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Acshully John, you will be a monkey’s uncle

Written By: - Date published: 8:43 pm, November 4th, 2011 - 44 comments
Categories: Economy, election 2011, john key, leadership, national - Tags:

John Key was really revving the crap out of his denimic environment generator today trying to discredit Labour’s costings for its policies. Labour’s plan borrows four billion more than National, but retains the assets National will sell. Of course National’s plan would actually cost a lot more than Key’s letting on because their costings assume both income from the sale of assets AND ongoing dividends from those same sold assets, but that’s denimic I guess.

Keen to shift media focus away from his history of lying and instead spread fear of Labour, Key splashed all sorts of numbers around about how much more Labour would borrow: “6 billion”, “10 billion”, “14 billion”, “17 billion”, “possibly a lot more”. All those figures from the one interview. Either Key really is shit at math or he’s no clearer on Labour’s policies than he is National’s.

One thing Key was accurate on though: “If it’s 4 billion I’ll be a monkey’s uncle”.



44 comments on “Acshully John, you will be a monkey’s uncle”

  1. infused 1

    Reflect on this post and you might see why Labour is sitting @ 30%.

    IrishBill: what a snide, arrogant and out of touch comment.

    • bbfloyd 1.1

      reflecting on that comment reminds me of something a wise man said to me once. he said “never underestimate the stupidity of your average kiwi. as long as you remember that, you’ll never pull that trigger”.

    • Draco T Bastard 1.2

      Because everyone’s happy to have a monKey’s uncle as PM?

    • fender 1.3

      Most guys from Ireland named Bill are infused with a sense of humor. I think the picture is great and even Bronagh would like the improvements. And the article is spot on if one cares to listen when our PM talks in a manner that hasn’t been infused with any truth.

    • The Baron 1.4

      Out of touch with the 30%, Irish? I’m sure he will live.

  2. randal 2

    so its become a tossup.
    is he a chimp or a CHUMP?

    • Hami Shearlie 2.1

      Same thing – Give the word chimp the john key pronunciation treatment and you get chump – same thing anyway – love the picture BTW but you made JK too cute – he’s more baboon(red bottom) than capuchin!

      • thejackal 2.1.1

        Personally I think he’s more like a raging Baboon hidden inside a little cheeky Capuchin Monkey costume. Pretty sure we’ll see the mask slip a few more times before the election.

  3. lprent 3

    Aschully, this post is exactly what I was thinking today. For someone trained in accounting, Key seems to have problems keeping the slippery numbers under control. I guess it is because he was trained to deal in a dynamic environment with other peoples cash – so he doesn’t worry about being accurate..

    Mind you, the journos don’t seem to be very good at looking at numbers either. Otherwise they’d realize Key is on the con.

    • Blue 3.1

      Journos are journos precisely because they are rubbish at maths. That goes double for political journos, and is why often the only sensible analysis comes from business journos.

      • lprent 3.1.1

        I have noticed that. Like Brian Fallow at the herald writes some very good political analysis. I often disagree with him, but he always has an argument worth the time to read.

        Whereas John Armstrong is starting to read like Farrar does on his blog. Rephrasing government PR

  4. I have gone to the basement today to retrieve my Big Book of Buggers.
    This is the sacred tome in which I write the names of those who have pissed off this grumpy old man. This was not the day to offend me.
    They will also be among those who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes – and I think it was Lenin who said you can’t have a revolution without a firing squad or two.

    First up today was Claire Robinson on Breakfast this morning. WTF is she doing on national tv. The woman is not capable of rendering an unbiased assessment of events. TVNZ needs to stop giving her oxygen. She is not giving an academic, rational analysis and is obviously someone who has risen above the level of her own incompetence.

    Second was Duncan Garner on 3News tonight. Duncan sometimes makes sense and other times just misses the boat. But I have been prepared to give him some space (for which I think he has been very relieved 😉 )
    Tonight he was totally off the mark. He said that Goff was not only bested by Key on Wednesday but he was crucified by him. WTF! He was so far off the mark and driving, not a knife, but a lance into Goff at full gallop that I wonder what his motivation was. It was so uncalled for and with not even a modicum of truth to it.

    I expect some bias from everybody, if only accidentally, but this was so vicious and malicious that I wonder if Dunky boy was pissed when he went up to the gallery to give his piece to camera.

    It was incredibly unprofessional. 3News needs to investigate whether, being Friday, Duncan had been drinking in the press galley and had been under the influence when he was on camera.

    • RedLogix 4.1

      Exactly… Garner isn’t so much biased, as barely able to contain his hatred for Labour. With that kind of vicious undermining from the media it’s astounding that Goff is doing is well as he is really.

      • prism 4.1.1

        I don’t watch much TV any more. So I’m not sure of what Garner looks like. Is he a rather fat-faced jowly character with dark hair, rather a David Brent lookalike?

