Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 1:58 pm, December 10th, 2014 - 85 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour - Tags:

Paula Bennet santa claus

The normal rules apply.  Keep it seemly …

 

85 comments on “Caption contest”

  1. shorts 1

    The Power and The Passion

  2. Clemgeopin 2

    Oh, sweety, you are poor? Here, love, have a candy cane for Christmas! See, I care!

  3. Anne 3

    Ahaa you lot. The ladder’s gone. I got it all. You got nuttin.

  4. Capn Insano 4

    “Getting booted out of your state house so we can sell it to property speculators? Here’s a candy cane”

  5. Sanctuary 5

    “One for every child I pushed into poverty today”

  6. Te Reo Putake 6

    Ha! There’s been a mistake; when I said I’d be caning the beneficiaries I meant something else altogether.

  7. greywarshark 7

    I’ve always got away with everything. Some get a caning but I’m sweet – this is the only cane I ever get.

  8. The Fairy Godmother 8

    Have you been good? Santa will give you a present. You bad lazy sods who can’t find work will get nothing.

  9. ghostwhowalksnz 9

    See! I can handle the big financial jobs in government

  10. Treetop 10

    I’m all decked out in the colours of the political parties who are actually going to do something about poverty.

    • batweka 10.1

      “colours of the political parties”

      She’s wearing the red, blue and black of the intended future uber betrayal govt (Labour neolibs, Nat, NZF), and the canes are the left of Labour and the GP about to get sucked into oblivion.

  11. david h 11

    enjoy them now because next year there wont be any lollies at all

  12. joe90 12

    Hello campers, hi de hi – hi de ho

  13. Tracey 13

    I took them from a baby!

  14. b waghorn 14

    Let them eat candy!

  15. kiwinewt 15

    Let them eat cake! What, at that price? Hahahaha cheap candy it is!

  16. Clemgeopin 16

    Look, I am just practicing what our own Pinocchio has taught us : How to sweetly smile and wave while still dishing out utter crap!

  17. Potato 17

    My friend Katharine Rich says this is a great way to get kids to eat greens !

  18. rawshark-yeshe 18

    “Sweetie — It’s 100% sugar with toxic artificial colouring and additives and it’s really twisted and it has a hook in it ! What more could you possibly want ?”

    (Thus spake the ghost of Christmas past-its-due-by-date.)

  19. les 19

    sorry these are all …mine!

  20. batweka 20

    I’m a complete arsehole, but I’m a happy clappy one!! 🙂

  21. CATMAN 21

    Hey kids! Christmas candy canes for sale!

  22. Potato 22

    “They gave me this full bowl of candy canes to hand out to the poor children but I’ve been here for a whole 10 minutes and no poor children have appeared. Oh well, guess I’ll have another !”

  23. Turtle 23

    Hehehe; Let them eat candy canes…..

  24. Clemgeopin 24

    “This is the ONLY thing that the rich Chinese donors gave us. Honest!”

  25. Treetop 25

    More government u-turns coming to you real soon.

  26. cogito 26

    You should have gone to Specsavers, Paula. You were told to get meat hooks. One for you, and one for each of your colleagues.

  27. Winz announce incentive scheme to get the unemployed to move to the north pole.

  28. Jimmy 28

    Merry Fucking Christmas New Zealand

  29. NZJester 29

    It was so simple stealing this candy from those beneficiaries babies.

  30. i am the mean christmas fairy
    here to stop the kids being merry

    no presents or turkey for bennies
    WINZ will cut off your pennies!

    it’s a bit of a laugh to me
    and a chance to get on TV

  31. tricle up 31

    Trick or treat my treats are not very nourishing just covered in 100 % sugar.

  32. adam 32

    Our next PM, promoting a corporate xmas. Because, if you mentioned that Christ wanted a society dedicated to a liberation theology – it might just all go pear shaped for the Tory scum.

  33. b waghorn 33

    “Its true you give out a few of these and they think you give a fuck”

  34. Potato 34

    “You better watch out
    You better not lie
    Like those loony lefties.
    I’m telling you why

    The SIS are coming to town

    We’ll see you when you’re sleeping
    We’ll know when you’re awake
    We’ll hear every word you say
    With this microphone candy cane”

  35. Clemgeopin 35

    “We sell off their state houses but fool them with some coloured candy to cope!”

  36. peterlepaysan 36

    I’ve got the goodies, now that Judith is out of the way.

  37. swordfish 37

    Paula (to journalists): “Actually there’s a hilarious anecdote attached to this. As I was stealing this candy from the Children’s Hospital Ward just a few minutes ago, some little kid got visibly upset and all teary eyed. Well, you know me, I believe in Tough Love – so I was forced to tell her: “Zip it, Sweetie, these are all mine !!! Aunty Paula’s got a sweet tooth, Okay ?????”. Ha, ha, ha, I laugh about it now, but I mean the absolute, bare-faced arrogance of these little brats !!!”

  38. Potato 38

    The Grinch revealed after having full bodywax

  39. philj 39

    Thats not ‘Paula the beneficiciary!’

  40. philj 40

    Yes! It’s Paula ‘the Beneficiary’

  41. Clemgeopin 41

    “I am just about to go and feed our homeless!”

  42. AB 42

    Everything I touch does this

  43. bennett:..’why don’t benificiaries gt off their fat lazy arses..

    ..and make something like this..’?..’

  44. bennett:..

    ‘..these are the staples that were used in my stomach-stapling op..’

  45. bennett:..

    ‘..so..i said to them..’we don’t have poverty..because we don’t even measure poverty..!..

    ..it’s as easy as that..!’

    ..then we all had a good laugh..!’

  46. bennett dreams of being leader..and does a pretend cabinet-shuffle..

  47. A Voter 47

    This is all you poor people get this year from Bitchyfit

  48. Clemgeopin 48

    ‘Suck on this, you poor suckers!”

  49. Ecosse_Maidy 49

    Auditions for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang The Sequel, produced a clear winner for the part of The Child Snatcher.

  50. Ecosse_Maidy 50

    Christmas Tree at back “Christ, Father Christmas has really let himself go!”

  51. Ecosse_Maidy 51

    Does this red suit make my left hand look really really over sized?

  52. Ecosse_Maidy 52

    On Three Ms Bennet “Say Liposuctionnnnnn”

  53. Ecosse_Maidy 53

    Bennett doles out surprising low dividends of the power companies sell off to the public.

  54. Ecosse_Maidy 54

    Bennett says “Has anyone seen my balls?” Christmas tree responds ” We are behind youuuuuuuuuuuu!”

  55. finbar 55

    Bennett.”We are going to move those over sixties who live alone in two and three bedroom Housing N.Z.Homes,into one bedroom community housing clusters more suitable to their needs so we can give families accommodation suitable to them.

    ‘ITS SO EASY,ITS LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY”.

  56. hunter 56

    Let them eat candy

  57. Clemgeopin 57

    Advice to the poor:
    Have some candy to feel more dandy!
    You want to feel randy? Yep, have some candy!

  58. Sable 58

    We thought these new walking sticks for the disabled are a great idea. Like our health system they are cheap, impractical and won’t work but hey at least you get a short lived sugar fix. And maybe diabetes……

  59. Northsider 59

    Eat your heart out Judith. JK is giving me all the photo opps now!

  60. Treetop 60

    Don’t tell anyone, the last budget was heavily sugar coated, just like the candy canes.

  61. te 61

    Move Over Candy Crush’er there’s a new girl in town, introducing for her own pleasure “Candy Cane”

  62. ankerawshark 62

    They have introduced zero contract hours for politicians, so I thought I would moonlight flogging off tooth rotting crap.

  63. Clemgeopin 63

    ” I got these cariogenic Candy
    From distant callipygous Burundi
    ‘Cause we have happily made Redundi
    All of our very own good R & D !

  64. If you are living in pain
    or your life savings were flushed down the drain

    Let me offer you a candy cane
    and a cardboard box to keep off the rain

    The Gnats will let problems remain
    unresolved, and rig the game

    So the rich can take all the gains
    while we laugh and drink champagne

  65. SaveNZ 65

    Ho Ho Ho
    Like stealing candy from a baby
    Our next trick is to steal the baby from the Beneficiary.
    Monitor them secretly for 24 hours (we wanted 48 hours but those commies in Labour reduced it to 24 hours). If they are deemed unworthy of our taxpayers dollars then we can confiscate the baby or the benefit or both!

    It worked so well for those Abo’s in OZ and those dissident babes in Argentina.

    That also solves the adoption program too!

  66. NZSage 66

    Hey John, these hooks are just the thing to pull up ladders!

  67. Clemgeopin 67

    ” God has blessed you all poor sods
    For you’ve survived amazing odds!
    Rejoice in our gold star e-con-o-my
    For you aren’t yet dead with me-lon-co-ly!

    Give shouts of praise for Nats at Christmas time
    For I’m dishing you out some candy time.

    The chain stores and con-glom-er-ates
    May have brought you to your knees;
    Low wages, rent and living costs
    May have caught you all in a squeeze;

    But we still claim rich dudes are real poor
    And you sorry lot are mightily rich!”

  68. Tarara 68

    Let them eat candy.

  69. Tarara 69

    Hunger Games
    Need1 Greed 21

  70. Tarara 70

    “Who ate all the candy?” Paula moves on from the pies.

  71. Tarara 71

    My Halloween takings were well up. No costume this year, but scared the bejesus out of everyone by telling them I will be the next PM.

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