web analytics

Pagani to lead Labour to victory!

Written By: - Date published: 1:20 pm, November 14th, 2012 - 20 comments
Categories: humour, political alternatives, Satire - Tags: ,

In a bold and exciting move Labour MP David Shearer stood down at today’s Labour conference and handed the reins to mild mannered media commentator Josie Pagani. Shearer said it became clear he had too much parliamentary experience for the role and the public was calling for someone ‘less like a politician’ than he was. ‘I accept now that my slick media interviews, passionate leftwing appeals and extensive knowledge of parliamentary process was not what the public was after. Hence we have supported Josie to take on the leadership role from outside of parliament.’

Audrey Young was said to be thrilled that the part she played in laying the groundwork for Josie’s ascent was so successful. ‘I just knew when I saw Josie in the pages of Truth that she was the person Labour needed to lead them to victory in 2014. David Farrar thinks so too. I’m just so glad her lovely husband organised that interview for me so I could help her explain all those misunderstandings about bludgers and stuff.’ Young could be seen giving Josie the thumbs up as Josie rode her horse up to the podium for her acceptance speech.

When John Key was approached for comment on the leadership change he was almost too excited about Pagani’s celebrity connections to speak ‘Sam Neil?’ he questioned ‘Jeremy Irons? Squeeeeee!!!’ Key was rumoured to be negotiating for the National government to step aside early in exchange for a meeting with Neil and Irons.

Pagani was looking forward to getting down to business in her new role and had already set the wheels in motion for John Tamihere to join her after the next election. ‘We need to be representative of real New Zealanders and Tamihere is a vital part of that. I look forward to welcoming him as my deputy leader in the near future.’ Tamihere was also pleased to have an ally in the new leader although he did mutter ‘give her a limp, fish breath and a gay red shirt and she’ll be perfect’.

The rabid left wing blog, known for being full of vacant angry ex Labour members, The Standard, could not be reached for comment.

A future horror as inspired by audrey young

=======================

lprent: For a different take, Try Dim-Post with “Audrey Young trolls the left-wing blogosphere

Why do so many see Josie Pagani as New Zealand’s answer to a ‘Fox News Democrat’? (ie, someone who provides the illusion of balance by advocating for a left-wing party, but is incapable of making a robust argument or articulating left wing values?). You can’t go past the impressive triple negative opening line of her debut opinion column in Cameron Slater’s Truth:

People who say there’s no such thing as unaffordable housing are out of touch

Now how could anyone not on the left not fail to struggle to not disagree with that?

Ouch…. Read both statements closely and parse out their meaning. If I wrote code like that I’d have to spend all of my time translating boolean illogics. It seems like she needs a better class of editor.

20 comments on “Pagani to lead Labour to victory!”

  1. tracey 1

    chuckle

  2. Tom Gould 2

    Hell has no fury like a lefty scorned. Get over yourselves.

    • PlanetOrphan 2.1

      Yeah U Guest Poster U
      What r they meant to get over Tommy Boy!

    • prism 2.2

      Tom G
      Good one. Keep blogging like this. It makes us feel superior even when our writing reads like chicken scratchings.

      This Josie P item is very amusing. Ground-breaking stuff. And organised so quietly and quickly. What’s she got on Shearer? Do tell.

    • PlanetOrphan 2.3

      “Hell has no fury like a lefty scorned”

      Where did you plagarise that from Tommy Boy! …..
      Sounds like you’ve never even been to HELL M8!

    • Tim G 2.4

      Maybe you’re right Tom, but those lefties (with online/blogging presence) should not have been scorned by their party in the first place.

  3. burt 3

    Shearer said it became clear he had too much parliamentary experience for the role and the public was calling for someone ‘less like a politician’ than he was.

    That’s the real funny bit ! …..

  4. It is hardly surprising that the NZ Herald is getting in the left-wing attack mode, it isn’t even New Zealand owned, just like most of the other papers it is part of a foreign owned news monopoly ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/APN_News_%26_Media#New_Zealand_publishing ):
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairfax_Media
    ‘The group’s largest shareholder, with a stake of approximately 14.9% is Gina Rinehart, the world’s wealthiest woman. In mid 2012 it was reported that Rinehart had appointed Bell Potter Brokerage to increase her total share to 19.99 percent, the maximum allowed before a takeover offer must be made.[5] However due to provisions in the Fairfax Media insurance policy denying cover for directors holding an ownership interest of greater than 15%, Ms Rinehart was forced to sell down to 14.99%.[6]” *cough* Need another reason to toss the Dominion Post in the recycling? 😉

  5. millsy 5

    As I said from the housing thread (raise your hand if you think MW is a cow..)

    The Standard should invite Josie Pagani on to guest post about what her vision of social democracy/socialism is, and what policies she would implement if she became PM? (And if she would oppose homosexuality like her mate JT).

    What changes would she make to the welfare system?
    Does she support the building of more state housing?
    Does she support privatisation and contracting out?
    What changes will she make to our health and education system?

    So far I have heard meaningless Blairite rhetoric from her but nothing about actually policies she supports (whining “I support free education and healthcare” doesnt cut it darling).

    Come on Pagani? What do you stand for?

    What would **YOU** do?

  6. Rogue Trooper 6

    I thought the description of Josie Pagani that was in the MSM did her no favours at all; all those literary and arty types are often quite out of touch with the realities of the “aspirants” who frequently idolise their “successes”.

  7. Stuart Nash 7

    Josie Pagani: someone who knows what she stands for and is not afraid to articulate ideas while criticising the government, defends social democracy and pragmatic policies and her staunch belief in a better way, is articulate and intelligent – a thinker. Ferments debate. Offers alternative solutions – and all the while using her own name and not hiding behind a pseudonym. Imagine.

    • just saying 7.1

      Josie Pagani, a woman who, for personal gain, and from a position of relative power and privilege viciously attacks people who have neither, and then claims victim status for herself when people respond (with remarkable temperance under the circumstances), while completely avoiding ever answering the substance of opposing views, and denying the reality of the suffering hate speech causes to those whose daily reality she can’t even begin to know. And all the while hiding behind the security settings of her pampered lifestyle, and the patronage of the rich and powerful tories she claims to oppose. Imagine.

      And Stuart if you had any idea of the realities of genuine dissent, or life for those at the bottom of the heap, you’d know that being able to use your real name is a privilege not everyone is able to enjoy.
      Like tobacco, unacknowleged privilege causes blindness.

    • fatty 7.2

      “Offers alternative solutions – and all the while using her own name and not hiding behind a pseudonym. Imagine.”

      If she used a pseudonym, her ideas would be just as useless. I think rather than fermenting debate, thirdway ideology has shut down debate, well it has for a decade, but now resistance is growing towards it. The left is disillusioned by it, and too many people are suffering. It didn’t seem so bad when Aunty Helen was in charge and the economy was humming, but its proved to be little more than neoliberalism.
      Pagani can spout on about her failed ideology for all I care, but when she gets represented as the voice of the left, she must expect to get hammered for it. Admittedly, she may not present herself as the voice of the left, but the left have only one way of distancing themselves from her…that is to attack her.
      As long as she keeps whistling at dogs, she will be attacked, that is the reality. Having third way promoters is fine by me, I expect people with a silver spoon in their mouth to grit their teeth at all costs, even in the face of facts and logic.
      Good luck to her…the fact she is surprised that she is despised just shows how blinded she is by her ideology.
      Wake me up when the left get a voice.

    • rosy 7.3

      So someone who works within a political and journalist milieu, gets paid for it and has an inner circle supportive of it uses her own name to do her job. Well done! impressive self-promotion there.

      Offers alternative solutions? All the while I’m noticing her ‘alternative solutions’ are not being criticised by those she apparently opposes. Which suggests they are not alternatives. At best they are different ways of producing the same outcome.

