web analytics

Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 5:00 pm, November 27th, 2014 - 116 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour - Tags:

Michael Woodhouse pihaKeep it seemly …

 

 

116 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. cogito 1

    Natzional’s last stand.

  2. Lanthanide 2

    DriftWood.

  3. repateet 3

    King Canute tries to keep the land back.

  4. tc 4

    On the beach redux

  5. Ant 5

    “Hear Ye, lowly molluscs and other sub-tidal entities….”

  6. Tide goes out on National.

  7. Sirenia 8

    National – turning our backs to climate change.

  8. woody pitches for a re-make of ‘the piano’..

    ..to be called ‘the lectern’…

  9. Potato 10

    Civil Defense finds Woodhouses’s speeches more effective than sirens at clearing beaches in an emergency

  10. this is the economic boat..

    ..that key/national promised to float…

  11. our airforce..doing live-ammunition exercises…

  12. ‘woody’ recreates his ancestors arrival in nz..

    ..(i understand they brought nz’s first ever lectern with them..)

  13. woody unveils groundbreaking new national party economic-initiative..

    ..the solar-powered/amphibious-lectern…

    • speaking to reporters woody extolled the export-possibilities of this ‘exciting’ new initiative..

      ..saying it will become de riguer for all politicians/captains-of-industry to have one..

      ..woody says that on a calm day..he pops over to waiheke on his..

      ..or he cruises the beaches of auckland..

      ..and can give speeches to both passing-craft..and beachgoers..

      ..’you can always feel secure’..said woody..’your genitals are always covered/protected..

      ..no more standing there feeling vulnerable/exposed/naked as you preach to the peasants..

      ..you just grab the no-slip grips on the poly-lectern..knowing yr family-jewels are protected on three sides’..

  14. McFlock 15

    And now for something completely different

  15. felix 16

    “I’m the king of the world!!”

  16. Stuart Munro 17

    At last St Woody, inspired by desperation, went down to the sea-shore, where the river runs into the sea, and having placed himself on a bank between the river and the sea, he began to speak to the fishes as if Woger had sent him to preach to them, and said: “Listen to the word of Woger, O ye fishes of the sea and of the river, and you rancid cetaceans, seeing that honest people and hard working people refuse to do so.”

  17. karol 18

    All washed up.

  18. b waghorn 19

    tsunami? no its a left wing conspiracy i tell ya!

  19. One Anonymous Bloke 20

    We shall go on to the end. We shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength on the air, we shall sell our islands, whatever the cost may be. We shall sell them on the beaches, we shall sell them on the landing grounds, we shall sell them in the fields and in the streets, we shall sell them in the hills; we shall surrender everything. For money.

  20. Tracey 21

    To all of my supporters, gathered here today I say

    John Key had a dream…

    And here I am!

  21. Potato 22

    “There’s a woman down the end with a couple of kids and a bucket. Perhaps she wants to listen to me talk about how our new employment laws will help workers enjoy their lives ?”

  22. woody suddenly realises..that for him..

    ..the tide will never come in..

  23. Potato 24

    “Ladies and gentlemen, in this lot we have the foreshore and seabed going for steal. Shall we commence the bidding! “

  24. Te Reo Putake 25

    “Anyone makes a joke about John Key and a whale stranding and I’m off”

    or (for the westie surfers): keyhole obscured by arsehole.

  25. greywarshark 26

    Galoot succeeds. The waves retreat under the crushing weight of his rhetoric!
    “All the inhabitants of the world should know that the power of kings is vain and trivial, and that none is worthy the name of king but He whose command the heaven, earth and sea obey by eternal laws”

  26. finbar 27

    As we await this fleet of China!s ships,we can say we welcome them,we are now approaching a new venture in our lands development,reaching out to a culture like ours, innovative,and not afraid to take risks.We look forward to doing business with this dynamic culture.

    Who has the contract to make the gumboots,whats his name,Sushi,Sushi,no its HOE.

  27. woody pitches for a (low-cost) remake of ‘all the presidents’ men’..

    ..starring him and his mate in the hat…

  28. Potato 29

    Nationals latest campaign to prove that they are in touch with ‘real New Zealanders’.
    Michael Woodhouse says ” I like to go down and spend the day at the beach just like everybody else”.

