Caption competition

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, April 11th, 2015 - 86 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour, The Standard - Tags:

Mark Weedon John Key

86 comments on “Caption competition ”

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  1. NZJester 1
    11 April 2015 at 1:12 pm

    In a thought bubble above his head. (boy I’m nervous. I fell like the devil is behind me and breathing down my neck)

  2. mickysavage 2
    11 April 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Luke I am your father …

  3. ropata 3
    11 April 2015 at 1:33 pm

    TV3’s new soap: “Working For Satan”

    (stolen from https://twitter.com/Megapope/status/586696892278374400 )

    • weka 3.1
      11 April 2015 at 1:51 pm

      Heh, was just about to suggest a competition on what Julie Christie’s new soap will be.

    • seeker 3.2
      11 April 2015 at 3:26 pm

      “The Screwyou tape Letters” mini series for tv 3 (with apologies to C.S.Lewis).

  4. pohutukawakid 4
    11 April 2015 at 1:39 pm

    The organ grinder and the monkey!
    Which is which?

  5. happynz 5
    11 April 2015 at 2:00 pm

    What’s it with middle-aged slightly balding Kiwi blokes and the tousled hair look? Whaddya reckon he spent over $200 for that haircut?

  6. swordfish 6
    11 April 2015 at 2:01 pm

    Weldon: “Mr Key usually has his hand up my arse as a precaution. But tonight he says he’s feeling confident enough to let me go solo.”

  7. Stickler 7
    11 April 2015 at 2:03 pm

    When I said I’d watch his back, I didn’t mention I was looking for a place to stick the knife….

  8. Incognito 8
    11 April 2015 at 2:18 pm

    John Key Mark I and Mark too.

  9. Clemgeopin 9
    11 April 2015 at 2:18 pm

    “Quality doesn’t matter. It is all about the quantity. The bum does look big in there!”

  10. tracey 10
    11 April 2015 at 2:31 pm

    “I want to run my hands through his gently wavy hair, while we swim in a pool of cash.”

  11. Penny Bright 11
    11 April 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Look!

    A ‘no hands’ sock puppet!

    Penny Bright

    • burt 11.1
      11 April 2015 at 4:26 pm

      If this guy lived in his own freehold house, paid no taxes and no rates while telling other wealthy people they should pay more tax – would he be a hero to you for acting just like you do ?

      • Tracey 11.1.1
        11 April 2015 at 4:55 pm

        how much tax do you reckon Weldon pays?

        • burt 11.1.1.1
          12 April 2015 at 9:04 am

          Tracey

          If he has a freehold house in Auckland then he’d be wealthy by anyone’s measure. If he was wealthy and banging on that wealthy people should pay more tax while paying none himself then I’d call him a fraud – like I do with Penny ( I’m a hard core left who is wealthy and pay no tax ) Bright.

          • felix 11.1.1.1.1
            12 April 2015 at 9:12 am

            How do you know how much tax Penny pays?

            • burt 11.1.1.1.1.1
              12 April 2015 at 9:32 am

              She stated it when pressed in a blog post on kiwiblog. She actually went as far as mocking me saying I was jealous she had a freehold property while I was renting. She’s a class act lefty that one.

              • felix …
                12 April 2015 at 11:21 am

                Stated what?

                • burt …
                  12 April 2015 at 1:01 pm

                  Find out for yourself try this search in google;

                  ‘burt penny jealous freehold house site:www.kiwiblog.co.nz’

                  Vary them to include/exclude; tax, rates, government funded services, multi national banks, google, fraud of a lefty, freehold, occupy

                  and see what you can find.

                  Otherwise – ask her. On other blogs she’s readily admitted paying no tax and refusing to pay her rates. Perhaps on this blog Penny like to keep up her charade that she is a lefty rather than a wealthy individual contributing nothing while demanding others don’t act like she does.

                  • felix …
                    12 April 2015 at 1:40 pm

                    Sorry burt, I thought you said you knew how much tax she paid. Now you want me to figure it out for you?

                    How much tax is she supposed to be paying anyway? And how would you know?

                    • burt …
                      12 April 2015 at 1:44 pm

                      There is no point in me telling you – you’re going to ignore my information anyway. I’ve said she pays no tax, she’s got every right to argue that – I don’t see her denying it on this blog.

                      But just for you I’ll ask her every time I see her post on this blog and lets see if she can confirm or deny it for you. Best I can do given you’re so selective in what you believe that you aren’t even prepared to acknowledge your preferred political ideology has ended in tears every time its been tried in NZ for the last 50+ years.

                    • felix …
                      12 April 2015 at 2:06 pm

                      I’m having trouble following that.

                      Are you saying you do know how much tax she’s supposed to be paying?

                      Or you don’t?

                    • burt …
                      12 April 2015 at 3:10 pm

                      Sorry burt, I thought you said you knew how much tax she paid. Now you want me to figure it out for you?

                      You’re making shit up as you go now felix.

                      I said she pays no tax – you asked how I know. I told you. You didn’t want to listen and now you think I’m asking you to figure it out when I told you you could verify it with her yourself.

                      I picking you don’t care if she pays no tax and owns a freehold property because she supports the same failed ideology as you and the fact she behaves like a hard core capitalist is OK with you.

                    • felix …
                      12 April 2015 at 4:09 pm

                      Yeah, I know you said she pays no tax.

                      I’ve been asking how you know how much tax she’s supposed to be paying.

                      Also I have no problem with people owning houses freehold and I can’t imagine why you would either.

                    • ropata …
                      12 April 2015 at 4:18 pm

                      In burt-world, you can’t have assets and vote Left.
                      He seems to think that a dog-eat-dog society is the only option.
                      TINA

              • ropata …
                12 April 2015 at 12:30 pm

                burt,
                If you’re renting then a vote for National is a vote for worse housing affordability and worse rental conditions. Have you been following any news in the last 6 years or have you taken a few too many #teamkey enemas?

                Housing:
                http://thestandard.org.nz/nationals-social-housing-policy-in-action/
                http://thestandard.org.nz/dollar-parity/#comment-996869

                And here’s more on National’s priorities:

                $400 MILLION TO FEED NZ COWS "yes' …..$100 MILLION TO FEED NZ KIDS 'no" #TEAMKEY— André Hock (@transparency_a1) March 18, 2015

                #NotNational #Northland #DirtyPolitics #TeamKey pic.twitter.com/Tz2nLcHZsJ— Paul Le Comte (@five15design) March 19, 2015

                $1.5 billion to refit navy with new torpedoes and upgrading ammunition for their guns…… hungry Kids get a raincoat and an apple #teamkey— André Hock (@transparency_a1) March 18, 2015

          • weka 11.1.1.1.2
            12 April 2015 at 2:15 pm

            “If he has a freehold house in Auckland then he’d be wealthy by anyone’s measure.”

            I have relatives in Auckland who have freehold houses. They’re middle class and no more wealthy than relatives who live elsewhere in NZ. They’re just old and bought and paid off their mortgage in a time when that was normal in that area. Please be careful about how you attach judgements.

  12. Penny Bright 12
    11 April 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Mark – my words ….

    Penny Bright

  13. JanM 13
    11 April 2015 at 3:03 pm

    If you’re not going to be nice to my little friend you can just go away, so there!

  14. ruup 14
    11 April 2015 at 3:39 pm

    ‘…..and you can’t even see my lips moving….”

  15. emergency mike 15
    11 April 2015 at 3:59 pm

    “I for one welcome our new NACToid overlords.”

  16. Simple Simon 16
    11 April 2015 at 4:06 pm

    Only one thing missing in that photo.

    The door sign, Tosser Club In. Members Only.

  17. burt 17
    11 April 2015 at 4:24 pm

    So those who want this leftard clap trap show and are prepared to put your own money behind it raise your hands ? anyone ? Anyone at all ?

    • ropata 17.1
      11 April 2015 at 9:44 pm

      i dunno, do you think journalists should question the State or should they just be part of its PR machine?

      when will you stop licking keys butt burt?

      • burt 17.1.1
        12 April 2015 at 8:34 am

        Of course they should question the state. But I think you are confused. TV3 isn’t a state run monopoly where dear leader calls the shots. It’s a business and Campbell’s ratings are shit. See in your ideal lefty ( guaranteed to fail ideology ) there is no notion of questioning the state – lucky we don’t have your preferred political system fully implemented eh.

        • ropata 17.1.1.1
          12 April 2015 at 12:00 pm

          Campbell isn’t “left” you fool, and my preferred political system is one that is accountable and honest, not a pack of capitalist bankster cronies selling off the future of NZ. Do you have a moral compass or is that for sale like everything else in the Nactoid universe?

          • burt 17.1.1.1.1
            12 April 2015 at 1:41 pm

            Campbell isn’t “left” you fool…

            We’re not in Guatemala now ropata…

            … and my preferred political system is one that is accountable and honest, not a pack of capitalist bankster union cronies selling ripping off the future of NZ. workers to fund highly paid politicians.

            Are we having fun doing talking points yet ?

            But seriously – if Campbell isn’t the sweat heart of the left – why are only left wing blogs crying over his potential axing ?

            I guess it could be nothing to do with his political view other than he appears to join her majesties loyal (unthinking) opposition being against the nasty evil baby eating John Key.

            • ropata 17.1.1.1.1.1
              12 April 2015 at 4:23 pm

              Your last sentence is surprisingly showing a glimmer of understanding.
              Campbell is one of the few TV journos not tarred by the Dirty Politics scandal.
              It’s not a left-vs-right thing, it’s about ethical journalism and reporting things that matter to Kiwis not the latest Beehive spin.

              I wouldn’t trust any journalist who just nods and goes along with whatever lines are spun from leaders like Bliar, Bush, or John P Key.

              As for why the right wing outlets aren’t complaining, you work it out.

            • North 17.1.1.1.1.2
              12 April 2015 at 5:17 pm

              So succinct in your last paragraph Burt. Succinct most times means the guts of the matter. Thanks….

        • felix 17.1.1.2
          12 April 2015 at 1:59 pm

          “See in your ideal lefty corporate ( guaranteed to fail already failing almost everybody ideology ) there is no notion of questioning the state gods of the market – lucky we don’t quite have your preferred political system fully implemented just yet eh.”

          Oh this is fun. retrospectively 😀 editing burt’s brainfarts.

        • North 17.1.1.3
          12 April 2015 at 6:32 pm

          But of course Burt’s definition of that wonderful democratic institution the right “to question” is to go no further than this – once every two years slightly raise one eyebrow. And with the heel of a hand smash it back into line so no one will notice and report the ghastliness of it to The GodKey’s Top Drawer.

          ‘Cept sorry Burt…….the story is that nowadays no one’s reporting back. Anyone who might is too busy assessing his/her political odds in these days of impending George III. No shortage of cocktail party grimaces however, as per usual. Look for more fuck-ups. Not that the Theist Being and the inner–cabal would listen if they were told. It’s called third-termitis.

          There’s only sadness in this for you Burt. Macrame, as a suggestion…….?

  18. Clemgeopin 18
    11 April 2015 at 4:42 pm

    “My work is almost done! I have destroyed state assets, destroyed privacy, destroyed state education, destroyed adult community education night classes, destroyed railways, destroyed ethics in government, destroyed truth and honesty, destroyed surplus, destroyed MMP and I have destroyed democracy among other things. I have one more thing to do before I bugger off to USA, Mark. I need you to help me here : Destroy that courageous caring journalist, the thorn on our side, that ‘little creep!”

  19. mary_a 19
    11 April 2015 at 4:54 pm

    “Spin that bullshit boy and spin it good. Ya hear? “Ya ol’ pappy John is a watchin’ ya boy.”

  20. Kevin 20
    11 April 2015 at 5:18 pm

    What’s the prize?

  21. mac1 21
    11 April 2015 at 5:43 pm

    “Bling it on!” How to sit modestly whilst still showing off the matching gold cufflinks and watch.

  22. Ffloyd 22
    11 April 2015 at 5:58 pm

    Another spineless sycophant under my spell. God they’re so easy. G’wan my son, make me proud. Don’t like you but you’re useful.

  23. Treetop 23
    11 April 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Freedom of speech is not alive and well on Campbell Live.

    Campbell knows what poverty is, Key does not.

    The competition avoids the real John Key.

  24. Clemgeopin 24
    11 April 2015 at 6:31 pm

    “You are a numbers man, John. What is the ‘number’ for Winston Peters to win the Northland buy election, John?”

    “Ah, that is easy! Zero! “

  25. joe90 25
    11 April 2015 at 6:33 pm

    It’s the Chuck and Dave show.

  26. Trainman 26
    11 April 2015 at 6:40 pm

    Hey Mark I didn’t like being called to account by Campbell so now sort it

  27. Anne 27
    11 April 2015 at 6:45 pm

    People have been talking about current affairs lately. I want to categorically deny that I am having a current affair. Indeed I have not had one since I married.

  28. bernard 28
    11 April 2015 at 6:46 pm

    I`ve got your back,Mark

  29. Michael 29
    11 April 2015 at 8:03 pm

    They do make a lovely couple.

  30. Skinny 30
    11 April 2015 at 8:37 pm

    Us rats must stick together too much anti MSM poison being sprayed. Did Campbell drink the 1080 cocktail we served him?

  31. Weepus beard 31
    11 April 2015 at 8:54 pm

    That hair, Mark. Is it Regaine, or Advanced Hair?

  32. marty mars 32
    11 April 2015 at 9:12 pm

    weldon – this is my sincere telling the truth face
    key – mine too

  33. te reo putake 33
    11 April 2015 at 9:59 pm

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I am just gonna state the obvious: we have a doppelgänger in our midst.”

  34. Incognito 34
    11 April 2015 at 11:04 pm

    Dudes, I’m so ripped right now that I have a 6-pack on my forehead and John can’t see it!

  35. Rob 35
    11 April 2015 at 11:10 pm

    The unsmiling assassin

  36. Incognito 36
    11 April 2015 at 11:28 pm

    Let’s be clear, the Jono and Ben show is not a euphemism for John Key and Paula Bennett on the campaign trail in Northland.

  37. peterh 37
    12 April 2015 at 8:15 am

    I will be watching you, look after Paul, and try and get Mike on board

  38. Stuart Munro 38
    12 April 2015 at 11:25 am

    “My name is Mark, and I’ve been sober for about fifteen minutes…”

  39. ropata 39
    12 April 2015 at 4:28 pm

    “And for my next trick, I am going to fart in your general direction!”

  40. cogito 40
    12 April 2015 at 4:57 pm

    NEW FROM TV3:
    “The Two Piranhas”, NZ’s new **REAL** reality show, where the Two Piranhas unleash chaos and mayhem in the newsroom as they aim for total media control.

  41. b waghorn 41
    12 April 2015 at 4:57 pm

    I’m so proud of my mini me right now I could just hug him to bits.
    ( thinks key)

  42. rod 42
    12 April 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Some people may say that TV3’s News and Current Affairs will be fully controlled by the National Government and it’s lackey’s and puppets. I couldn’t possibly comment,

  43. North 43
    12 April 2015 at 5:13 pm

    “Yeah well Wegewege called from Florida – near Cuba. Said John needed a hand so I came straight down. Oh he’s OK, don’t worry about it. He’s Just sulking. Winston called him a 13,000 vote epic-fail-fuckwit and it’s taking time……you know,…..expunge the facts.”

    “Anyway, let me introduce the Prime Minster Mr ShonKey Python…….fresh from Melbourne – near Northland.”

  44. Atiawa 44
    12 April 2015 at 8:01 pm

    I’m the ‘block, he’s the butcher.

  45. Chrys Berryman 45
    12 April 2015 at 8:11 pm

    “oh shit I don’t have a pulse,Mark help me here,I don’t have a pulse!!!….shit if I hav’nt got a pulse it means I don’t have a heart!!!!,god Mark this means I’m a heartless neo lib like you……

  46. cogito 46
    12 April 2015 at 11:28 pm

    Weldon: “never mind the truth, count the money”

  47. freedom 47
    13 April 2015 at 2:25 pm

    “I don’t even have a phone”

  48. Ecosse_Maidy 48
    13 April 2015 at 6:02 pm

    Thank you I am honoured to have finished second in Bastard of The Year competition…

    Yet I can now reveal the winner is………………

  49. Ecosse_Maidy 49
    13 April 2015 at 6:05 pm

    CEO Keys, What a fooking rank amateur,,,,,
    Just look at him, he ain’t no professional,,,,,
    ,Hes lying without the use of a auto cue….

    How damn demeaning to our profession!!!!

  50. Ecosse_Maidy 50
    13 April 2015 at 6:05 pm

    Okdokey,,,,The Replacement for Jeremy Fartson is…..

  51. Ecosse_Maidy 51
    13 April 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Keys thinking………………………….Hell calls himself a member of the conservative elite……There is no way that suit is anywhere near an Armani…….what cheap shit

  52. Ecosse_Maidy 52
    13 April 2015 at 6:08 pm

    Thank you all for your good wishes,,,,,now John and I are going to enjoy our civil partnership, at your expense with a 2 week golfing honeymoon in Hawaii…

  53. Ecosse_Maidy 53
    13 April 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Dunce Keys,,, ermm what that sign on his back,,,Kick Em? Ermmmm what is that? oh well it means nothing, i will do my usual nothing

  54. Ecosse_Maidy 54
    13 April 2015 at 6:12 pm

    Clash Of The “Tie”tans……Yellow Or Blue,,Your Choice or A Referendum

  55. Ecosse_Maidy 55
    13 April 2015 at 6:22 pm

    CEO Keys, Ha Talk all you like, I pull your strings, you upstart….!

    Ghostly Banker/Business/Elite, Figue Behind Genrillismo Keys,,,,

    Ha!!! Look Smug all you like, we pull your strings Keys…!

  56. Ecosse_Maidy 56
    13 April 2015 at 6:24 pm

    Lynton Diahorrea Stains Crosby,,, makes rare public appearance behind Keys

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    The Government has announced that $20 million in funding will be made available to Westport to fund much needed flood protection around the town. This measure will significantly improve the resilience of the community, says Local Government Minister Simeon Brown. “The Westport community has already been allocated almost $3 million ...
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  • Taupō takes pole position
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  • Cost of living support for low-income homeowners
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  • Clean energy key driver to reducing emissions
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  • Earthquake-prone buildings review brought forward
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  • School attendance restored as a priority in health advice
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  • Unnecessary bureaucracy cut in oceans sector
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  • Patterson promoting NZ’s wool sector at International Congress
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  • Removing red tape to help early learners thrive
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    1 week ago

  • RMA changes to cut coal mining consent red tape
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