Following Tony “cos I say so” Ryall’s media success with his plan to cut down waiting lists using the King Canute model of governance, the word around the traps is that several of National’s front bench are planning similar moves.
Over the next few days expect the following:
Simon Power will announce plans to tell all criminals to stop committing crime. The Herald will celebrate the new government’s fresh and ambitious approach.
Nick Smith will announce plans to tell carbon to get back into the ground “or else!”. Spokespersons for CO2, CH4 and a variety of other greenhouse gases will not be available for comment. Smith will claim victory.
John Key will announce plans to tell New Zealanders crossing the Tasman to turn back at the gate. He will do this in a photo op with a big red stop sign (or perhaps one of those giant novelty foam hands).
Other frontbench MPs will announce plans to tell sickness beneficiaries to get better, the economy to pull itself up by its bootstraps, workers to work harder (there may be some kind of horsewhip involved in this) and the wage gap to start closing (note this may involve an Australian ‘wage drop’).
If only Labour had realised how easy this governing business is we could all have enjoyed nine years of kicking back and watching the gains roll in. So many wasted years.