    • Carol 4.2

      Yess, WJ. I have been avoiding TV3 News lately, decided togive it another go last night, and switched off after that disgusting piece of inaccurate propaganda by Garner.

      And today Vernon Small , rather than foregrounding the differences and counter claims about figures, following Labour’s unprecedented release of detailed costings, highlights the colourful rhetoric.


      It was only Key that stepped towards farce with his monkey’s uncle comment (wrongly attributed by Small as being initiated by Goff as an insult of Key).

      Small does discuss the figures later in the article – this should have been the main focus of the article. As a result Small is diverting from the fact that Labour’s costings are too detailed to have only been put together in the last couple of days. Key had been claiming that Labour didn’t have the figures.

      Indirectly Small is reinforcing the myth, that Key is trying to accelerate, that National and Key are good on the economy and finances, and Labour isn’t. Labour’s well-considered figures belie this myth, and aside from differences in interpretation of the stats, show a differnet underlying approach to the economy by each party.

      • Puddleglum 4.2.1

        Hi Carol,

        Yes, I read that in the paper today. I’m not sure that Small gets to choose the headline (or even the final sequencing of paragraphs). I think the sub-editors do that (at least that’s what I’ve assumed/picked up, but I’m no expert on newspaper production).

        The ‘take away’ from the article, as you point out, was the level of detail provided by Labour in their costings. It’s worth extracting the relevant quote from the article:

        Yesterday finance spokesman David Cunliffe, Mr Parker and Mr Goff made public an unprecedented amount of financial detail for an opposition party during a campaign.
        Its spending and tax plans were written in a style similar to Treasury’s Budget documents, supported by 20 pages of analysis, tables and graphs and projecting the impact of the party’s policy out to 2026.”  (emphasis added)

  5. ak 5

    Woooo hooo! Here he is! Get your fat arse over over here ya cunt! Har har har! No! Over here! You little cunt! Har har har!

    Heh heh. Howzit. Binaddit I see. Heh heh.

    Har har! PENNY! TELL MARISE DUNK’S HERE! Ya cunt! Ya cunt! Har har! Come ear. Ya cunt!

    Heh heh. Hey look, can’t stay long, but ah


    nah nah honest, don’t send those cars any more, fuck me days if anyon

    FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! wHo the FUck do U thUInk yErr torking to…. HEAD of the Sis, its wwept, sewept every day, no cunt knows any….

    yeah yeah, but some prick on the standard notice we get on the pisss an

    HEY! HEY! RELAX ya cunt! We know that bitch, shes fucked. SIS head mate. No worries, know what I mean. FUCK ME! look at your life now, compared to before what can i say

    Yeah yeah. But I still love my job and hey

    HEY! What’d I tell ya firs time i methcha? COULD NOT GIVE A FUCK. COULD NOT GIVE A FUCK. Remember? Hang onto that Dunc, and hey don’t try to send any more money overseas mate, but HEY! CRUCIFIED! CRUCIFIED genius mate, fucking genius, I fucking love ya

    [lprent: is there a point to this? ]

  6. Jim Nald 6

    I confess I am not that familiar with the expression but Godgle sheds some light:


  7. Talking about chimps and chumps, the latest comments from Farrar and Key demanded this response: http://fmacskasy.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/johnkey-pythons-flying-circus/

    I rather enjoyed writing that one.

    • nice work frank, well worth reading:

      Farrar lying about Key’s lying:

      “Key’s change of stance was on the back of an independent report that recommended reducing income tax and lifting GST so that there are greater incentives to work and save. That allowed the public to understand the change of stance”

      • fmacskasy 7.1.1

        Thanks, Sprout.

      • prism 7.1.2

        Great quote from Farrar. The ordinary joe and jolene being encouraged to work and save, on wages deflated each year by miniscule wage rises and large price rises on basic items, I don’t think so. The better off do build a nest egg so that private equity types and robber finance companies can offer the moon when they know their rocket will only travel as far as the Bahamas. And they take those nest eggs with them. And when they are taken to task for their misdemeanours they want the country to pay for their defence.

    • Draco T Bastard 7.2

      “…reducing income tax and lifting GST so that there are greater incentives to work and save.”

      I’m getting really pissed off with that line from the RWNJs. When people are already working as hard as they can a switcheroo with the taxes that gets them paying more tax* isn’t going to incentivise them except possibly into moving to Australia where they would actually get higher wages.

      *Unless they’re rich in which case they got a massive tax cut but they won’t work any harder either – they’ll probably take more holidays though

      • rosy 7.2.1

        Yes, it bugs me too. And according to the political right the poor need lower benefits as incentives to work and lower wages and higher GST will not be a disincentive to those already employed; whereas the rich need higher pay and lower tax – as if their motivations were different to the rest of the world.

      • fmacskasy 7.2.2

        *Unless they’re rich in which case they got a massive tax cut but they won’t work any harder either – they’ll probably take more holidays though

        Indeed, Draco. And like John Key, who takes his holidays in Hawaii, holidays taken overseas does not help our economy.

        So much for Dear Leader being Minister of Tourism.

  8. aerobubble 8

    Key lies for political advantage. Now think about that.
    Its obvious what’s he doing. So your in business, you
    know people who support National, and they support
    Key, are they also lying for economic and political

    A older lady brought a lotto shop, she didn’t read
    the fine print, when the lease runs out, the lotto
    shop can be taken over. She believed falsely that
    her life savings had gone into a business for the
    long term.

    Read the fine print on National policies, there is
    nothing in there that provides care or comfort.
    Investing in National for even another three
    years could easily, 1 in 5 chance, see us all lose
    our shirts. Greece defaults, Banks get a cold,
    European Markets shrinks, oil spikes in price,
    demand for milk drops, lower price, people
    start making soya milk themselves across
    the world. Its not hard to see how flaky
    National are, we don’t care, we can lie and lie
    and don’t have to account for the lies.

  9. freelunch 9

    Can someone explain why Labour are now incorporating the NZ Superfund in the net debt calculation when Cullen didn’t?

    “Financial assets of the NZS Fund are excluded from the calculation of net debt as they are set aside to partially pre-fund the future cost of New Zealand Superannuation.” Budget 2008


    • nadis 9.1

      6.1 billion dollar sleight of hand. If Cullen was doing the analysis, the debt position would be 6.1 billion worse on labour’s plan.

      But the simple answer is don’t borrow for the Super fund. The smartest way to treat contributions is as a fiscal lever – when we have surpluses crank up the contributions, when we don’t, crank them down. That would take some pressure off the reserve bank. who only have monetary policy tools.

      The Super Fund isn’t the silver bullet it’s made out to be. Look at the difference it makes to the super burden in 2029 onwards. Less than 1% of GDP.

      But if you believe in trickle down economics thank god it has 60 employees earning over 100k per annum and injects a bunch of fees into fund managers here and globally. Plus the 12 billion of notional exposure to offshore financial institutions (9 billion to Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, Duetsche Bank and Barclays). Trickle, trickle.

  10. KJT 10

    Keys, stance and the way he debates bought back some bad memories from my schooldays.

    Keys posturing and aggressive body language at the “show me the money” moment reminded me of a school bully.

    And the monkey metaphor is not far off. Gibboons and chimps use the same sort of dominance display.

    The same sort of inaccurate and hurtful taunting that bullies use.
    Far too many of his followers remind me of the miserable sycophantic gits who used to follow the bully around at high school.
    The constant repetition of a taunt that he knew to be wrong, makes Key a blatant lair. Goff is entirely accurate. Key constantly makes things up when debating, knowing memories of the debate will have faded long before it is corrected.

    I sure Goff was too flabbergasted, at the bare faced bull, to respond.
    and maybe taken aback by the threat display.

    • RedLogix 10.1

      An insightful point KJT.

      If Goff had turned on Key at that point and called him out, the next day media would be running “Goff calls Key a liar” headlines again.

      Frankly if I had been in that situation with Key using such a scummy underhand debating tactic, I’d be absolutely pissed with the bastard. In responding to it and shutting Key down, I’d run the huge risk of losing it and saying something very pointed, nasty even, that the media would use against me the next day as well.

      Personally I think Goff handled the situation reasonably well; he kept his cool, even when the audience joined in the baiting… and came back strongly once Key had run out of steam. Handling that sort of pressure gracefully takes years of experience.

  11. prism 11

    I have found a good use for Jokey Hen’s promotion card that came with my newspaper I think.. It is a nice weight about 140 gsm, though not thick enough to scrape up gunk, cat vomit etc.

    But very handy for the catch the white tailed spider routine. Method – Fly spray a clear container, place over spider, slide the card along the wall to cover opening and then remove from wall holding firmly in place.. Keep covered and the spider will soon be dead, without spray going everywhere including up your nose. Just leave it to Key to do that.

  12. Copra 12

    I frankly don’t know how seriously to take this whole affair. I have still not discovered the link
    to the streamed debate between Goff & Key, and cannot help wondering how many have actually
    seen it. What we seem to have is a debate between the cognoscenti (read: wired) with Joe/Jean Blow, the average voter, catching references to the debate in secondary media such as talkback radio.

    Move on. For most NZers Key is part of the problem, not the solution.

    His refusal to fairly engage in reasoned debate is a symptom of panic in financial circles.

    The Roman empire morphed into feudalism because the costs of running the whole thing outpaced its capacity to fund it.

    I’d rather survive, like Uderzo’s Asterix the Gaul, in a mutually supportive self-reliant community.

    Without earthquakes.

  13. Vicky32 14

    ‘Scuse me, maybe I haven’t caught up, but what on earth did he mean by ‘denimic’? Was it meant to be ‘dynamic’? 😀

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