web analytics
The Standard
Advertising

Imperatorfish: The post I never posted

Written By: - Date published: 12:01 pm, January 9th, 2013 - 26 comments
Categories: david shearer, Satire - Tags:

I spent hours and hours writing a blogpost attacking Labour’s various failings, and explaining why the February caucus vote would be a defeat for David Shearer, no matter how it went. I concluded in my post that the party was doomed under its current leader, that just about everything everyone had said on The Standard was spot on, and that the polls showing Labour gains were deceptive because John Key would humble David Shearer during the 2014 election campaign. I argued that history showed that a seasoned incumbent would always destroy a wet-between-the-ears newbie during a leadership debate. We all remember what Helen Clark did to an inexperienced John Key in 2008, and how as a result Labour won an unprecedented fourth term in office, don’t we?

I went on to argue that even if Shearer somehow won the election for the centre-left, he would not have the skills to assemble or hold together a governing coalition.

And even if I was wrong on that point, I went on to write, David Shearer was still not the best man for the job, because he had failed to demonstrate an ability to walk on water or bring the dead back to life.

But I didn’t push the “publish” button, because I came up with an even better idea for a post. Now I’m working on a blogpost about how the ancient Babylonians first discovered New Zealand, and how academics have conspired for decades to bury the evidence. It’s going to be a cracker!

I have now written about a hundred draft blogposts about how awful things are for Labour under David Shearer. I’m thinking of publishing them all at once, once this gin bottle has been emptied. But first I think I’ll publish a devastating critique of David Bain’s innocence claim.

26 comments on “Imperatorfish: The post I never posted”

  1. quartz 1

    I don’t get it, is this guy pro-shearer or against him?

    • Populuxe1 1.1

      Pro Captain Mumblefuck. Sanctimonious. And far from Imperatorfish’s best effort.

      • Lightly 1.1.1

        I don’t think any post that says Shearer is a “wet-between-the-ears newbie” and “David Shearer was still not the best man for the job”, and jokingly likens him to John Key is pro-him.

        It’s a post of ‘I didn’t write this but here’s what I would have said’ – I think it’s pretty good.

        • QoT 1.1.1.1

          I think you missed the whole bit of the sentence after “because”, which makes IF’s feelings about criticisms of Shearer pretty clear. Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.

  2. I just want a vote for the members triggered by caucus in Feb so we can all unite to fight the next election. That vote can either confirm Shearer or elect another who wishes to put their hat in: Robertson, Cunliffe, Parker, Little. I’m not interested in posts ripping into Shearer or any other potential (or not).

    • Coronial Typer 2.1

      That will at last give us something real and positive to focus on.

      Lots of people want politicians to have a well deserved break. But clearly there are hundreds and hundreds of activists – from those posting on this site for one – who are spoiling for strong leadership of the left to start NOW. Not when parliament reconvenes.

      I want the left to start this year, and finish it. Not always reacting to others.

      Meantime Imperator Fish should flop onto a beach somewhere and dry out.

  3. The Leader is the Leader . Lets show a bit of loyalty to the Party that one belongs too.. Its at branch meetings that one debates the issues .Not in public where the Nats can make use of information. Much as detest National I must admit their disagrements (Which are many I presume0 are rarely in public .Not like us silly buggers who shout our disagreements from the roof tops.
    Please shut up! Use your time helping ,as Mike Smith has asked “To develop ideas and policy that will win us the 2014 election .Lets practice the main reaason Labour is our choice of Party Fraternity .

    • ad 3.1

      Are you aware of the constitutional changes that occurred in November 2012 at the Labour Conference that encourage democratic and public confirmation of the caucus leader?

      • Colonial Viper 3.1.1

        Labour needs to move into an election year looking forwards with maximum momentum.

        A Labour Leader backed by confirmation from the full membership and affiliates would completely re-energise the party and grow our numbers. it would show those leaning towards the Greens that Labour is also a highly democratic party where the voice of each individual member counts.

    • bad12 3.2

      ‘Our’ choice of Party Fraternity??? are there lots of YOU, schizophrenic perhaps???, not MY choice of Party so speak for yourself…

      • Colonial Weka 3.2.1

        Wrong abuse of mentally ill stereotype. I think you mean multiple personality disorder, not schizophrenia.

    • alex 3.3

      Bollocks TPP, why should a membership base that has been shafted by their caucus sit around silently?

    • KhandallaViper 3.4

      Mike Smith, who in on the Labour Caucus payroll? That Mike Smith tpp? Mike Smith is an Independent commentator, YEAH RIGHT.

      You are correct that one does not hear much public criticism of John Key from National supporters.
      There are two obvious reasons that John Key has legitimate tenure as party leader.
      1.The Nats did not give the membership a Leadership Debate Road-show. Labour did and promptly ignored the members preference.
      2. John Key proved himself a competent party leader from day one, as far as Nats Members are concerned.

      • Rhinoviper 3.4.1

        IIRC, word has circulated among Nat party members that if they publicly criticise Key, then their party membership will be revoked.

        I’m sure Curran is jealous.

    • karol 3.5

      Fraternity means “brotherhood”. That’s reassuring.

    • David H 3.6

      Sorry, but Mike Smith is just the caucuses messenger boy, he hops in here drops a couple of messages, usually saying shut up and fall into line, just like good little boys. Just another Seagull poster. He can just go back and get his pat on the head, and tell em we’re NOT playing his silly game!

  4. hush minx 4

    To those who wish commentors would stop commenting in public, I fear your request will fall on deaf ears until a sense of reciprocal responsibility is shown by the parliamentary leadership. Hence the desire of many for a members vote in February so we can all have our say (those who are members, mps or affiliates) and then we either shut up or get in behind. Simple really.
    I’m thinking we should be telling the mps that we know that we want them to vote for a vote (which is not the same as voting against or for any person in particular). Then we can settle this.

  5. geoff 5

    All of us anti-shearer types have had a good lash over the last few days. You’ve tried smacking the bee’s nest but we’re a bit spent sorry, Imperator.
    Maybe try again in a week or so?

  6. Saarbo 6

    IF, Your satire is shit. Just go back to writing serious posts bro. (and I dont only mean this one, I mean most of the stuff on your blog)

  7. xtasy 7

    Hey what is this about 2008, was it not 2005, where Helen won Labour and support parties another term???

    But this must be some bizarre “humour”, right?

    Shearer is a totally UNFIT leader for Labour, almost all of us know this by now. Some say Robertson is using the scene to set his agenda to take over leadership. Some have other ideas. Others want Cunliffe to not perhaps lead the party, but to at least be re-installed on the front bench to talk on damned economics, which is core of the sets of issues this government is not able to deal with good enough.

    Shearer is to me like a bit of a “Stalinist”, he dislikes dissent, challenges, is himself very insecure, so he rather gets the dirty dealers out to shut up dissent and do away with ones who do not support him. We all know what happened to Stalin, and we learned enough about him being a psychopath. Certainly no democrat, whether left or right would ever want such a “leader” running the show.

    I am afraid that Shearer is trying to cover up his deficiencies by being an aotocrat and a bit of a “dictator”. He is likely not to be doing this on his own, yes, I believe there may be the ABC circle, or a similar group of a “gang” working on “supporting” him in an instrumental way.

    That does in any way NOT make for a good leader of the major opposition party. Labour has one last chance, to rid itself of this sicklish hangers on group sitting in Parliament, to vote for a NEW leader, to involve and include the base of the party more, to become more democratic like the Greens are, and to lift itself out of the quagmire. I sadly cannot see this happen though.

    Many are starting to flirt with and fancy the Greens. Yes, they have a lot of ideas, good policies and a better team, but I fear they are perhaps not quite ready yet. Also I am not trusting Russel Norman enough, having become almost a bit like a “green” Winston of recent. Where is their environmental focus, all now rather being talk about econmics, finance and social welfare. That is all good, but do not forget the roots.

    I cannot see the Greens as that solidly left though, as they may be interventionist, but most their voters are middle class to upper middle class urbanites, many academics. That is also good, but it does not provide a close enough link and connection to the labour base, common workers and beneficiaries, despite of Jan Logie being good at raising welfare issues. She has half a dozen of spokesperson areas, or close to that, so welfare always falls short.

    So there is Mana, but that is still dominated by Hone, and the other Pakeha activists only surface now and then. I respect them all, but apart from some good policies, they will never cover enough policies to attract more than a few percent.

    NZ politics needs a bloody shake up, yes this society needs a total rattle and shake, so that ALL wake up and realise, we are largely ALL in this together, but I see too little in ones prepared to share or even comminicate. NZ is a very dysfunctional, broken, disunited and even in some ways heartless society now.

    Sorry to say.

    • KJT 7.1

      The environmental focus is still at the forefront.

      We know, however, that it is not possible to address environmental sustainability without addressing social and economic sustainability, Including, equality issues.

      For example, in a democracy, we are not going to get those at the bottom of the income tree to vote for reducing their standard of living, to make us more environmentally sustainable, while the top 2% are still getting 17% annual rises in wealth.

      We are also not going to succeed in long term environmental sustainability with an economic system that requires constant growth and hence constantly increasing resource use.

