web analytics

Imperatorfish: The post I never posted

Written By: - Date published: 12:01 pm, January 9th, 2013 - 26 comments
Categories: david shearer, Satire - Tags:

I spent hours and hours writing a blogpost attacking Labour’s various failings, and explaining why the February caucus vote would be a defeat for David Shearer, no matter how it went. I concluded in my post that the party was doomed under its current leader, that just about everything everyone had said on The Standard was spot on, and that the polls showing Labour gains were deceptive because John Key would humble David Shearer during the 2014 election campaign. I argued that history showed that a seasoned incumbent would always destroy a wet-between-the-ears newbie during a leadership debate. We all remember what Helen Clark did to an inexperienced John Key in 2008, and how as a result Labour won an unprecedented fourth term in office, don’t we?

I went on to argue that even if Shearer somehow won the election for the centre-left, he would not have the skills to assemble or hold together a governing coalition.

And even if I was wrong on that point, I went on to write, David Shearer was still not the best man for the job, because he had failed to demonstrate an ability to walk on water or bring the dead back to life.

But I didn’t push the “publish” button, because I came up with an even better idea for a post. Now I’m working on a blogpost about how the ancient Babylonians first discovered New Zealand, and how academics have conspired for decades to bury the evidence. It’s going to be a cracker!

I have now written about a hundred draft blogposts about how awful things are for Labour under David Shearer. I’m thinking of publishing them all at once, once this gin bottle has been emptied. But first I think I’ll publish a devastating critique of David Bain’s innocence claim.

26 comments on “Imperatorfish: The post I never posted”

  1. quartz 1

    I don’t get it, is this guy pro-shearer or against him?

    • Populuxe1 1.1

      Pro Captain Mumblefuck. Sanctimonious. And far from Imperatorfish’s best effort.

      • Lightly 1.1.1

        I don’t think any post that says Shearer is a “wet-between-the-ears newbie” and “David Shearer was still not the best man for the job”, and jokingly likens him to John Key is pro-him.

        It’s a post of ‘I didn’t write this but here’s what I would have said’ – I think it’s pretty good.

        • QoT 1.1.1.1

          I think you missed the whole bit of the sentence after “because”, which makes IF’s feelings about criticisms of Shearer pretty clear. Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.

  2. I just want a vote for the members triggered by caucus in Feb so we can all unite to fight the next election. That vote can either confirm Shearer or elect another who wishes to put their hat in: Robertson, Cunliffe, Parker, Little. I’m not interested in posts ripping into Shearer or any other potential (or not).

    • Coronial Typer 2.1

      That will at last give us something real and positive to focus on.

      Lots of people want politicians to have a well deserved break. But clearly there are hundreds and hundreds of activists – from those posting on this site for one – who are spoiling for strong leadership of the left to start NOW. Not when parliament reconvenes.

      I want the left to start this year, and finish it. Not always reacting to others.

      Meantime Imperator Fish should flop onto a beach somewhere and dry out.

  3. The Leader is the Leader . Lets show a bit of loyalty to the Party that one belongs too.. Its at branch meetings that one debates the issues .Not in public where the Nats can make use of information. Much as detest National I must admit their disagrements (Which are many I presume0 are rarely in public .Not like us silly buggers who shout our disagreements from the roof tops.
    Please shut up! Use your time helping ,as Mike Smith has asked “To develop ideas and policy that will win us the 2014 election .Lets practice the main reaason Labour is our choice of Party Fraternity .

    • ad 3.1

      Are you aware of the constitutional changes that occurred in November 2012 at the Labour Conference that encourage democratic and public confirmation of the caucus leader?

      • Colonial Viper 3.1.1

        Labour needs to move into an election year looking forwards with maximum momentum.

        A Labour Leader backed by confirmation from the full membership and affiliates would completely re-energise the party and grow our numbers. it would show those leaning towards the Greens that Labour is also a highly democratic party where the voice of each individual member counts.

