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An Ordinary New Zealander

Written By: - Date published: 2:04 pm, November 5th, 2012 - 56 comments
Categories: john key - Tags:

So John Key had a very ordinary Friday apparently.  Not only did he deride a kind international celebrity who took 45 minutes out of his day to spend time with his son as “thick as batshit,” he also was out there telling a radio host his shirt was “gay”.  Very statesmanlike.

Just to show up how ordinary a New Zealander he is he went on to make a $10,000 bet on the stroke of a golf ball (and he meant it…).  Plus another $5000 on the game.  Between the two bets, half a median New Zealander’s wages for the year.

Of course, ever one for the hard interview, he could say to the radio host:

“What you’re wearing is an absolute disgrace, you parade yourself as some sort of centre-right interested community member, but you’re in red.”

Because of course any member of the media he talks to should be wearing National Party colours…

56 comments on “An Ordinary New Zealander ”

  1. JonL 1

    What did you expect for the Paul Henry of politics………

  2. prism 2

    John Key, the ordinary, next-door, living in a shoe-box bloke! What should he do to express his ordinariness? This is what they came up with in Camelot in What do the Simple Folk Do?

    What else do the simple folk do?
    They must have a system or two
    They obviously outshine us at turning tears to mirth
    Have tricks a royal highness is minus from birth
    What, then, I wonder, do they
    To chase all the goblins away?
    They have some tribal sorcery you haven’t mentioned yet
    Oh, what do simple folk do to forget?
    Often, I am told, they dance a fiery dance
    And whirl ’till they’re completely uncontrolled
    Soon the mind is blank and all are in a trance
    A violent trance astounding to behold
    And that’s what simple folk do
    So I’m told.

    I think Key’s ahead. Our minds are already blank and we’re in a trance astounding to behold!

  3. Plan B 3

    I figured he thought he had been out of the news cycle for a few hours and so he was desperate for some attention. So he insults someone famous who is a long way away and who won’t do anything about it. Result he gets very impressive coverage all weekend. Even makes The Sun- OK so they supposedly spelt his name wrong – who cares. Next up expect, “Jennifer Aniston waxes her ‘mo'” comments or “Mitt Romney wears bicycle clips” You would have to say that Beckham wasted his time on the son. Plenty of football mad kids who would have loved the opportunity. I always felt that Beckham was very clever, maybe just not educated. – He was playing football of course. He took his various talents all the way. Our PM is what he is and does what he does. He really feels like he has brought the Prime Ministership down to his level rather than him rising to the occasion. I could be wrong but it seems like the opposite of Jim Bolger- would that be right?

    • prism 3.1

      Plan B
      You sound with it. Don’t give any more ideas or Key will be getting inventive ideas free. I don’t think that would be a good idea if we want him to ride over the cliff on his skateboard.

  4. AmaKiwi 4

    I think Key wants out of politics.

    I have fired some people saying, “I don’t think you really want this job anymore. You’ll be happier elsewhere.” NOT one of them disagreed with me. They were doing precisely what Key is doing now. They stopped caring. It was their way of saying they wanted out.

    We’ve all seen it. The person who really wants to succeed bends over backwards to please. If they make a mistake, they apologize profusely.

    Key has had enough. He’s asking the caucus to gently push him into political retirement.

    He won’t destroy his reputation by doing something illegal. He wants a polite way out. How about ambassador to the Court of St. James? (Sorry, Lockwood.)

  5. Good old John Key. He’s almost a satire of himself. We had a lot of fun parodying him during our online satirical show Beehave.

    Let us know what you think. We may bring it back if our audience demands it 🙂


    And for short highlights:


  6. Populuxe1 6

    While John Key is a dick, Beckham is actually thick

    • Te Reo Putake 6.1

      No, he’s not. He took no interest in school, other than PE, so he is poorly educated. But that’s not an indicator of his actual intelligence. He’s very self deprecating about his intellectual talents, but my guess is that he’s just as ‘clever’ as your average working class Kiwi.

      • Jim Nald 6.1.1

        Beckham and Posh should be wise to keep their investments funds away from the hands of John Key or his cronies.

        • Fortran

          Pleased you mention Posh as there is the real Beckham brains.
          Great to look at, good private education, went to school in a Rolls.

        • Name

          Why? John key clearly is good with money as he hasn’t lost any so far….

    • felix 6.2

      Yes, and on a blog devoted to discussing the mental agility of sportspeople you’ll probably find that people are more interested in the latter of your two factoids.

    • muzza 6.3

      While its true that the driving force behind “Brand Beckham” is his wife, the is far from thick, no academic, but smarts seldom comes from academia!

      Beckham the human being puts a heap of energy into helping others, either directly through football, or indirectly in raising funds and so on, also through his academies.

      Not one to pay attention to the “cult of personality”, but DB is a model professional, who worked hard at his craft, and despite the “wife driven” flashy looking persona, is just a simple guy, who genuinely loves people, appreciates what the sport has given him, and gives back as much as anyone could expect from an athlete, actually much more than that.

      People just don’t play the man, they are too busy looking at the flashy stuff, which is not really what he is about behind all that!

      Given the time DB took to spend with Keys son, it really beggers just how poor taste that comment really is!

  7. Monty 7

    And yet the “red – Labour coloured shirt is “gay” and beckham is a thick as batshit – in fact the entire british media constantly take the piss out of him for that.

    But here is the thing regarding calling something “gay” according to my 14 year old daughter. In this context “gay” is a reference to being weak, feeble and behind.

    Actually given the teeshirt was Labour red it seems a perfectly apt description to me.

    Maybe it is about time the left stopped being so precious and pathetic. Maybe Shearer could start calling a spade a spade and then he might attract a little more support.

    • Colonial Viper 7.1

      Maybe it is about time the left stopped being so precious and pathetic.

      Hey Monty, you fine with your PM talking trash in front of teenage girls like your daughter then?

    • Lightly 7.2

      I love that Monty uses the way a 14 year old girl talks to her friends as a guide for what is acceptable from the Prime Minister in public settings.

    • Te Reo Putake 7.3

      Monty, that use of the word gay has been with us for about 20 years. It’s homophobic, even if you and your daughter don’t realise it. Your daughter has an excuse, though. She’s not fully educated nor an adult. You, on the other hand, are probably, I dunno, thick?

    • felix 7.4

      “But here is the thing regarding calling something “gay” according to my 14 year old daughter. In this context “gay” is a reference to being weak, feeble and behind. “

      Is Key a 14 year-old girl now?

    • QoT 7.5

      In this context “gay” is a reference to being weak, feeble and behind.

      And how precisely do you imagine it got to mean that? Oh, right, in some magical, not-associated-with-socially-acceptable-homophobia way, so that’s okay. 🙄

    • Pascal's bookie 7.6

      But here is the thing regarding calling something “gay” according to my 14 year old daughter. In this context “gay” is a reference to being weak, feeble and behind.

      Wee, what them in the trade call a, “thought experiment”:

      Say, just by way of example, your 14 yr old daughter was saying that something was a bit “Jewish”, and on asking her what she meant, full of parental concern, she responded by saying that ‘Jewish’ just means ‘miserly or diseased’. Or that ‘Maori’, meant ‘half arsed’. Would you consider that racist at all Monty?

  8. Tanz 8

    His whole manner is both arrogant and petulant. Drips with his own self-importance and so full of himself. Yuck. Please let him be dropped in 2014, the man is sickening.

  9. kea 9

    Call it what you like, but as my younger brother might say .. “he’s lost it”.

  10. Tanz 10

    Maybe he’s jealous of both Beck’s world celebrity status and much bigger bank account. Some people are never satisfied, after all.

  11. deemac 11

    so while teachers are trying to stop schoolkids using “gay” as a term of derision, Key is reinforcing it – what a jerk

  12. tracey 12

    Monty, hopefully you explained to your daughter that her definition is exactly why it is offensive to equate a homosexual person with those qualities.one of your roles as parent is to help them see below the surface of life.

    I have felt key has wanted out since the beginning of the year. He is only happy when panting over all blacks and celebrities….

    I dont agree with alot about english but he cant be accused of not taking his roles seriously.

  13. felix 13

    Would Monty, his daughter, or anyone else care to respond to this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjmhhpkmPig

  14. Fisiani 14

    Jealousy and impotence from the whinging hysterics. Jealous that they are not a self made millionaire like JK and impotence that what they claim to be offensive only further endears JK to the average voter. This disconnect with reality extends to the Opposition in Parliament and I fully expect questions on this political pimple to waste time this week. Simply proves yet again that the Left does not have a sense of humour.

    • felix 14.1

      Yep, good on Key for representing NZ as a nation of half-pissed bigoted dickheads.

    • Draco T Bastard 14.2

      Fisiani, we’re not jealous of JK being a sociopath no matter what you think.

    • henry olongo 14.3

      Thanks Fis.
      You’ve pointed out that jonkey is really funny.
      I never realised.

    • Just Me 14.4

      What you may not realise is just how much of an embarrassment he is for NZ on the international stage. Can you imagine any other head of state behaving like this? I can’t think of any. I can’t even imagine George W Bush calling someone gay for fun, and then saying he said it because he was copying his teenage kids. Hardly world class is it.

      I’m in the UK and this and his Beckham comments have been in the papers here. Not a great look for anyone that cares about their country’s image overseas. We come off looking like some bigoted chumps from the arse-end of nowhere, which however true it is, is something we should be trying to avoid.

      For further proof of his less than Prime Ministerial aura, you should watch his interview on Hard Talk with Stephen Sackur on Youtube – its hilarious! (and a great illustration of how easy a ride he gets from the NZ press).

  15. Bob 15

    Key obviously is bored and let’s face it he is a bore
    He would have been aware that the report on the Pike River mine was due out this week
    He has no social conscience it’s time he was let go
    Lets face it he was only able to get a leg up because we had a society that helped those like his mother and family with state support, housing,education and available health care
    The cowboy environment that promoted Pike River is what he stands for and he has no awareness of the consequences

  16. Tim G 16

    I liken the speculation around JK’s leadership to that around Phil Goff’s – if you keep repeating it often enough, it might come true. But it is equally as rose-tinted-glasses-baseless.