  29. ianmac 30

    If a National Minister speaks to an empty beach who will hold him to account?

  30. RedLogix 31

    Police Minister launches new version of cardboard cutout cop. Guaranteed for sea-level rises of up to 30cm.

  31. coaster 32

    And now for the next asset sale, new zealands forshore.
    what do hear for an opening bid, who will start off with a bid of 5 billion?

  32. greywarshark 33

    Latest asset sale? New Zealand for sure!

  33. b waghorn 34

    in an effort to keep flights to the provinces I’m proud to call this new runway open, take it away captain

  34. greywarshark 35

    I always practice my speeches on the beach. No hecklers. And I write my promises out on the sand – transparent for all to see. There they are in black and white, or rather light brown, or even in fifty shades of grey heh heh my little joke, and anyone can come and look at them before the tide comes in. But then though they are hidden from the public, they lie in my heart.

  35. YeahSure 36

    National is constructing an ark to survive climate change, starting with the poop deck.

  36. Tel 37

    Cops to target all lecterns this summer.

    Police say there will be a no lectern tolerance level this summer. However, the evaluation couldn’t confirm the statistical significance of a lectern decreases because of the small numbers involved.

  37. philj 38

    Prime N Z beachfront for sale to the highest bidder! Be quick, won’t last long!

  38. philj 39

    Where do I tie up the Donkey!

  39. philj 40

    Thanks for coming mum.

  40. adam 41

    You keep dissing the Key Man, and all you commies will be swimming with the fishes.

  41. john 42

    More rubbish washes up on beach

  42. philj 43

    …. ’cause John told me to…

  43. philj 44

    “Minister releases new sections for affordable housing initiative”

  44. cogito 45

    “F***. I shouldn’t have mentioned ebola.”

  45. oarSum 46

    First hot-air powered hovercraft crosses Tasman

  46. Potato 47

    Michael’s press conference didn’t go as planned once the media recieved a text that one of ‘The Block’ contestants was spotted in Pak’N’Save.

  47. From his twitter account, Woodlouse loves photo ops with sporting celebs and hobnobbing around the world on the taxpayers dime. Never heard of him til now. The Nats also enjoyed endorsements by famous All Blacks ON ELECTION DAY.

  48. BassGuy 49

    Labour aren’t the only ones who can have a Foreshore and Seabed Act.

  49. mac1 50

    “We must build but we must build surely.”

    Party Political Beach-

  50. cogito 51

    “NZ beaches go under the hammer in latest government asset sale”.

  51. Paul Campbell 52

    Of course I can order everyone out of the water and off the beach for a couple of hoiurs, for a photo-op …. don;t you know I am?

    (no)

  52. RedLogix 53

    There was Woody giving an otherwise dull speech to the House – when suddenly the PM’s Infinite Improbability Generator kicked in.

  53. McFlock 54

    As he drifted into the afterlife, Dobby imagined he was giving a speech on the desolate beach that would be his ending…

  54. NZJester 55

    In order for the announcement of this new law to be legally binding it must be made on sovereign New Zealand owned soil. We are told due to a small error on a land sales document that this small section we have placed this stage on is the last piece of it left in New Zealand.

  55. tricledrown 56

    Woodhouse floundering!
    Trying out Nationals new strategy of avoiding whaleoil tsunami!

  56. Sans Cle 57

    Imbeachment

  57. les 58

    First sea trial for Nationals new life raft,does not go well for junior minister.

  58. cogito 59

    “Auckland traffic gridlock? Where? It’s just another dirty left-wing conspiracy”.

  59. the new minister for flotsom and jetsam speaks to his constituency..

  60. nationals’ media-mavens come up with yet another absolutely brilliant idea…

  61. woody has an unusual hobby…

  62. woodys’ scrapbook:..

    ..what i did on my hols…

  63. very poor turnout for the woody fanclub beach-day…

  64. woody shows off his new beach-suit…

  65. when woody gets all existential and angsty…

    ..he likes to take one of his favourite lecterns to the beach..

    ..so they can chill-out together…

  66. man in hat:..

