web analytics

Caption competition

Written By: - Date published: 2:50 pm, March 18th, 2015 - 49 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags: ,

Courtesy of Bryce Edwards. (See also here, here, and the truly horrifying here.)


49 comments on “Caption competition ”

  1. tc 1

    goddammit, another one to the left

  2. Anno1701 2

    Wheres some lightning when you need it ?

  3. Ant 3

    I’m losing my grip.

  4. Sans Cle 4


  5. risildowgtn 5

    you should see my hammer skills..

  6. infused 6

    John Key. A man in control.

  7. McFlock 7

    “It’s not the length of the club, it’s the technique of the stroke”

  8. ianmac 8

    I can hit a ball any old how because I have fans who will put my balls in just the way I like it.

  9. Brian 9

    Ah! swipe.

  10. ianmac 10

    Modelled on Putin?

  11. ropata 11

    on planet key i am a scratch golfer, who needs practice or technique ?

  12. greywarshark 12

    Seconds after this picturesque shot, john’s club swung back on an arc, struck him on the head knocking him to the ground and fatally injuring him. Golfers should take notice of this sad event. Stance is everything, and balance, and unfortunately John had swung too far to the Right.

    (My captions always grow beyond the few words intended at the start.)

  13. Puckish Rogue 13

    Not a caption but still funny

    “This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion. Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!”

    ok still not a caption but even funnier

    “So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.”

    “A looper?”

    “A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”

  14. Clemgeopin 14

    “My boy, the 220 pounds iron pumper, the ‘builder of scores of bridges over troubled waters’, O for Orsome, will get, at the end of the day on the 28th, a h0le, in one, just like this drive will. Mark my words!!….

    …and Oh, listen up! I’ll say it again with a straight face, ‘Winston has zero, nada, zilch chance of winning!’…The proof of the pudding will be in the troty and the three way handshake. It is all as clear to me as muddy mud!…

    …Come over here pronto quick, Joyce, Osborne, Bridges, Maggie, Paula, Paula’s staffer, Chris, Nikki, Alfred, Amy, Sabin, Cosby, Textor, Penguin and English….get off your undeserving luxury limousines and come and help carry my bags and balls up the hill and down the valley, you bloody useless double dipping pretentious underclass!

    Now just shut up and watch my shot!”


    • greywarshark 14.1

      (I put up some information on Crosby Textor in Brit and it appears that it’s a case over there of Cameron carrying Crosby’s golf clubs. It’s not Bing Crosby, it’s King Crosby.)

      Caption –
      Blue skies shining on me is how it looks in this photo. But the pressure’s affecting my swing! I think after Northland I’ll do a Putin and shove off for a week to my homeland and heartland overseas.

  15. Tel 15

    New 5 eyes club designed to find the bunker every time.

  16. jeff 16

    “Fourrrrrrrrrrr! Take that you ISIS bastads”

  17. saveNZ 17

    This background is for sale.

  18. fender 18

    Formidable wanker has lousy grip.

    See, I’ve got guts.

  19. b waghorn 19

    “FIGJAM” thinks key

  20. b waghorn 20

    I wonder how long I’ll have to wait to play someone who actually tries to beat me.

  21. fender 21

    This is my 5-eye belt buckle.

    The report had too many pages for me to be stuffed reading it, so was the chapter on club grip.

  22. fender 22

    Bugger, should have used my 5 iron eyeon.

  23. felix 23

    “It’s just a jump to the left…”

  24. Clemgeopin 24

    “The hammer failed. We all know that. Let me try again with my secret weapon, this five iron club. Pass me the nail, Ozy! No, not the polish, you dork!”

  25. Whateva next? 25

    At last some time for the things that really matter….

  26. toad 26

    “I ain’t got no horse, I ain’t got no horizon…”

  27. Incognito 27

    A photo from above with my selfie-stick.

  28. Ecoss_Maidy 28

    Keys takes one last swing at the electorate in Northland….but as usual not quite up to par.

  29. adam 29

    A wholly owned subsidiary of BMW.

  30. Sable 30

    Oops another missed hold. OOoooh Barack you play golf soooo well. Would you like your shoes polished or another TPPA like agreement signed? Maybe we could sell you the rest of New Zealand?

  31. greywarshark 31

    Crikey there’s some wit in this lot.

  32. this is what happens when there are no toilets on my planet

  33. rod 33

    Bugger, I forget what I scored on the last two holes. I’ll just put a birdie for both. The handicapper will never know. that’s the best thing about playing on your own.

  34. AB 34

    Hawaiian hacker hocks off country

  35. Ecoss_Maidy 35

    “Left Wing” Club breaks ranks and risks all with an impromptu attack on CEO Keys which he has difficulty fending off

  36. Ecoss_Maidy 36

    “Good girl Paula,,, fetch my balls fetch I say!”

  37. Ecoss_Maidy 37

    PM loosing his grip…..

  38. Ecoss_Maidy 38

    Fruit Fly attack, angers Generilisamo Keys, so much so he produces his own light sabre to fight back!

    Take That Evil Fruit Fly!

  39. Ecoss_Maidy 39

    Ok,,,,,who’s got a condom for my pole???? Winston? George? Which of you are the biggest dick?

  40. Ecoss_Maidy 40

    Does this pose make my arse look big?
    Well some say in Northaland you are an arse PM..

  41. Ecoss_Maidy 41

    BMW Execs in Munich are horrified, that their logo hanst been photo edited out and all they can see is a Class A Arse in Full Swing

  42. Ecoss_Maidy 42

    Pm wears the new white!

  43. Ecoss_Maidy 43

    NO PM! Its Blue & White Not Gold & Yellow..U Moron!

  44. Ecosse_Maidy 44

    PM, has absolutely no idea how to use the latest, deluxe, arse scratcher…

  45. The Real Matthew 45

    PM swats away the opposition for another election victory

  46. Steve Cain 46


Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • NZ announces a third P-3 deployment in support of UN sanctions
    The Government has deployed a Royal New Zealand Air Force P-3K2 Orion (P-3) maritime patrol aircraft to support the implementation of United Nations Security Council (UNSC) resolutions imposing sanctions against North Korea, announced Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters and Minister of Defence Ron Mark. “New Zealand has long supported ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Pacific trade and development agreement a reality
    Pacific regional trade and development agreement PACER Plus will enter into force in 60 days now that the required eight countries have ratified it. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker welcomed the announcement that the Cook Islands is the eighth nation to ratify this landmark agreement. “The agreement represents ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Securing a pipeline of teachers
    The Government is changing its approach to teacher recruitment as COVID-19 travel restrictions continue, by boosting a range of initiatives to get more Kiwis into teaching. “When we came into Government, we were faced with a teacher supply crisis,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “Over the past three years, we ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Border exceptions for a small number of international students with visas
    The Government has established a new category that will allow 250 international PhD and postgraduate students to enter New Zealand and continue their studies, in the latest set of border exceptions. “The health, safety and wellbeing of people in New Zealand remains the Government’s top priority. Tight border restrictions remain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • First COVID-19 vaccine purchase agreement signed
    The Government has signed an agreement to purchase 1.5 million COVID-19 vaccines – enough for 750,000 people – from Pfizer and BioNTech, subject to the vaccine successfully completing all clinical trials and passing regulatory approvals in New Zealand, say Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods and Health Minister Chris Hipkins. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • International statement – End-to-end encryption and public safety
    We, the undersigned, support strong encryption, which plays a crucial role in protecting personal data, privacy, intellectual property, trade secrets and cyber security.  It also serves a vital purpose in repressive states to protect journalists, human rights defenders and other vulnerable people, as stated in the 2017 resolution of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Ministry of Defence Biodefence Assessment released
    The Ministry of Defence has today released a Defence Assessment examining Defence’s role across the spectrum of biological hazards and threats facing New Zealand. Biodefence: Preparing for a New Era of Biological Hazards and Threats looks at how the NZDF supports other agencies’ biodefence activities, and considers the context of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020
    New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020 Hon David Parker’s response following Thomas Piketty and Esther Duflo. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever in the world you might be. I first acknowledge the excellent thought provoking speeches of Thomas Piketty and Esther ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Kaipara Moana restoration takes next step
    A Memorandum of Understanding has been signed today at Waihāua Marae between the Crown, local iwi and councils to protect, restore and enhance the mauri of Kaipara Moana in Northland. Environment Minister David Parker signed the document on behalf of the Crown along with representatives from Ngā Maunga Whakahī, Ngāti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand and Uruguay unite on reducing livestock production emissions
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor and Uruguayan Minister of Livestock, Agriculture and Fisheries Carlos María Uriarte have welcomed the launch of a three-year project that will underpin sustainable livestock production in Uruguay, Argentina, and Costa Rica.  The project called ‘Innovation for pasture management’ is led by Uruguay’s National Institute of Agricultural ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • 3100 jobs created through marae upgrades
    Hundreds of marae throughout the country will be upgraded through investments from the Provincial Growth Fund’s refocused post COVID-19 funding to create jobs and put money into the pockets of local tradespeople and businesses, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta have announced. “A total ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Health volunteers recognised in annual awards
    Health Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 9 teams and 14 individuals are the recipients of this year’s Minister of Health Volunteer Awards.  “The health volunteer awards celebrate and recognise the thousands of dedicated health sector volunteers who give many hours of their time to help other New Zealanders,” Mr Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community COVID-19 Fund supports Pacific recovery
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says a total of 264 groups and individuals have successfully applied for the Pacific Aotearoa Community COVID-19 Recovery Fund, that will support Pacific communities drive their own COVID-19 recovery strategies, initiatives, and actions. “I am keen to see this Fund support Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community benefits from Māori apprenticeships
    Up to 50 Māori apprentices in Wellington will receive paid training to build houses for their local communities, thanks to a $2.75 million investment from the Māori Trades and Training Fund, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Ngāti Toa Rangatira Incorporated to provide its Ngā Kaimahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Training fund supports Māori jobseekers
    Rapidly growing sectors will benefit from a $990,000 Māori Trades and Training Fund investment which will see Wellington jobseekers supported into work, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Sapphire Consultants Ltd. to help up to 45 Māori jobseekers into paid training initiatives over two years through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruakura Inland Port development vital infrastructure for Waikato
    The Government is investing $40 million to develop an inland port at Ruakura which will become a freight super-hub and a future business, research and residential development for the Waikato, Urban Development and Transport Minister Phil Twyford, and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta announced today. The funding has been has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Appointments made to Defence Expert Review Group
    Defence Minister Ron Mark announced today the establishment of an Expert Review Group to review a number of aspects of the New Zealand Defence Force’s (NZDF) structure, information management and record-keeping processes.  The Expert Review Group’s work arises out of the first recommendation from the Report of the Government’s Inquiry ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • No active community cases of COVID-19
    There are no active community cases of COVID-19 remaining in the country after the last people from the recent outbreak have recovered from the virus, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “This is a big milestone. New Zealanders have once again through their collective actions squashed the virus. The systems ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Clean energy upgrade for more public buildings
    More public buildings will be supported by the Government to upgrade to run on clean energy, the Minister for Climate Change James Shaw announced today. Minister Shaw announced that Lincoln and Auckland universities will receive support through the Clean-Powered Public Service Fund to replace fossil fuel boilers. Southern, Taranaki, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Schools back donations scheme for the second year
    More schools have opted in to the donations scheme for 2021, compared to 2020 when the scheme was introduced. “The families of more than 447,000 students will be better off next year, with 94% of eligible schools and kura opting into the scheme,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “This is ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruapehu cycle trails gets PGF boost
    The spectacular Mountains to Sea cycle trail in Ruapehu District will receive $4.6 million in funding from the Provincial Growth Fund for two additional trails, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones announced today. “This is an exciting development for the local community, and one that will provide significant economic opportunities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Update to air border order strengthens crew requirements
    Additional measures coming into effect on Monday will boost our defence against COVID-19 entering New Zealand through the air border, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “As part of our precautionary approach and strategy of constant review, we’re tightening the requirements around international aircrew,” Chris Hipkins said. The COVID-19 Public ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • A true picture of Māori business activity
    A better picture of the contribution Māori businesses make to the economy will be possible with changes to the way information is collected about companies and trading enterprises. Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Small Business Minister Stuart Nash have announced a new option for Māori enterprises who are part ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • PGF funding for Taranaki projects
    The South Taranaki museum, a New Plymouth distillery and a Pasifika building firm will benefit from a Government investment totalling more than $1 million, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones says. The $1.05m in grants and loans from the Provincial Growth Fund (PGF) will help the recipients expand and create ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Fijian Language Week 2020 inspires courage and strength during COVID-19 pandemic
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says the theme for the 2020 Fijian Language Week reflects the strong belief by Fijians that their language and culture inspires courage and strength that is strongly needed in times of emergencies, or through a significant challenge like the global COVID-19 pandemic ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Trades training builds on iwi aspirations
    An investment of $2.025 million from the Māori Trades and Training Fund will support Māori to learn new skills while making a positive difference for their communities, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “K3 Development Limited Partnership will receive $2,025,000 for its Takitimu Tuanui apprenticeship programme, which will support the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago