web analytics

Fred Dagg – User’s Guide to NZ

Written By: - Date published: 10:07 pm, December 4th, 2014 - 35 comments
Categories: humour, monetary policy, Privatisation, Satire - Tags:

I miss Fred Dagg – John Clarke’s latest is a purler.

“New Zealand … is an egalitarian nation made up of well over four million rugged individualists and naturally gifted sportspeople and is run on alternate days by the government and whoever bought the national infrastructure.”

Read, laugh and weep – heaps of wisdom there. He might be gone but we’re not forgotten, and thank God for that.

35 comments on “Fred Dagg – User’s Guide to NZ ”

  1. Weepus beard 1

    Complaining about what’s wrong but not taking action, has the same effect as not noticing what’s wrong.

    I’m guilty of this, but the statement reeks of nice, clean hand-washing by a career expat.

    • Tracey 1.1

      Given the number of pieces he does on political deception and uploads to youtube etc I am not sure you can fairly say he is nice and clean handwashing.

  2. adam 2

    John Clark is a legend. I believe he helps keep the Aussies on the straight, and narrow; which is quite impressive, when you realise there is almost the same amount of criminals there, as there is here.

  3. tc 3

    Clarkes pieces with Dawe are superb, his lampooning of Hockey after the G20 was spot on. Our loss was their gain as his abc series the fast lane is regarded by some as the best comedy made in Oz.

    Checkout death in brunswick with sam neil.

    • Tracey 3.1

      For those involved in, or interested in sport, his The Games was so frighteningly accurate you had to remind yourself it was a Mocumentary

  4. Come back Fred Dagg. Your country needs you!

  5. b waghorn 5

    I can’t stand people who leave a country then shit on it from afar, if you don’t want to live here fine but stfu

    • vto 5.1

      its called humour not shitting from afar – it has flown miles above your head you poor wee thing

      • batweka 5.1.1

        Hard to understand how you got shit from that waghorn.

        You might want to read up on why Clarke left NZ.

        • Tracey


        • Halfcrown

          Was it something to do with Muldoon not liking John Clarke taking the piss?

          • batweka

            Conflict with and lack of support from the NZBC (the only TV broadcaster at the time).

            Here’s Clarke being interviewed by Kim Hill. Near the start he talks about about how up until the early 70s the only NZers that appeared on TV were those wearing dinner suits, reading the news and pretending to be from England. Clarke and few others managed to get an in, but from what I remember eventually Clarke was blocked from going in the direction he wanted to and so left for Oz. Listening to his descriptions of his work at that time and where he ended up going creatively (he was so much more than Fred Dagg), it’s an impressive loss for NZ and fuck up from the NZBC.


            • Halfcrown

              Thanks for that batweka, still a great loss to NZ

              One of the funniest memories I have of John Clarke was when he was talking about his younger life. One of the things his family listened to was the BBC World Service on the radio. The signal in those days was very weak and would fade in and out. He mimicked the reception by talking into his cupped hands, he was so good if you did not know he was doing it you would think it was a genuine broadcast.

            • b waghorn

              I wouldn’t say that clip changed my view of him , he appeared to be in a good mood that day but he usually comes across as bitter about his nz years.

        • Halfcrown

          “You might want to read up on why Clarke left NZ.”

          Was it something to do with Muldoon not liking John Clarke taking the piss?

          • RedLogix

            It would not have been Muldoon on his own – it was the cumulative effect of too many waghorns that likely tipped the scales.

      • b waghorn 5.1.2

        Oops just had to slap my forehead being all but tech illiterate I only just noticed tapping the blue ‘latest ‘ took me to a whole article.

    • miravox 5.2

      I’ve left the country, albeit with the intention of returning. Sadly, the bullshit detectors got a reboot after a few months away and NZ doesn’t come out of it too well. I’d love NZ to be the best little country in the world fighting the good fight in a world of bad. But it’s not. The reason for not stfu is that I know it has the resources be a better place for all.

