Election dreams

Written By: - Date published: 12:56 pm, October 27th, 2008 - 5 comments
Categories: election 2008 - Tags:

We received this by email and it’s so kafkaesque we just had to post it:

I had a dream last night.

I had, for some reason, been roped into going door to door in small town New Zealand delivering National Party pamphlets. I found myself knocking on the door of a grimy bedsit, and talking to an odd-looking man who answered the door cheerfully and lent me his ear even though he had an open suitcase on his bed and was clearly going somewhere in a hurry.

I gave him a National pamphlet, but then I admitted I personally preferred Labour. He explained he was an undecided voter (to which I said something like ‘ah, a dirty swinger eh’ – how we laughed!). I thanked him graciously for his time and wandered down the road, realising I had no idea where I was. I frantically searched around, and signposts revealed I was somewhere between Bulls and Morrinsville – a long walk from home! I then saw Pete Hodgson scurry past, and I struck up a quick conversation with him, assuring him I was voting Labour, and somehow it hit me; Pete Hodgson is actually two identical twins who both take turns being him, just like the Olsen twins in Full House.

I wandered down the highway, beginning the long walk back to Wellington, and I realised that the man I had been speaking to earlier in the bedsit was John Key. I kicked myself for not recognising him at the time. The sneaky bastard, I thought, telling me he was an undecided voter! Then it occurred to me that maybe he was indeed undecided, such was the audacity of his flip-flops.

As I wandered aimlessly down the highway, it occurred to me that all these events were rather improbable, and that in all likeliness my encounter with John Key had been a dream. Then I realised that I had filmed the encounter with Key on my cellphone video camera – how convenient! If that encounter had been a dream, but it was filmed on my cellphone video camera, would people in the real world be able to see the video, I wondered? And if so, what would it prove – that I had actually spoken to him or that I had merely dreamt about him? And if the former, what would it be worth if I could leak a video to the media of Key saying he was an undecided voter?

I took out my cellphone, and played back the video. As it played, John Key metamorphised; he still had the same basic facial features, but his hair was curly and ginger, and his face fat and pudgy and grotesquely leering, like a disturbing rubbery mask. I was filled with a sudden feeling of anguish and horror.

The dream ended with me giving Jason Gunn a ride in the tiny car it turned out I owned. I had to move piles of stuff off the seats so he could sit down, because I also lived in my car.

5 comments on “Election dreams”

  1. NeillR 1

    All Labour has is dreams – not solutions.

  2. You frigging dullard.

  3. Oh and I love this post!

  4. Dom 4

    I had a dream last night that I went a year into the future. I tried to find the Lotto numbers in the newspaper (ever the pragamatist here) and noticed on the front page an item about the Prime Minister dealing with an international matter.

    The Prime Minister was Helen Clark. 🙂

    NeillR – so who has the solutions? One of my problems with National is that they’re releasing platitudes this election and not hard plans. Same with most the parties to be honest… If nothing else Labour is showing there’s life in the old horse yet.

  5. NeillR 5

    Oh i’m sure there’s “life in the old horse yet”. That’s why they haven’t released any costings for their mini-budget BEFORE the election. Clark says the election is about “trust” – what “trust us, we’re not going to tell you what’s about to happen, because you’d never vote for us if you knew”?
    As an aside, if Labour does happen to get back in, trust this: they will cancel the ’10 and ’11 tax cuts and raise taxes in other areas in a desperate attempt to get the books out of deficit. It will fail miserably.

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