Written By: - Date published: 1:58 pm, February 16th, 2018 - 20 comments
Categories: australian politics, International, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags: ,

New Zealander of the year finalist Barnaby Joyce is in a very tenuous position.  It looks like his future as deputy prime minister is in doubt.

The genesis of his problems is an intimate relationship he  conducted with his former press secretary which has recently been made public.  He has left his wife and four daughters and now lives with his former press secretary who is pregnant with his child.

So far so not so bad.  These things happen.  There is more than a stench of hypocrisy for a member of a party strong on family first rhetoric but that has not been a career killer in the past.

But the scent of blood is strong and the media are digging furiously.  And it appears that a few other commandments were breached, including the ones against making sure your new partner continues to have well paid Government jobs, the use of Government resources to continue the relationship and the accepting of free accommodation from someone with a dodgy past.

John Birmingham in the Sydney Morning Herald gives the issue the once over with some of the most cutting damning writing I have ever read.  Damn its good.  Read it all and marvel at the quality.  Here is a taste of it:

It started out as gossip of a purely personal nature. Joyce, now and forever to be known as The Beetrooter thanks to some cruel and magnificent bastard on Twitter, was rumoured to be cheating on his wife. Given his willingness to not just cast aspersions on other people’s private lives, but to punitively legislate against them, that was enough for a lot of punters to call him out on social media. But it wasn’t enough for the Press Gallery in the real media, and they’ve been throwing themselves an awesome pity party ever since.

For all of the high-minded journalistic waffle about private lives being private (unless, you know, somebody like Joyce decides to pass laws about them) and the need to verify rumours before writing news, it turned out there was plenty of crunchy and nutritious news value to be had in the Beetrooter’s shenanigans.

This bloke wasn’t merely sipping from the hypocrite drip because he put himself about as a staunch defender of family values while betraying and humiliating his family. He was an even bigger hypocrite, because having banged the drum about welfare cheats and bludgers, he’d lined up a series of cushy and very well-paid jobs for his girlfriend. Plus they were living rent-free in a townhouse provided by a millionaire businessman, and renovated by the federal government to meet upgraded security standards.

You’d think this would be enough to finish the bloke off, especially since while he was enjoying his rent-free love shack he was lecturing the rest of the country about why they should be ashamed of themselves for wanting to live in Sydney when he was happy to live in Armidale, because it was cheaper.

Much, much cheaper as it turns out. Who would have thought the solution to the housing affordability crisis was for millionaire property owners to let us live at their place for free. (Answer: socialists, communists, deluded idiots of that sort, I suppose).

But even that egregious and head-spinning instance of grotesque hypocrisy is not the rancid cherry on top of the shit sundae of this story.

No, that would be Malcolm Turnbull insisting yesterday that there was nothing wrong with giving the Beetrooter’s pregnant office lover a high-paying job when things got awkward, and then finding another, sweet, cushy gig when the second one fell through because, get this… she wasn’t actually his partner.

She was pregnant, and they were living together. But she wasn’t his partner because…




Allow me to assist you, Prime Minister. She wasn’t his partner because shuffling her from one ministerial staff job to another might be a breach of the rules.

She wasn’t his partner because an ever-growing number of government ministers would be implicated in that possible breach.

She wasn’t his partner because that would make it very difficult, not just for the Beetrooter to hold onto his job, but for you too, Prime Minister.

It was not only the infidelity or the hypocrisy for a conservative to be doing this or the living in free accommodation provided by someone with a shady past or the use of taxpayers money to upgrade the joint or the denying they were in a relationship when conclusive pristine evidence is going to appear any month now.  It was the shuffling of jobs to ensure she continued to have an income while preparing for her birth.  And it was the double standards applied.  This government has made the lives of many beneficiaries a misery by prying deeply into their lives but its ministers do not accept that they should play by the same rules.

Turnbull has responded by stating that ministers and staffers shall not have sex.  The media has labelled the edict as a bonk ban.

Birmingham sums the situation up in this way:

It’s not often you get to see the raw, naked ugliness of the power imbalance between the masters and their serfs, but it’s out there for everyone to see this week.

Its not only the hypocrisy it’s the troughing and the double standards that are the problem.

If you want to follow what is happening the Twitter hashtag #beetrooter is occasionally magnificent.

20 comments on “Beetrooted”

  1. Ad 1

    Just so fun to see the right eat themselves.

    Crunchy writing from the columnist. Love it.

  2. Craig H 2

    Apparently Turnbull can’t even get rid of him as that’s up to the National Party.

    • Exkiwiforces 2.1

      Yes that is correct, as only the silly Nat’s can get rid of him and I believe it to do with the coalition agreement dating to the mid to late 60’s or earlier anyway it’s around the Menzies era.

      From what I’m hearing the grassroots members of the National Party are piss off with the him and the parliamentary members ATM, even the state branch of the National Party are putting feelers out to possible candidates to replace him ATM.

      Also there is talk within NSW branch to extend a olive branch to Tony Windsor

      Sent from IPad

    • Muttonbird 2.2

      But surely they can get rid of him as deputy leader. Can’t the Liberals outvote the Nationals on this?

      • Exkiwiforces 2.2.1

        Nope, as it’s in the coalition agreement, hence the spray from poor old Mal late yesterday afternoon and the counter spray from I can’t keep my dick in my pants Barnaby. The only way the other mob can form government if the Lib’s aka the urban voters and National aka the bush/ regional voters is to get together and form a coalition as such we have old Ming to say thanks for that ideal. It probably why I like watch the Aussie Federal election so much as it’s like eating a box of chocolates as you don’t know what you are getting sometime

        I think I posted a link from yesterday saying the Senate voted to have him remove from the DPM role and either leave the House or move to the back benches

        Sent from IPad

  3. Acting up 3

    Oh happy days. Aussie right wing politicians in disarray. NZ right wing politicians having a good old back stab with each other. Huge fun!

  4. Anne 4

    It’s never been any better in NZ.

    Just think about the prying and surveillance activity conducted by WINZ. Remember the “dob a beneficiary a day” scheme in the 1990s? Most of it was aimed at female beneficiaries. Woe betide you if you dared to invite a member of the opposite sex inside for a cup of coffee. The curtain twitchers had a field day. Turned out some 72% of the dob-ins were just malice and had no factual basis.

    And in the meantime the Nat. government purveyors of that sordid little scheme were most likely hopping in and out of bed like there was no tomorrow.

  5. greywarshark 5

    Beetrooted. Very funny and sharp. And we know his problem, sad isn’t it, he’s a New Zealander underneath and painting his skin red doesn’t fool any true blue Australians.
    He can’t get shot of us and our pathetic despicable poisonous millstone of a country and enjoy being a noble, strong, thrusting Australian going places, and not caring about anything!

  6. Paul Campbell 6

    The thing is that it’s a workplace, there’s the usual boss-employee power imbalance, Turnbull shouldn’t have to tell his ministers to do this, it should be in the govt HR rules, in fact it probably is, I bet the problem here is the usual white guy tory sense of self entitlement kicking in

  7. McFlock 7

    Wow, that’s totally what the Julie Bishop / Ardern meeting must have been about – the Aussies want us to make Joyce a citizen again

  8. AsleepWhileWalking 8

    About eight affairs according to Twitter…#redoctopus.

  9. Incognito 9

    So, Mr Joyce is proof that Homo erectus has not gone extinct and in fact still roams this planet, usually in the Corridors of Power and prestigious law firms, for example.

    • Wensleydale 10.1

      That article is worth it simply for Malcontent Turdball being dubbed ‘Chauncey Blundercunt’.

  10. OncewasTim 11

    Couldn’t have all happened to a ‘nicer’BLOKE’
    HOW ABOUT Blinglish give him a few corks and strings to attach to that ridiculous hat in the name of the Anzacistan rural Koiwoi spirit.
    Could even do a bit of woify swapping to solidify that all impotant ( oops…. IMPORTANT ) trenz tazzie best frenz relationship (going forward).
    What plays in Vegas….etc…”Deliverance” et al. Keep the gene pool slender

  11. The Pogues – South Australia – YouTube

  12. Philg 13

    Who needs reality TV, when we respect leaders for their position and not their example. If it wasn’t so sad it would be hilarious.

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