Cleaning up Kiwiblog

Written By: - Date published: 3:28 pm, July 8th, 2011 - 43 comments
Categories: dpf, humour - Tags: ,

Tipped off by robertguyton in comments I see that DPF has posted the following little gem at Kiwiblog:

Kiwiblog Outage

Kiwiblog will be off air this Sunday between 6 am and midday approx. The server it is on is being cleaned and moved.

Now, cleaning up Kiwiblog seems to me a task of Herculean proportions. At task that would make the Agean stables look like the Chelsea flower show. So I think we need to give DPF a Big Standard Hand here. He shouldn’t have to face his darkest hour alone.

Fellow Standardistas, I ask you, how best to clean the Kiwiblog servver? What cleaning method and equipment would you use? What safety precautions should be taken? How far up wind is it safe for spectators to stand? What are the environmental implications?

With our help, I feel sure that DPF can succeed, and this enduring stain on New Zealand’s “100% Pure Aspirational Goal™” will be removed at last!

43 comments on “Cleaning up Kiwiblog”

  1. higherstandard 1

    The stench from the opposite end of the political spectra should cancel each other out therefore I propose a blog merger to form The KiwiStandard blog.

    Of course it may also form an interwebs version of a neutron star.

    • Or SkyNet…

      Oh wait, that analogy has already been taken.

    • lprent 1.2

      No no.. Your cosmology is wrong. A neutron star is what is left after that type of merger. The wee blue white dwarf spirals into the red giant forming a supernova. At the end of of it all you have a lot of ejecta that will eventually form new stars, and remaining is a rapidly spinning highly compact neutron.

      And example of that final stage will show whenever you look at anything to do with the Alliance these days, and it looks like Act is joining them after they finish ejecting everyone.

  2. Saracen 2

    Acid bath – concentrated nitric acid, ideally.

  3. I thought Draco’s suggestion in open mike today was the best …
     

    Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

    • higherstandard 3.1

      I’d be supportive of that option if it would take out parliament and most of the civil service dross at the same time.

      • Bored 3.1.1

        I much rather nuke the Kapiti Coast up to Levin, it representsNZs most cogent argument for nuclear first strike. The earthquake will take care of your issues.

        • Deadly_NZ 3.1.1.1

          And whats wrong with Levin??? Christ what are you a Jafa?

          • freedom 3.1.1.1.1

            probably just wants me out of my nice cheap studio that’s all :]

            That or he has an obvious aversion to NZ owned Industrial Manufacturing and Agricultural sectors that have not converted to immigrant workfarms and Dairy monoploies.

            • Bored 3.1.1.1.1.1

              Nothing as simple…the road drives me mad, otaki as a seconds shp stop is ghastly and Levin gets in the way when going fishing….nothing personal.

    • It’s simpler to just not go there if you don’t like it. Or do you not like other people choosing to share their knowledge, views and arguments?

      I guess it’s a matter of whether you (ms) prefer to try and eliminate all opposition or encourage as much participation in open debate as possible.

    • Deadly_NZ 3.3

      Or just a little 10 megatonne nuke fired at 5000 ft AGL.

  4. hellonearthis 4

    It needs a bit of a trim and I guess a blue rinse.

  5. Tigger 5

    A medicated shampoo from the chemist ought to do the trick. Alternatively you can try shaving the infected area. Washing affected bedding and clothes in a hot wash and drying in sunshine will be necessary.

  6. Jim Nald 6

    “Out, damned server! out, I say! One; two: why, then, ’tis time to do ’t. Hell is murky! Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? Yet who would have thought the old Hide to have had so much blood in him?”

    Hint: ‘The [Cursed] Scottish Play’

    • Vicky32 6.1

      Well done, Jim! 😀

    • Bored 6.2

      I am a great advocate of the Bard. Best man to predict and comment upon the human condition, beats econometricians and randists every day of the week. Well done.

    • Jim Nald 6.3

      🙂

      And that was from the somnambulistic Lady Macbeth.

      Quite appropriate.

  7. kriswgtn 7

    Spray an walk away 😛

  8. Frank Macskasy 8

    Captain Kirk would use phasers and photon torpedoes.

    Personally, I prefer The Doctor’s weapons; a laser stare; an acid wit; and a sonic screwdriver set to “Re-nationalise all previously privatised state assets”.

    Failing that, hand Kiwiblog over to the tender mercies of ACT. Brash will privatise it; sell it to our Chinese cuzzies; who will promptly turn it into an organ of the Red Guard or their Communist Party.

    There.

    Sorted.

    • Colonial Viper 8.1

      Well, the Enterprise-E is equipped with quantum torpedoes. Much nicer 🙂

  9. Frank Macskasy 9

    In all serious though, perhaps – in a display of fraternal solidarity between bloggers – The Standard can be understanding of his predicament and offer David a page or two here, on The Standard.

    At current market rates, of course.

    • Colonial Viper 9.1

      At current market rates, of course.

      What is the going rate for managing a pigsty?

    • Deadly_NZ 9.2

      Why ?DPF seems to have enough space on the Granny and Stuff to spin to his cold hearts content .

  10. Sookie 10

    What about one of those old fashioned remedies for the Clap? I saw that on an episode of Boardwalk Empire, it looked suitably excrutiating 🙂

  11. Jan 11

    First of all there is no plan. Actually there is a plan. The solution calls for a wide bus but a cycle track is provided and a 6 lane highway to the owners home drive and the soltion comes in bits..

    The environmental issues, as all Nats know, has no value and therefore does not need any speciaql consideration. The disks can be strip gouged to skim off the low value surface data leaving a pile of toxic spoil which will poison future generations, leaving a barren surface unregognisable to previous users.

    The cleaning will however consider health and safety issues. Health and safety issue will be addressed by leaving the recommendations in the in-tray, ensuring that employee representatives have no role, implementing four 18 monthe reviews when it all goes tits up and telling all the affected parties that in New Zealand we are all our brothers keeper.

    • lprent 11.1

      Seems random within the context of the post. A new form of diversion comment perhaps?

      • Draco T Bastard 11.1.1

        It’s a dig at the Nats for, in order, cycle track & RONS, mining conservation land, Health and Safety re Pike River (I think).

        • Colonial Viper 11.1.1.1

          and the soltion comes in bits..

          rural broadband?

        • lprent 11.1.1.2

          I could see that. But kiwiblog (fortunately) isn’t the government. If it was I would know, because I would be trying to avoid the death camps while conducting a roach extermination campaign of my own.

          • Jan 11.1.1.2.1

            Oh you drama queen lprent! 😉 but i thought it would be amusing to cleanse the system using the methods adopted by the government. And warming to the theme – maybe David could clean it all himself rather than relying on back office assistance!

            • lprent 11.1.1.2.1.1

              😈 ah ha… The missing point for unsubtle amongst us.

              Part of my personal campaign for clarity in comments. Oracular statements, pointless comments, and critics without ideas tend to attract my commentary with some sharply pointed comments. In this case I was just puzzled.

              I view it as part of my contribution to the net….

  12. illuminatedtiger 12

    sudo rm -rf /

  13. Adele 13

    I would first cleanse it with a karakia, a protective incantation invoking the Mana Party.

    Secondly, I would then wrap it completely with the Tino Rangatiratanga Flag to remove corruption from its hardened disk.

    Thirdly, I would re-install its software with a default set to Te Reo versions only.

    Oh, and a permanently embedded desktop image of a beautifully smiley Hone Harawira – wearing a mofo t-shirt.

    All of the above guaranteed to exterminate the bugs infesting the technology.

    • ropata 13.1

      This is wonderful but should be preceded by an exorcism ritual by a powerful tohunga.
      Clearly there are disturbed spirits infesting the blog that need to return to their turangawaewae – probably a place with rubber walls?

  14. ropata 14

    sqlplus dpf/pisswd@kiwiblog < echo “drop database wphost; commit;”

    or possibly
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuxnet

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