Celebrity PM withdraws endorsement

Written By: - Date published: 8:05 am, June 5th, 2011 - 11 comments
Categories: humour, john key - Tags:

Following the news that “Celebrities who make false statements while endorsing finance companies could now face jail or fines up to $1 million”, we at The Standard have received the following important document, leaked by an internal National Party source:

Press Release from PM John Key
Monday 6 June
The Beehive
Wellington

On this the celebration of the birthday of our Glorious Majesty Queen Elizabeth II (I met her you know!) I wish to announce, with the greatest of regret, that I can no longer support or endorse New Zealand Inc.

Since all that the people of our great country seem to require of me is appearing on Letterman, breakfast TV, and the occasional photo op with Royalty, I have decided to continue in my role as Lightweight Celebrity PM™. But in order to limit my personal liability I wish to make it clear that I can no longer support or in any way endorse government budget predictions, National Party economic policy, the random gruntings and moanings of Treasury, the knackering of the New Zealand economy, or anything said by Bill English.

On the advice of my lawyers I also wish to declare that any previous endorsements, statements of support, promises, financial projections or vague prognostications, whether actual or implied, are retrospectively invalidated, declared inoperative, and hereby considered null and void. It’s all right there in the fine print punters, read it and weep.

Thank you. Thank you. No really, that’s enough. Thank you. Settle down there. Thank you. Now – would any of youse fellahs like to come back to my place for a barbie and a beer with Prince Willy? (A corgi licked my hand you know!)

11 comments on “Celebrity PM withdraws endorsement”

  1. Colonial Viper 1

    I’m glad he did this because the GST increase and changes to KiwiSaver are all OK now.

  2. ianmac 2

    A Memorial Service will be held in the Christchurch Cathedral in memory of the sterling performance of the imitation Prime Minister John Key, whose antics kept so many amused for so long in our times of great need. Amen

    • Jim Nald 2.1

      Folks at the Service would be spoilt for choice – whether to shed tears … or laughter.

  3. It wasn’t a corgi – it was Duncan.

  4. prism 4

    Who needs to be a royal, here I am a perfectly happy Kiwi bloke with money to burn, someone else doing the cooking on the barbie, a bottle of Southern Ale in one hand and in the other, my cellphone to check my interests. I’m King John the Charming, having a right royal time.

  5. I guess all the funny left wing Satirical people are from the states.

  6. Akldnut 6

    The Government says no, only those with a name and reputation would be affected.

    Urrrrm…. I have a name and repuation & I’m a celebrity in my own mind. What dictates who and at which stage you become famous there-fore liable (Weekly Mags, News paper,TV, Radio….) it’s a bit open ended and would be arguable.

    Now – would any of youse fellahs like to come back to my place for a barbie and a beer with “My willy” Prince! (name of a body part) 🙄

    There fixed it up for ya R0B

  7. Maui 7

    Great parody .. but truth is often stranger than fiction.

    Have a look at

    http://ebookee.org/The-Rise-of-the-Rich-A-New-View-of-Modern-World-History_998165.html

  8. This may be the best way for a Kiwi Saver saver to get a return on their investment, if they can prove they went into KS because of say Helen or John’s endorsement of the scam, and now as we are seeing we are well past peak economy, and KS will be looking more and more like a mangy dog, could they sue?
    Make it retrospective and take it back to when it went through the house, that would kind of stuff up Fitzsimmons retirement plans, to name one of the carpet baggers that think they are scot free.

  9. Well prior to the comming election let’s retrospectively invalidate the National Party !!!!

  10. ianupnorth 10

    Will he be going on ‘I’m a Celebrity Get me Out of here’ – Currency Trader special, held in Maui?

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