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Boscawen new ACT deputy

Written By: - Date published: 1:55 pm, August 17th, 2010 - 38 comments
Categories: act, Satire - Tags:

Clad in traditional climate change denier headwear, John Boscawen today assumed the role of ACT Deputy Leader.

With that surpreme earnestness which is preserved for the truely nutty, Boscawen announced that he would use his new powers to launch a crusade against NIWA until “the last scientist has been burnt at the stake and climate change has been defeated once and for all”.

Standing beside him, Rodney Hide told reporters “Don’t give me that look. At least he’s not David Garrett”

38 comments on “Boscawen new ACT deputy ”

  1. NickS 1

    Our sources have just uncovered the bullet points for Garret’s “secret” speech for if he managed to gain deputy-leader ship of ACT. In which he pledged to help control the parasitic underclasses by inviting such luminaries of science as Jenny McCarthy to help convince the lower classes vaccines are evil, coupled with a libertarian commitment to unshackling people from forced vaccination and removing all government finical support for childhood vaccinations. Thus ensuring that the lower class population will once more be kept in check by diseases, thus allowing the intellectual giants of the Randian upper class to outbreed them!

    But given Boscawen’s ascendency, we know believe that Garret will attempt to exploit Boscawen’s stupidity and commitment to “free-market science” to get him to put his own plans into motion.


    In all due seriousness though, ACT is now pretty much the single most stupid party in parliament, an honour usually reserved for Dunne’s ego-mobile, United Future. Should make for some interesting drinking game sessions though, seeing how many climate change denialism PRATTs he can string together in one session.

  2. lprent 2

    Yawn – who cares? I like the Lamington though. Is it sort of a plugin brain?

  3. exbrethren 3

    I remember seeing Garrotte on TV saying that he liked Boscawen as he made him (garrotte) seem normal.

    The lunatics rally have taken over the asylum.

  4. MikeG 4

    You guys are too hard on Boscawan. Don’t forget that he managed to get a whopping 4.6% of the votes cast in Mt Albert, and Melissa Lee only polled 3.65x as many votes as him in that by-election. He finished 4th out of 15 candidates so he’s not as bad as the other 11.

    • Blighty 4.1

      And he would have done better if it weren’t for Rusty Kane and Jackson James Woods taking all those votes off him.

    • Bored 4.2

      Does that mean that 21.39% of the Mt Albert electorate are either obviously very sadly misinformed or believe in fairies?

      • MikeG 4.2.1

        I couldn’t comment on the fairies, but one could argue that Boscawen is more popular in Mt Albert (4.6%) than the rest of the country (3.65% ACT Party vote)

  5. BLiP 5

    To make Lamingtons extra special you can fill them with fresh whipped cream and strawberry jam.


    * 2 cups of all-purpose flour
    * 2 tsp of baking powder
    * 1/4 tsp of sea salt
    * 2 large eggs
    * 1/2 cup of room temperature butter
    * 3/4 cup of white sugar
    * 1 tsp of pure vanilla extract
    * 1/2 cup of milk
    * 2 cups of icing sugar
    * 1/3 cup of cocoa powder
    * 3 tbs of butter
    * 1/2 cup of milk
    * Whipped cream for serving


    1. Preheat the oven to 350F (180C).

    2. Lightly butter an 8 inch square cake tin. Set aside.

    3. In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.

    4. In a separate bowl, use an electric beater to cream the butter and sugar mixture together until pale and fluffy.

    5. Add the eggs one at a time to the butter/sugar mixture. Beat well after adding each egg.

    6. Add the vanilla to the mixture and mix well to combine.

    7. Next, use a spatula to alternately add the flour mixture and milk, in three additions, starting
    and finishing with the flour.

    8. Spread the batter into the cake tin, making sure it’s evenly spread.

    9. Bake in the oven for about 30 minutes. Test the center of the cake with a toothpick and
    make sure it comes out clean.

