web analytics

Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 1:58 pm, December 10th, 2014 - 85 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour - Tags:

Paula Bennet santa claus

The normal rules apply.  Keep it seemly …


85 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. shorts 1

    The Power and The Passion

  2. Clemgeopin 2

    Oh, sweety, you are poor? Here, love, have a candy cane for Christmas! See, I care!

  3. Anne 3

    Ahaa you lot. The ladder’s gone. I got it all. You got nuttin.

  4. Capn Insano 4

    “Getting booted out of your state house so we can sell it to property speculators? Here’s a candy cane”

  5. Sanctuary 5

    “One for every child I pushed into poverty today”

  6. Te Reo Putake 6

    Ha! There’s been a mistake; when I said I’d be caning the beneficiaries I meant something else altogether.

  7. greywarshark 7

    I’ve always got away with everything. Some get a caning but I’m sweet – this is the only cane I ever get.

  8. The Fairy Godmother 8

    Have you been good? Santa will give you a present. You bad lazy sods who can’t find work will get nothing.

  9. ghostwhowalksnz 9

    See! I can handle the big financial jobs in government

  10. Treetop 10

    I’m all decked out in the colours of the political parties who are actually going to do something about poverty.

    • batweka 10.1

      “colours of the political parties”

      She’s wearing the red, blue and black of the intended future uber betrayal govt (Labour neolibs, Nat, NZF), and the canes are the left of Labour and the GP about to get sucked into oblivion.

  11. david h 11

    enjoy them now because next year there wont be any lollies at all

  12. joe90 12

    Hello campers, hi de hi – hi de ho

  13. Tracey 13

    I took them from a baby!

  14. b waghorn 14

    Let them eat candy!

  15. kiwinewt 15

    Let them eat cake! What, at that price? Hahahaha cheap candy it is!

  16. Clemgeopin 16

    Look, I am just practicing what our own Pinocchio has taught us : How to sweetly smile and wave while still dishing out utter crap!

  17. Potato 17

    My friend Katharine Rich says this is a great way to get kids to eat greens !

  18. rawshark-yeshe 18

    “Sweetie — It’s 100% sugar with toxic artificial colouring and additives and it’s really twisted and it has a hook in it ! What more could you possibly want ?”

    (Thus spake the ghost of Christmas past-its-due-by-date.)

  19. les 19

    sorry these are all …mine!

  20. batweka 20

    I’m a complete arsehole, but I’m a happy clappy one!! 🙂

  21. CATMAN 21

    Hey kids! Christmas candy canes for sale!

  22. Potato 22

    “They gave me this full bowl of candy canes to hand out to the poor children but I’ve been here for a whole 10 minutes and no poor children have appeared. Oh well, guess I’ll have another !”

  23. Turtle 23

    Hehehe; Let them eat candy canes…..

  24. Clemgeopin 24

    “This is the ONLY thing that the rich Chinese donors gave us. Honest!”

  25. Treetop 25

    More government u-turns coming to you real soon.

  26. cogito 26

    You should have gone to Specsavers, Paula. You were told to get meat hooks. One for you, and one for each of your colleagues.

  27. Winz announce incentive scheme to get the unemployed to move to the north pole.

  28. Jimmy 28

    Merry Fucking Christmas New Zealand

  29. NZJester 29

    It was so simple stealing this candy from those beneficiaries babies.

  30. i am the mean christmas fairy
    here to stop the kids being merry

    no presents or turkey for bennies
    WINZ will cut off your pennies!

    it’s a bit of a laugh to me
    and a chance to get on TV

  31. tricle up 31

    Trick or treat my treats are not very nourishing just covered in 100 % sugar.

  32. adam 32

    Our next PM, promoting a corporate xmas. Because, if you mentioned that Christ wanted a society dedicated to a liberation theology – it might just all go pear shaped for the Tory scum.

  33. b waghorn 33

    “Its true you give out a few of these and they think you give a fuck”

  34. Potato 34

    “You better watch out
    You better not lie
    Like those loony lefties.
    I’m telling you why

    The SIS are coming to town

    We’ll see you when you’re sleeping
    We’ll know when you’re awake
    We’ll hear every word you say
    With this microphone candy cane”

  35. Clemgeopin 35

    “We sell off their state houses but fool them with some coloured candy to cope!”

  36. peterlepaysan 36

    I’ve got the goodies, now that Judith is out of the way.

  37. swordfish 37

    Paula (to journalists): “Actually there’s a hilarious anecdote attached to this. As I was stealing this candy from the Children’s Hospital Ward just a few minutes ago, some little kid got visibly upset and all teary eyed. Well, you know me, I believe in Tough Love – so I was forced to tell her: “Zip it, Sweetie, these are all mine !!! Aunty Paula’s got a sweet tooth, Okay ?????”. Ha, ha, ha, I laugh about it now, but I mean the absolute, bare-faced arrogance of these little brats !!!”

  38. Potato 38

    The Grinch revealed after having full bodywax

  39. philj 39

    Thats not ‘Paula the beneficiciary!’

  40. philj 40

    Yes! It’s Paula ‘the Beneficiary’

  41. Clemgeopin 41

    “I am just about to go and feed our homeless!”

  42. AB 42

    Everything I touch does this

  43. bennett:..’why don’t benificiaries gt off their fat lazy arses..

    ..and make something like this..’?..’

  44. bennett:..

    ‘..these are the staples that were used in my stomach-stapling op..’

  45. bennett:..

    ‘..so..i said to them..’we don’t have poverty..because we don’t even measure poverty..!..

    ..it’s as easy as that..!’

    ..then we all had a good laugh..!’

  46. bennett dreams of being leader..and does a pretend cabinet-shuffle..

  47. A Voter 47

    This is all you poor people get this year from Bitchyfit

  48. Clemgeopin 48

    ‘Suck on this, you poor suckers!”

  49. Ecosse_Maidy 49

    Auditions for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang The Sequel, produced a clear winner for the part of The Child Snatcher.

  50. Ecosse_Maidy 50

    Christmas Tree at back “Christ, Father Christmas has really let himself go!”

  51. Ecosse_Maidy 51

    Does this red suit make my left hand look really really over sized?

  52. Ecosse_Maidy 52

    On Three Ms Bennet “Say Liposuctionnnnnn”

  53. Ecosse_Maidy 53

    Bennett doles out surprising low dividends of the power companies sell off to the public.

  54. Ecosse_Maidy 54

    Bennett says “Has anyone seen my balls?” Christmas tree responds ” We are behind youuuuuuuuuuuu!”

  55. finbar 55

    Bennett.”We are going to move those over sixties who live alone in two and three bedroom Housing N.Z.Homes,into one bedroom community housing clusters more suitable to their needs so we can give families accommodation suitable to them.


  56. hunter 56

    Let them eat candy

  57. Clemgeopin 57

    Advice to the poor:
    Have some candy to feel more dandy!
    You want to feel randy? Yep, have some candy!

  58. Sable 58

    We thought these new walking sticks for the disabled are a great idea. Like our health system they are cheap, impractical and won’t work but hey at least you get a short lived sugar fix. And maybe diabetes……

  59. Northsider 59

    Eat your heart out Judith. JK is giving me all the photo opps now!

  60. Treetop 60

    Don’t tell anyone, the last budget was heavily sugar coated, just like the candy canes.

  61. te 61

    Move Over Candy Crush’er there’s a new girl in town, introducing for her own pleasure “Candy Cane”

  62. ankerawshark 62

    They have introduced zero contract hours for politicians, so I thought I would moonlight flogging off tooth rotting crap.

  63. Clemgeopin 63

    ” I got these cariogenic Candy
    From distant callipygous Burundi
    ‘Cause we have happily made Redundi
    All of our very own good R & D !

  64. If you are living in pain
    or your life savings were flushed down the drain

    Let me offer you a candy cane
    and a cardboard box to keep off the rain

    The Gnats will let problems remain
    unresolved, and rig the game

    So the rich can take all the gains
    while we laugh and drink champagne

  65. SaveNZ 65

    Ho Ho Ho
    Like stealing candy from a baby
    Our next trick is to steal the baby from the Beneficiary.
    Monitor them secretly for 24 hours (we wanted 48 hours but those commies in Labour reduced it to 24 hours). If they are deemed unworthy of our taxpayers dollars then we can confiscate the baby or the benefit or both!

    It worked so well for those Abo’s in OZ and those dissident babes in Argentina.

    That also solves the adoption program too!

  66. NZSage 66

    Hey John, these hooks are just the thing to pull up ladders!

  67. Clemgeopin 67

    ” God has blessed you all poor sods
    For you’ve survived amazing odds!
    Rejoice in our gold star e-con-o-my
    For you aren’t yet dead with me-lon-co-ly!

    Give shouts of praise for Nats at Christmas time
    For I’m dishing you out some candy time.

    The chain stores and con-glom-er-ates
    May have brought you to your knees;
    Low wages, rent and living costs
    May have caught you all in a squeeze;

    But we still claim rich dudes are real poor
    And you sorry lot are mightily rich!”

  68. Tarara 68

    Let them eat candy.

  69. Tarara 69

    Hunger Games
    Need1 Greed 21

  70. Tarara 70

    “Who ate all the candy?” Paula moves on from the pies.

  71. Tarara 71

    My Halloween takings were well up. No costume this year, but scared the bejesus out of everyone by telling them I will be the next PM.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Deed of Settlement signed with Ngāti Rangitihi
    I pānuitia i te rangi nei e te Minita mō ngā Whiriwhiringa Tiriti o Waitangi, e Andrew Little, kua tāmokohia tētahi Whakaaetanga Whakataunga i waenga i te Karauna me Ngāti Rangitihi, e whakatau ana i ngā kerēme hītori Tiriti o Waitangi a taua iwi. Ko Ngāti Rangitihi tētahi o ngā ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • World Soil Day: valuing our soils key to a better world
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor has marked World Soil Day (5 December) with a $6.25 million investment in mapping New Zealand’s most valuable soils which are vital to our economic, environmental and social wellbeing. “The more we know about our natural resources, including soils, the better we can make good sustainable ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Government receives interim report from the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Historical Abuse
    The Government has received an interim report from the Royal Commission into Historical Abuse in State Care and in the Care of Faith-Based Institutions. The terms of reference for the Royal Commission required a progress report on the inquiry‘s work to date to be delivered to the Government by the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Minister of Foreign Affairs announces diplomatic appointments to Malaysia and Austria
    Foreign Minister Hon Nanaia Mahuta has announced Pam Dunn as New Zealand’s next High Commissioner to Malaysia and Brian Hewson as New Zealand’s next Ambassador to Austria and UN Permanent Representative, Vienna. Malaysia “New Zealand and Malaysia enjoy a warm bilateral relationship. We have had diplomatic relations for more than 60 years, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Intention to appoint a Commission for Tauranga City Council
    Minister of Local Government, Hon Nanaia Mahuta, has confirmed the Tauranga City Council has been advised of her intention to appoint a Commission in response to significant governance problems among the Council’s elected representatives and the findings of an independent review. “I have been closely watching the conduct of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Pacific Health Scholarships 2021 about improving access to healthcare for Pacific communities
    Associate Minister of Health, Aupito William Sio is calling on any Pacific students studying health or disability-related courses to apply now for a Ministry of Health Pacific Health Scholarship. “These scholarships acknowledge the vital role Pacific people play in our health workforce. This was most visible through our Pacific workforce's ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Speech to Auckland Trade and Economic Policy School
    CHECK AGAINST DELIVERY   Thank you for the opportunity to speak today. I want to recognise the hard work of the University of Auckland’s Public Policy Institute in putting on this event. Bringing together internationally recognised leaders and thinkers on trade and economic policy, with exporters, business leaders, diplomats, economists, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • NCEA Level 1 changes give students a broader foundation
    The Government is making changes to NCEA Level 1 to ensure it remains a strong, credible qualification that supports young people into employment and further education, Education Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “Last term, the Government initiated a wide-scale review of the National Certificates of Educational Achievement (NCEA), involving consultation ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Crown accounts reflect positive economic trend
    The Government’s books were again better than expected as the economy continued to recover post COVID lockdown, the Finance Minister Grant Robertson says. The Crown Accounts for the four months to the end of October were far more favourable than what was forecast in the Pre-election Economic and Fiscal Update ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Increase to supplier diversity through new procurement target for Maori Business
    Māori enterprises are in line for greater opportunities to do business with government agencies under an initiative to spread the benefits of the economic recovery.  The Ministers for Māori Development and Economic and Regional Development have announced a new target to encourage public service agencies to cast the net ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Climate emergency declaration will be matched with long-term action
    Today’s climate emergency declaration will be backed with ambitious plans to reduce emissions, the Minister for Climate Change, James Shaw today. “Our Government has put New Zealand at the forefront of climate action over the last three years. Declaring a climate emergency and backing this with long-term action to reduce ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Celebrating the success of Prime Minister’s Oranga Tamariki Award winners
    28 young achievers who have been in the care of Oranga Tamariki or involved with the youth justice system have received Oranga Tamariki Prime Minister Awards in recognition of their success and potential, Children’s Minister Kelvin Davis announced today. At the awards ceremony in Parliament, Kelvin Davis congratulated the rangatahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Public sector to be carbon neutral by 2025
    Public sector to be carbon neutral by 2025 Immediate focus on phasing out largest and most active coal boilers Government agencies required to purchase electric vehicles and reduce the size of their car fleet Green standard required for public sector buildings The Government has launched a major new initiative to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Government fulfils election undertaking on new top tax rate
    The Government will today keep its election promise to put in place a new top tax rate of 39 per cent on income earned over $180,000. “This will only affect the top two per cent of earners. It is a balanced measure that is about sharing the load so everyone ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Sir Robert Martin re-elected to UN Committee
    New Zealand welcomes the news that Sir Robert Martin has been re-elected to the Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities, says Foreign Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Minister for Disability Issues Carmel Sepuloni. “Sir Robert has been a lifetime advocate for persons with disabilities and his experience brings a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New rules to protect Kiwis from unaffordable loans
    The Government is making sure all consumers who borrow money get the same protections, regardless of where they get their loans.   “Building on the work to crack down on loan sharks last year, we’re now making the rules clearer for all lenders to help protect borrowers from unaffordable loans” ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New visitor attraction to boost tourism
    The opening of the first major new tourism attraction since the global outbreak of COVID-19 closed borders to international travellers will provide a welcome boost to visitor numbers in our largest city, says Tourism Minister Stuart Nash. Mr Nash has this afternoon taken part in the official opening ceremony of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Govt moves on drug checking to keep young New Zealanders safer this summer
    The Government will pass time limited legislation to give legal certainty to drug checking services, so they can carry out their work to keep New Zealanders safer this summer at festivals without fear of prosecution, Health Minister Andrew Little says. Next year the Government will develop and consult on regulations ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Public Service Commissioner reappointed
    Minister for the Public Service Chris Hipkins announced today that Public Service Commissioner Peter Hughes CNZM has been reappointed for three years. The Public Service Commissioner is appointed by the Governor-General on the recommendation of the Prime Minister. “Mr Hughes’ reappointment reflects the need for strong leadership and continuity to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pōwhiri marks the start of a critical year for APEC
    New Zealand kicked off its APEC host year today, with a pōwhiri taking place on Wellington’s waterfront with local iwi Te Atiawa, and a number of Government ministers welcoming representatives from the other 20 APEC economies. “APEC is a hugely important international event, and New Zealand is hosting amidst the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Speech at APEC 21 Opening Pōwhiri
    9am, Tuesday 1 DecemberTe Whare Waka o Pōneke, Wellington Central He Mihi Kei aku rangatira no ngātapito e whā o te ao huri noa, tātou e huihui mai nei. Tēnā rā kōutou katoa. He tangiapakura ki ngā tini aituā kei waenganui i a tātou, ka tangi tonu te ngākau ki ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Government extends business debt relief to October 2021
    To assist with the ongoing economic recovery from COVID-19, rules allowing affected businesses to put their debt on hold have been extended by 10 months. “New Zealand’s economy is recovering better than we expected, but the impacts of the pandemic are far-reaching and some businesses need continued support to keep ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Bill introduced to support workers with 10 days sick leave
    The Government is delivering on a key commitment by introducing a Bill to Parliament to expand sick leave entitlements from five days to ten days a year, Workplace Relations and Safety Minister Michael Wood announced today. “COVID-19 has shown how important it is to stay at home when people are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Progress on pay equity for DHB staff
    Today’s initial agreement between DHBs and the PSA on pay equity for clerical and administration staff is an important step toward better, fairer pay for this crucial and largely female workforce, Health Minister Andrew Little says. If ratified, the agreement between the Public Service Association and the country’s 20 District ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Iconic Milford Track officially reopens
    One of New Zealand’s premier hikes and a cornerstone of the Te Anau community, the Milford Track has officially reopened, “From today, hikers booked on the popular Great Walk will be able to complete the walk end-to-end for the first time since early February,” Minister of Conservation Kiri Allan says. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Support for farmers beefed up ahead of La Niña
    Further funding for feed support services and new animal welfare coordinators will help farmers who continue to feel the effects of an extended drought, says Rural Communities Minister Damien O’Connor. “In March this year, I classified the drought in the North Island, parts of the South Island and the Chathams ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Next steps for Christchurch Hospital campus redevelopment
    Canterbury DHB will be better placed to respond to future demand for services and continue to deliver high quality care, with the next stage of the campus redevelopment programme confirmed, Health Minister Andrew Little says. The Government has approved $154 million in funding for the construction of a third tower ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Five Power Defence Arrangements Defence Ministers’ Joint Statement
    The Defence Ministers from Australia, Malaysia, New Zealand, Singapore and United Kingdom reaffirmed their nations’ continued commitment to the Five Power Defence Arrangements (FPDA), and commended the achievements over the past 49 years as the FPDA moves towards its 50th Anniversary in 2021.  The Ministers recognised the FPDA’s significant role ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Jobs for Nature funding protects health of Hawke’s Bay waterways
    A joint Government and Hawke’s Bay Regional Council project will invest $4.2 million to protect local waterways, enhance biodiversity and employ local people, Environment Minister David Parker announced today.   Over two years, the Hāpara Takatū Jobs for Nature project will fence 195km of private land to exclude stock from vulnerable ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Year border exception for seasonal workers in the horticulture and wine industries
    2000 additional RSE workers to enter New Zealand early next year employers must pay these workers at least $22.10 an hour employers will cover costs of managed isolation for the RSE workers RSE workers will be paid the equivalent of 30 hours work a week while in isolation From January ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government increases support for New Zealanders to work in seasonal jobs
    The Government is offering further financial support for unemployed New Zealanders to take on seasonal work. These new incentives include: Up to $200 per week for accommodation costs $1000 incentive payment for workers who complete jobs of six weeks or longer increasing wet weather payments when people can’t work to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government receives Royal Commission of Inquiry report into the Terrorist Attack on Christchurch Mos...
    Minister for Internal Affairs Jan Tinetti has today received the Royal Commission of Inquiry report into the Terrorist Attack on Christchurch Mosques, and will table it in Parliament on Tuesday December 8. “I know this will have been a challenging process for whānau, survivors and witnesses of the terrorist attack ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Zealand Government to declare a climate emergency
    The Government will declare a climate emergency next week, Climate Change Minister James Shaw said today.                                       “We are in the midst of a climate crisis that will impact on nearly every ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Call for urgent action on Pacific conservation
    A declaration on the urgency of the global biodiversity crisis and the need for immediate, transformative action in the Pacific was agreed at a pan-Pacific conference today. The 10th Pacific Islands Conference on Nature Conservation and Protected Areas is taking place this week across the Pacific.  Minister of Conservation Kiritapu ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech from the throne
    E aku hoa i te ara o te whai, Kia kotahi tā tātou takahi i te kō, ko tōku whiwhi kei tō koutou tautoko mai. Ko tāku ki a koutou, hei whakapiki manawa mōku. He horomata rangatira te mahi, e rite ai te whiwhinga a te ringatuku, me te ringakape ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Keynote address to Chartered Accountants Australia and New Zealand conference
    Speech to the CAANZ conference - November 19, 2020 Thank you, Greg, (Greg Haddon, MC) for the welcome. I’d like to acknowledge John Cuthbertson from CAANZ, the Commissioner of Inland Revenue Naomi Ferguson, former fellow MP and former Minister of Revenue, Peter Dunne, other guest speakers and CAANZ members. I ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Expert independent advisory group appointed to strengthen the future of Māori broadcasting
    A panel of seven experts are adding their support to help shape the future of Māori broadcasting, Minister for Māori Development Willie Jackson has announced today. “Today I will meet with some of the most experienced Māori broadcasters, commentators and practitioners in the field. They have practical insights on the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Government to review housing settings
    New Zealand’s stronger-than-expected economic performance has flowed through to housing demand, so the Government will review housing settings to improve access to the market, the Finance Minister Grant Robertson announced today. “Our focus is on improving access to the housing market for first home buyers and ensuring house price growth ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Crown accounts reflect Govt’s careful economic management
    The better-than-expected Crown accounts released today show the Government’s careful management of the COVID-19 health crisis was the right approach to support the economy. As expected, the Crown accounts for the year to June 2020 show the operating balance before gains and losses, or OBEGAL, was in deficit. However that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community launch marks next step in addressing racism in education
    The launch of Te Hurihanganui in Porirua today is another important milestone in the work needed to address racism in the education system and improve outcomes for Māori learners and their whānau, Associate Education Minister Kelvin Davis says. Budget 2019 included $42 million over three years to put Te Hurihanganui ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago