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Bill English’s texts leaked

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, August 9th, 2017 - 21 comments

Some of Bill English’s texts have been released. And they are not what you might expect.

Breaking: calls for Paddy Gower’s resignation as MSM slips in its own bullshit

Written By: - Date published: 7:05 am, August 9th, 2017 - 24 comments

Last night all the excitement finally caught up with them, leading to calls for Paddy Gower to resign and for MSM organisations to delete their social media accounts.

The Doctor Who helpline

Written By: - Date published: 9:04 am, July 19th, 2017 - 51 comments

Lordy, what’s going on?

White Man Behind a Desk – Indigenous Rights

Written By: - Date published: 7:32 am, March 6th, 2017 - 6 comments

We no longer need the Waitangi Tribunal because everything’s fine now. Right?

Nick Smith becomes Minister of Government Information

Written By: - Date published: 9:05 am, February 24th, 2017 - 62 comments

The Government intends to change the definitions of various indicators in an effort to solve some of the country’s most serious problems.

1984

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, February 23rd, 2017 - 120 comments

That Orwell was ahead of his time.

The Standard is offering to the National Party leadership contenders guest post slots

Written By: - Date published: 12:15 pm, December 7th, 2016 - 128 comments

In the spirit of bi partisanship the Standard wishes to offer the candidates for leadership of the National caucus guest post slots and the ability to answer readers’ questions.

Racist Nats Attack Chinese Grannies Shock!

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, October 12th, 2016 - 67 comments

National have slammed the door shut on the parents of already settled migrants who wish to move to NZ to complete the family unit. Minister Michael Woodhouse accuses elderly Asians of bludging off the NZ taxpayer. You won’t believe the howls of outrage from the right!

Boris Johnson’s HQ as the EU referendum results came in …

Written By: - Date published: 1:11 pm, July 1st, 2016 - 3 comments

Rumoured to be satire …

John Oliver: Scientific studies (or why media are so useless at it)

Written By: - Date published: 11:35 pm, May 20th, 2016 - 6 comments

John Oliver takes a good solid swing at the media who suck up shit press releases designed by institutions to get funding and interest groups doing marketing for their products, and the idiotic consumers of schlock ‘facts’. Or John Key who apparently thinks that money magically changes physics.

Housing crisis solved!

Written By: - Date published: 4:10 pm, April 22nd, 2016 - 26 comments

I don’t like to boast, but I have solved the housing crisis.

Revealed – Standard bloggers paid by Labour

Written By: - Date published: 7:02 am, April 1st, 2016 - 50 comments

It is our hope that revealing this previously top-secret information will both contribute to an atmosphere of open and honest politics, and reduce the incidence of injury amongst dirty politics insiders.

Imperator Fish: John needs this too

Written By: - Date published: 10:30 am, March 9th, 2016 - 24 comments

Imperator Fish argues for a change in the New Zealand flag, sort of.

Imperator Fish: On that restaurant guy’s bid for mayor

Written By: - Date published: 7:30 am, March 2nd, 2016 - 19 comments

Imperator Fish analyses the implications of that restaurant guy’s announcement that he will also seek to become Auckland super city’s next mayor.

RIP NZ satire

Written By: - Date published: 8:15 am, February 18th, 2016 - 49 comments

oliver-joyce-dildo-flag

The official New Zealand COP21 negotiating guide

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, December 1st, 2015 - 13 comments

The Youth Delegation at COP 21 has secured a copy of the Government’s negotiation guide and has published it …

Allahu Quackbar!

Written By: - Date published: 10:55 pm, November 29th, 2015 - 70 comments

4chan bombs Isis. Now that’s the way to hurt them!

The comical farce of Cameron Slater et al

Written By: - Date published: 10:37 am, November 20th, 2015 - 42 comments

Cameron Slater and his associates are legal morans. This has been extensively investigated and judged on by the Court of Appeal in a judgement released yesterday. I have a wee look at it and the steaming heap of faecal matter that these idiots tried to get the judges to consume.

Imperator Fish: the Terrorist Test

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, November 19th, 2015 - 22 comments

Following from a tweet from Josie Pagani Imperator Fish has designed this handy quiz so that protesters can work out if they prefer ISIS to the TPP.

If journalists reported the real news

Written By: - Date published: 11:08 am, October 12th, 2015 - 13 comments

Journalist Jonathan Pie presents the real news.

National to extinguish private property rights!

Written By: - Date published: 3:23 pm, June 17th, 2015 - 41 comments

Shocking news I think you’ll agree.

Worst. Interview. Ever.

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, May 4th, 2015 - 85 comments

On Radio NZ this morning John Key gave an interview that was cringe-worthy, defensive and accidently hilarious. The man is a joke … and not even an original one.

Planet Key

Written By: - Date published: 5:48 pm, April 2nd, 2015 - 24 comments

Turns out that “Planet Key” is not an election advertisement after all.

Fruukd: New Media Venture

Written By: - Date published: 11:22 am, April 1st, 2015 - 15 comments

The Standardista Collective today announced plans for a massive new media venture, Fruukd.

Damn you readers :) Upgrades again

Written By: - Date published: 7:47 pm, February 10th, 2015 - 31 comments

Well ok, after the election I figured that I could shift the site to some slower storage with a whole lot of redundancy in a RAID6 array of slower drives. We’d have a lot fewer readers than our peak for 6 months after post election, right? Nope – wrong. You are making me work…

Imperator Fish: A clarification

Written By: - Date published: 3:50 pm, January 28th, 2015 - 31 comments

Sexist right-wingers are lining up to abuse Eleanor Catton for speaking her mind. The odious Sean Plunket is the worst, calling Catton a “hua” (sounds like and sometimes defined as “whore”). Imperator Fish responds

Shortlist for GCSB Chief announced

Written By: - Date published: 1:31 pm, January 16th, 2015 - 15 comments

It makes for great reading and throws the net wider than last time… just Check it out here

ImperatorFish: A statement from the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union

Written By: - Date published: 2:23 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 21 comments

The New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union is outraged at the scandalous behaviour of Auckland mayor Len Brown. The people of Auckland deserve better than a mayor who spends public money discharging his bodily wastes.

Teapot tapes released!

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 7 comments

As the matter seems to be heading for trial now is a good time for the audio from the teapot tapes to be released.

Fred Dagg – User’s Guide to NZ

Written By: - Date published: 10:07 pm, December 4th, 2014 - 35 comments

I miss Fred Dagg – John Clarke’s latest is a purler. “New Zealand … is an egalitarian nation made up of well over four million rugged individualists and naturally gifted sportspeople and is run on alternate days by the government and whoever bought the national infrastructure.” Read, laugh and weep – he might be gone but we’re not forgotten, and thank God for that.

Imperator Fish: The Labour Party plot to kill Cameron Slater: the shocking evidence

Written By: - Date published: 6:00 pm, November 27th, 2014 - 33 comments

Imperator Fish claims to have received from an anonymous source a recording of a conversation between senior Labour Party members in which a plan to kill Cameron Slater is discussed.

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