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Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 6:58 pm, December 20th, 2013 - 103 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags:

Helen Clark and John Key-1

103 comments on “Caption contest”

  1. mickysavage 1

    The caption going around on Facebook …

    Administrator of the United Nations Development Programme and former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark with an unidentified guest …

  2. swordfish 2

    Helen: “We’re both wearing unconvincing toupees, aren’t we”.

    (sorry, not as Labour-friendly as I’d like, but just couldn’t resist it. Call me a bastard, if you will).

    • swordfish 2.1

      Helen: “It’s my very great pleasure to officially announce that the UN will be forcibly requisitioning Mr Key’s extensive Hawaii property portfolio in order to finance its on-going development programme for the next 10 years.”

      Key (thought-bubble) “What the Flying Fuck …..??????”

  3. The Outrider 3

    Helen smiled and calmly pushed the risk alert button. The unidentified intruder was dealt with speedily and has never been seen again.

  4. fender 4

    Fuckwit wearing contemptuous facial expression and silly haircut stands beside well respected NZer.

  5. vto 5

    It looks like John Key is holding the Newsquawk ZB microphone. How fitting – the next Leighton Smith / Paul Henry / Michael Laws / Murray Deaker.

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  6. karol 6

    “Mandela was a great man who participated in a very significant struggle. His willingness to go to prison for his people, motivated me politically. My first political actions were in the anti-apartheid movement. I remember the 81 tour very clearly and the way the country was divided over it . Over to you, John.”

    • RedLogix 6.1

      yeah – that’s the point isn’t karol. Politics is a hard game and relatively few people come out the other side of it with integrity and respect.

      (Cue some idiot blithering on about a painting ..)

  7. karol 7

    Clark: “I’m with stupid”

  8. Tiger Mountain 8

    Clark:–thinks– “where’s his guys with the curly wires down their necks? he’s looking more hungover than usual, hope he’s not working up to a stomach reflux”

    Key:–thinks– “Lucky b***h she gets to live in the big Apple and everyone knows her, I’m stuck with bloody Bill, Hekia, Gerry, Joycie, those damn Maaaris and no one else wants to know me. Geez wheres my detail got to…. time for my morning livener”

  9. fender 9

    UNDP = Under National Depression Prevails

  10. joe90 10

    Apologies to Helen.

    Lord Percy, it’s up to you: You can shut up, or you can have your head cut off.”

  11. ianmac 11

    John Key forgets to switch on his fake boyish grin because he is so intimidated in the presence and power of a great woman. Instead his off screen sneer stays on.

  12. Zorr 12

    I’m not full of quips today but Helen looks like she is having a good time…
    Who’s the old miser next to her?

  13. Lanthanide 13

    The media know which of them can give a dignified statement without sounding like a petulant child.

  14. mac1 14

    “Nine long bloody years she had………… and I’m not going to get the same, am I?”

  15. swordfish 15

    Helen: “Could someone get Security, please ? This ageing, drunken would-be lothario keeps hanging around me.”

  16. chris73 16

    “Of course I’m smiling I don’t have to take him on in another debate, my cheeks are still red from the spanking he dished out” 🙂

    or

    “No wonder I’m smiling and hes not, I’m paid more, I work less, I live in New York and I’m answerable to virtually no one” 🙂

    • felix 16.1

      Only one of the people in the photo constantly compares himself to the other.

      You know this as well as anyone does, and your desperate smiles only serve to highlight the fact.

    • QoT 16.2

      You can always tell the really funny submissions by the way people have to stick a smiley face on the end to signal it’s a joke.

  17. swordfish 17

    Helen: “Hey John. Why not tell us all the joke about the Englishman, the Scotsman and the Irishman who go into the Mens lavatory together ? You know, the hilarious joke you told David Cameron because you were getting so bored at Mandela’s funeral.”

  18. Philj 18

    Xox
    I told JK to use the chemical toilet but he wouldn’t listen.