    ‘it’s been three hours minister…i don’t think anyones’ coming’..

  67. minister waits for mr whippy van..

  68. philj 69

    … and what’s more, JK would never bend over for CS.

  69. philj 70

    minister releases policy on global warming, population explosion and sea level rise.

  70. Atiawa 71

    ‘We have four of these, which proves we take seriously our response capability to any deep sea oil spill”.

    • b waghorn 71.1

      That made me laugh you got my vote. 🙂

      • Atiawa 71.1.1

        ” The government has signed a contract with the Hyundai ship building yard in Ulsan, South Korea to have them built. The vessels will be delivered in the first quarter of the new year.
        Two will be docked and utilized from Port Taranaki while the third and fourth will be shared between the East Coast of the North Is and the maritime jurisdictions of the Canterbury and Deep South basin’s.”

  71. philj 72

    Minister issues apology for Climate Change policy.

  72. philj 73

    Government announces new spying laws, ” The local seals have nothing to fear”

  73. philj 74

    Government announces new spying laws, ” The local seals have nothing to fear”, the Minister said.

  74. philj 75

    ” USA Double Agent seeks asylum in Tolega Bay “

  75. philj 76

    “Government Minister announces further DOC restructuring”

  76. philj 77

    ” Sex On The Beach is now illegal under new terrorist law “

  77. philj 78

    “Man arrested for impersonating a Government Minister in a public place”

  78. philj 79

    Newsflash!
    ” Minister declares leadership coup! “

  79. cogito 80

    …And the Floating Lectern Cup is still NZ’s cup. Eat that Jimmy Spithill.

  80. philj 81

    ….. and now I will I dig a hole in the sand and do my ostrich impersonation…..

  81. Ecosse_Maidy 82

    Johns Keys flunky announces and reviews the new increased defense forces

  82. Ecosse_Maidy 83

    New Zealands olympic bobsleigh unveiled

  83. Ecosse_Maidy 84

    Nationals spokesman, announces new site of shallow graves for all the abandoned national policies

  84. Ecosse_Maidy 85

    the intensive search for Paula Bennet fails

  85. Ecosse_Maidy 86

    New Zealands new aircraft carrier had a few subtle flaws

  86. Ecosse_Maidy 87

    National Flunkey, announces Life is a beach yet under National Life is a *********!

  87. Ecosse_Maidy 88

    National Supporter shows off his ill gotten Ikea Lectern Gains in NZ Black Friday Sale

  88. Ecosse_Maidy 89

    Aussie Invasion repulsed!

  89. Ecosse_Maidy 90

    Anyone that finds the buried ego of Pete George,,,,,will be allowed to exit the country……

  90. Ecosse_Maidy 91

    Santas sleigh now privatised and flogged off to highest bidder!

  91. Ecosse_Maidy 92

    Ok, the bidding is currently at $10 dollars for complete drilling rights…….any other offers……going goingggggggggg.

  92. Ecosse_Maidy 93

    I ordered a hovercraft…….send this back to amazon

  93. Ecosse_Maidy 94

    GP spokesman, shows off new membership

  94. Ecosse_Maidy 95

    At Davos In Switzerland, climate change denier, announces G20 to think about 0.9 % cut in co2 emissions

  95. Inky 96

    The prime minister pledged a new police vessel before the end of the year and despite a funding shortfall I am proud to launch this raft today.

  96. A Voter 97

    And just up on the beach is the Crematorium thats why no one is here

  97. Pat O'Dea 98

    Government unveils plans to save manufacturing and rescue the economy – Ladies and Gentlmen, introducing the wooden segway.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Tokelau Language Week reminds us to stay united and strong
    Staying strong in the face of challenges and being true to our heritage and languages are key to preserving our cultural identity and wellbeing, is the focus of the 2020 Tokelau Language Week. Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio, says this year’s theme, ‘Apoapo tau foe, i nā tāfea ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • NZ announces a third P-3 deployment in support of UN sanctions
    The Government has deployed a Royal New Zealand Air Force P-3K2 Orion (P-3) maritime patrol aircraft to support the implementation of United Nations Security Council (UNSC) resolutions imposing sanctions against North Korea, announced Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters and Minister of Defence Ron Mark. “New Zealand has long supported ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pacific trade and development agreement a reality
    Pacific regional trade and development agreement PACER Plus will enter into force in 60 days now that the required eight countries have ratified it. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker welcomed the announcement that the Cook Islands is the eighth nation to ratify this landmark agreement. “The agreement represents ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Securing a pipeline of teachers
    The Government is changing its approach to teacher recruitment as COVID-19 travel restrictions continue, by boosting a range of initiatives to get more Kiwis into teaching. “When we came into Government, we were faced with a teacher supply crisis,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “Over the past three years, we ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Border exceptions for a small number of international students with visas
    The Government has established a new category that will allow 250 international PhD and postgraduate students to enter New Zealand and continue their studies, in the latest set of border exceptions. “The health, safety and wellbeing of people in New Zealand remains the Government’s top priority. Tight border restrictions remain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • First COVID-19 vaccine purchase agreement signed
    The Government has signed an agreement to purchase 1.5 million COVID-19 vaccines – enough for 750,000 people – from Pfizer and BioNTech, subject to the vaccine successfully completing all clinical trials and passing regulatory approvals in New Zealand, say Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods and Health Minister Chris Hipkins. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • International statement – End-to-end encryption and public safety
    We, the undersigned, support strong encryption, which plays a crucial role in protecting personal data, privacy, intellectual property, trade secrets and cyber security.  It also serves a vital purpose in repressive states to protect journalists, human rights defenders and other vulnerable people, as stated in the 2017 resolution of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ministry of Defence Biodefence Assessment released
    The Ministry of Defence has today released a Defence Assessment examining Defence’s role across the spectrum of biological hazards and threats facing New Zealand. Biodefence: Preparing for a New Era of Biological Hazards and Threats looks at how the NZDF supports other agencies’ biodefence activities, and considers the context of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020
    New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020 Hon David Parker’s response following Thomas Piketty and Esther Duflo. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever in the world you might be. I first acknowledge the excellent thought provoking speeches of Thomas Piketty and Esther ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Kaipara Moana restoration takes next step
    A Memorandum of Understanding has been signed today at Waihāua Marae between the Crown, local iwi and councils to protect, restore and enhance the mauri of Kaipara Moana in Northland. Environment Minister David Parker signed the document on behalf of the Crown along with representatives from Ngā Maunga Whakahī, Ngāti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • New Zealand and Uruguay unite on reducing livestock production emissions
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor and Uruguayan Minister of Livestock, Agriculture and Fisheries Carlos María Uriarte have welcomed the launch of a three-year project that will underpin sustainable livestock production in Uruguay, Argentina, and Costa Rica.  The project called ‘Innovation for pasture management’ is led by Uruguay’s National Institute of Agricultural ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • 3100 jobs created through marae upgrades
    Hundreds of marae throughout the country will be upgraded through investments from the Provincial Growth Fund’s refocused post COVID-19 funding to create jobs and put money into the pockets of local tradespeople and businesses, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta have announced. “A total ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Health volunteers recognised in annual awards
    Health Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 9 teams and 14 individuals are the recipients of this year’s Minister of Health Volunteer Awards.  “The health volunteer awards celebrate and recognise the thousands of dedicated health sector volunteers who give many hours of their time to help other New Zealanders,” Mr Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Community COVID-19 Fund supports Pacific recovery
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says a total of 264 groups and individuals have successfully applied for the Pacific Aotearoa Community COVID-19 Recovery Fund, that will support Pacific communities drive their own COVID-19 recovery strategies, initiatives, and actions. “I am keen to see this Fund support Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Community benefits from Māori apprenticeships
    Up to 50 Māori apprentices in Wellington will receive paid training to build houses for their local communities, thanks to a $2.75 million investment from the Māori Trades and Training Fund, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Ngāti Toa Rangatira Incorporated to provide its Ngā Kaimahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Training fund supports Māori jobseekers
    Rapidly growing sectors will benefit from a $990,000 Māori Trades and Training Fund investment which will see Wellington jobseekers supported into work, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Sapphire Consultants Ltd. to help up to 45 Māori jobseekers into paid training initiatives over two years through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago