Are you a Key person?

Written By: - Date published: 9:21 am, June 24th, 2011 - 56 comments
Categories: brand key, humour - Tags:

What about: ‘see ya, I’m off to India’?

56 comments on “Are you a Key person?”

  1. TightyRighty 1

    I’m most popular prime minister ever, and I didn’t have to bribe the middle class for them to vote for me.

    • millsy 1.1

      I just like to see families in cardboard boxes instead.

    • lprent 1.2

      …didn’t have to bribe the middle class..

      But he did – admittedly he gave little tax cuts with one hand and then massively increased their cost of living with the other.

      Oh and his massive tax cuts for the rich gave the middle class kids a nice warm fuzzy debt to pay off when they get older.

      • TightyRighty 1.2.1

        the middle class got 1/3 more of a tax cut than the “rich”.

        How about the ballooning student loan debt given to the next generation of kids by labour that they’ll need to pay off if you are going to all inter-generational on it?

        • Colonial Viper

          the middle class got 1/3 more of a tax cut than the “rich”.

          Sure mate, especially when RWNJs like you consider that the middle class = the top 10% of income earners = got 42% of the tax cuts.

          The other nine-tenths of people then had to share just six-tenths of the tax cuts between them.

          • TightyRighty

            the rich pay 20% less tax and middle earners pay 30% less tax under national. the actual dollar amount is always going to be skewed thanks to the nature of the regressive tax system that penalizes success. the other nine tenths that received 60% of the tax cuts only pay 40% of the tax take, so thank you CV for pointing out that the tax cuts under national are actually as fair as could possibly be.

            • Ari

              Regressive tax system actually has a set economic meaning, and you’ve just tried to turn it on its head, lol. Why is it called progressive when the rich pay more, and regressive when they pay less?

              Simple: Because as a general rule, progressive tax systems are good for the economy, and regressive ones hurt it.

              • Colonial Viper

                Yep. Further a progressive tax system recognises that those on a higher income can afford to pay more without any hardship, and still remain in comfort in terms of lifestyle. (I’ll qualify this by saying that an asset tax and a CGT + FTT is what is really needed now).

                the other nine tenths that received 60% of the tax cuts only pay 40% of the tax take, so thank you CV for pointing out that the tax cuts under national are actually as fair as could possibly be.

                The top 10% received more money back than they needed to live. The bottom 90% got gipped.

                And for every tax dollar the Government gave away, it has to borrow a dollar from the Chinese and the Germans and pay it back with interest.

        • millsy

          And what is your answer? ratchet up student fees and massively tighten student loan criteria (including whacking instrest back on), make students pay more, more, more, more,

          • TightyRighty

            students aim to earn more by becoming qualified, so why shouldn’t they pay more. it’s an investment in your future if you get a qualification, so why not do what most people in the real world do when they want to invest, save for it, or borrow at market rates and be signed into a contract to commit to paying it back. you cheap socialist free loader millsy, you probably wouldn’t even pay your share of pot luck dinner because you know you could get away without contributing.

            • millsy

              Its not about socialist freeloading its about people getting a decent education regardless of ability to pay.

              • TightyRighty

                a decent education finishes at high school. that should be obvious seeing as how qualified tradies earn as much as professionals now. it’s pretty obvious how the left feels about “trade” though, seeing as it has abandoned it’s commitment to blue collar workers, the commitment the left was based on really.

                you just keep freeloading though millsy, your version of the state is happy to keep supporting you. the rest of the nations version? not so much

                • McFlock

                  “a decent education finishes at high school. that should be obvious seeing as how qualified tradies earn as much as professionals now. ”

                  You utter moron. I know you’re a tory (so haven’t heard of apprenticeships) but have you not even heard of a polytech or ITO? 

                  Trades education STARTS after high school. Secondary education is simply to give citizens decent literacy, numeracy and social skills – although you demonstrate that critical thinking could do with more emphasis.

          • Deadly_NZ

            1: Capital Gains Tax, especially on speculators
            2: Make blind and hidden trusts Illegal.
            3: Tax the trusts retrospectively for the millions they have withheld by lying.
            4: reverse the Tax switch.
            5: reverse GST.

            However with the incompetence that we are stuck with Some of these things are already counted banked and spent already. Typical NACTS spend the $$$ before they even have got them.

        • lprent

          You mean the student loan system that National put in. They did it so that they could get the student allowances off the books – and thereby have some tax cuts in the 1990’s. That was what caused a shift from pay as you go to pay on the never never that you are referring to.

          Perhaps you should also look at Nationals superannuation system in the 1970’s. They scrapped a perfectly good pay as you earn super scheme so they could put in one that throws majority of the burden on to the poor suckers who were born too late. This allowed the government to discard their funds that they were putting into the scheme, and put in a minor tax fiddle.

          Of course once you remove the systems to pay for services now and put them on the never never, it gets very politically hard to put them back in. People tend to hope that they will die before the bill becomes due. National is the irresponsible party that is responsible for all of the worst cases of it in my lifetime.

          You really need to read a bit more history and/or engage your brain when you do so, because you appear to have a strange idea of who are the wastrels of NZ politics. It is pretty much National wanting to have tax cuts now that do it every time and throwing costs to the future.

      • travellerev 1.2.2

        He also made his money with Financial weapons of mass destruction which are currently imploding the worlds economy.

        The fact that he still has shares in the bank of American and God knows what other banks in the “blind” trust just about guarantee the bankruptcy of New Zealand and the total sell off to his bankster mates. It’s the only way he can hang on to his “wealth”.

        If these banks “too big to fail” were to collapse so would John Key’s wealth.

        Sounds like a conflict of interest to me.

        • Colonial Viper

          In fact, any and every “High Net Worth Individual” has a lot to lose if the current system of financialised capitalism collapses or is even altered in any significant way.

          And it just so happens that these people are the ones with the most political and corporate influence in our society.

        • travellerev

          For those of you interested in knowing more about Derivatives, Financial weapons of mass destruction and John Key’s connection to them I’ll be doing a presentation about this subject for the rate payers group in Hamilton. The location is the celebrating age centre and is from 10-12 a.m.

        • TightyRighty

          Financial weapons of mass destruction? Clinton wasn’t averse to using those weapons, financial or otherwise. forcing the banks to provide low equity loans that then needed to be collateralized, yeah those ruthless banks out to sow the seeds of their own misfortune. obviously the government need to intervene and regulate. They tried that, it made it worse. Bankers aren’t to blame, greedy individuals and well meaning democrats are.

          • travellerev

            You are such a sad angry man you are.

            What makes you such a suck up to our ruling elite TR? Eh? You hoping that one day you are going to be one of them?

            Here is a link to a good series of analyses of what happened in the last 35 years and you are right Bill Clinton was very much part of the bankster take over of the US government

            • Lyall

              “Ruling Elite” what fucking century do you live in? The only people I’ve ever met in my life who use terms like that were the smelly pimple covered idot that tried to give me a pamphlet from the ambitiously named “International Socialists”, and this mediocre oxygen thief I used to work with that was eventually fired for being lazy, stupid and utterly incompetent. Although as he was a Union member so it took 9 months to do so.

              • Lyall, new here?

                • Colonial Viper

                  Must be new to New Zealand. Although if he was from the UK he’d be very clear that his ass was owned by the “Ruling Elite”. After all, the “Ruling Elite” are the ones who order Police Cavalry to charge down young student protestors in the 21st century.

    • I didn’t have to bribe the middle class for them to vote for me

      No, he didn’t – he just had to promise to bribe them. ‘Tax cuts north of 50’, anyone?

  2. Lanthanide 2

    It should be “We don’t agree with that”, Key likes to be Royal (see also: Hard Talk interview).

    • Janice 2.1

      I always understood that the only people who were entitled to call themselves “we” was royalty, pregnant women and people with worms.

  3. ianupnorth 3

    How about 50% of the country are idiots for trusting me; that’s nearer the truth righty.

    • TightyRighty 3.1

      Wow, with an attitude like that, it’s hard to believe labour isn’t riding on a massive wave of support from the other 50% of the country as it’s supporters point out the obvious flaws in National under John Key. Oh wait, there are no flaws and labour is floundering. me thinks 50% of the country is RIGHT.

      • Colonial Viper 3.1.1

        Oh wait, there are no flaws and labour is floundering. me thinks 50% of the country is RIGHT.

        Yeah mate keep believing that right up to Nov 26 🙂

        Captain Panic Pants on Fire!

      • Lanthanide 3.1.2

        “Oh wait, there are no flaws”

        Do you seriously believe that? National are flawless? There’s nothing they could’ve done better at all, including this rushed CHCH homes announcement?

        You’re a sycophant and not worth taking seriously.

  4. Speaking Sense to Unions 4

    If you’re trying so hard to mimic the worst aspects of the loony right why not spell the PMs name with a “K”.

  5. ianmac 5

    Science is no match for my brain.

  6. How about: “I admire Andrew Krieger, he was the first one who understood what you could do with derivatives.”

  7. ak 7

    “Firing at will on all New Cylinders”

    “Pssst…wanna breed for a business?”

    “President Clinton’s hot!”

    “Judge, Judy, and textesacutioner!”

    “Afghanistanian mum and dad investors rock!”

    “Eat me, Tuhoe”

  8. g_man 8

    “My job’s done – I’m outta here to a nice cushy job at the UN!!!”

    • Colonial Viper 8.1

      or at SkyCity H/Q!

      More seriously, John Key has already been sending his CV out, that’s what he calls being Loyal to New Zealand.

    • lprent 8.2

      Unlikely, he has no useful skills for those jobs. Just like he has few skills that are relevant to running the government of NZ.

  9. jackal 9

    What climate change?

    Look! Unlike 90% of Kiwi’s, I have no tooth decay.

    Get off the rag, there’s no pay disparity.

    It’s OK! I’ve been working like a nigger to.

    If I run away, will they stop asking hard questions?

    What poverty? I’m getting shit loads.

    Unlike 59% of you lot, my houses are maintained properly.

    What else can I cut to get a raise around here?

    My arse is warm.

  10. scotty 10

    100% Lyin’ Hawaiian

  11. fizzleplug 11

    An embarrassment to NZ. Still better than Phil Goff.

  12. tombstone 12

    He’s done nothing for this country and I just can’t for the life of me understand why people can’t get their heads around just how far these guys will go to ensure that the rich and powerful continue to profit at the expense of ordinary hard working people. I may not be a political expert but I can tell the difference between someone who genuinely gives a damn and someone who is self serving and couldn’t give a shit about others outside their own little circle. I mean for crying out loud, wake the fuck up NZ! Take off your blinkers and look beyond the smiling and waving because beneath the sheep’s clothing there’s a wolf and a damned nasty one at that. The smiling assassin. That’s my rant for the day. T-shirt slogan – What you support today your children will hate you for tomorrow.

    • RobC 12.1

      My delightfully rich, politically unaware sister-in-law sums it up:
      “He’s only been in for a couple of years, he should get another go”

      • ianmac 12.1.1

        I think that there is a huge part of the population Rob, who are totally politically disinterested and really do just see it in terms of nice chap stay on, rather like voting in the best cook, or best dancer. Sad but true.

        • Bazar

          Given the choice of “cooks”
          I think people will still vote for key.

          I think most people, even the lefties themselves see Goff as a dismal failure, and yet labour haven’t (can’t?) put anyone else up to replace him.

          • Colonial Viper

            “Celebrity Photos ‘R’ Us”

            Key is under pressure to perform for his constituency. The Money Masters are not far off replacing him.

            Or Key might walk first, he doesn’t care for the job of PMNZ any more. There are plenty of roles out there with much higher pay and much less pressure where he doesn’t have to deal with the idiocy and the opprobrium.

            He’s looking weary after just 2 1/2 years as PM.

  13. willie maley 13

    Prime Mincer of New Zilland

  14. Policy Parrot 14

    “100% Pure is Aspirational”

  15. the sprout 15

    Aldgate = Whitechapple = Corrupt PM

  16. mik e 16

    mr wishey washey not john key i,m like a broken washing machine permanetly stuck on spin

  17. tc 17

    Dont blame me, I’m just following the hollowmen…….baaaaa

  18. Irascible 18

    A National embarassment.
    With Alistair Thompson beside me I’ll take NZ into the 19th century.

  19. Frank Macskasy 19

    “With a smile like mine, how can you not vote for me?”

    “Trust me on asset sales, it’ll all be ok.” (Actually said to me at a Greypower Meeting in Lower Hutt, on May 24th. I kid you not.)

    “Then: We can raise our incomes to match Australias!” (2008)

    Now: Lifting minimum wage would cost 6000 jobs. (2011)”

  20. Jim Nald 20

    “Brighter future for me,
    No future for you”

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Swiss tax agreement tightens net
    Opportunities to dodge tax are shrinking with the completion of a new tax agreement with Switzerland, Revenue Minister Stuart Nash announced today. Mr Nash and the Swiss Ambassador David Vogelsanger have today signed documents to update the double tax agreement (DTA). The previous DTA was signed in 1980. “Double tax ...
    1 week ago
  • Maintaining momentum for small business innovation
    Small Business Minister Stuart Nash says the report of the Small Business Council will help maintain the momentum for innovation and improvements in the sector. Mr Nash has thanked the members of the Small Business Council (SBC) who this week handed over their report, Empowering small businesses to aspire, succeed ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Seventy-eight new Police constables
    Extra Police officers are being deployed from Northland to Southland with the graduation of a new wing of recruits from the Royal New Zealand Police College. “The graduation of 78 constables today means that 1524 new constables have been deployed since the government took office,” says Police Minister Stuart Nash. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Tax refund season ends near $600 million
    Almost $600 million has been paid into taxpayers’ bank accounts in the past two months, after the first season of automatic tax assessments. Revenue Minister Stuart Nash says the completion of this year’s tax refund season is a significant milestone. “The ability of Inland Revenue to run auto calculations for ...
    3 weeks ago