    • bad12 3.2

      ‘Our’ choice of Party Fraternity??? are there lots of YOU, schizophrenic perhaps???, not MY choice of Party so speak for yourself…

      • Colonial Weka 3.2.1

        Wrong abuse of mentally ill stereotype. I think you mean multiple personality disorder, not schizophrenia.

    • alex 3.3

      Bollocks TPP, why should a membership base that has been shafted by their caucus sit around silently?

    • KhandallaViper 3.4

      Mike Smith, who in on the Labour Caucus payroll? That Mike Smith tpp? Mike Smith is an Independent commentator, YEAH RIGHT.

      You are correct that one does not hear much public criticism of John Key from National supporters.
      There are two obvious reasons that John Key has legitimate tenure as party leader.
      1.The Nats did not give the membership a Leadership Debate Road-show. Labour did and promptly ignored the members preference.
      2. John Key proved himself a competent party leader from day one, as far as Nats Members are concerned.

      • Rhinoviper 3.4.1

        IIRC, word has circulated among Nat party members that if they publicly criticise Key, then their party membership will be revoked.

        I’m sure Curran is jealous.

    • karol 3.5

      Fraternity means “brotherhood”. That’s reassuring.

    • David H 3.6

      Sorry, but Mike Smith is just the caucuses messenger boy, he hops in here drops a couple of messages, usually saying shut up and fall into line, just like good little boys. Just another Seagull poster. He can just go back and get his pat on the head, and tell em we’re NOT playing his silly game!

  4. hush minx 4

    To those who wish commentors would stop commenting in public, I fear your request will fall on deaf ears until a sense of reciprocal responsibility is shown by the parliamentary leadership. Hence the desire of many for a members vote in February so we can all have our say (those who are members, mps or affiliates) and then we either shut up or get in behind. Simple really.
    I’m thinking we should be telling the mps that we know that we want them to vote for a vote (which is not the same as voting against or for any person in particular). Then we can settle this.

  5. geoff 5

    All of us anti-shearer types have had a good lash over the last few days. You’ve tried smacking the bee’s nest but we’re a bit spent sorry, Imperator.
    Maybe try again in a week or so?

  6. Saarbo 6

    IF, Your satire is shit. Just go back to writing serious posts bro. (and I dont only mean this one, I mean most of the stuff on your blog)

  7. xtasy 7

    Hey what is this about 2008, was it not 2005, where Helen won Labour and support parties another term???

    But this must be some bizarre “humour”, right?

    Shearer is a totally UNFIT leader for Labour, almost all of us know this by now. Some say Robertson is using the scene to set his agenda to take over leadership. Some have other ideas. Others want Cunliffe to not perhaps lead the party, but to at least be re-installed on the front bench to talk on damned economics, which is core of the sets of issues this government is not able to deal with good enough.

    Shearer is to me like a bit of a “Stalinist”, he dislikes dissent, challenges, is himself very insecure, so he rather gets the dirty dealers out to shut up dissent and do away with ones who do not support him. We all know what happened to Stalin, and we learned enough about him being a psychopath. Certainly no democrat, whether left or right would ever want such a “leader” running the show.

    I am afraid that Shearer is trying to cover up his deficiencies by being an aotocrat and a bit of a “dictator”. He is likely not to be doing this on his own, yes, I believe there may be the ABC circle, or a similar group of a “gang” working on “supporting” him in an instrumental way.

    That does in any way NOT make for a good leader of the major opposition party. Labour has one last chance, to rid itself of this sicklish hangers on group sitting in Parliament, to vote for a NEW leader, to involve and include the base of the party more, to become more democratic like the Greens are, and to lift itself out of the quagmire. I sadly cannot see this happen though.

    Many are starting to flirt with and fancy the Greens. Yes, they have a lot of ideas, good policies and a better team, but I fear they are perhaps not quite ready yet. Also I am not trusting Russel Norman enough, having become almost a bit like a “green” Winston of recent. Where is their environmental focus, all now rather being talk about econmics, finance and social welfare. That is all good, but do not forget the roots.

    I cannot see the Greens as that solidly left though, as they may be interventionist, but most their voters are middle class to upper middle class urbanites, many academics. That is also good, but it does not provide a close enough link and connection to the labour base, common workers and beneficiaries, despite of Jan Logie being good at raising welfare issues. She has half a dozen of spokesperson areas, or close to that, so welfare always falls short.

    So there is Mana, but that is still dominated by Hone, and the other Pakeha activists only surface now and then. I respect them all, but apart from some good policies, they will never cover enough policies to attract more than a few percent.

    NZ politics needs a bloody shake up, yes this society needs a total rattle and shake, so that ALL wake up and realise, we are largely ALL in this together, but I see too little in ones prepared to share or even comminicate. NZ is a very dysfunctional, broken, disunited and even in some ways heartless society now.

    Sorry to say.

    • KJT 7.1

      The environmental focus is still at the forefront.

      We know, however, that it is not possible to address environmental sustainability without addressing social and economic sustainability, Including, equality issues.

      For example, in a democracy, we are not going to get those at the bottom of the income tree to vote for reducing their standard of living, to make us more environmentally sustainable, while the top 2% are still getting 17% annual rises in wealth.

      We are also not going to succeed in long term environmental sustainability with an economic system that requires constant growth and hence constantly increasing resource use.

  8. Rogue Trooper 8

    it’s the Killing Joke this growth business (Growth Fetish)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7WPI4TJImo
    it’s Complications; A Love Like Blood…a love like blood

  9. kiwi_prometheus 9

    QofT: “Hint: he’s saying us haters want Shearer to be Jesus.”

    No you want him to transform into a tom boy superheroine firing purple lightning bolts at unborn babies, if your crazy graphics and rants on your blog site are any indicator…

    … but you’ve changed your graphics yet again! Now your a selfdescribed “grand archduchess”. LOL, what an egotistical maniac!

    • felixviper 9.1

      Oh look, another creepy stalker turning up just to leave off-topic sexist abuse for QoT.

