john key

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Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 1:00 pm, September 17th, 2010 - 18 comments

Thanks to all the other writers for excellent pieces on the serious issues. Time for a lighter subject. Fortunately, when you’ve got a clown for PM, there’s always a laugh to be had. Couldn’t help wondering why Key’s sitting in the middle row here. Made way for Brownlee Maximus perhaps?

Key: No Surprises?

Written By: - Date published: 10:54 am, September 16th, 2010 - 22 comments

Under National & Act’s power-sharing agreement there is a ‘No Surprises’ clause.  So Rodney Hide should have told John Key about David Garrett’s assault conviction and dead baby identity stealing, as well as his own drunk and disorderly conviction in 2008.

Did he?

Hone stands by principles on foreshore

Written By: - Date published: 11:20 am, September 14th, 2010 - 52 comments

Stuff is reporting that Hone Harawira will not vote for the Nats’ foreshore and seabed legislation. And John Key is clearly upset. Sounds like someone needs the whambulance. Key’s just lost the ability to claim that he has genuinely circled the square, giving Pakeha and Maori both what they want. All he has really done is bought off the Maori Party leadership.

Banks lays down with dogs, Brown comes up smelling of roses

Written By: - Date published: 9:20 am, September 10th, 2010 - 15 comments

It’s been interesting to watch the Nats’ smear machine switch focus from Len Brown to Andrew Williams in recent days. I guess that’s what you get for letting Cameron Slater become your de facto chief strategist. Maybe the Nats have worked out that they’re not going to beat Brown. This article in the Herald certainly won’t help Banks one iota.

Key’s racist government

Written By: - Date published: 9:20 am, September 9th, 2010 - 62 comments

John Key promised higher standards of government. Another lie. The list of rorts, incompetences, and abuses of power goes on and on. So, it’s hardly any surprise that Key doesn’t have a problem with Maurice Williamson’s racist comments. Make no mistake – it is Key’s decision that Williamson and the rest are ministers in our government

Caption Competition

Written By: - Date published: 6:28 pm, September 7th, 2010 - 41 comments

Yesterday Mr Key said he would leave for London to visit the Queen, only if he “could be confident Christchurch’s recovery was on track”, and appointed Big Jezza to oversee the Government’s Christchurch earthquake response. Today Key announced he won’t be leaving any time soon.

Key: Obama’s my pen pal

Written By: - Date published: 12:33 pm, September 1st, 2010 - 14 comments

Key says his personal relationship with Obama (met the guy twice) means he can call him. Don’t think it’s your winning grin mate. Think it’s because you’re PM of New Zealand. Anyway, this ain’t a game of collecting phone numbers, John. You’ve got to deliver something concrete. How’s that free trade deal coming?

Reserve army of labour

Written By: - Date published: 11:47 am, September 1st, 2010 - 34 comments

Bill English came pretty close to admitting that the Nats are “relaxed” about our current high unemployment. Phil Goff came out swinging…

Key slippery on crime

Written By: - Date published: 11:07 am, August 26th, 2010 - 22 comments

Yesterday, Key was boasting that his goverment had brought down robberies and burglaries in Manukau. But it’s just more numbers games. In reality, the crime rate in Counties Manukau rose 6.9% in 2009. That’s twice the already awful 3.5% nationwide increase. I’m not against the government saying it has brought down crime. I just wish that it was true.

Lies, damn lies and desperation

Written By: - Date published: 7:45 am, August 26th, 2010 - 43 comments

It is time we got away from Mr Key’s focus on individual greed and got back to a focus on better hospital, schools and care for those who are struggling. David Clark argues that Key’s tax cuts are going to actually drive away our high-achievers while Mr Key is telling us it’s going to bring them home.

Key govt halves price of bananas

Written By: - Date published: 9:21 am, August 25th, 2010 - 7 comments

Prime Minister John Key has credited his government’s economic policies for the price of fruit and vegetables falling by 6.5%. It’s clearly because of all those fruit and vegetable price reduction policies the government has introduced. In fact, the fruit price index is really only down 3.9% since November 2008 and vegetables are actually up 14.4%. But who are you going to believe?

Job queues longer

Written By: - Date published: 2:28 pm, August 24th, 2010 - 17 comments

Contrary to the sunny prognostications of Nice Mr Key, job queues are getting longer. How much more great economic management from John and Bill can the country stand?

McCully does have vision..

Written By: - Date published: 7:52 am, August 24th, 2010 - 17 comments

There have been a lot of complaints that Murray McCully is useless as our offshore representative and shows a complete lack of vision. Stop complaining.

John Black shows you what the alternatives could be…

The secret of my success….

Written By: - Date published: 10:27 am, August 22nd, 2010 - 11 comments

John Black cartoons John Keys success from childhood to Prime Minister. It has been good for him. It is not so good for anyone else.

Can we trust MPs while they have secret trusts?

Written By: - Date published: 1:08 pm, August 20th, 2010 - 11 comments

Registrar of Pecuniary Interests Margaret Bazley, the country’s busiest pensioner, has presented recommendations for improving the transparency of MPs’ financial interests. It seems like good stuff, but it ignores the elephant in the room – the ability of MPs to use trusts to hide their shareholdings, and their conflicts of interest, from the public.

Massive series of blasts to close gap with Australia

Written By: - Date published: 1:08 pm, August 19th, 2010 - 5 comments

Prime Minister John Key today outlined a plan to close the gap with Australia using his skills as a money trader and a stockpile of ex-Soviet nukes.

Key backs the bully, loses a good minister

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, August 19th, 2010 - 24 comments

John Key allowed one of the ministers he appointed to be bullied out of her job and replaced by a man chosen by Rodney Hide, and he didn’t even ask Hide why. As more details emerge, it looks like Hide is the one in the wrong. Will Key now discipline Hide and invite Roy, who has been acclaimed as a good minister in a bad bunch, back on board? Not likely. The guy’s barely awake these days.

Take him up on the offer, Phil

Written By: - Date published: 7:52 am, August 19th, 2010 - 28 comments

John Key said yesterday: “the gap with Australia is definitely closing … If [Phil Goff] wants to pop up for a coffee I will take him through the numbers, and I can take him through a few others.” I say go for it, Phil. I’m dying to see what numbers Key is talking about. Because the reality is that we are falling behind Australia on every measure, while Key just smiles and waves.

An Authoritarian Act

Written By: - Date published: 2:52 pm, August 18th, 2010 - 14 comments

So Rodney can’t keep 4 other people on side. The liberal and authoritarian split in Act has had its blood-letting and the authoritarians have won. Where will the neo-liberal idealogues go? And how will Epsom react to this change in philosophy in a year’s time?

Does Key know why he replaced Roy with Boscawen?

Written By: - Date published: 10:58 am, August 18th, 2010 - 31 comments

We’re in a depressingly familiar position under this Key government: We don’t know why one of our government’s ministers was forced to resign yesterday. It’s not good enough in this age of supposedly open and transparent government. The really scary thing this time is it appears the Prime Minister doesn’t know either.

How to be a lazy politician

Written By: - Date published: 3:00 pm, August 17th, 2010 - 9 comments

When John Steinbeck said “No one wants advice – only corroboration” he could well have been describing the numerous working groups the Government has established in many areas of significant economic and social policy. Too lazy to spend its nine years in opposition developing a detailed policy prescription, National now picks groups to tell it what it wants to hear.

Unions launch name and shame

Written By: - Date published: 7:09 am, August 13th, 2010 - 144 comments

John Key challenged the unions to “put up or shut up”. So they’re going to put up. The CTU has launched a campaign to name and shame businesses that are abusing the fire at will (90 day probation) bill. It’s a campaign based around personal stories. Heather Smith tells the first of many…

All hail honourable leader’s birthday

Written By: - Date published: 10:25 am, August 10th, 2010 - 30 comments

Rapturous crowds of workers from the People’s Information Services spontaneously gathered in the Beehive theatrette yesterday to praise Beloved Leader of People’s Constitutional Monarchy of New Zealand, Honourable John Key, on the anniversary of his birth. “Comrades! I thank you!” said Honourable Key to the sighs of the crowd. One young cadre presented Beloved Leader with a birthday card.

Spin and bullshit

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, August 5th, 2010 - 13 comments

Labour has rightly challenged National on its failure to make any progress on its core promise to “close the gap” with Australia. And rather than responding with action, National has responded with spin and bullshit. And that is very telling indeed.

Key and Peters best buddies?

Written By: - Date published: 7:00 am, August 4th, 2010 - 58 comments

Key hasn’t ruled out working with Winston after 2011. This seems like a huge miscalculation. Not only has he added legitimacy to the re-animation of this political zombie, but he has also cut the legs out from under the right’s “Winston is the devil” campaign. That giant sucking sound you hear? That’s DPF’s head imploding.

For the economic record

Written By: - Date published: 6:03 am, August 3rd, 2010 - 130 comments

John Key trotted out a huge lie in Parliament last week: “It took 9 years for Labour to make a complete and utter mess of the economy; it might take a bit longer than that for us to sort it out”. Let’s compare National and Labour’s economic records shall we.

Labour 12% ahead in the polls!

Written By: - Date published: 10:14 am, August 2nd, 2010 - 32 comments

I’m very pleased to report that Labour has leapt to a dramatic 12% lead in the opinion polls over National! It’s looking good for 2011! Bravo Phil Goff and the rest of the Labour team.

Can Labour win in 2011?

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, August 1st, 2010 - 82 comments

Chris Carter’s bumbling attempt at a coup has pushed the question onto the tip of everyone’s tongue – can Labour win the 2011 election? And can Phil Goff be the one to lead them to victory? But 24 hours can be a long time in politics, and a year is a very long time indeed. The biggest mistake Labour could make now would be to get into leadership battles.

Where’s Kate? Wanted for media avoidance…

Written By: - Date published: 5:46 pm, July 30th, 2010 - 11 comments

While there are some ministers who are pretty scared of fronting up for their portfolios, Kate Wilkinson is one of the worst.

There is also this little gem about a Minister that is happy to be anywhere that Sean Plunket isn’t. I guess this image will get a lot of use. Anyone got a good caption?

Key’s lies are nothing new

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, July 29th, 2010 - 27 comments

The Nats lied and promised their way in to an election win in 2008. That was always going to make it difficult for them as the honeymoon glow wore off. Now Key is lying about the failure on one of their biggest empty promises of all.

The states of John Key – Conclusion

Written By: - Date published: 10:10 am, July 29th, 2010 - 28 comments

Final of a series by Guest poster Blue.

The boy who wanted to make a million dollars and be Prime Minister has got his wish. The livelihoods of 4.3 million New Zealanders are on the line for his big gamble on New Zealand’s future.

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