being exploited, abused and killed, both in captivity and in the wild. Examples of cruelty, neglect and abuse abound. Apes are… ...
    GreensBy Mojo Mathers MP
    3 hours ago
  • Auckland building consents: Tragic
    The only word to describe the latest building consent figures for Auckland is ‘tragic’, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “Whatever the Government is doing to address the Auckland housing crisis, it is clearly not working. ...
    4 hours ago
  • A whiff of a new biosecurity scandal?
    A pest which could create havoc for New Zealand’s horticulture and agriculture sector must be as much a focus for the Government as hunting out fruit flies, Labour’s Biosecurity spokesperson Damien O’Connor says. “While the Ministry for Primary Industries is… ...
    6 hours ago
  • Government shrugs off health sector crisis
    Despite new evidence showing that cuts to health spending are costing lives the Government continues to deny the sector is struggling, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says. “Health services in New Zealand are in crisis. ...
    1 day ago
  • Parata lowered the bar for failing charter school
    When Hekia Parata became aware that the Whangaruru charter school was experiencing major problems her first action was to drop standards by reducing the number of qualified teachers they had to employ, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins has revealed. “Hekia… ...
    1 day ago
  • National not being straight about the economy
    John Key and Bill English need to be straight with New Zealanders about the damage their failure to diversify the economy is doing, after new figures show export growth plunged due to a collapse in dairy exports, says Grant Robertson.… ...
    1 day ago
  • Mind the Gap
    This week the International Monetary Fund released a report on the wider economic value in closing the gender pay gap. When even the bastions of free-market economics start to raise concerns about gender pay gaps, we have to realise how… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    1 day ago
  • Labour will hold National to parental leave promise
    Labour will hold National to its promise to increase the support given to new parents of premature, multiple birth and babies born with disabilities, Labour’s paid parental leave campaigner Sue Moroney says. "I am naturally disappointed that after battling for… ...
    2 days ago
  • It was all just pillar talk
    Steven Joyce’s confession that he can no longer guarantee a pillar-free design for the New Zealand International Convention Centre shows the Government has abandoned its dream of creating an ‘iconic’ ‘world-class’ structure, says Labour Economic Development spokesperson David Clark. “Steven… ...
    2 days ago
  • Australians move on offshore speculators
    John Key might want to have a quiet word with Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott about Canberra's just-announced crack down on offshore speculators when he visits New Zealand this week, Labour's Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says."Tony Abbott's centre right government… ...
    2 days ago
  • Government at odds on overseas driver crashes
    National backbencher Jacqui Dean has spoken out about overseas driver crashes, putting herself at odds with Prime Minister John Key who is on record as saying it’s not a big issue, Labour’s Transport spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “I’m not surprised… ...
    2 days ago
  • Human Rights and the Palestine Crisis
    Last week I heard two Palestinians speak at Wellington events about the ongoing crisis in their country. Samar Sabawi spoke to a full house about the history of Palestine and gave us a lucid and disturbing account of the situation… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    2 days ago
  • Time to take real care of our kids
    An Amnesty International report has once again criticised New Zealand’s track record on looking after our kids, Labour’s Children’s spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says. The annual report, which looks at global human rights abuses highlights not only the fact that high… ...
    2 days ago
  • John Key wrong about Labour’s war vote
    John Key’s desperate claims that the former Labour Government didn’t put combat troop deployment to a Parliamentary vote are simply wrong, Labour’s Defence spokesperson Phil Goff says. “It was disgraceful that the Prime Minister ran rough shod over democracy and… ...
    2 days ago
  • Māori language bill needs work
     It is clear that the first draft of the Māori Language Bill was about structures and funding rather than the survival of te reo Māori, Labour’s Māori Development Spokesperson Nanaia Mahuta says.  “Labour is pleased that the Minister of Māori… ...
    2 days ago
  • Report proves troubled school shouldn’t have opened
    The long-awaited release of an Education Review Office report into Northland’s troubled Whangaruru charter school proves it should never have been approved in the first place, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “This report identifies problems with absenteeism and disengaged… ...
    3 days ago
  • Reply to PM’s statement on deploying troops to Iraq
    “The decision of any Government to send troops to a conflict zone is a very serious one, and it is right that this House takes time to consider it, to debate it, and, ideally, to vote on it, but we… ...
    3 days ago
  • Minister must take action on death trap slides
    Workplace Relations Safety Minister Michael Woodhouse must take urgent action to ensure inflatable amusement rides don’t become death traps for children, Labour’s spokesperson on Labour Relations Iain Lees-Galloway says. “No one wants to stop kids having fun, but horror stories… ...
    3 days ago
  • Manus Island and the New Zealand Government
    This week the Greens have participated in awareness activity about Manus Island, the refugee camp on an island in Papua New Guinea where Australia dumps asylum seekers. John Key says that he has every confidence in the Australian Government’s claim… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    1 week ago
  • Election Inquiry – Getting accessible voting on the agenda
    James Shaw has been doing a series of blogs on the Election Inquiry into last year’s general election.  I thought this was a great opportunity to raise an issue very dear to me – accessible voting. Last year’s general election… ...
    GreensBy Mojo Mathers MP
    1 week ago
  • RMA changes no solution to Christchurch housing
    Housing will continue to be a big issue in 2015. The latest Consumer Price Index, released last month, shows both good news and bad news on the housing front. After years of being the most expensive place to build a… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    1 week ago
  • Saving kokako in South Auckland’s Hunua Ranges
    It is amazing that you can hear the song of the endangered North Island kokako in South Auckland’s Hunua Ranges, less than 50 kms from the central city. A heavy schedule of policy workshops at the Green Party’s Policy… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Let’s not turn a blind eye to human rights
    The Cricket World Cup has just opened in New Zealand, and it’s an opportunity for us to shine on the world stage. International sport can be a chance for us to build relationships with other countries, and examine what it… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Its Just Not Cricket
    This week it was my privilege to work with Sri Lankan Tamil communities in this country and host Australian journalist and human rights advocate Trevor Grant. I knew a bit about Trevor from his biography but I didn’t know just… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Time for NZ to #BeCrueltyFree
    The Government is about to progress the final stages of the Animal Welfare Amendment bill. This will be our last opportunity to get changes made to improve the bill to ensure a better outcome for animals. I have put forwards… ...
    GreensBy Mojo Mathers MP
    2 weeks ago
  • We want access!
    Access to buildings is a big issue for many New Zealanders. It looks like that, due to the hard work and persistence of people in the disability community, the Government may finally be starting to take access to buildings seriously.… ...
    GreensBy Mojo Mathers MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Greens call on Super Fund to divest from fossil fuels
    The Green Party today called on the New Zealand Superannuation Fund (the Fund) to divest from fossil fuels, starting immediately with coal. The call was accompanied with a new report, Making money from a climate catastrophe: The case for divesting… ...
    GreensBy Russel Norman MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Young Kiwis’ housing crisis
    Shelter is a fundamental human need along with food, water and clean air. All humans need adequate shelter; it’s a human right. Warm, safe, stable accommodation is critical for young people to be able learn and grow and just be.… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    2 weeks ago
  • On the River Patrol in Te Tai Tokerau
    Last Wednesday, I went on a tour of some of Northland’s rivers with  Millan Ruka from Environmental River Patrol as he monitored water quality throughout Te Tai Tokerau. The dry conditions meant we couldn’t use the boat but we visited… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    2 weeks ago
  • Opening of Parliament 2015
    Russel NormanOpening of Parliament Speech February 2015 Tēnā koutou Tēnā koutou Tēnā koutou katoa. A brief history of climate change What a summer! It's been hot, even here in Wellington, hotter than any summer I can remember. All… ...
    GreensBy Russel Norman MP
    2 weeks ago

Removed at the request of The Daily Blog.
Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere