Collins: All talk, no crush

Written By: - Date published: 11:46 am, May 2nd, 2010 - 16 comments
Categories: crime - Tags: ,

We all know that Police and Corrections Minister Judith Collins has, for all her tough talk, failed to bring down crime. In fact, the steady decrease in the crime rate has dramatically reversed under her watch. Her stupid ‘tough on crime’ policies have failed to work because they fundamentally misconceive the causes of crime.

We also know that she is pushing through the 3 strikes policy. When Justice warned that this could increase the number of murders, she banned Justice from telling the select committee.

But what about the policy that got her the nickname that she revels in? How many cars has ‘Crusher’ crushed? The NBR’s David Cohen took an approach to journalism that is nearly unknown to find out:

From zero to zero in just over a year
MEDIA WATCH – David Cohen | Friday April 9, 2010

Writing the other week in the Aucklander, John Landrigan became the umpteenth journalist to pay a backhand homage to the country’s no-nonsense corrections minister by making mention of the nickname she acquired last year in the wake of putting forward legislation to ‘crush’ the cars of persistent boy racers.

The nickname’s Crusher. Crusher Collins.

And hey, why not? As every decent scribe knows, this is someone who walks the talk in an area where the ordinary public and business alike have long demanded muscular political action.

Boy racers are a total bane on society. Any leader strong enough to destroy their social weapon of choice and send these scary men back to where they belong which is to say, a suburban beauty salon somewhere having their weekly bikini wax is notable.

A random computer search throws up hundreds of items saying as much, including a Facebook site celebrating Ms Collins’ achievements in destroying the boy racers (‘Go Crusher Collins, you have our support!’) and a suitably detailed entry in the online Wikipedia.

‘Crusher Collins,’ as Mr Landrigan suggests in the Aucklander, is really a tribute acknowledging Ms Collins ‘successful calls to mash errant boy-racer cars.’ Or, as the New Zealand Herald political writer Patrick Gower put it a few months ago, ‘Judith Collins clearly revels in her nickname, based on her signature policy of crushing boy-racer cars.’

With all this successful mashing and signature crushing going on, and the legislation in question now having been in existence for more than a year, one might wonder how many motor vehicles have been put to rest on the minister’s watch. Hundreds? Scores? Or possibly just a few dozen?

Using an amazing new piece of technology, Media Watch was able to discover the tally stands at exactly er, zero.

No disrespect intended of course. Not everyone in the media business, one assumes, enjoys the same access as I do to this newfangled technology, known as a ‘telephone,’ and the ability it has to put one directly in touch with the office of a government minister to ask an obvious question or two.

‘Crusher’ Collins, another do nothing failure of a National minister.

16 comments on “Collins: All talk, no crush”

  1. lprent 1

    Oh man, that is legislation that is so ineffectual.

    What is the bet that she will now go overboard and crush cars without bothering with the all of the legalities. After all a ‘Crusher’ is nothing without a few momentos to establish her reputation.

    • Rex Widerstrom 1.1

      Yeah, that was my feeling too. Great satire, and good journalism, but pointing out that reality doesn’t equal rhetoric is just asking to have people’s property seized and destroyed without due process.

      It already happens in WA, where if you give your car to a mechanic and he’s caught driving over the limit (as happened to a Lamborghini-owning GP recently) it can be impounded. The Police Minister’s response amounted to “if he’s rich enough to own a Lambo, he’s rich enough to hire a car for a month”.

      And now they’re looking at “owner onus” laws where, if you can’t name the person snapped driving your car too fast, you not only pay the fine but also lose the points. So if you’re the owner of a small business, you better start keeping detailed records of which staff have which vehicle or you’ll be punished for someone else’s crime.

      So much as I like to chuckle at “Crusher”, and much as I abhor cowardice, sometimes it might be better just to smirk quietly and not poke the sleeping… rat.

  2. ianmac 2

    Sadly the perception amongst the masses is that Crusher Collins is a no nonsense strong problem solver! Yey! Little details like no crushing will remain unnoticed. I asked a resident on Beally Ave Christchurch, if there had been any change in boy/girl-racers on the Ave. “Umm. A little bit better, I think.”

  3. rjs131 3

    There will bea lot of people kicking themselves that they got sucked in and voted for her and didnt recognise the brilliant Labour candidate in Papakura, Dave Hoeroa. Maybe if Labour put up a decent candidate, she wouldnt keep on getting elected into Parliament on landslide victories?

  4. Jenny 4

    Obviously Crusher needs a new nickname.

    Maybe The Standard could start a competition.

    How about instead of Crusher,


    “She polishes boy racer hub caps carefully now she’s in the cabinet of the great John Key.”

    (My apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)

    Other suggestions?


  5. Irascible 5

    Conniver Collins
    Conning Collins
    Capitalist Collins

    The Journos love alliterative titles – they drip off the idle mind so easily.

  6. ianmac 6

    Underneath a stern exterior:
    “Cute, Censual, Cuddly Collins.?”
    CCC for short.

  7. RedLogix 7

    No disrespect intended of course. Not everyone in the media business, one assumes, enjoys the same access as I do to this newfangled technology, known as a “telephone,’ and the ability it has to put one directly in touch with the office of a government minister to ask an obvious question or two.

    Oh how the unreconstructed 14yr old schoolboy in me still loves this kind of malicious, delicious sarcasm.

  8. iliveinauck 8

    how about cum-licker Collins?

    [lprent: Perhaps you’d be better off commenting at No Minister. That seems more like their kind of style. ]

  9. iliveinauck 9

    sorry man,i just had a look at No Minister and i have to say its abit like 1939 Nazi Germany over there i will tone it down

  10. Jenny 10

    Quitter Collins

  11. Swampy 11

    So silly. Collins can’t just crush any car she feels like, it has to go through the court process and it just means the police haven’t got any through yet.

    • ianmac 11.1

      Swampy!! You mean to say that CCC Collins respects the rule of law? She just changed the law to suit her image didn’t she?

    • felix 11.2

      Yeah of course. A year is just waay too short a time to impound a car and crush it. She’s such a quitter.

      Quitter Collins.

  12. J Mex 12

    I agree. But “Crusher” Collins nickname is no less accurate than “Leader of the Opposition” Goff.

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