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ImperatorFish: The Higgs Boson: How The Politicians Reacted

Written By: - Date published: 2:29 pm, July 5th, 2012 - 11 comments
Categories: humour, politicans - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

Russel Norman, Green Party

This is the worst news imaginable. The Green Party are absolutely opposed to the reckless smashing up of so many particles. Isn’t it time we learned to live in harmony with our environment, rather than try to smash up subatomic bits of it? We are calling on this government to announce an immediate moratorium on any further particle destruction.

Winston Peters, New Zealand First

This arrogant government has done nothing to protect us from the risk of Higgs boson particles making it to New Zealand. These particles represent a very real threat to our sovereignty, and we are already being swamped with particles that don’t understand our unique Kiwi way of life. But John Key and all his moneymen backers don’t care about any of that. Do you know how much public money has been wasted on this ridiculous flight of fancy?

John Banks, Act Party

This. Is. An. Outrageous. Waste. Of . Public. Money.

Peter Dunne, United Future

We are cautiously optimistic that the Higgs boson announcement represents a sensible step forward for ordinary New Zealanders. However, we should not be afraid to make bold decisions, so long as we proceed with extreme caution. This is a victory for common-sense.

David Shearer, Labour Party

John Key promised to close the Higgs boson gap, but on his government’s watch New Zealand has slipped further and further behind. This announcement shows that John Key’s government only cares about the privileged few. Billions and billions of dollars are being spent on just a handful of lucky subatomic particles, but a Labour government would look after all Higgs bosons.

Hone Harawira, Mana Party

I’m not interested in your white man’s particle.

John Key, National Party

This demonstrates the value of a stable and sensible government committed to paying down debt and getting the books back into the black. The latest Treasury projections indicate that we can expect steady growth in the Higgs boson sector, but all this could be lost if we don’t remain focused on the task at hand.

Tariana Turia, Maori Party

We don’t have a firm position on the Higgs boson, so we’ll be consulting with our members in a series of huis around the country, before doing whatever National tell us.

11 comments on “ImperatorFish: The Higgs Boson: How The Politicians Reacted”

  1. Policy Parrot 1

    Na, I think Key would simply be “relaxed about it”.

  2. alwyn 2

    You have left out the last part of Russel’s comment.
    He finished the last sentence with “… and we are calling on the Auditor-General to investigate whether this involves an illegal act by the Government.”
    More seriously they are all beautifully true to form for the politicians concerned. Scott at Imperator Fish has done a wonderful parody.

  3. Dr Terry 3

    Could they atomise the Government next? Might even find a little energy there!

  4. higherstandard 4

    Are you sure it’s parody ?

  5. ropata 5

    Robert Muldoon

    We must use all available resources at our disposal to reduce New Zealand’s dependency on imported Higgs Bosons. I propose a nationwide atom smashing project called “Think Small”

    David Lange

    Our nation is in crisis due to the failed Higgs Boson projects and therefore we are introducing a Boson Tax. I can smell the subatomic particles on your breath.

  6. Vicky32 6


  7. BernyD 7

    Our education system was obviously working when they graduated.
    These Politackins are pritty smart :-)

    • McFlock 7.1

      The politackin? 

      I’m assuming it can hold an infinite number of mutually exclusive quantum states even after it has been observed.
      Or does it just change direction at faster than light speed when it encounters a negative pole? 

      • BernyD 7.1.1

        sounds like the human race has gone sub atomic
        which explains why they can’t see us :-)

  8. Rodel 8

    Don’t forget the religious lobby.
    The Pope says, “sorry we don’t allow Higgs Bosuns in our church”.
    Higgs says, “but how can you have mass without me? “

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