  19. Grumpy 19

    Head of UNDP and NZ Prime Minister announce the secondment of Auckland Mayor, His Worship Len Brown as UN appointed Commissioner to the Mogadishu City Council.

  20. the pigman 20

    Microphones and recording devices move back uneasily to avoid failed banker’s Death Stare.

  21. the pigman 21

    Microphones and recording devices love Christmas.

  22. Naturesong 22

    ZB shock jock John Key interviews United Nations Development Programme administrator and former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark.

  23. Ad 23

    “Dammit I’m just never going to be as good as her.”

  24. Ad 24

    “If I asked her, maybe i could get a position under Charles.”

  25. jaymam 25

    Which twin has the Toni?
    http://insuremybutt.com/Which%20Twin%20has%20the%20Toni.htm

    The one on the right!

  26. Chooky 26

    What has SHE got that I haven’t?

  27. Chooky 27

    Hate her hair cut!

  28. Chooky 28

    I so enjoy one- upping the evil little turd!

  29. Te Reo Putake 29

    Unidentified guest wonders if he can buy credibility on Trademe.

  30. Skinny 30

    Helen: My legacy of working in New York naturally differs to Johns, I’ll be remembered for trying to do good things in the World. As a money trading shyster John will be forever remembered and scorned for pushing a neo liberal agenda.

  31. Te Reo Putake 31

    “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain. Time to die.”

  32. Chooky 32

    I can feel it coming on…..i want to bite her around the neck

  33. Chooky 33

    I know what Freud said about penis envy ….but honestly!…. it is all Baloney!

  34. I once stood in a dog poo that reminded me of Mr Key – well I certainly had to use my key to get it all out of the tread

  35. irascible 35

    “And he asked me what the letters DP stood for. I told him “Development Programme” and he asked for a definition of both words.”

  36. Hilary 36

    I love you, Helen.

  37. Hilary 37

    So this is what charisma looks like close up.

  38. BevanJS 38

    “And this term we’re even going to try to get results for the money we spend!”

  39. mac1 39

    Unidentified signer unable to find sign language for “honesty and ethics in public life and empathy for the poor.”

  40. mac1 40

    “Maybe if I climbed Kilimanjaro, I could reach the same heights as she has…….”

  41. tricledrown 41

    this is how to smile and look genuine little johnny.
    Thanks helen

  42. tricledrown 42

    Outsmiled but no wave.

  43. tricledrown 43

    Key offers hand for a 3 way handshake.

  44. tricledrown 44

    Helen realises she is at a meeting of the
    Un
    Democratic
    National
    Party!

  45. tricledrown 45

    Key looks bored as GSCB has already intercepted her speech
    Keys thinking I have listen to it again!

  46. tricledrown 46

    Keys thinking I wanted to be NZ’s first female PM.
    What a Drag

  47. Molly 47

    Dammit – I said I wanted her “Rolodex from Heaven”. How was I to know that everyone had caller ID and no-one would pick up?… wonder whether the GCSB can get a hold of her friends on Facebook?..

  48. Kevin 48

    My voice is deeper than yours, John…

  49. Steve Wrathall 49

    Ideal leader of NZ Labour Party meets UNDP director

  50. The Red Baron 50

    Helen Clark remains unfazed by the sudden appearance of Kim DotCom, masquerading as John Key, at her morning Press Conference.

  51. Rumour Willis 51

    Look at that grotesque fucking wig on Key’s head.

    Not a caption, just an observation.

  52. clark:..’yes..of course we both knew about our friends the americans..

    ..keeping a keen eye on ‘trouble-maker’ new zealanders..

    ..mind you..it is only the troublemakers..

    ..good/law-abiding new zealand citizens have absolutely nothing to worry about..

    ..from the actions of either my govt – or this govt – in this area..

    ..isn’t that right..?..john..?’..

    phillip ure..

  53. clark:..

    “i know..john knows…you don’t..”

    phillip ure..

  54. clark:..

    ..’i remember when i was an identified guest…ho..ho..ho..!..”

    phillip ure..

  55. clark:

    “..poverty..schmoverty..

    ..we don’t care…do we john..?

    ..between us we’ve got 14 years on the trot..of ‘not caring’..doing nothing..

    ..i’m in the lead with nine years..but john is fast catching up..

    ..aren’t you john..?..”

    phillip ure..

  56. clark:..

    “..now look..!..what’s a bit of cow-poo in rivers between friends..?

    ..ho..ho..ho.!

    ..90% of waterways un-swimmable you say..?

    ..well..!..go to the beach then..!..eh john..?

    ..new zealand is blessed with lots and lots of beaches..

    ..stop complaining..!..

    ..look..!..i am miles from any beach..here in New York..

    ..you don’t hear me complaining..

    ..do you..?..now..?..”

    phillip ure..

  57. clark:..

    “..john has just been briefing me on what is going on with the maori party..

    ..ho..ho..ho..!..”

    phillip ure..

  58. clark:..

    “..yes..john and i both use the same hair-stylist..”

    phillip ure..

  59. clark:..

    “..ho..ho..ho..!..have you heard the really funny joke..?

    ..my job at the un is fighting poverty…

    …the powers that be looked at my work in fighting poverty when in government in new zealand..

    ..and decided i was the perfect candidate for the job..

    ..what’s that..?..a progress-report on my work at the un..?..

    ..no no..we don’t have to do that here…”

    ..phillip ure..

  60. clark:..

    “..did you hear the one about the two new zealand prime ministers who were pretty much satraps for the american empire..?..”

    phillip ure..

  61. Treetop 61

    Someone needs to tell the man in the photo to stop day dreaming.

  62. clark:..

    “..yes..in the grand scheme of things..

    ..john and i both have the same bosses..”

    phillip ure..

  63. clark:..

    “..god had better defend new zealand..

    ..’cos neither of us have..

    ..ho..ho..ho!..”

    phillip ure..

  64. clark:..

    “..yes..i know that new zealand is worse off now that it used to be..

    ..but john and i have done alright out of it..

    ..haven’t we john..?..”

    phillip ure..

  65. clark:..

    “..we have a little in-joke…john and i..don’t we john..?

    ..we call ourselves ‘the libber-twins’..

    ..as in neo-‘lib’..get it..?..get it..?..

    ..ho..ho..ho..!..”

    phillip ure..

  66. georgecom 66

    UN Dignitary has photo taken with Prim-inister of nu zelan and minista of t’rism

  67. Kevin 67

    How do you like my unairbrushed choppers??

  68. the pigman 68

    Hair plugs squirm uncomfortably on failed banker’s scalp.

  69. the pigman 69

    $2 shop brooch feels violated after being implicated in act of faux patriotism.

  70. Will@Welly 70

    “First, I just wanted her job. Then I wanted to be popular. Now I just want to be recognized.”

  71. Will@Welly 71

    Helen Clark arrives back in New Zealand to attend one of “The Hobbit” events. Gormless arrives after another failed attempt at being cast in Sir Peter Jackson’s next trilogy.

  72. adam 72

    Oh John boy – I’m glad you didn’t tweet about Hono, you might have come across as a racist little shit-bag.

  73. adam 73

    Oh John boy – the badge on you lapel won’t help – know one knows who you are, outside of New Zealand.

  74. clark:..

    “..i would just like to say how pleased i am to see that john has continued my habit of giving pete jackson wheelbarrows of cash..

    ..whenever he asks for it..

    ..moats aren’t cheap..to upkeep..y’know…”

    phillip ure..

  75. Dan1 75

    Fear and loathing in New York City.

  76. alwyn 76

    The most wonderful about being in New York is that I don’t actually have to do any work and I don’t have to put up with those bloody idiots Cunliffe, Mallard, Curran, Fenton, Mackey, Moroney or Street any more.
    A lot of them wanted to come here but the all backed off when I stitched up that twit Carter by getting him a job in Afghanistan.
    Bad luck John. You have to put up with their whines now.

  77. burt 77

    Is this woman the great grandmother of the woman who use to be on billboards all around NZ ?

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