      It’s like this morning all over again.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Revolutionary art in Palmerston North
    Last night I was a judge at the May Day Cup, an annual theatrical event which celebrates International Workers Day. The event was organised by stalwart unionist Dion Martin and included a range of performers competing for the Cup. This year… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    2 hours ago
  • Revolutionary art in Palmerston North
    Last night I was a judge at the May Day Cup, an annual theatrical event which celebrates International Workers Day. The event was organised by stalwart unionist Dion Martin and included a range of performers competing for the Cup. This year… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    2 hours ago
  • Andrew Little visits Zaatari refugee camp
    Leader of the Opposition, Andrew Little, has visited the largest Syrian refugee camp in the world, Zaatari in Jordan, a day after seeing New Zealand troops at Camp Taji in Iraq. Mr Little spent several hours in the camp, meeting… ...
    22 hours ago
  • Com Com’s Z Energy decision anti-competitive
    The Commerce Commission’s decision to allow Z Energy to buy Caltex can only undermine the competition in the fuel industry that is needed to ensure New Zealanders pay the lowest price for petrol, Labour’s Consumer Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says.… ...
    1 day ago
  • Com Com’s Z Energy decision anti-competitive
    The Commerce Commission’s decision to allow Z Energy to buy Caltex can only undermine the competition in the fuel industry that is needed to ensure New Zealanders pay the lowest price for petrol, Labour’s Consumer Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says.… ...
    1 day ago
  • OAG raps Govt over the knuckles on HNZ contracts
    The Government has been rapped over the knuckles by the Auditor General over its failure to properly manage $2.3m of contracts and conflicts of interest in relation to a merchant banker advising them on the state house sell-off, says Labour’s… ...
    2 days ago
  • OAG raps Govt over the knuckles on HNZ contracts
    The Government has been rapped over the knuckles by the Auditor General over its failure to properly manage $2.3m of contracts and conflicts of interest in relation to a merchant banker advising them on the state house sell-off, says Labour’s… ...
    2 days ago
  • Brownlee must step in as EQC spin exposed
    Gerry Brownlee needs to step in after EQC’s desperate spin in the wake of yesterday’s landmark settlement has been exposed by its own documents, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. “Yesterday’s settlement showed that thousands of homes may not have… ...
    2 days ago
  • Brownlee must step in as EQC spin exposed
    Gerry Brownlee needs to step in after EQC’s desperate spin in the wake of yesterday’s landmark settlement has been exposed by its own documents, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. “Yesterday’s settlement showed that thousands of homes may not have… ...
    2 days ago
  • OIO must explain Argentine pollution prosecutions
    The Overseas Investment Office (OIO)has questions to answer about how it safeguarded our sensitive land by allowing foreign investors with criminal prosecutions to purchase Onetai Station in Taranaki, says Labour’s Land Information spokesperson David Cunliffe.   “Rafael and Federico Grozovsky… ...
    2 days ago
  • Aussie banks in NZ should ban lending to offshore buyers
    ASB, Westpac and ANZ must confirm whether or not they will continue to fund the over-heated property market by lending to non-resident offshore home buyers, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “This issue has arisen because their parent banks have… ...
    2 days ago
  • Aussie banks in NZ should ban lending to offshore buyers
    ASB, Westpac and ANZ must confirm whether or not they will continue to fund the over-heated property market by lending to non-resident offshore home buyers, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “This issue has arisen because their parent banks have… ...
    2 days ago
  • Murray McCully needs to come clean over Tokelau ferry debacle
    Foreign Minister Murray McCully needs to come clean on why a New Zealand aid-funded vessel intended to service the Tokelau Islands is delayed, over budget and failed its sea trials, Labour’s Foreign Affairs spokesperson David Shearer says. “The new ship… ...
    2 days ago
  • Full independent inquiry needed to save New Zealand’s reputation
    Revelations that John Key's personal lawyer and trust advisor led a lobbying campaign to shut down a review of New Zealand's foreign trust regime makes the case for a full scale independent inquiry a matter of urgency, Labour's Finance spokesperson… ...
    2 days ago
  • Full independent inquiry needed to save New Zealand’s reputation
    Revelations that John Key's personal lawyer and trust advisor led a lobbying campaign to shut down a review of New Zealand's foreign trust regime makes the case for a full scale independent inquiry a matter of urgency, Labour's Finance spokesperson… ...
    2 days ago
  • Andrew Little visits NZ troops in Iraq and refugees in Jordan
    Opposition Leader Andrew Little has visited New Zealand troops at Camp Taji, Iraq. Mr Little also met with Iraqi Defence Minister Khaled Al-Obedih and senior military officials from the Coalition forces in Iraq. He now heads to Jordan to see… ...
    3 days ago
  • Workplace death toll still too high
    It’s a damning indictment on the Government that as workers gather to remember their lost workmates on Worker’s Memorial Day, New Zealand’s workplace death toll is still far too high, Labour’s Workplace Relations and Safety spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway says. “At… ...
    3 days ago
  • Workplace death toll still too high
    It’s a damning indictment on the Government that as workers gather to remember their lost workmates on Worker’s Memorial Day, New Zealand’s workplace death toll is still far too high, Labour’s Workplace Relations and Safety spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway says. “At… ...
    3 days ago
  • Minister must come clean on implications of landmark settlement
    Gerry Brownlee has urgent and serious questions to answer in the wake of today’s landmark EQC settlement, which potentially has major implications for thousands of Cantabrians, says Labour’s Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods. ...
    3 days ago
  • Mossack Fonseca links to OIO approvals must be investigated
    The Minister for Land Information must investigate and disclose how many applications to the Overseas Investment Office (OIO) have links to Mossack Fonseca, says Labour’s Land Information spokesperson David Cunliffe. “Labour can now reveal the OIO approved an application from… ...
    3 days ago
  • Mossack Fonseca links to OIO approvals must be investigated
    The Minister for Land Information must investigate and disclose how many applications to the Overseas Investment Office (OIO) have links to Mossack Fonseca, says Labour’s Land Information spokesperson David Cunliffe. “Labour can now reveal the OIO approved an application from… ...
    3 days ago
  • Govt complacency leaves RB no room to cut
    The Government has put the economy in a holding pattern, leaving the Reserve Bank Governor with little room to manoeuvre as he tries to balance a rampant housing market with non-existent inflation, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler… ...
    3 days ago
  • Govt complacency leaves RB no room to cut
    The Government has put the economy in a holding pattern, leaving the Reserve Bank Governor with little room to manoeuvre as he tries to balance a rampant housing market with non-existent inflation, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler… ...
    3 days ago
  • Dam not out of doldrums yet
    Ruataniwha Dam promoters Hawke’s Bay Regional Investment Company (HBRIC) still has hurdles to clear and a lot of work to do before ratepayers and taxpayers will have confidence in the scheme, says Labour’s MP for Ikaroa-Rāwhiti Meka Whaitiri.“We need sustainable… ...
    3 days ago
  • New study shows Smith’s insulation fails Kiwi kids
    A new Otago University study shows Nick Smith’s inadequate insulation standards will see hundreds of children unnecessarily hospitalised for housing-related illnesses every year, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. ...
    4 days ago
  • Government out of touch on foreign trusts
    John Key’s poor handling of the foreign trusts issue is starkly revealed in a poll today which shows the majority of Kiwis are worried about the country being a tax haven and almost half think the issue has been badly… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government out of touch on foreign trusts
    John Key’s poor handling of the foreign trusts issue is starkly revealed in a poll today which shows the majority of Kiwis are worried about the country being a tax haven and almost half think the issue has been badly… ...
    4 days ago
  • Biggest trade deficit for 7 years a warning for Govt
    The biggest trade deficit for seven years shows the Government can’t be so complacent about the economy and must take action to diversify and encourage exports, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The biggest driver has been the fall in… ...
    4 days ago
  • Biggest trade deficit for 7 years a warning for Govt
    The biggest trade deficit for seven years shows the Government can’t be so complacent about the economy and must take action to diversify and encourage exports, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The biggest driver has been the fall in… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government’s record on climate change under fire
      The Royal Society’s latest report on climate change has made it clear that it believes the Government’s current approach to climate change is inadequate, says Labour’s spokesperson on Climate Change Megan Woods.  “The report, ‘Transition to a low-carbon economy… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government’s record on climate change under fire
      The Royal Society’s latest report on climate change has made it clear that it believes the Government’s current approach to climate change is inadequate, says Labour’s spokesperson on Climate Change Megan Woods.  “The report, ‘Transition to a low-carbon economy… ...
    4 days ago
  • Mainfreight director agrees with Labour on rail funding
    Richard Prebble – in the past accused of ruining rail and now a director of Mainfreight – agrees with Labour that secure funding for KiwiRail is the best way to minimise congestion in our major cities, says Labour’s SOEs spokesperson… ...
    4 days ago
  • Mainfreight director agrees with Labour on rail funding
    Richard Prebble – in the past accused of ruining rail and now a director of Mainfreight – agrees with Labour that secure funding for KiwiRail is the best way to minimise congestion in our major cities, says Labour’s SOEs spokesperson… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government to Reserve Bank – Rock or Hard Place?
    The Government’s complacency on the housing crisis and the economy has put the Reserve Bank Governor in a no-win position as he contemplates the OCR tomorrow, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler is stuck between a rock and… ...
    4 days ago
  • Government to Reserve Bank – Rock or Hard Place?
    The Government’s complacency on the housing crisis and the economy has put the Reserve Bank Governor in a no-win position as he contemplates the OCR tomorrow, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Graeme Wheeler is stuck between a rock and… ...
    4 days ago
  • John Key’s land tax could push up rents
    A land tax proposed by John Key as the answer to the housing crisis could push up rents and risks having no effect on skyrocketing prices, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “The Government needs to explain why the thousands… ...
    5 days ago
  • Government should ban foreign speculators
    The Prime Minister’s musings about a land tax on non-resident buyers is just more tinkering, and the Government should just ban foreign speculators as the Australian Government has done, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “This is classic John Key.… ...
    5 days ago
  • Government must protect Pharmac as promised
    John Key must tell New Zealanders that he will not bow to pressure from wealthy drug companies or their US negotiators and put Kiwi lives at risk, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King says.   “News reports today have the drug… ...
    5 days ago
  • Action not words, needed on housing speculation
    John Key should be taking action to crack down on speculation in our overheated housing market, instead of random musings on land tax, Labour Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford said.  "John Key suggested today on TVNZ's Q and A programme that… ...
    1 week ago
  • Tertiary education cost rising 7x faster than inflation
    New figures show the cost of tertiary education is rising seven times faster than inflation, putting post-school education out of the reach of many, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says.  “Figures release this week show how much more students or their… ...
    1 week ago
  • Buying Lotto is not an arts funding strategy
    The Government must rethink the way the arts are funded after falling Lotto sales has left the sector with declining resources and increasingly vulnerable, Labour’s Arts, Culture and Heritage spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says.  “Our arts sector is in a sorry… ...
    1 week ago
  • Parents hit in pocket by Government under-funding
    Parents and families are left forking out more and more for their kids’ education as a direct result of Government under-funding, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says.  “The latest data shows that the cost to families of primary and secondary… ...
    1 week ago
  • Scientists ‘gasping for oxygen’ under National
     Steven Joyce's claims to be creating a science and innovation hub in New Zealand are a sham based on PR fluff, says Labour's Science and Innovation Spokesperson David Cunliffe.  “A damning critique of the science funding model by the New… ...
    1 week ago
  • Scientists ‘gasping for oxygen’ under National
     Steven Joyce's claims to be creating a science and innovation hub in New Zealand are a sham based on PR fluff, says Labour's Science and Innovation Spokesperson David Cunliffe.  “A damning critique of the science funding model by the New… ...
    1 week ago
  • Water for grass
    Last Saturday, my colleague Eugenie Sage took me for a drive across the Canterbury Plains. I had seen from the air the landuse changes across the plains in recent times; a patchwork of crops and stock raising has been transformed… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    1 week ago
  • Water for grass
    Last Saturday, my colleague Eugenie Sage took me for a drive across the Canterbury Plains. I had seen from the air the landuse changes across the plains in recent times; a patchwork of crops and stock raising has been transformed… ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    1 week ago
  • Thousands of invalid votes likely after National refuses to change rules
    National’s refusal to make it easier to enrol and vote could result in tens of thousands of votes continuing to be ruled invalid at general elections, Labour’s Justice spokesperson Jacinda Ardern says. The Justice and Electoral select committee today released… ...
    1 week ago
  • Social Development stats don’t add up
    Today’s figures released by the Ministry of Social Development show that despite a drop in the number of beneficiaries, fewer people are going into paid employment or study, says Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni. ...
    1 week ago
  • Fonterra sticks with high pollution goal of increasing milk supply
    This week’s reported comments by Fonterra chair John Wilson that dairy “volumes were only going to keep increasing”  are troubling. Mr Wilson was supporting a potential renegotiation of the New Zealand-China Free Trade Agreement (FTA). Under the FTA dairy products such… ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage
    1 week ago
  • Coleman’s ‘efficiencies’ strangling health
    New Zealand’s district health boards have made ‘efficiencies’ of more than $672 million over the past five years at the expense of everything from new drugs to elective surgery, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.  “This is a body blow for… ...
    1 week ago

Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere