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Taxpayers Union attacks Prince George

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, March 5th, 2014 - 15 comments
Categories: act, john key, Satire - Tags: , ,

Prince GeorgeBy Susan Nact and Tracy Whatshite

The Taxpayers Union has hit out at Prince George for wasting tax payers money by accompanying his parents, The Prince and Princess of Cambridge on their Royal Visit to New Zealand. Spokesman for the TPU, Jordan Williams lashed out at the Prince saying “We expect that he will cost the New Zealand tax payer approximately $550 in nappies, baby food and sundry expenses while he is here; although since he is an infant, we understand he will not have to pay airfares. Even so, we are astounded at this blatant misuse of taxpayers money ”.

George will be based at Government House during the nine day Royal visit. He will be attending just one function, a Plunket event with other babies around his age at Government House.

” I think you would be able to count on one hand the number of babies attending that Plunket function”, said Williams, quick to add that he wasn’t criticizing George for being a baby.

“He will also be accommodated at the taxpayers expense at Government House doing very little. Apparently, there won’t even be a Buzzy Bee photo opportunity as there was when Prince William was his age,” said a riled up Williams.

“If babies want to lie around all day and not actively engage in any form of employment, then they can expect the Taxpayers Union to bring this to the attention of the tax paying public.” Williams said. “After all, there are work opportunities for George while he is in New Zealand. He could attend a number of functions with his parents and have publicity shots taken with John Key for the election, if he really wanted to work”.

Jamie Whyte, the new leader of ACT, waded in (over his head) to the debate and said “George’s visit is being paid by the taxpayer, but it is light on duties.  It’s time George learnt to stand on his own two feet instead of relying on the taxpayers of New Zealand, England and his parents to provide for him. On behalf of Act and all Right thinking members of the tax paying public, we are utterly sick to death of this Nanny State, where we are always expected to pick up the tab for bludgers.”

We sought comment on this issue from the ACT candidate for Epsom, but we couldn’t remember who he was because Jamie Whyte seems to have completely overshadowed him. We thought it was possible that it was Paul Goldsmith.

We were however, able to make contact with John Key who agreed to speak to Tracy Whatshite. Key was quick to defend George, saying,“Given George is a member of the top 1%,  I am comfortable that we can afford his visit”.

When challenged by Whatshite that in total the Royal visit would cost one million dollars, Key said he was comfortable he would get his moneys worth from the visit.

15 comments on “Taxpayers Union attacks Prince George”

  1. Populuxe1 1

    Well now I want to see anti-Royalists implode as they try to get their heads around being in agreement with the Taxpayer’s Union.
    get’s popcorn

    • Lanthanide 1.1

      You do know this is satire, right?

      I really can’t tell.

      • Populuxe1 1.1.1

        Yes, sigh, I can tell the difference. I’m not Colin Craig.
        I was hoping to set up a joke about Oliver Cromwell, but you spoiled it.

        • Tracey


          • Tim

            “I’m not Colin Craig.”
            …. at least in name. Self-righteousness, and certain other obvious characteristics relating to C.C’s preoccupation not withstanding.
            The two of you would probably get on like a house on fire if you could both get over yourselves.

            • Populuxe1

              Given that I support mostly socially liberal causes, I doubt it somehow.

              • Tim

                CC would profess to do likewise (as long as it didn’t offend His various prejudices).
                When you give up on the North Shore, Oi’ve an ideal candidate that claims progressive creds in the Easten subs of Wgtn ( just as soon as he retires ). You’ll probably be able to go dutch on an NZSO sub sometime in the very near, ‘Cos sure as shit your idols won’t be strumming up anytime soon – unless of course it can be constructed by way of some sort of philanthropic endeavour (whereby youre NAMED as a benefactor of course)!
                BTW …. I’ve a load of cheap collagen I want to offload. I was watching OZ parliament, and was thinking that ‘thing’ seated behind Tarn Yabbit might be a target -except Coles Cranes might be put out of bizzniss (let alone the QANTAS issues).
                Got any suggesjinz?

                • Tim

                  Never mind … I’ll go to Bronny direct (nothing like the horse’s mouth)
                  Make sure you go to dad tho’ before you reply (and I’ll be sure to go to ‘mumsy’)

  2. aerobubble 3

    Three strikes is a huge cost on taxpayers, but not a word out of the taxpayers union about ACT policy and extension of the policy.

    • Richard McGrath 3.1

      Good point, but there would be some savings in the social costs of criminal activity that may exceed the cost of keeping the crims alive, once the recidivist offenders are locked away.

  3. Tracey 4

    Joking aside, surely the full cost of the visit is known prior to the visit? This would be especially so given how choreographed it has to be? So, estimates of 1m dollars ought to be close tot he mark?

    No comment from Jamie cousinsuncle about the tenancy of royalty to marry each other to cousins??

    • Hayden 4.1

      I, for one, am delighted at the opportunity for the taxpayer to pay for John Key’s 9-day photo-op, whatever the cost.

  4. Rosie 5

    Lolz galore Nact N’ Whatshite

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