John Key – The Gambler

Written By: - Date published: 12:30 pm, April 14th, 2008 - 19 comments
Categories: humour - Tags:

A reader’s just sent us the lyrics to the song sung at Labour Party social and again at the conference as reported in The Herald today.

We understand they were penned by Grant Robertson, Labour candidate for Wellington Central. To the tune of “The Gambler“:

John Key – The Gambler

On a warm summer’s evening in a party going nowhere
Bill met Key the Gambler; slippery and sleek
When Bill saw that Don’s wanderin’ days were over
he and John got together, and put the Doc to sleep

Key said, Bill I’ve made a life out of gambling people’s money
not caring where it came from, or who would lose their job
so if you make me leader, I promise to be funny
and I’ll be ready every day, to flip and flop

Chorus

You’ve got to know not to trust him (not to trust him), not to believe him (don’t believe him)
know what he tells you, won’t be the truth
we can’t let him run the country, cos he’s just not able
you need more than a cheesy smile, to rule the roost

Now little John boy knows the secret to surviving
Is not telling anyone, what he really thinks
So he’ll just say whatever, Murray’s written for him
But when you’re swallowing dead rats – you begin to stink
and, sitting in the darkness, of his Parnell mansion
John asks the question, can I get away with it?
Cos if you’ve not no policy, and if you’ve got no vision
People soon enough work out – that  you’re full of ….

You’ve got to know not to trust him (not to trust him), not to believe him (don’t believe him)
know what he tells you,  won’t be the truth
we can’t let him run the country cos he’s just not able
you need more than a cheesy smile, to rule the roost.

(repeat chorus) 

19 comments on “John Key – The Gambler ”

  1. mike 1

    Very mature stuff, imagine the uproar from the left if Dear Helen was the subject of a childish jingle.
    Just shows how desperate Labour has become…

  2. Yes Mike – desperate. And I’m sure the latest polls will really upset them. http://kiwiblogblog.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/roy-morgan-poll-2/

  3. Felix 3

    Of course those on the right don’t tend to pen “childish jingles” about Helen, they’re busy cut and pasting “adult images” of her instead.

  4. insider 4

    Bit of a differnece when it is cabinet ministers and candidates doing it though…

  5. insider 5

    PS wonder if they got copyright clearance on the use of the tune…?

  6. Matthew Pilott 6

    PS wonder if they got copyright clearance on the use of the tune ?

    Last I heard, you don’t need copyright to use a tune in your head 🙂

    That aside, I thought this was a bit unfortunate, given the propensity of our media to present ‘infotainment’ to us. This song took up about 40% of the coverage of the Congress yesterday – truly pathetic!

  7. higherstandard 7

    RS

    This link to the Morgan poll is a little less biased.

    http://www.roymorgan.com/news/polls/2008/4285/

  8. insider 8

    Matthew

    I heard they sung it on stage. Hooten said the camera then panned to HC who was looking pained…

  9. Matthew Pilott 9

    Insider – I was also (pained), when I heard in on the telly. However, there wasn’t any backing audio.

  10. higherstandard 10

    Insider , MP

    If this is the cak we have to put up with now you can only expect the electioneering to get even more vacuous as we run up to the election although one wonders how it could get much worse.

  11. Matthew Pilott 11

    Well HS, it was their congress, and not electioneering per se…

  12. Monty 12

    That coven were quite simply embaressing. According to Liala Harre (on National Radio) Clark was far from impressed. While we all acknowledge that most the remaining left voters suffer from KDS, it now appears fatal and death will be in about six months.

    People have been taking the piss out of this all day and it seems this cheap nasty stunt has back-fired. On top of that we have the scandal of Mike Williams telling delegates to use brochures of Government departments as electioneering material and the protesters.

    Seems like the very thin veneer that Labour was relying upon has already worn off.

  13. Pablo 13

    They seem to have forgotten the maxim that something that sounds hilarious when you’re rat arsed is actually the opposite when you are sober. If HC looked pained, I’d have to agree with her. Embarrassing isn’t the half of it.

  14. mike 14

    “Yes Mike – desperate. And I’m sure the latest polls will really upset them”
    Thanks Sod, if its race we are in the lead. The thin red line is looking a bit sad today. Just keep Mike W talking and chicks singing thanks.

  15. AncientGeek 15

    As Matthew pointed out, it was a labour party congress. These happen in an election year and are primarily to make sure the labour activists and organisers are geared up to run the campaign at grassroots level. A secondary level is to make sure the candidates know their do’es and don’ts.

    Of course the mainstream media will cover themselves in glory (choke) and only bother to show the most trivial bits. Even where they actually run a serious story, for instance, Audrey Young’s story on the front page of the herald this morning “Labour’s plan to sidestep ads law”. It is a pile of crap.

    Plan – what bloody plan? It was raised as a suggestion during the conference because there is a shortage of correctly labeled material. Hey, it has only been 3-4 months since the EFA was passed – much of that over the summer vacation period. Virtually no party has reasonable amounts of correctly labeled material done yet.

    This is typical granny herald editorial. Full of absolute bullshit spun to get a headline. You actually get to the interesting bits with some meat in it at the END of the article. Then you find out there is no plan.

    Audrey wrote a reasonable blog on it here later in the day. This is what should have been on the herald front page. It is a good bit of writing and actually addressed the issue, unlike the pile of crap that was on the front page of the Herald.

    The coverage I’ve seen after I got out of the conference all seemed to be like that. Sensationalist crap that had little realtionship to what was going on at the conference.

    Anyone got other links to stuff that is a bit more thoughtful?

  16. randal 16

    better than watching the tories shagging a goat…errr gagging a goat…errrrr bagging a goat…errrr baaaaaaaaa

    [lprent: I suppose that is meant to be funny? I’m not laughing.]

  17. Occasional Observer 17

    AncientGeek seems quite comfortable with Labour Party volunteers distributing publicly-funded public service material, conveniently with the excuse “because we haven’t got our own material printed yet”.

    Do you think any opposition party has the option of using publicly funded material? No.

    In an environment where the Government is spending $100 million on government publicity, and in an environment where there have been major scandals around the neutrality of government publicity officers, and where Madeleine Setchell was fired because a Minister felt she wouldn’t be kind enough to Labour–it is an outright disgrace that Labour’s President should be encouraging Labour volunteers to use publicly funded public service material.

    AncientGeek seems to conveniently forget that Labour wrote the Electoral Finance Act, unilaterally. Labour refused to heed official advice on the consequences of the legislation, and ignored calls from the Law Society and the Human Rights Commission, among many other groups, for it to be scrapped. Labour ignored calls that the legislation was confusing, and ignored calls that various parts of it needed further clarification. Labour ignored statements from the Electoral Commission that they did not understand the law, and would not be able to advise on big chunks of it, and that the Court would have to resolve it. Instead, Annette King proudly proclaimed that the law was clear, and the “law of common sense” would apply.

    So let’s see. Here we have Labour activists complaining that the law THEY WROTE restricts them from campaigning, and the magical solution is to use public service material.

  18. AncientGeek 18

    Oo: you are a total idiot. Filing in an old post – I only saw it because I was looking for an old comment of mine to link to.

    You seem to be able to ignore anything that anyone says to you as being a lie because your chronic myopia makes you always right. It is a tendency I’ve observed in you before.

    What I said was that there was no plan. It wasn’t a deep dark secret plan to subvert the EFA. It was a suggestion raised at congress during a discussion about the shortage of written material. After the weekend, people realised that it was

    Go and read my comment rather than putting your own spin on it. That takes care of the first paragraph. All of the rest of your comments appear to be simple unadulterated whinging of a loser. You didn’t even come up with a single suggestion about how the EFA could be improved. Not particularly productive and it just makes you look like a fool.

    At this point I think I’ll have to pre-file your comments under f**kwit unless I see some thought go into them.

Links to post

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Anzac Commemorative Address – NZ National Service, Chunuk Bair
    Distinguished guests -   It is an honour to return once again to this site which, as the resting place for so many of our war-dead, has become a sacred place for generations of New Zealanders.   Our presence here and at the other special spaces of Gallipoli is made ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 hour ago
  • Anzac Commemorative Address – Dawn Service, Gallipoli, Türkiye
    Mai ia tawhiti pamamao, te moana nui a Kiwa, kua tae whakaiti mai matou, ki to koutou papa whenua. No koutou te tapuwae, no matou te tapuwae, kua honoa pumautia.   Ko nga toa kua hinga nei, o te Waipounamu, o te Ika a Maui, he okioki tahi me o ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 hours ago
  • PM announces changes to portfolios
    Paul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • New catch limits for unique fishery areas
    Recreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Minister welcomes hydrogen milestone
    Energy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment Bill
    The coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Overseas decommissioning models considered
    Overseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Release of North Island Severe Weather Event Inquiry
    Emergency Management and Recovery Minister Mark Mitchell has today released the Report of the Government Inquiry into the response to the North Island Severe Weather Events. “The report shows that New Zealand’s emergency management system is not fit-for-purpose and there are some significant gaps we need to address,” Mr Mitchell ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Justice Minister to attend Human Rights Council
    Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith is today travelling to Europe where he’ll update the United Nations Human Rights Council on the Government’s work to restore law and order.  “Attending the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva provides us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Patterson reopens world’s largest wool scouring facility
    Associate Agriculture Minister, Mark Patterson, formally reopened the world’s largest wool processing facility today in Awatoto, Napier, following a $50 million rebuild and refurbishment project. “The reopening of this facility will significantly lift the economic opportunities available to New Zealand’s wool sector, which already accounts for 20 per cent of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Speech to the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective Summit, 18 April 2024
    Hon Andrew Bayly, Minister for Small Business and Manufacturing  At the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective (SOREC) Summit, 18 April, Dunedin    Ngā mihi nui, Ko Andrew Bayly aho, Ko Whanganui aho    Good Afternoon and thank you for inviting me to open your summit today.    I am delighted ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government to introduce revised Three Strikes law
    The Government is delivering on its commitment to bring back the Three Strikes legislation, Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee announced today. “Our Government is committed to restoring law and order and enforcing appropriate consequences on criminals. We are making it clear that repeat serious violent or sexual offending is not ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New diplomatic appointments
    Foreign Minister Winston Peters has today announced four new diplomatic appointments for New Zealand’s overseas missions.   “Our diplomats have a vital role in maintaining and protecting New Zealand’s interests around the world,” Mr Peters says.    “I am pleased to announce the appointment of these senior diplomats from the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Humanitarian support for Ethiopia and Somalia
    New Zealand is contributing NZ$7 million to support communities affected by severe food insecurity and other urgent humanitarian needs in Ethiopia and Somalia, Foreign Minister Rt Hon Winston Peters announced today.   “Over 21 million people are in need of humanitarian assistance across Ethiopia, with a further 6.9 million people ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Arts Minister congratulates Mataaho Collective
    Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Paul Goldsmith is congratulating Mataaho Collective for winning the Golden Lion for best participant in the main exhibition at the Venice Biennale. "Congratulations to the Mataaho Collective for winning one of the world's most prestigious art prizes at the Venice Biennale.  “It is good ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Supporting better financial outcomes for Kiwis
    The Government is reforming financial services to improve access to home loans and other lending, and strengthen customer protections, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly and Housing Minister Chris Bishop announced today. “Our coalition Government is committed to rebuilding the economy and making life simpler by cutting red tape. We are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Trade relationship with China remains strong
    “China remains a strong commercial opportunity for Kiwi exporters as Chinese businesses and consumers continue to value our high-quality safe produce,” Trade and Agriculture Minister Todd McClay says.   Mr McClay has returned to New Zealand following visits to Beijing, Harbin and Shanghai where he met ministers, governors and mayors and engaged in trade and agricultural events with the New ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • PM’s South East Asia mission does the business
    Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has completed a successful trip to Singapore, Thailand and the Philippines, deepening relationships and capitalising on opportunities. Mr Luxon was accompanied by a business delegation and says the choice of countries represents the priority the New Zealand Government places on South East Asia, and our relationships in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • $41m to support clean energy in South East Asia
    New Zealand is demonstrating its commitment to reducing global greenhouse emissions, and supporting clean energy transition in South East Asia, through a contribution of NZ$41 million (US$25 million) in climate finance to the Asian Development Bank (ADB)-led Energy Transition Mechanism (ETM). Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Climate Change Minister Simon Watts announced ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Minister releases Fast-track stakeholder list
    The Government is today releasing a list of organisations who received letters about the Fast-track applications process, says RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop. “Recently Ministers and agencies have received a series of OIA requests for a list of organisations to whom I wrote with information on applying to have a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Judicial appointments announced
    Attorney-General Judith Collins today announced the appointment of Wellington Barrister David Jonathan Boldt as a Judge of the High Court, and the Honourable Justice Matthew Palmer as a Judge of the Court of Appeal. Justice Boldt graduated with an LLB from Victoria University of Wellington in 1990, and also holds ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Education Minister heads to major teaching summit in Singapore
    Education Minister Erica Stanford will lead the New Zealand delegation at the 2024 International Summit on the Teaching Profession (ISTP) held in Singapore. The delegation includes representatives from the Post Primary Teachers’ Association (PPTA) Te Wehengarua and the New Zealand Educational Institute (NZEI) Te Riu Roa.  The summit is co-hosted ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Value of stopbank project proven during cyclone
    A stopbank upgrade project in Tairawhiti partly funded by the Government has increased flood resilience for around 7000ha of residential and horticultural land so far, Regional Development Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones today attended a dawn service in Gisborne to mark the end of the first stage of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Anzac commemorations, Türkiye relationship focus of visit
    Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters will represent the Government at Anzac Day commemorations on the Gallipoli Peninsula next week and engage with senior representatives of the Turkish government in Istanbul.    “The Gallipoli campaign is a defining event in our history. It will be a privilege to share the occasion ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Minister to Europe for OECD meeting, Anzac Day
    Science, Innovation and Technology and Defence Minister Judith Collins will next week attend the OECD Science and Technology Ministerial conference in Paris and Anzac Day commemorations in Belgium. “Science, innovation and technology have a major role to play in rebuilding our economy and achieving better health, environmental and social outcomes ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Comprehensive Partnership the goal for NZ and the Philippines
    Prime Minister Christopher Luxon held a bilateral meeting today with the President of the Philippines, Ferdinand Marcos Jr.  The Prime Minister was accompanied by MP Paulo Garcia, the first Filipino to be elected to a legislature outside the Philippines. During today’s meeting, Prime Minister Luxon and President Marcos Jr discussed opportunities to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Government commits $20m to Westport flood protection
    The Government has announced that $20 million in funding will be made available to Westport to fund much needed flood protection around the town. This measure will significantly improve the resilience of the community, says Local Government Minister Simeon Brown. “The Westport community has already been allocated almost $3 million ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Taupō takes pole position
    The Government is proud to support the first ever Repco Supercars Championship event in Taupō as up to 70,000 motorsport fans attend the Taupō International Motorsport Park this weekend, says Economic Development Minister Melissa Lee. “Anticipation for the ITM Taupō Super400 is huge, with tickets and accommodation selling out weeks ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Cost of living support for low-income homeowners
    Local Government Minister Simeon Brown has announced an increase to the Rates Rebate Scheme, putting money back into the pockets of low-income homeowners.  “The coalition Government is committed to bringing down the cost of living for New Zealanders. That includes targeted support for those Kiwis who are doing things tough, such ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government backing mussel spat project
    The Coalition Government is investing in a project to boost survival rates of New Zealand mussels and grow the industry, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones has announced. “This project seeks to increase the resilience of our mussels and significantly boost the sector’s productivity,” Mr Jones says. “The project - ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government focused on getting people into work
    Benefit figures released today underscore the importance of the Government’s plan to rebuild the economy and have 50,000 fewer people on Jobseeker Support, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. “Benefit numbers are still significantly higher than when National was last in government, when there was about 70,000 fewer ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Clean energy key driver to reducing emissions
    The Government’s commitment to doubling New Zealand’s renewable energy capacity is backed by new data showing that clean energy has helped the country reach its lowest annual gross emissions since 1999, Climate Change Minister Simon Watts says. New Zealand’s latest Greenhouse Gas Inventory (1990-2022) published today, shows gross emissions fell ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Earthquake-prone buildings review brought forward
    The Government is bringing the earthquake-prone building review forward, with work to start immediately, and extending the deadline for remediations by four years, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “Our Government is focused on rebuilding the economy. A key part of our plan is to cut red tape that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Thailand and NZ to agree to Strategic Partnership
    Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and his Thai counterpart, Prime Minister Srettha Thavisin, have today agreed that New Zealand and the Kingdom of Thailand will upgrade the bilateral relationship to a Strategic Partnership by 2026. “New Zealand and Thailand have a lot to offer each other. We have a strong mutual desire to build ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government consults on extending coastal permits for ports
    RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop and Transport Minister Simeon Brown have today announced the Coalition Government’s intention to extend port coastal permits for a further 20 years, providing port operators with certainty to continue their operations. “The introduction of the Resource Management Act in 1991 required ports to obtain coastal ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Inflation coming down, but more work to do
    Today’s announcement that inflation is down to 4 per cent is encouraging news for Kiwis, but there is more work to be done - underlining the importance of the Government’s plan to get the economy back on track, acting Finance Minister Chris Bishop says. “Inflation is now at 4 per ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • School attendance restored as a priority in health advice
    Refreshed health guidance released today will help parents and schools make informed decisions about whether their child needs to be in school, addressing one of the key issues affecting school attendance, says Associate Education Minister David Seymour. In recent years, consistently across all school terms, short-term illness or medical reasons ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Unnecessary bureaucracy cut in oceans sector
    Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones is streamlining high-level oceans management while maintaining a focus on supporting the sector’s role in the export-led recovery of the economy. “I am working to realise the untapped potential of our fishing and aquaculture sector. To achieve that we need to be smarter with ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Patterson promoting NZ’s wool sector at International Congress
    Associate Agriculture Minister Mark Patterson is speaking at the International Wool Textile Organisation Congress in Adelaide, promoting New Zealand wool, and outlining the coalition Government’s support for the revitalisation the sector.    "New Zealand’s wool exports reached $400 million in the year to 30 June 2023, and the coalition Government ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Removing red tape to help early learners thrive
    The Government is making legislative changes to make it easier for new early learning services to be established, and for existing services to operate, Associate Education Minister David Seymour says. The changes involve repealing the network approval provisions that apply when someone wants to establish a new early learning service, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago

Page generated in The Standard by Wordpress at 2024-04-25T09:36:35+00:00