  8. Rogue Trooper 8

    it’s the Killing Joke this growth business (Growth Fetish)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7WPI4TJImo
    it’s Complications; A Love Like Blood…a love like blood

  9. kiwi_prometheus 9

    QofT: “Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.”

    No you want him to transform into a tom boy superheroine firing purple lightning bolts at unborn babies, if your crazy graphics and rants on your blog site are any indicator…

    … but you’ve changed your graphics yet again! Now your a selfdescribed “grand archduchess”. LOL, what an egotistical maniac!

    • felixviper 9.1

      Oh look, another creepy stalker turning up just to leave off-topic sexist abuse for QoT.

      It’s like this morning all over again.

Important links

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Taxpayers not suckers when it comes to casino lemon
    The Government should not be asking New Zealanders to stump up extra cash to bail out John Key and Steven Joyce’s dodgy SkyCity convention centre deal, Labour Leader Andrew Little says. "A deal is a deal is a deal. SkyCity… ...
    3 days ago
  • Supreme Court decision an early Christmas present
    Women on low pay in New Zealand have been given an early Christmas present with yesterday’s decision by  the Supreme Court not to intervene in a decision of the Court of Appeal, says Labour's Spokesperson for Women's Affairs, Sue Moroney. … ...
    3 days ago
  • Dunedin Hospital needs more than drip feed
    An ongoing and embarrassing pattern of major building leaks and equipment failures at Dunedin Public Hospital has been revealed in papers released under the Official Information Act, Dunedin North MP David Clark says. “Documents released under the Official Information Act… ...
    4 days ago
  • Dunedin Hospital needs more than drip feed
    An ongoing and embarrassing pattern of major building leaks and equipment failures at Dunedin Public Hospital has been revealed in papers released under the Official Information Act, Dunedin North MP David Clark says. “Documents released under the Official Information Act… ...
    4 days ago
  • 17 too young for teens to be shown the door
    Laws which see young people under the care of CYFS abandoned once they turn 17 will mean at least a dozen young Kiwis will be left to fend for themselves over the December festive season, Labour’s Children’s spokesperson Jacinda  Ardern… ...
    4 days ago
  • 17 too young for teens to be shown the door
    Laws which see young people under the care of CYFS abandoned once they turn 17 will mean at least a dozen young Kiwis will be left to fend for themselves over the December festive season, Labour’s Children’s spokesperson Jacinda  Ardern… ...
    4 days ago
  • National’s albatross, taxpayers’ curse
    Government consideration of further corporate welfare hand-outs to SkyCity for its convention centre shows just how weak the original contract was, Labour’s Economic Development spokesperson David Clark says. “Taxpayers will be appalled to hear that on top of the humiliating… ...
    4 days ago
  • Recognizing Palestine: The European Parliament Votes
    Last week I wrote a blog drawing attention to Sweden’s formal recognition of the state of Palestine (the second Western state to do so after Iceland).  That move has created ripples throughout the international community. In recent months the parliaments… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    7 days ago
  • Recognizing Palestine: The European Parliament Votes
    Last week I wrote a blog drawing attention to Sweden’s formal recognition of the state of Palestine (the second Western state to do so after Iceland).  That move has created ripples throughout the international community. In recent months the parliaments… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    7 days ago
  • Recognizing Palestine: The European Parliament Votes
    Last week I wrote a blog drawing attention to Sweden’s formal recognition of the state of Palestine (the second Western state to do so after Iceland).  That move has created ripples throughout the international community. In recent months the parliaments… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    7 days ago
  • Minister has work to do over Xmas
    Red flags raised in a multi-agency review into how Phillip Smith was able to flee the country highlight the inadequacies of those very same agencies not having red flags in place that would have notified them of his plans, says… ...
    7 days ago
  • Minister has work to do over Xmas
    Red flags raised in a multi-agency review into how Phillip Smith was able to flee the country highlight the inadequacies of those very same agencies not having red flags in place that would have notified them of his plans, says… ...
    7 days ago
  • Minister has work to do over Xmas
    Red flags raised in a multi-agency review into how Phillip Smith was able to flee the country highlight the inadequacies of those very same agencies not having red flags in place that would have notified them of his plans, says… ...
    7 days ago
  • Gerry Brownlee’s revolving airport door story
    A new report shows Gerry Brownlee is the latest Cabinet Minister to have contracted the infectious tell-porkies-until-you-are-caught disease, Labour’s Chief Whip Chris Hipkins says. “A Civil Aviation Report out today shows that despite being an extremely recognisable figure, Gerry Brownlee… ...
    7 days ago
  • Govt spend on transport out of step with reality
    The National Government is planning to allocate ever increasing amounts of taxpayer funding to build expensive new motorways despite record numbers of New Zealanders flocking to buses and trains, said the Green Party. The Government released its Government Policy Statement… ...
    GreensBy Julie Anne Genter MP
    1 week ago
  • Govt spend on transport out of step with reality
    The National Government is planning to allocate ever increasing amounts of taxpayer funding to build expensive new motorways despite record numbers of New Zealanders flocking to buses and trains, said the Green Party. The Government released its Government Policy Statement… ...
    GreensBy Julie Anne Genter MP
    1 week ago
  • Solar homes stymied by Govt inaction
    Government inaction is allowing the big power companies to discourage the nascent solar power sector, the Green Party said today. Green Party MP Gareth Hughes launched a petition today calling on the Government to empower the Electricity Authority to act… ...
    GreensBy Gareth Hughes MP
    1 week ago
  • Way opening for April Sun in Cuba
    The United States of America’s President’s historic announcement yesterday to restore diplomatic ties with Cuba should be applauded by the New Zealand Government. The announcement marks a turning point in more than five decades of hostility between the two countries… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    1 week ago
  • Minister ducking for cover over ‘Diplomat Case’
    Apparently the Ministerial Inquiry into what now seems to be being referred to as ‘The Diplomat Case’ ( I have a few other names for it) has been completed and is in front of Foreign Affairs Minister McCully. Initial Reports seem to… ...
    GreensBy Jan Logie MP
    1 week ago
  • Biosecurity it’s everyone’s responsibility
    Biosecurity costs New Zealand millions of dollars in attempting pest eradication and much more in ongoing management of pests in farming, horticulture, beekeeping and conservation, as well as in our own backyards and recreation areas. More work must happen at… ...
    GreensBy Steffan Browning MP
    1 week ago
  • Failure to diversify puts prosperity at risk
    Beyond the news that a long-promised surplus is unlikely, further embarrassment is hidden in the fine print of the half year economic and fiscal update, Labour says. "National’s failure to rebalance the economy is further exposed in projections from its… ...
    1 week ago
  • Ombudsman probe targets Ministerial integrity
    John Key is on notice that the entrenched cynical and manipulative abuse of official information requests by his Government will no longer be tolerated, Labour’s Open Government spokesperson Clare Curran says. “The announcement by the Ombudsman of a wide-ranging review… ...
    1 week ago
  • Bill English’s face is redder than his books
    The Government owes New Zealanders an apology for failing to deliver the surplus it spent four years and two election campaigns promising, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Bill English’s face is redder than the Crown accounts. This is the… ...
    1 week ago
  • Is the Health Minister accountable to the public? He doesn’t seem to thin...
    Lately I’ve been involved in a sort of farcical standoff with the Health Minister, who seems to be under the illusion that I have no right to ask questions about conflicts involving Health Promotion Agency Board member Katherine Rich, and… ...
    GreensBy Kevin Hague MP
    1 week ago
  • Irresponsible tax cuts lead to seventh successive deficit
    National's borrowing to pay for cutting the top tax rate was irresponsible and will likely lead to a seventh successive deficit, the Green Party said today. Treasury have forecast a $572 million deficit this year in its Half Year Economic… ...
    GreensBy Russel Norman MP
    1 week ago
  • Minister closes down dissent on climate change
    Minister closes down dissent on climate change In a threatening letter to Maori leaders, Minister for Climate Change Tim Groser says he will be requiring future international delegations to toe the party line, Labour’s Climate Change spokesperson Megan Woods says.… ...
    1 week ago
  • Farewell at Phillipstown
    Last Wednesday, I attended the farewell for Tony Simpson, Principal of Phillipstown School. It was a very emotional event where many of us in the large crowd shed tears. Bagpipes and tiny tamariki performing kapahaka brought the house down and… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty MP
    2 weeks ago
  • NZ should formally recognise Palestine
    New Zealand should follow the lead of Sweden, and now recognise Palestine as a separate state On 30 October, Sweden’s new government formally recognised the state of Palestine, only the second Western country to do so, after Iceland. Down here… ...
    GreensBy Kennedy Graham MP
    2 weeks ago
  • James Shaw’s adjournment speech on behalf of the Green Party
    It is a great honour for me to speak on behalf of the Green Party in this adjournment debate. I thank my colleagues for the privilege. I became a MP only 12 weeks ago, a period of time that seems… ...
    GreensBy James Shaw MP
    2 weeks ago
  • A Tale of Two Farms
    Pig farming has yet again been thrust into the public view with two programmes this week on Campbell Live highlighting the very different conditions for pigs on two very different farms. The first programme exposed the awful conditions on… ...
    GreensBy Mojo Mathers MP
    2 weeks ago

Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere