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Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 3:40 pm, May 27th, 2013 - 109 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key - Tags:

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109 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. Roy 1

    Some phallic symbols are less subtle than others.

  2. BLiP 2

    No thanks, you can have the weetbix and milk for breakfast . . . suckers

  3. ghostwhowalksnz 3

    As you can see we have decided to go ‘aspirational’

    for the new breakfast in schools program

  4. Winston Smith 4

    Not up to the usual standards…but it’ll do

  5. Mirror mirror on the wall
    Who’s the biggest lying shit of all?

  6. (key on holiday in hawaii..)

    ..”..i don’t feel like any fizz right now…i’ve just been down to visit the boys in the pot-shop..”

    phillip ure..

  7. key:..”..is it true fizz will take the edge off the coke..?”

    phillip ure..

  8. key:..”often when i can’t get it up…i strap on the moet..”

    phillip ure..

  9. key:..”what is a nose for..?..if not for looking down on/at peasants..?”

    phillip ure..

  10. key:..”poverty..?..what fucken poverty..?..”

    phillip ure..

  11. One Anonymous Knucklehead 11

    The annual Creep of the Year award goes to…

  12. Adrian 12

    ” Oh shit, caught out, I usually get it put into Stienie bottles by my personal cellar keeper, you know to sorta look like one of the boys cos personally I don’t know how they can drink that beer muck”

    • North 12.1

      “Yeah, they’re all fuck’n’ “munters”. They buy my shit just like that !

  13. key:..”why is it..that i have so much money..?

    ..yet i get such crap haircuts..?..”

    ..phillip ure..

  14. key:..”gay..?..me..?..”

    phillip ure..

  15. LeeFluff 15

    It’s Chandon… eh?

  16. David H 16

    See you lot drink water. Me I drink this can’t you tell by my behavior in the house?

  17. McFlock 17

    Moet’s a charity, right? Because this is my latest salary donation.


    Whaddya mean I’m not on the same planet as most New Zealanders? Look – my top button’s undone!


    Too early in the day, you say? But it’s lunchtime!

  18. David H 18

    Ha this costs more than your benefit, scummy bene’s

  19. ropata 19

    we “nactoids” keep our policies in this magic bottle!
    look at the economy fizz from cheap credit
    wheeeee down with CGT!!

    PS. i pissed in it lol

  20. LeeFluff 20

    Representing ALL New Zealanders since 2008. Yeah Right

  21. I can’t think of anything funny. The only thing that springs to mind when I look at the photo is “plonker”.

    • Anne 21.1

      Me too. The look on his face – so supercilious and… aren’t I just wonderful.

      I reckon Labour should use that photo (the fuller length version) on a bill board with the caption at the bottom “Plonker?” during the election campaign. I wouldn’t put it up in all electorates – just those where people are really struggling and unemployment is rife. Remind them what a plonker… prick… he really is.

    • Tanz 21.2

      It is a chilling look on his face. Stuff you lot, I’m Ok.

      And he is our leader. Worst in history.

  22. Akldnut 22

    oww Bro – got me a champagne to go wifa coupla power companys and this flash shirt I stole.
    Have any you fullas seen my hoodie or scarf.

  23. tracey 23

    my shit dont stink either

  24. (not a caption:..more an observation..)

    ..back when i used to drink that stuff on a too-regular basis..i seem to remember moet being fairly low-rent..(something to sniff disdainfully at/to endure only if there was nothing better..)..

    ..definitely at the low-end of the up-market fizz-market..

    ..the sort of over-priced cheap crap drunk by the likes of hype-swallowing/loud/shiny-panted stockbrokers/lawyers..

    ..very declasse/to be avoided at all costs..

    ..what we here would know as the key-market…

    ..phillip ure..

  25. Morrissey 25

    After I drink this bottle of Moët, will I be too drunk to fuck up the country?

    • David H 25.1

      “After I drink this bottle of Moët, I will, be drunk enough to fuck up the country!”

      • jaymam 25.1.1

        “It Doeshn’t Give My Opponents Musch Time To Prepare For an Elecshun Either”

  26. Tigger 26

    Let me just put the tip in…

  27. Roy 27

    I know all my fans have always wanted to see the view inside my nose, so here you go!

  28. prism 28

    Aren’t I the clever bank robber then – and got away to a far-off island where all is sweet and no-one can touch me, or not unless I want them to. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

  29. key:..”let them drink moet..”

    phillip ure..

  30. Treetop 30

    Don’t you tell the PM he can’t have another bottle.

  31. key:..”heh..!..i call it a ‘blind-trust’..’cos i am usually ‘blind’ when i ring the caymans..and demand to know how my squillions are going..eh..?..”

    phillip ure..

  32. Arfamo 32

    Waiter – why have you brought me this cheap shit? Do you know who I am?

  33. Rhinocrates 33

    May I nominate this for the next caption contest?:


    It looks so North Korean, doesn’t it? There’s the visionary leaders looking of into the distance, the obvious display of unity. It’s just so inspiring.

    To paraphrase Hannibal Lecter, “Love the suits!”

  34. key:.”…this is a pressie from one of me mates who bought up big in mighty river power..

    ..and ackshully..!..what a cheap bastard..!..eh..?..

    ..only moet..?

    ..after all i’ve done for for him..?..”

    phillip ure..

  35. key:..”..heh..!..i just gilmore(d) the waiter..

    ..told him he is not grovelling enough..

    ..he is shitting himself..”

    phillip ure

  36. burt 36

    What do we say about this Clint ?

    • ak 36.1

      “Get this inside you my faithful burt…….while I slip into something more comfortable”

  37. Zaz 37

    “I’m just out of prison… want to celebrate?”

  38. felix 38

    National unveils its 2014 billboard.

  39. freedom 39

    “I always tell the truth, even when I lie.”

  40. emergency mike 40

    Normally when posing for a photo he looks so awkward in that “what do I do with my hands” way. But when assuming the “I’m a rich prick” look he’s got it down pat.

    Oh a caption:

    “Hey does my beer-gut look big with my shirt untucked like this? Oh wait, it doesn’t matter, coz I’m a rich prick! hahahahaha so awesome.”

  41. tc 41

    And very accurate, Moet is to champagne what Lion red and DB are to beer……low end mass produced for a price point.

    • Shona 41.1

      exactly ! we make much better champagne than Moet in NZ. This illustrates what a cretinous drunk Key is. He clearly knows nothing about wine.I was a food and wine waiter for many years.Had to know the restaurant cellar backwards or I wouldn’t have had a job. I loathed plonkers like Key.

      • Colonial Viper 41.1.1

        What are your favourite NZ bubbly recommendations, Shona?

        • Shona

          Bouldervines from Renwick a sparkling Chardonnay crisp , not too dry as European bubbly often is, and guaranteed headache free regardless of the quantity you quaff. Second choice Deutz in any shape or form especially the blanc de blanc, followed by Morton blanc de blanc or Morton black label.
          Run of the Mill (often on special at Pak n Save )Morton always a winner and superior to Moet. Crisp and not too dry.
          Always check out Cuisine recommendations each year as the boutique wineries in Marlborough and Hawkes Bay produce winners each year but aren’t always consistently the same wineries.
          Dom Perignon , Tattingers,Veuve Cliquot Bollinger are all much better French champagne the grotty old Moet.

          • tarkwin

            What are your thoughts on Trinity Bay Homage Syrah The greens were sipping at their KPMG hosted dinner the other week? I hear it’s only $120 a bottle.

            • Shona

              Different grape w’ere talking champers here dahling!
              At the affordable end. The point being the industrial nature of Moet compared to the affordable kiwi bubbly. Which is so superior the French bought Deutz.
              And if Key was a Kiwi he would promote Kiwi wine. He doesn’t because he’s a cretinous greedy drunk!

              • tarkwin

                Tend to agree, could never work out why people buy imported trash when we make the good stuff here. still, thought the Greens would have gone for kiwifruit or feijoa – both of which I find bloody awful.

      • Roy 41.1.2

        Tut tut Shona, NZ may have methode champagnoise plonk but only Champagne produces champagne.

        • Shona

          Whateva be a pedant then! Same shit different bucket . I am well aware of the naming rights regarding French champagne. Doesn’t alter the fact that it is the old French champagne houses who are buying up Marlborough vineyards and bubbly manufacturers!Because our bubbly really is that good. Fat chance our dickhead PM will ever understand that!.

  42. risildo 42

    If i stand like a twat hopefully no one will see my moobs

  43. Lanthanide 43

    From the BF: John Key plonking.

  44. irascible 44

    Take the cork out and the contents ejaculate… just like I do every time my mates ring me up thanking me for selling them the cute country estate once called New Zealand.

  45. Wendy 45

    Toupee Moet!

  46. key:..”i like to rub a cold moet on my power-belly..eh..?..”

    phillip ure..

  47. Eduardo Kawak 47

    She keeps her Moet & Chandon in a pretty cabinet. “Let them eat cake,” she says. Just like Mary Antionette…

  48. vto 48

    ” mmm … (mince mince)… I do so like pouring moet on my man boobs..

  49. Drake_NZ 49

    “New poll results just in… can’t wait to see the inevitable post on the standard within minutes of the results”

  50. dpalenski 50

    See this I’m drinking all of it tonight and I mean it the only thing I don’t lie about

  51. infused 52

    Moet is meh.

  52. Jonny 53

    Pretentious? Moet?

  53. North 54

    OK…….my bottle of Moet…….plus a sinecure, take your take your pick, commissioner, ambassador…….for your bottle of Dom. Nah, sorry, the Race one’s gone.

  54. ianmac 55

    Wasn’t there a famous photo of Mussolini looking just like that?

  55. North 56

    No, Mussolini was abstinent wasn’t he ?

  56. felix 57

    “I never drink in the daytime” (but I totally will, unprompted, with strangers, in front of a camera) http://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/inside-john-key-s-private-office-video-5333041

  57. felix 58

    “I never drink in the daytime” (but I totally will, unprompted, with strangers, in front of a camera) http://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/inside-john-key-s-private-office-video-5333041

    • prism 58.1

      I never drink in the daytime. I know that I’ve said that twice but it’s only words isn’t it and besides this is a nice little drop from a National supporter who has a great vineyard up the East Coast. If you like the taste I can get you a special deal!

  58. mac1 59

    “Say, wouldn’t you like to know what’s going on in my mind?
    So let me get right to the point. I don’t pop my cork for every guy I see.
    Hey, Big Spender, spend a little time with me.”

  59. joe90 60

    John: There was one thing ma’am, a fine wine from the far east. A most delicious beverage.

    Judith: Have a taste boys; tell us what you think.

    Peter: It certainly has plenty of nose.

    Winston: Oh yes, this is very familiar.

    John: You’ll be delighted to hear there’s an inexhaustible supply of the stuff.

  60. North 61

    Yeah, I’ve got a highly professionally qualified, alpha male Samoan mate, who’s a bit of a social, as opposed to a political conservative, who repeatedly says to me – “You know, I reckon that Mister Key, well, I’m sure he’s a bit of a g…”

    Means nothing, just saying.

  61. xtasy 62

    Minister Plopp Flop, Flip Flop and Sparkle Flop Plop

  62. North 63

    Stop !

  63. Brian 64

    John Key practices looking down his nose

  64. amirite 65

    ‘In a moment I’m gonna show you the trickle down effect.”

  65. ruup 66


  66. Chrissy 67

    This is the real me.Better than you,mean spirited, arrogant supercilious, dishonest,don’t care about anyone unless they are rich like me,sneaky, underhanded,devious and no I’m not lying this time. Time for a mowit.

  67. Chrissy 68

    Is that his handbag behind him?

  68. matt edwords 69

    Er… plonk-er shows bottle for once?

  69. Roy 70

    You want this bottle? Huh? You want it? You know what to do then, down on your knees…

  70. Roy 71

    This is my ‘I am too sexy for my shirt look’…what’s so funny?

  71. Roy 72

    Not a caption, but a serious comment, how can anyone be such a tosser as to pose like this for a photo?!

  72. Chrissy 73

    Not a caption but this photo is chilling!Very creepy.

  73. Richard B. 74

    Congratulations John on a great 4 1/2 years.
    I look forward to many more.

  74. Roy 75

    Not gonna vote for me? Well, you can just sit on this and rotate.

  75. Roy 76

    I sent this photo of me to Moet et Chandon in hopes of scoring a modelling contract for their advertisements. Strangely, they haven’t got back to me yet.

  76. Roy 77

    Banksie drinks this stuff out of my bellybutton.

  77. AC 78

    You can have your fruit in schools, we’ve got our Champagne, free travel and ministerial cars on the tax payer.

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