    10. Cool the cake in the tin for about 5 minutes and then invert it onto a wire rack to cool.

    11. Once the cake has cooled cut it into squares of a desired size and place them in an airtight
    container. Pop the container in the fridge for at least 2 hours or even overnight.

    12. Now for the icing. Place the icing sugar, cocoa powder, butter and milk in a heat proof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water.

    13. Stir the mixture until it is smooth but still a bit thick. You don’t want the liquid to get too thin otherwise the sponge cake won’t absorb the coating.

    14. Now it’s time to assemble the Lamingtons. Put out some newspaper under wire racks to catch any mess. Place the cake pieces on the racks and have your chocolate icing and desiccated coconut ready.

    15. Quickly coat the sponge cake on all sides in the icing mixture and then gently roll the cake in the coconut. Repeat the process.

    16. The Lamingtons can be stored in an airtight container for 5 days.

    • MikeG 5.1

      Is “room temperature” the same now as it was back when the recipe was first created? I have a feeling that the room is getting warmer, but my lawyer friend denies this and says that it is just a con to sell more air conditioning units to the unsuspecting public. He feels very strongly about it and I have a feeling that it may end up in court.

  6. Rex Widerstrom 6

    Better a man who stands for something than one who’ll fall for anything, as they say. Boscawen’s beliefs may not be to your liking but he’s consistent, he’s prepared to spend his own money promoting them, and he stands up for them.

    I put him in the wildly disparate group of politicians (how disparate? It includes the likes of Nandor, Muldoon and Mallard) with whom I’d rather negotiate a policy compromise than the majority of MPs because a) they’d have a reason for their position other than “that’s the party line” or “that’s what our focus group told us” even if I thought the reasoning faulty and the belief wrong and b) if I reached agreement with one of them I could trust them to adhere to it.

    I know The Standard doesn’t have an editorial line etc but I find it ironic there’s a post up today lamenting – absolutely correctly, IMO – the complete lack of vision and focus-group-driven “tell certain groups what they want to hear” mentality of the government.

    As someone who wants genuine robust debate between people of integrity (even if they’re completely wrong!) I’m afraid I’m far from sharing the condescending view of Boscawen expressed by most commenters here.

    As for lamingtongate… I’d probably have let it sit there too. Responding in any way would only have fed the ego of the complete cockhead who threw it. If that’s what we want political debate to degenerate into, by all means lets snicker at the funny man with the cake on his head. But I don’t.

    • Draco T Bastard 6.1

      Boscawen’s beliefs may not be to your liking…

      It’s not a question of me liking them, it’s a question of them being connected to reality and they aren’t. Listening to people who aren’t connected to reality, such as Act and National, isn’t going to make anybody’s life any better.

      As for lamingtongate I’d probably have let it sit there too. Responding in any way would only have fed the ego of the complete cockhead who threw it. If that’s what we want political debate to degenerate into, by all means lets snicker at the funny man with the cake on his head. But I don’t.

      Agree with this though – personally, I didn’t find it even remotely funny.

      • Rex Widerstrom 6.1.1

        There’s a long, almost impenetrable distance between someone like Boscawen (or even, I have to chokingly admit, Garrett) and a Simon Power or John Key though Draco.

        You may think the former sorts aren’t connected to reality (and I’d agree with you in Garrett’s case) but at least you can draw a line from beliefs to policies to actions, just as one can with, say, some Greens whose ideas some might argue were equally disconnected from reality.

        I’m talking about those for whom such a line couldn’t be drawn at all, since there’d be no starting point at “beliefs”. Instead the line is a constant sine wave, the frequency of which is determined by focus group feedback in a nice little closed loop.

    • Rich 7.1

      How long as a Minister do you get for 100k? Till the next election?

      I’m almost tempted to apply. Do you just email Rodney, or do they put their list places on TradeMe?

    • Rex Widerstrom 7.2

      Rarely do I think I/S is talking a load of tosh but I do in this case.

      Boscawen has too much money to bother about $100k. Or even $200k. And he’s proven willing to spend it on things in which he believes, like opposing the EFA, which suggests he’s not especially avaricious.

      There’s nothing wrong with donating to something you believe in (as long as it’s totally transparent), which is what Boscawen did.

      I believe MPs in other parties are tithed to fund its activities too… have they all bought their rankings?

      List rankings can and have been bought, albeit rarely, but the people you want to look at for that are those who had little or no involvement with their respective parties before magically appearing near the top of their lists.

  7. bobo 8

    Out of all of the Act Mps Boscawen comes over the best, I disagree with most of his views, the real story here is Roger Douglas using Heather Roy? Does Douglas get the boot as well for plotting? Hide not disclosing any reason why Roy is gone is pathetic , complete opposite to the handling by Labour of Chris Carter. Transparency……..

    • Lanthanide 8.1

      Labour didn’t really have a choice but to be public about Chris Carter – all of the specific details were available to the media from the start.

      There really isn’t that much left to the imagination with Roy’s little debacle anyway – she challenged Hide in some way, and now she’s gone. They’re not going to air the details of their dirty laundry if they don’t have to.

      • bobo 8.1.1

        I’m sure the details here will be leaked at some point, is this the beginning of the end of Act ? Boscawen seemed like the only choice Hide had even if he has paid alot to be bumped up the party list, (market forces in candidate selection seem appropriate) I guess it was like choosing between the best venereal disease.. Has Roger Douglas got an immunity card or something being a far right idol?

        • Carol

          According to someone on Nat Rad, Roy & Douglas wanted ACT to be further Right & didn’t like Hide’s more populist approach. So it was the Roy-Douglas faction vs the rest.

    • RobertM 8.2

      No I think its the reverse, the Roys using the senile old Douglas. The Roys are not really market liberals there from a hard left labour background with friends who are vitually communists from essentially communist families involved in social medicine, psychiatry and anti alcohol campaigning.
      Basically there circles are 3a1 boys and girls who believe they and doctors are the bright intellectually superior people who should make all the decisions about everything
      Douglas and to a lesser degree ruthless ruth richardson and Graham Scott are useful idiots to the factions in act. But Douglas has gone feral and lost the plot entirely considering Rodney Hide is the only useful true market liberal left inAct.
      Part of the explanation for the Roys rise from failed careers in public and private medicine in the 1990s into the leadership and destruction of Act was that Eleanor Roy was Rowlings ‘liberal’ press secretary who stopped Wallace Rowling have Douglas expelled from Labour in l982. A seat in parliament for whatever relation of the Roys that wanted it was part of the payback.

      • loota 8.2.1

        Nice to know NZ has ‘essentially communist families’. Also people who are ‘virtually communists’.

        Where can I find me one of them?

        This country is a hot bed of Red Revolution. They’re so cunning they have even infiltrated ACT. Dirty commies.

        But Douglas has gone feral and lost the plot entirely considering Rodney Hide is the only useful true market liberal left inAct.

        Question: Rodney Hide’s market liberalism is “useful” to whom?

      • peterthepeasant 8.2.2

        Love your post.
        Do you work as a script writer for TV?

        When “Outrageous Fortune” finishes we will have
        “Royal whatever..


  8. coolas 9

    m’wee heart jumped for joy seeing Rodders on TV showing just what a shallow, deceitful bully he is. Brilliant.

    And bravo TV1 (ooch) replaying his mono-answer again and again

    Good Riddance Rodders

  9. Yeah Right 10


    Interesting Questions About Hide’ s Use of Taxpayer Funds

    1. Did the taxpayer pay for any of these trips between the 2005 and
    elections and, if so, has he repaid all or any of it? a. A trip to China to visit his son who was studying there. b. A trip to Europe, including Brussels, where Louise Crome was
    for squash training and competition. c. A trip to the United States and Vietnam with Louise Crome. Interesting Questions About Hide ‘ s Relationship with Louise Crome 1. How much of the appearance fee (estimated $15,000) money for Dancing with the Stars in 2006 went to the Remuera Rackets Club and
    proportion of that made its way to Louise Crome?
    2. Why didn ‘ t the appearance fee show up in his Parliamentary Statements
    Pecuniary Interests which should include other income? Interesting Questions About Hide ‘ s Sexual Preferences. 1. What really happened in the men ‘ s toilet on Waiheke Island in
    between him and some union delegates and why was it all hushed up?

    Interesting Questions About Hide ‘ s Financial Affairs
    1. What did he get paid for his role in the Fiji investment scam that
    endorsed, as an MP?
    2. What was the resolution of his pre-2005 sale of a known ‘ leaky
    which is recorded in Hansard?
    Interesting Questions About Hide ‘ s Ethics Regarding Information Use
    1. Is there any basis to the rumours that he leaked to the media information about Richard Prebble ‘ s affair with a journalist in 2004, which led
    latter ‘ s resignation and Hide becoming leader?
    2. Why did Scott Gilmore, a former EA of Heather Roy, get sacked
    Parliamentary Services for copying all the data from her blackberry
    why do the internal party rumours persist that he admitted doing

    Other Generally Interesting Questions About Hide ‘ s Conduct and Politics
    1. Why was there no commentary on the story that, during the leadership primary in 2005, he offered both Deborah Coddington and Muriel Newman the Deputy Leadership of the Party if they backed him as Leader?
    2. Why was there no commentary on stories of his offer of the
    Leadership of the Party to John Boscawen in late 2009 and beyond,
    backed him during any leadership challenge?
    3. Why has some of his taxpayer-funded staff particularly Stuart
    Chris Diack and Brian Nicolle been undertaking internal and
    political work at Hide ‘ s direction (such as phoning or visiting ACT
    Members and impugning the competence of Heather Roy and
    Douglas) when that sort of activity is specifically prohibited by
    contractual code of conduct?
    4. Is it appropriate, given his Ministerial role in regard to local government and the Auckland Super City, that he is employing staff (Diack and who have clear connections with John Banks and the Citizens Ratepayers ticket in the coming election?

    • felix 10.1

      Some interesting questions there.

      No need to bring his sexual proclivities into it though – unless he’s taking a hypocritical public stance or there’s an element of corruption attached to it then it’s not relevant information.

  10. WOOF 11

    The new dog on the block – I hope he can learn new tricks. I wonder which portfolio he will draw blood from when he finally gets his teeth stuck in?

  11. sukie Damson 12

    Theres only 5 of them. Did Douglas & Roy play the numbers game & get it wrong? Doh!

  12. Carol 13

    Hmmmm. it looks like the far right amongst ACT and National supporters, are rebelling against some of the NACT inconsistencies & compromises. On top of the ACT rift, we have a new version of the Iwi/Kiwi campaign being launched, according to today’s Dom Post:


    The Government is about to be hit by an advertising campaign modelled on the iwi/Kiwi National Party billboards that stirred racial tensions in the 2005 election.

    Now Prime Minister John Key and the National Party are the butt of the campaign being mounted by the Coastal Coalition, a group formed out of concern the Government’s move to change the Foreshore and Seabed Act may give control of beaches to Maori.

    Apparently the Coastal Coalition includes some ex-NACT people.

    The association was going to put up as many billboards as it could afford with money raised from the 8000 people who had signed up to the coalition’s website, he said. Supporters included former ACT deputy leader Muriel Newman and former National Party members, chambers of commerce and boating, fishing and marine charter groups..

    The signs were designed by advertising executive John Ansell, who produced the hard-hitting billboards for National Party leader Don Brash in the 2005 election campaign. Where the target then was Labour and Helen Clark, this time Mr Key is given the treatment.

    So here we seem to have the Brash Orewa element, which Key’s Nat Party has tried to obscure, re-surfacing.

    • loota 13.1

      But Brash got very tidy ‘working party’ positions through the Key Government! Ungrateful sod.

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