    Trouble is, public reaction to Key’s buffoonery is almost universally positive. Don’t think for a moment that these were gaffes of someone who doesn’t really care – I think they are calculated PR-positioning. Note also the reaction sought from the gay community for the leading media stories from gay business leaders – “he’s alright by us because he comes to lots of gay events!”

    Cut to shot of JK dancing on stage at the big gay out and “mincing” on the catwalk in the All Blacks jersey.

    You think this is a bad look in Aotearoa NZ 2012? Think again.

    • Colonial Viper 16.1


      Key’s handlers understand the languaging of the wider Kiwi mindset far better than Labour does. Has for many years now.

      • Tracey 16.1.1

        mindset of which “kiwi’s”. Young men and other men?

        • Colonial Viper

          You. Cannot. Be. Serious.

          Just remember that Key scores highly on popularity with women. OK.

          • karol

            Not so much lately, as reported by TV3 in July 2012.

            A new poll has found an increasing hostility against Prime Minister John Key, particularly among women.
            The first Fairfax Media/Ipsos political poll…

            Tracy Watkins and Kate Chapman July 2012:

            A new poll has found Prime Minister John Key is increasingly becoming a polarising figure – especially among women. …
            Women were quickest to fall out of love with Key – also worrying for National, which has capitalised on his appeal to females as a softer face for a party traditionally seen as flinty.
            Women were also more likely to feel anxious about their own prospects, and unhappy about the country’s direction.
            Before the last election, polls showed around 50 per cent of women supported National, but that is down to 39 per cent, the 1000 interviews done as part of the poll often returning to education and asset sales as reasons why Key has the country on the wrong track.
            The poll reveals women worry not enough money is being put into education, about class sizes, that early childhood education has gone backwards, and that the quality of what is being taught is poor.

            There is an increasing masculinisation of the left and right recently (also seen in male dominance of Green and Labour leadership), plus the fact that Labour lost out on women in the last election.  So I find it a little disturbing that Labour is considering resurrecting mysogynist Tamihere in order to appeal to the mythical Waitakere Man – as reported by Mike Williams in the Left-Right spot on Nine-to-Noon yesterday.

            • Colonial Viper

              Yes, Key’s popularity with women has fallen…but at 39% it is still much higher than Labour’s popularity overall. That is, as you point out, despite an overtly anti-women political economic agenda.

              Regardless, it puts to the lie the idea that it is just “men” and “young men” who buy into Key’s bullshit style.

              As for Labour. They’ve got a few relatively simple issues in the languaging that it uses externally and internally. Simple to describe but not simple to fix. Intellectual, academic, complex, indirect, and often with more than a touch of – we know better than you do.

              • karol

                Ah, yes – agreed, CV.  There are far too many women still being conned by Key, often against their own interests.
                Agree also that Labour’s problems are wider than just gender issues – ditto my concerns about recent  Greens shifts.
                Still working on a post on broader issues re- neoliberalism, politics and the media, which also makes mention of related gender issues.  I was thinking to post it late yesterday or today – then other more pressing issues came up: public libraries bill which I consider very important.  Then the whole Pike River Mine report, which needs thorough examination and analysis from left perspectives. I will continue to work on that post and publish it at a more appropriate time.

                • Colonial Viper

                  Looking forwards to it karol.

                  It occurs to me that it would take very little in terms of financial resources for a highly professional Left based commentary and news website to get up and running. $200K pa. maybe? A lot of which could be offset by a combination of advertising and $50 annual sponsorships.

              • Tracey

                what percentage of men support key?

  17. Tracey 17

    Apparently, according to Key, as long as he is serious on other issues he can be as homophobic as he likes and insulting as he likes on other issues.

    Not jealous Fisiani… have a good life, in fact I know I have it good, and I am not worth a million, am not homophobic and dont insult folks just to score points with the “kids”.

    Key can be whoever he wants to be except when we are collectively paying his salary to be a leader and representative of all of us.

  18. Enough is Enough 18

    It was clearly hate speech from the Prime Minister and he should be charged under the Crimes Act. There is no place in our society for the Prime Minister inciting hatred towards homosexuals.

    The Police which are clearly under his command, will do nothing. They are as corrupt as him.

  19. karol 19

    John Key should watch it: Ian McKellen is on his case:

    Anyway, he said, the word was in the dictionary.  So of course are many other words that can give offence.

    Nevertheless, Mr Key should watch his language.  I’m currently touring secondary schools in UK, attacking homophobia in the playground and discouraging kids from the careless use of “gay” which might make their gay friends (and teachers) feel less about themselves.  So even as he supports the proposal to introduce same-gender marriages in New Zealand, I do hope John Key listens to his critics and appreciates their concern.  Careless talk damages lives.

  20. kea 20

    If Beckham is “thicker than batshit” in the Prime Ministers eyes .. what does that make the Wellington Phoenix ?

    I’ll let you guys work it out.

  21. Tracey 21

    Our PM doesn’t speak very well, he garbles his words and misspeaks. Can I call him “thick”?

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