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ImperatorFish: Bennett announces drought relief get-tough measures

Written By: - Date published: 12:56 pm, March 7th, 2013 - 9 comments
Categories: paula bennett, Satire, welfare - Tags: ,

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

The government has announced a range of new measures targeting recipients of state assistance.

Social Development Minister Paula Bennett announced today that those seeking assistance under the government’s drought relief scheme would be required to submit to mandatory drug tests, and to show evidence that they were actively looking for alternative sources of income.

Farmers would also have their benefits docked if they failed to answer phone calls from Work and Income.

The measures are designed to crack down on the abuse by farmers of the government’s drought relief scheme.

Ms Bennett accepted that there was no evidence of widespread abuse of the scheme by farmers.

But she insisted that the new rules were necessary to keep farmers on the straight and narrow.

“Struggling farmers who are doing their best to manage and who are looking to find alternative work have nothing to fear,” said Bennett. “These rules are about helping to break the cycle of farmer dependency. Some of this dependency is inter-generational. We can’t afford as a nation to have hundreds of farmers begging for help each and every time a drought is declared.

“It doesn’t matter whether you’re a farmer or a solo mother,” said Ms Bennett. “If you want a handout from this government then the same rules apply.”

Reporters at the Minister’s press conference were unable to elicit further information from Ms Bennett about the measures, as she had by that time fallen over in a fit of hysterical laughter.

9 comments on “ImperatorFish: Bennett announces drought relief get-tough measures”

  1. Mary 1

    And girlfriends or boyfriends of farmers who stay more than three nights a week will be regarded as living in a relationship in the nature of marriage therefore not only will the farmer be prosecuted but so will the partner because he or she has benefited from the state assistance that the farmer received but wasn’t entitled to because they didn’t declare their relationship in the nature of marriage. Let’s face it – these people are criminals.

  2. outofworkkiwi 2

    I didn’t answer phone calls from Winz and they didn’t leave messages on the answer phone after 6 rings cause I was out looking for work so they cut my benefit the Keyboy scumbags.

  3. Colonial Weka 3

    Shouldn’t farmers be getting their teenage daughters sterilised? Er, I mean, Bennett should be offering them long term contraception for free. Can’t have intergenerational welfare recipients breeding.

    • RedBaronCV 3.1

      Yep decade after decade we’ve had drought relief schemes for the same farms, cease breeding at source.

  4. Jimmy 4

    Yeah the truth is though, not many farmers will qualify for assistance, I would love to know the numbers, bet its not many!

  5. Emilio Zapata 5

    I think we should be providing their farm animals with long term contraception. I’m from the south. I know about these things.

  6. Roy 6

    Nice job, ImperatorFish.
    Actually I think the farmers should not get any aid because they shouldn’t have had more animals than they could feed in the first place. Like beneficiaries, they should be expected to have been clairvoyant when they bred or bought those animals, and should have predicted that someday they would not be able to feed them.

  7. Rogue Trooper 7

    farny post I/F

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