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Bridges over troubled waters

Written By: - Date published: 11:17 pm, October 17th, 2013 - 43 comments
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Simon Bridges rose to John Banks’ defence in today’s snap debate in Parliament. For one of National’s supposed bright hopes, a leader of the future we are told, I thought he was pretty pathetic. It took him a long time to work out what his point was. You can watch him trying to find it here.

Contrast it with Grant Robertson’s superb speech here. I think the tide is running out for National.


43 comments on “Bridges over troubled waters”

  1. Not Another Sheep 1

    Grant Robertson’s speech was superb. “Terminological inexactitude.” brilliant euphemism.

    Winston’s was the real ‘cut and thrust’ recalling the history of National from earlier terms and sticking it to Shonkey at the same time for not ‘learning lessons’. ” ..parachute out of a snake’s bottom…?”

    The combined astute speeches tolling the death knell. http://inthehouse.co.nz/node/21504

  2. Mary 2

    Spot all the near Freudian slips. Marvelous stuff.

  3. fender 3

    Yeah that’s a cardboard Bridge to nowhere, lame, he might be Brett Dale..

  4. Murray Olsen 4

    Has Bridges had a severe head injury at some stage? He really does seem simple.

    • Not Another Sheep 4.1

      No more dopey than simple, I think he’s just under effects of Resperine perhaps.. needed after his braying ‘episode’ on Campbell aspiring to be the next show pony.

  5. North 5

    WTF was all that from Wee Simon ?

    Talk about punkarse little Crown prosecutor !

    Roberston actually gave a real speech.

    • fender 5.1

      “Robertson actually gave a real speech.”

      And it was a good one that actually made sense, unlike the disjointed ramblings of the drunken(?) Bridges.

  6. Appleboy 6

    My god, you could hear his speech slowing down as he was thinking what the hell to say next. brain processing a little in deficit

    • Lanthanide 6.1

      Yes, one thing I noticed very early with Simon is that he often speaks very slowly and deliberately.

      I’m not sure whether it’s a by-product of him being a thicko, or a deliberate tactic on his part to give him more time to think of what he’ll say next, or simply a stalling tactic to ensure that for any given question, he fills up a lot of time without saying anything substantive.

      So basically boils down to:
      1. Side-effect of being a thicko
      2. Deliberate strategy on his part to compensate for his thickness
      3. Cunning ploy to avoid saying much in the time allowed

      Given his interview on Campbell Live, I’m strongly leaning towards #1.

      • David H 6.1.1

        “Yes, one thing I noticed very early with Simon is that he often speaks very slowly and deliberately.”

        Maybe he suffers from what ails David Shearer, He’s a stutterer.

        • fender

          Shearer may have delivery problems but he has a far superior brain than that of Bridges, imo. Bridges may not be carrying any dead snapper with him while attempting a speech, but there’s something more rotten wafting around him.

          The strange arm gestures Bridges employs reminded me of an Aussie Rules referee when points are scored, or was he shaking his beach towel on the desert island that is his intellect?

        • Lanthanide

          Possibly, but I think if he was a stuttering issue, he’d probably slip up at least occasionally?

      • Rogue Trooper 6.1.2

        more time to think about what would come naturally.

  7. muzza 7

    What a sad little man Bridges is.

    Did he get removed for using the phrase “numbskull policies” ?

    • miravox 7.1

      Good question, I don’t know the answer because I couldn’t listen past that point. Did I miss anything worthwhile?

      • David H 7.1.1

        No he could not even keep that line of horseshit up for the full 10 mins, petered out completely after 5 mins and 10 seconds. That alone should tell Banks even his mates think he’s toast.

      • muzza 7.1.2

        Didn’t watch much past the “numbskull” comment, I’ve got better use of time to make, than watch the disgace which is our lifes energy funded parliament “in effect”

  8. risildowgtn 8

    He speaks like his jaw is wired shut to stop the retardation from slipping out

    and he was a Crown Prosecutor?


    • bad12 8.1

      i agree with you about the speech emanating from around a jaw tightly wired shut, there is something deeply disturbing going on just in behind wee simple Simon’s frontal lobe, on the odd occasion if you watch Him closely you will see a ‘flash’ of something across His eyes,(as if a rat has flicked it’s tail),

      The tightly wired jaw tho i believe is caused by the power rush Bridges still gets from having been elected to the Parliament in the first place, His very being gives off the impression that He is about to burst into shouting that ‘He is in charge here and why should He justify or have to explain anything to anyone’,

      Nick Smith in my opinion is also afflicted with the same ailment, the power rush of being made deputy under Doctor Dullard Don Brash is said to have had Nick running round the corridors of the Parliament barking orders at everyone, including the Labour opposition MP’s…

    • McFlock 8.2

      I think it might actually be a cop thing, being trained to speak slowly for the court recorder, and a tone that someone might confuse with gravitas.

  9. Tracey 9

    In the olden days of stenographers we had to speak so slowly and pause when pages ended… he may be too young to have it as an excuse. Prosecuting lawyers have always been notoriously boring speakers…

  10. phil 10

    What made me Lol was SB, in the debating chamber, impugning Metirei Turei, saying he expected higher standards from a lawyer! Pure comedy gold. Since The Government killed TVNZ7, parliarmentary TV is the most entertaining farce in our biased media.

  11. Willie Maley 11

    Simon and Katrina Shanks were gold on Back Benches back when it screened on TVNZ7.
    What a pair of numbskulls, proves the point that you could put a blue rosette on a sheep and the people in those electorates would vote for it.

  12. Wayne 12

    Don’t underestimate Simon.

    He is smart and he learns. He has a degree from Oxford. And his background should tell you he knows how to work to achieve his goals. And he knows the life and aspirations of middle New Zealand, having grown up in West Auckland.

    And my recollection is that he was engaging on Back benches and on the breakfast programme with Jacinda Adern.

    • Lanthanide 12.1

      He’s got a lot of learning to do.

    • Te Reo Putake 12.2

      I thought he claimed to have grown up in TGA. Or is lying part of what he’s learning?

      • Wayne 12.2.1

        Ah the “Tauranga boy” comment. Said as their representative (and because he is a relatively young MP, who looks youthful enough). It was not intended as literal assertion that he spent his boyhood in Tauranga.

        But I am sure you are smart enough to work that out.

    • Pascal's bookie 12.3

      It’s hard to learn to be not smarmy.

    • karol 12.4

      Maybe National Party people over-estimate Bridges, based on his CV and attempts to follow the Nat’s strategy of talking over people, attacking, diverting, and not answering questions?

      Hooton claimed on Citizen A that people in the National Party thought that Bridges’ performance on Campbell Live was really good. Seems to me such people can’t tell the difference between Key’s slick performance of the above strategies, and Bridges’ clumsy, shouty and off-putting attempt to do the same. Bridges’ also doesn’t seem that capable of thinking on his feet and adjusting his approach.

    • Rogue Trooper 12.5

      West Auckland =/= “middle New Zealand, that would be the Tory Channel

    • risildowgtn 12.6

      He is still an arrogant asshole

    • Murray Olsen 12.7

      1.A degree from Oxford isn’t worth what it used to be. I know some totally useless people with PhDs from Oxford.
      2. A background as a prosecutor suggests he was a useless lawyer who couldn’t go anywhere in private practice, and relied on lies and a huge well-funded machine dealing from a stacked deck.
      3. A prosecutor is more likely to know about the fears of middle New Zealand than the aspirations.
      4. He can be as engaging as many times as he likes. One petulant shouty dummy spit nullifies it all.

  13. Sable 13

    When you have nothing worthwhile to say then all you have is noise. Both Keys and now this character have shown that in spades…

  14. Tracey 14


    if by smart you mean cunning and calcukating, I agree.

    oxford aint what it used to be

  15. Rosie 15

    Interesting observations above Bridges’ style of speech and pace of speech. It’s got to be about personality (I use the word personality in its broadest sense in relation to Bridges) and motivation. He also does this thing when he has to spin ultimate bullshit – he drops his voice right down and it goes a bit robotic. I wonder if it was because as a little boy he was told not to tell lies, and he knows deep down that he shouldn’t really say bad things because God will punish him but the lies just have to squeak out of him. Jonathan Coleman does this a bit too, when he has to justify the unjustifiable.

    There really is malevolence living in that man. I see that flash across the eyes you’re talking about too bad12, lol. He gives me the creeps. Ugh.

    oh and PS, lolnats.co.nz , when you’re free. how about a series “Simon Bridges totally looks like Duckface”. He does a weird pouty thing as he tries to get the words out.

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