      And I expect when I come back I’m going to sound massively unrealistic to my friends and family. I live in hope that by then there will be a groundswell that realises NZ needs to change course for the good of society and environment.

      Good on Clarke (mind you he gives worse to his adopted country).

    • left for deadshark 5.3

      Look son,you can think,do it off a short run up next time. 👿

      @ b waghorn

  6. vto 6

    ha ha the same classic humour used to skewer all and sundry and thus highlight reality.

    Absolutely brilliant. I have missed Clarke since the day he left for oz so many years ago..

  7. The lost sheep 7

    ‘This the worst beer I’ve ever tasted’ he said. ‘I’ll be glad when I’ve had enough’

    That describes the relationship between The Standard and John Key perfectly!!

    • batweka 7.1

      Akshully, he’s describing the relationship between middle NZ and Key perfectly.

      • vto 7.1.1

        There’s that term “middle” NZ again. What on earth does it mean? Particularly in light of the fact that shitloads of “lower” NZ likely voted for Key and think hes the bee’s knees, and also that “upper” NZ most certainly nearly 100% voted for him and think hes the bee’s knees.

        This term “middle” NZ appears to appear when an easy dumping vessel is required for lazy and prejudiced thinking about our fellow countrymenwomen.

        • batweka

          I used the term ironically.

          I do think the point Clarke was making is applicable to all the people that didn’t vote for Key, are complaining about him and not doing anything. But also the people that did vote for him and are either now regretting that or at least starting to feel like they’re a bit hard done by having to drink what turned out to be rather shitty beer. But again, unwilling to do anything about it. Probably a big chunk of non-voters too. There, I think that’s covered middle NZ.

    • Tracey 7.2

      And Key and Slater

  8. Jenny Kirk 8

    Thanks, Mike S, for drawing this to our attention. Its a beaut !

  9. ianmac 9

    “The next thing anyone knew they’d appointed a currency dealer as Prime Minister and the equities market became a place of worship.”

    How true and how sad.