    • the sprout 7.4

      “Ferments [sic] debate. Offers alternative solutions”

      lol Stuart.
      I think the word you’re looking for is ‘foment’ – unless you mean she turns debates to vinegar – which is I suppose a fairly accurate, reality-based description and therefore not what you meant to say.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Lack of any real funding in predator free proposal
    Predator Free New Zealand is a laudable idea but the Government has not committed any real money into killing New Zealand’s pests, says Labour’s Conservation spokesperson Nanaia Mahuta.  “The $28 million earmarked for this project is just to set up ...
    5 hours ago
  • Andrew Little Speech to LGNZ Conference
    Thank you for having me here today. Local Government New Zealand’s work of advocating for New Zealand’s 78 local councils is critical as we upgrade New Zealand’s economy, and make sure it’s delivering for all our people. Whether in Auckland, ...
    5 hours ago
  • John Key must sack out-of-depth Trade Minister
    The Prime Minister must sack Todd McClay for failing to do his job as Trade Minister and be on top of a significant potential threat to some of our biggest exporters, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says. “Todd McClay is clearly ...
    6 hours ago
  • 45,000 Kiwis sent back to their GPs
    Last year nearly 45,000 Kiwis were sent back to their GPs without getting to see specialists they were referred to, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King. “This is a shocking figure and underlines how far the cut of $1.7 billion ...
    10 hours ago
  • Half a million smells like pure cronyism
    The National/ACT Government’s decision to pump hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars into a new lobby group to advocate for charter schools shows just how much of a failure their ideological experiment has become, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. ...
    10 hours ago
  • Select committee changes Kermadec/Rangitāhua Ocean Sanctuary Bill
    Photo by Tom Hitchon Parliament’s Local Government and Environment Committee has made many changes to the Kermadec/Rangitāhua Ocean Sanctuary Bill in response to public submissions, particularly submissions from iwi authorities and Te Ohu Kaimoana.   Read the amended Bill and the ...
    GreensBy Eugenie Sage
    2 days ago
  • Housing map a hit as crisis spreads across NZ
    More than 55,000 New Zealanders have used Labour’s interactive housing map in its first week to see how the housing crisis is affecting their local community, Labour Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “Our innovative map shows the housing crisis is ...
    3 days ago
  • Bridges must come clean about fraud within transport
    Hundreds of thousands of dollars of public money have gone missing and  the Minister of Transport, Simon Bridges must come clean after the Labour party revealed that a senior manager is being investigated for serious fraud, says Labour’s Transport Spokesperson ...
    4 days ago
  • Labour supports Spencer victory
    Labour congratulates Margaret Spencer for her tireless efforts in challenging the Government over family carer rights, says Labour’s Deputy Leader Annette King. ...
    4 days ago
  • US Warship visit welcomed by Labour
    Labour sees the United States warship visit as a red letter day for New Zealand’s non-nuclear status, which is core to our identity and has defined us a nation for 30 years, says Labour’s Deputy Leader Annette King. ...
    4 days ago
  • Time for honest dairy sector conversation
    ...
    4 days ago
  • What next? Dog kennels?
    Social Housing Minister Paula Bennett needs to explain why the Government thinks it is acceptable for it to refer families to live in garages and sheds, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “This is a new low, just when you ...
    4 days ago
  • Banks bust a move, Government possum in the headlights
    Three of the big four banks have acted responsibly by bringing the shutters down on property speculators earlier than required by the Reserve Bank, says Labour’s housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “It’s a shame the Government isn’t as motivated to act ...
    4 days ago
  • Latest OECD dairy forecast raises serious questions for economy
    The latest global dairy price forecast shows that New Zealand dairy farmers will not reach a break-even payout before 2019 at the earliest, and will not reach the dairy price factored into this year’s Budget until after 2025, Labour’s Finance spokesperson ...
    4 days ago
  • National’s reckless, out of touch approach to economy exposed
    Today’s economic assessment from the Reserve Bank highlights the danger to the New Zealand economy from a National government that is recklessly complacent in the face of a housing crisis and a struggling export sector, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. ...
    4 days ago
  • GP’s visits get more expensive
      Visiting the GP is set to become more expensive after the Government ignored warnings that people were not receiving access to affordable  healthcare, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.  “Over 400,000 New Zealanders who should be able to access ...
    6 days ago
  • Farm prices bear brunt of dairy downturn
    The slump in dairy prices that has seen farm prices drop to their lowest level since 2012 and down a third from their peak in 2014 will be of concern to farmers, banks and our overall financial stability, Labour’s Finance ...
    6 days ago
  • Reserve Bank “gets on with it”, National carries on in denial
    The proposal by the Reserve Bank to tighten loan to value ratios for investors shows they are prepared to do their bit to crack down on speculators, while National is still stuck in denial mode, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. ...
    6 days ago
  • Housing crisis holds up interest rate cuts
    The housing crisis that National still wants to deny is stifling the New Zealand economy, says Labour’s Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The latest Consumers Price Index shows that all prices excluding housing and household utilities decreased 0.5 per cent – ...
    1 week ago
  • Housing crisis holds up interest rate cuts
    The housing crisis that National still wants to deny is stifling the New Zealand economy, says Labour’s Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The latest Consumers Price Index shows that all prices excluding housing and household utilities decreased 0.5 per cent – ...
    1 week ago
  • Govt’s state house sell-off ramping up
    Government plans to ramp up the state house sell-off by selling another 1000 houses in 2016/17 will mean more families in need missing out, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. “New figures show the Government plans to sell 1000 ...
    1 week ago
  • Govt’s state house sell-off ramping up
    Government plans to ramp up the state house sell-off by selling another 1000 houses in 2016/17 will mean more families in need missing out, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. “New figures show the Government plans to sell 1000 ...
    1 week ago
  • National must reassure exporters on dumping case
        The National Government needs to show our key exporters that they are in control of any anti-dumping case against China before it damages some of our most important industries, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says.     ...
    1 week ago
  • National must reassure exporters on dumping case
        The National Government needs to show our key exporters that they are in control of any anti-dumping case against China before it damages some of our most important industries, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says.     ...
    1 week ago
  • Papers describe litany of incredulity
    Treasury documents which slate the Government’s plans for a national bowel screening programme confirm the proposal was nothing more than a political stunt to cover up underfunding of the health sector, Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette Kings says.  The papers were ...
    1 week ago
  • Effect of rampant house prices widens
    The latest house price figures from REINZ show the housing crisis expanding throughout the country, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. “We are seeing steep increases in median house prices in Central Otago Lakes – up 42.4% in the last ...
    1 week ago
  • Public invited to have say on homelessness
    People who are homeless, those who were once homeless, those working with the homeless and concerned New Zealanders are being asked to share their experiences and solutions to this growing issue with the Cross-Party Homelessness Inquiry. This inquiry was launched ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Sorry seems to be the hardest word
    An apology from Hekia Parata to the people of Christchurch is long overdue, Labour's Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. "As if the earthquakes weren't traumatic enough, Hekia Parata and the Ministry of Education then attacked the one thing that had ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Housing crisis affecting more than 98 per cent of NZ
    Labour’s new housing map shows the housing crisis is now affecting more than 98 per cent of New Zealand, Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little says. “Housing pressures have seen house prices rise faster than wages in all but four ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Uber might not be a taxi firm but it must pay tax
    Uber needs to explain how it paid only $9000 in tax when it earned $1m in revenue and is one of the fastest growing companies in the country, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Uber New Zealand appears to be ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Tax changes should have been made 3 years ago
    National could have avoided the international stain on our reputation from the Panama Papers if it had let IRD’s planned review of foreign trusts go ahead three years ago, instead of now belatedly acting because of the Shewan recommendations, says ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Government must stop state house sell-off
    The Government must immediately pull the plug on its planned sell-off of state houses in order to stop the housing crisis getting any worse, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “While Paula Bennett is putting people into transit camps in ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Thoughts on Labour’s new housing policies
    The Labour Party launched its package of ideas to fix the housing crisis over the weekend. Their ideas match ours in many ways. This is good news, because it means that when we change the government we’ll be ready to ...
    GreensBy James Shaw
    2 weeks ago
  • Thoughts on Labour’s new housing policies
    The Labour Party launched its package of ideas to fix the housing crisis over the weekend. Their ideas match ours in many ways. This is good news, because it means that when we change the government we’ll be ready to ...
    GreensBy James Shaw
    2 weeks ago
  • Thoughts on Labour’s new housing policies
    The Labour Party launched its package of ideas to fix the housing crisis over the weekend. Their ideas match ours in many ways. This is good news, because it means that when we change the government we’ll be ready to ...
    GreensBy James Shaw
    2 weeks ago
  • Housing crisis drives household debt to record levels
    The Finance Minister must be woken from his slumber by Westpac’s report today that says house prices have largely driven household debt to record levels and are rising at a pace faster than other developed economies, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson ...
    2 weeks ago
  • English denies dividend decision made – Joyce should delete his account
    National must explain who is right in the Housing NZ dividend debacle, after Bill English said no decision had been made on a payment for the next two years, in direct contrast to Steven Joyce, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Pressure forces Govt to make policy on the hoof
    Steven Joyce’s surprise announcement that Housing NZ will no longer be used as a cash cow has forced the Finance Minister to make one of National’s biggest ever U-turns, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. “After years of insisting the ...
    2 weeks ago
  • 10-fold more affordable houses under Labour
    New data showing homeownership rates continue to fall and more Kiwis than ever rent, highlights why Labour’s plan to build 10 times more affordable housing in Auckland is so desperately needed, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “Labour’s Affordable Housing ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Out of excuses, Brownlee resorts to scare tactics
    Gerry Brownlee’s ridiculous suggestion that Labour would nationalise Christchurch’s east frame shows National has resorted to scare tactics to hide its failure to build desperately needed affordable houses in our city, Labour's Canterbury spokesperson Megan Woods says. “Plans put in ...
    2 weeks ago
  • National all at sea in face of Labour’s housing plan
    Labour’s comprehensive plan to fix the housing crisis has left National Ministers flailing about, contradicting themselves and simply making things up, Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson says. “Steven Joyce has said in one breath that Labour’s plan represents a minor tweak ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour’s comprehensive plan to tackle housing crisis
    The next Labour Government has a comprehensive plan to tackle the housing crisis by building affordable houses and cracking down on speculators, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. “The housing crisis is out of control and National has proven ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Housing NZ to look after people, not profits
    Labour will change Housing NZ from a corporation to a public service and use the dividends it formerly paid into the Crown coffers to maintain and build more state houses, Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little says. “Housing NZ should ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Government breaks rent subsidies promise
    National has broken a promise to subsidise the rent of 3000 low-income New Zealanders to make up for its state house sell-off, Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford says. “When John Key announced last year the Government would sell-off 8000 state ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Banks the latest to voice concerns over housing
    The Reserve Bank has revealed banks are becoming “more and more concerned” about the effects of the housing crisis, adding yet another weighty voice to the calls for action from the Government, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “The Reserve ...
    2 weeks ago
  • New official figures show DHB’s financial strife
    New figures from the Ministry of Health show 12 out of 20 district health boards have not been fully funded this year to cope with the aging population, says Labour’s Health spokesperson Annette King.“The Ministry’s own figures to the Health ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Reserve Bank pleas for action from Government
    The Reserve Bank has stopped asking and is now pleading with the Government to take urgent action on the housing crisis, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Deputy Governor Grant Spencer is clearly deeply concerned about the housing crisis. The ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Labour to house 5100 more homeless a year
    There would be 1400 new emergency accommodation places – enough to put a roof over the heads of 5100 homeless people a year – under Labour’s emergency housing policy announced today, Opposition Leader Andrew Little says. “Too many of our ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Chilcot Report shows Labour was right on Iraq
    The Chilcot Report released today shows John Key was wrong to call New Zealand “MIA” over the 2003 war in Iraq and Labour made the right decision not to send troops, Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little says. “At the ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Bigger class sizes on the way under National
    Hekia Parata’s refusal to rule out bigger class sizes as a result of her new bulk funding regime speaks volumes about the real agenda behind her proposed changes, Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins says. “Hekia Parata has proposed that schools ...
    3 weeks ago

Public service advertisements by The Standard

Current CO2 level in the atmosphere