  10. Puckish Rogue 10

    – Heres one of John Clarkes best efforts

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Tokelau Language Week reminds us to stay united and strong
    Staying strong in the face of challenges and being true to our heritage and languages are key to preserving our cultural identity and wellbeing, is the focus of the 2020 Tokelau Language Week. Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio, says this year’s theme, ‘Apoapo tau foe, i nā tāfea ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • NZ announces a third P-3 deployment in support of UN sanctions
    The Government has deployed a Royal New Zealand Air Force P-3K2 Orion (P-3) maritime patrol aircraft to support the implementation of United Nations Security Council (UNSC) resolutions imposing sanctions against North Korea, announced Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters and Minister of Defence Ron Mark. “New Zealand has long supported ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Pacific trade and development agreement a reality
    Pacific regional trade and development agreement PACER Plus will enter into force in 60 days now that the required eight countries have ratified it. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker welcomed the announcement that the Cook Islands is the eighth nation to ratify this landmark agreement. “The agreement represents ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Securing a pipeline of teachers
    The Government is changing its approach to teacher recruitment as COVID-19 travel restrictions continue, by boosting a range of initiatives to get more Kiwis into teaching. “When we came into Government, we were faced with a teacher supply crisis,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “Over the past three years, we ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Border exceptions for a small number of international students with visas
    The Government has established a new category that will allow 250 international PhD and postgraduate students to enter New Zealand and continue their studies, in the latest set of border exceptions. “The health, safety and wellbeing of people in New Zealand remains the Government’s top priority. Tight border restrictions remain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • First COVID-19 vaccine purchase agreement signed
    The Government has signed an agreement to purchase 1.5 million COVID-19 vaccines – enough for 750,000 people – from Pfizer and BioNTech, subject to the vaccine successfully completing all clinical trials and passing regulatory approvals in New Zealand, say Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods and Health Minister Chris Hipkins. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • International statement – End-to-end encryption and public safety
    We, the undersigned, support strong encryption, which plays a crucial role in protecting personal data, privacy, intellectual property, trade secrets and cyber security.  It also serves a vital purpose in repressive states to protect journalists, human rights defenders and other vulnerable people, as stated in the 2017 resolution of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ministry of Defence Biodefence Assessment released
    The Ministry of Defence has today released a Defence Assessment examining Defence’s role across the spectrum of biological hazards and threats facing New Zealand. Biodefence: Preparing for a New Era of Biological Hazards and Threats looks at how the NZDF supports other agencies’ biodefence activities, and considers the context of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020
    New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020 Hon David Parker’s response following Thomas Piketty and Esther Duflo. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever in the world you might be. I first acknowledge the excellent thought provoking speeches of Thomas Piketty and Esther ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Kaipara Moana restoration takes next step
    A Memorandum of Understanding has been signed today at Waihāua Marae between the Crown, local iwi and councils to protect, restore and enhance the mauri of Kaipara Moana in Northland. Environment Minister David Parker signed the document on behalf of the Crown along with representatives from Ngā Maunga Whakahī, Ngāti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand and Uruguay unite on reducing livestock production emissions
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor and Uruguayan Minister of Livestock, Agriculture and Fisheries Carlos María Uriarte have welcomed the launch of a three-year project that will underpin sustainable livestock production in Uruguay, Argentina, and Costa Rica.  The project called ‘Innovation for pasture management’ is led by Uruguay’s National Institute of Agricultural ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • 3100 jobs created through marae upgrades
    Hundreds of marae throughout the country will be upgraded through investments from the Provincial Growth Fund’s refocused post COVID-19 funding to create jobs and put money into the pockets of local tradespeople and businesses, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta have announced. “A total ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Health volunteers recognised in annual awards
    Health Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 9 teams and 14 individuals are the recipients of this year’s Minister of Health Volunteer Awards.  “The health volunteer awards celebrate and recognise the thousands of dedicated health sector volunteers who give many hours of their time to help other New Zealanders,” Mr Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community COVID-19 Fund supports Pacific recovery
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says a total of 264 groups and individuals have successfully applied for the Pacific Aotearoa Community COVID-19 Recovery Fund, that will support Pacific communities drive their own COVID-19 recovery strategies, initiatives, and actions. “I am keen to see this Fund support Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community benefits from Māori apprenticeships
    Up to 50 Māori apprentices in Wellington will receive paid training to build houses for their local communities, thanks to a $2.75 million investment from the Māori Trades and Training Fund, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Ngāti Toa Rangatira Incorporated to provide its Ngā Kaimahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Training fund supports Māori jobseekers
    Rapidly growing sectors will benefit from a $990,000 Māori Trades and Training Fund investment which will see Wellington jobseekers supported into work, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Sapphire Consultants Ltd. to help up to 45 Māori jobseekers into paid training initiatives over two years through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruakura Inland Port development vital infrastructure for Waikato
    The Government is investing $40 million to develop an inland port at Ruakura which will become a freight super-hub and a future business, research and residential development for the Waikato, Urban Development and Transport Minister Phil Twyford, and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta announced today. The funding has been has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Appointments made to Defence Expert Review Group
    Defence Minister Ron Mark announced today the establishment of an Expert Review Group to review a number of aspects of the New Zealand Defence Force’s (NZDF) structure, information management and record-keeping processes.  The Expert Review Group’s work arises out of the first recommendation from the Report of the Government’s Inquiry ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • No active community cases of COVID-19
    There are no active community cases of COVID-19 remaining in the country after the last people from the recent outbreak have recovered from the virus, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “This is a big milestone. New Zealanders have once again through their collective actions squashed the virus. The systems ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Clean energy upgrade for more public buildings
    More public buildings will be supported by the Government to upgrade to run on clean energy, the Minister for Climate Change James Shaw announced today. Minister Shaw announced that Lincoln and Auckland universities will receive support through the Clean-Powered Public Service Fund to replace fossil fuel boilers. Southern, Taranaki, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago