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Glorious school building opened by honourable leader

Written By: - Date published: 10:20 am, March 4th, 2010 - 62 comments
Categories: education, Media, Satire - Tags: ,

Beloved Leader of People’s Constitutional Monarchy of New Zealand, Honourable John Key, attended glorious opening of school building on Tuesday. Youth cadres were so roused by Honourable Leader’s magnificent presence that they spontaneously burst into a moving rendition of glorious People’s anthem.

The school, owned by praiseworthy private organisation where nation’s glorious elite send their children, has been recipient of much money from the State under wise and benign guidance of Honourable Leader. The State procured funds for this glorious development by ending ideologically false and impure policies of the ousted regime, which had wasted precious wealth of the State on education for adults and poor.

Beloved Key had special message for the youth cadres. He told them not to fear unemployment or poverty and denied revisionist lies about falling production levels. Under Glorious Leader’s wise and esteemed leadership many cycleways will be built across nation and with this great wealth of cycleways many jobs will be created, and some back-office banking too maybe. Also, Beloved Leader will defeat hated Japanese and save whales with secret plan.

Such was youths’ excitement to be in presence of Honourable Leader that they could barely contain themselves and all wanted to be near him. Beloved Key graciously chose to spend his time with youths rather than return to work building glorious nation.

People’s media have showered great and deserved praise on Honourable Key for his latest magnificent achievement in opening this tremendous building which will increase industrial production by 40% over next five year plan.

Several youths were overcome by the glory of Honourable Leader’s appearance as were several members of the press corps. Glorious People’s newspaper reports mass faintings of youth cadres in presence of Honourable leader.

All agree that under the wise and dedicated tutelage of Beloved Key, our glorious nation will bury running dog Australians by 2025.

62 comments on “Glorious school building opened by honourable leader ”

  1. BLiP 1

    The schools new song

    ♫ ♪

    He’s a man. He’s just a man.
    And I’ve had so many men before,
    In very many ways,
    He’s just one more . . .

    . . . he scares me so

    ♪ ♫

  2. vto 2

    Eddie, are you trying Carter’s Hone impersonation from a few years ago, except chinese styles???

    He was roundly condemned as racist for that shit

    • Daveo 2.1

      I take it you haven’t read much communist propaganda before vto. Clearly satire of badly translated reports from People’s Daily, Pravda etc.

    • Eddie 2.2

      it’s not chinese style. It’s in the style of a communist propaganda piece.

    • BLiP 2.3

      Wooosh . . .

    • Bright Red 2.4

      reads more like Pravda to me.

      very very funny.

      you have to wonder what was in the journos’ heads writing those pieces.

    • r0b 2.5

      vto on his high horse about satire involving race? (Key as a North Korean Great Leader?). Oh irony.

      • vto 2.5.1

        aint no high horse r0b. just exposing the true colour of the human condition – it the same across the spectrum but you fullas think you are somehow superior. plain hypocrisy.

        enjoy the amusements kiddies

  3. vto 3

    well that is a very fine hair you are trying to split

  4. Lanthanide 4

    Very good. Except it should be “Right Honourable”.

    captcha: titles

    • Bright Red 4.1

      I think Clark was the last ‘Right Honourable’. Key is just Honourable.

      Yeah, you have to be appointed to the Privy Council, and Clark stopped the practice of appointing PMs and Deputy PMs to the PC.

      She herself got Right Honourable as Deputy to Moore.

      • Lanthanide 4.1.1

        You’re correct. I didn’t know that, and only skimmed the Wikipedia article.

        captcha: admit

  5. Lew 5

    It’s really wonderful, Eddie. You’ve captured the tone just so. Made my day.

    Cheers,
    L

  6. tc 6

    Hope the media lapdogs were given plenty of water and shade and someones watching their daily intake or they may get out of condition and be unable to follow JK from one PR stunt to the next.

  7. Anne 7

    Brilliant. Thanks Eddie.

    I’m reminded of a similar splash by the Herald (of course) in the late 90s. It was Jenny Shipley opening something at the posh Kristin School on the North Shore . There were photos of happy, smiling, well nourished children paying homage to the great lady. She went down the gurgler not long afterwards so lets hope history repeats itself!

    • Lew 7.1

      What makes it all the more awesome is how similar this photo-op at the school was to the scenes from National’s (excellent and election-sealing) In a Brave Country TV ad before the election.

      L

  8. Cnr Joe 8

    ooh eddie, you are wicked – glorious stuff

    captcha – forgets

  9. gobsmacked 9

    Brilliant. If only it wasn’t lifted verbatim from the Herald …

    Today Comrade Key announces Long March. Three more days than February, glorious leader’s gift to grateful people.

  10. lprent 10

    The really hilarious thing is that Eddies post isn’t as good a satire as Derek Chengs – after you read Eddies first.

    Derek Cheng wrote a puff piece in a bullshit advertorial mode that reads exactly like an old 30’s propaganda piece (or North Korea today). The similarities are striking….

    Great post

  11. One of your best Eddie.

    Captcha “mean”, very appropriate.

  12. Santi 12

    I’m sick of Key’s stupidity and waste of time. The country needs leadership and instead he does very little or nothing at all.

  13. And Helen Clark never had PR like this.

    • gobsmacked 13.1

      As always, the false comparison between Key and Clark. But there’s really no comparison at all.

      Clark had been a Cabinet Minister, Deputy PM and (very unpopular) leader of the opposition, long before she became the PM. She had plenty of hostile media coverage then. She lost an election.

      When she got the top job, she’d earned it. Any postive media coverage reflected this. It came after all the negative coverage. Key’s never had any.

  14. Daveski 14

    It WOULD have been really funny were it not for Eddie’s many attempts to deify St Helen.

    The double standard approach is becoming just as tiresome as the similar attacks on Clark were when Labour was in power.

    Funny yes.

    Hypocritical. Hell yes.

    • Bright Red 14.1

      It’s mocking the media’s adulation of a do nothing PM, daveski.

      • Daveski 14.1.1

        Yet when he does anything he’s mocked or condemned.

        It’s no different to the abuse directed at the Aussie cricketer, Watson. He wouldn’t be abused by the fans if he wasn’t any good.

        Don’t get me wrong – it’s done well, it is funny, especially if you’ve read any of the North Korea press releases. Read the one when Kim opens up the golf course. Priceless.

        That said, for eddie of all people to extract the urine about idolatry takes the whole Griffins factory.

    • Daveo 14.2

      I can’t remember seeing much deification of Helen round here. Any sources for Eddie’s alleged “many attempts to deify St Helen”?

      • lprent 14.2.1

        I can’t remember seeing much deification of Helen round here. Any sources for Eddie’s alleged “many attempts to deify St Helen’?

        It is one of those ubiquitous right-wing myths – like rising crime levels. Makes them feel good, but bears little resemblance to reality.

        There never was much mention of Helen Clark in our posts in 2007/8. In fact when I ran some analysis after the election about what we’d been writing about, it turned out that Michael Cullen was mentioned in the posts almost twice as often than Helen was. There were many more mentions of Winston Peters than either of them.

        That is because we write opinions on current affairs and those we oppose rather than deification.

  15. deemac 15

    surely the correct epithet is “Dear Leader” as in North Korea?

  16. Evidence-Based Practice 16

    Helen Clark used to open school buildings and extensions regularly. Building programmes in state schools that had been neglected for decades and then funded under her government. She got great responses in the schools and in the staff rooms too as she spent time talking and listening to staff and students. But the media, apart from the local community paper, was rarely interested. Key goes on one visit to a private school and it’s a major news story.

  17. Sanctuary 17

    I just read read Anne Tolley’s latest press release in the Herald – We’ve always been at war with those foreign devils in Eastasia!!!!

    DOWN WITH EASTASIA!!!!

    • Kahui Twins = NZ fail 17.1

      can’t find it, please post a link

      • Tigger 17.1.1

        I look forward cheering at the latest footage of our Oceanian army crushing the Eastasian scum underneath their boots. I have a Junior Anti-Sex-League meeting tonight though so can someone tape the coverage for me?

  18. ak 18

    heh heh, classic Eddie, made my day too. That pic could become an icon for every tory lounge:
    “Chairman Mouse and the Parnell Peasant Girls”

  19. Anne 19

    It is interesting to note that on the few occasions the TV cameras were present when Helen Clark was visiting a school, she was always in classroom participating in the lessons with the children or reading to them. I don’t recall any of these “royal tour” type photo opportunities so beloved of National leaders.

  20. Camden Whelk 20

    Honorable Leader is role model for young girls. They all want to be him when they grow up!

  21. Robb 21

    I believe the last thing Helen opened was a wing at the University of Auckland funded by Owen Glenn. Now there was a photo op but both Helen and Owen didn’t seem that happy (wonder why).

    • Bright Red 21.1

      Yeah, if only she spent her days high fiving school girls, then unemployment would have been below 4%, wages would have been up, and crime would have been going down…

      … oh, wait, I’m confused.

  22. Olwyn 22

    Given the adulation in which this man is bathed by the MSM, a version of Stand By Your Man should surely be a candidate for a new national anthem:

    Sometimes it’s hard to be a kiwi
    Giving all your love to just one man
    You’ll have bad times
    And he’ll have good times
    Doin things that you don’t understand
    But if you love him
    You’ll forgive him
    Even though he’s hard to understand
    And if you love him
    Oh, be proud of him
    Cause after all he’s just a man

  23. reddy 23

    @Brett Dale

    In fact Clark had the opposite of this. She was subject to constant smear about how masculine she was, about her childlessness, and snide comments about her and her husband.

    Unable to demonise her politics effectively they demonised her as a women in a leader’s role.

    With Key it’s the opposite. Unable to laud any political acheivements he gets built up into this desirable husband and cool dad to the nation.

    Following up on the sexiest politician poll (something that worked well for Melissa Lee it should be noted) the Herald runs a front page piece about a single sex girls school going giddy and breathless.

    ‘”He’s such an inspirational role-model,” gushed one. “He’s so cool,” was another star-struck accolade. ‘

    I’m suprised they didn’t sick up as well after all that saccharine.

  24. The commentary reminds me of the Rudd youtube video that was going around prior to the 2007 federal election. So technically, it is plagiarism.

    Even found the link. 😛

    Funny though, and accurate, though.

    captcha: “subjects”. LOL

    • “Funny though, and accurate, though.”

      This is obviously in reference to Key.

    • Galeandra 24.2

      So technically, it is plagiarism.

      Rubbish, I had kids writing skits and parodies like this nearly 40 years ago in the English classroom as we wrestled with that crusty UB topic “The Language of Propaganda”. The children of the capitalist runnings dogs were always mightily amused. Reams of the ‘real’ stuff were handed out out on street corners on Friday nights. The lexicon and style tended to be ubiquitous, though the places the columns were recycled from varied- from USSR to China and N Vietnam, depending on the affiliations of the activist groupos who supplied them.

      Given the Orwellian abuse of language espoused by the right today, I think Comrade Leader Key fills the bill admirably.

  25. Evidence-Based Practice 25

    The school in this story is the only private girls’ school in the Hutt Valley, and one of only 3 private girls’ schools in the whole Wellington region. For a Wellington audience it just shouts elitism.

  26. Rob M 26

    A C_ _t of a Personality?

    With Journalists like these . . . who needs thieves in centrist clothing.

  27. Zaphod Beeblebrox 27

    I thought the personality cult stuff in NZ was reserved for Finance Company Directors, Religious sects like Destiny, Paris Hilton, Eric Watson and ex-All Blacks.

  28. roger nome 28

    “just exposing the true colour of the human condition”

    You’ve got a fairly warped perspective of “the human condition” then. It’s just essentialist tripe. People’s perceptions of the “human condition” tend to be self-fulfilling. What does that say about you VTO?

  29. Why is it that Key uses young girls in his PR stunts? Seems to be a bit of a theme developing. I am waiting for his” I am relaxed about it line ” changing to “Its like,its just like, like you know oh my god ” I am sure if Whaleoil could get a few beers into him you could get him to sing to “Im to sexy for my shirt” or something similar maybe .

  30. conspiracry facts 30

    and today, strangely, no mention on the Stuff main pages about the youth tax, the right to fire, or drivers licence restrictions.
    guess they want the kids soft and pliable for the ‘K luvs Ya bb’ photos tomorrow

  31. Irascible 31

    The comments from some of the more righteous writers demonstrate why satire has disappeared from the comedy scene on the stage, the radio and TV they’re evidence of the Brash analysis of the NZer…

  32. NickS 32

    /rolleyes

    Except of course even in Swift’s time, many in the educated classes took A Modest Proposal the wrong way, and since some seem to like using their inability to critically think as a reason to attack someone, or moan at authority about it.

  33. Puddleglum 33

    Am I allowed to hope against hope that either:

    1. Derek Cheng was doing a subversive, OTT piss-take of the PR spin that is National’s puerile condescension towards New Zealanders;

    or

    2. The girls were themselves taking the piss of JK and their irony sailed over both JK’s and Cheng’s heads?

    If not, then:

    1. Cheng needs to find another day job;

    and

    2. there goes the theory that modern youth are more savvy and worldly wise than any preceding generation (I thought this was an ‘elite’ school!? Don’t they at least try to teach critical thinking there?).

    A truly embarrassing bit of nothing, so far as politics goes, but a brilliant piece of satire from Eddie.

    P.S. I hate to think what Cheng would have made of my first day of High School back in the 70s. Nine hundred of us packed into the assembly hall on one of those hotter than hot February days; 3rd and 4th formers standing like vertical sardines at the back wearing their compulsory itchy woollen shirts and long shorts, woollen socks pulled up to the knees, noses pressed into the lower backs of the woollen-blazered fifth formers in front of them; at least three groans followed by thuds as the bodies of 12, 13 or 14 year old boys hit the floorboards only to be quickly spirited away by hulking, first fifteen monitors to the dark, cold depths of the basement below. Foolishly, at the time I put it down to Cheng’s first two possibilities: the heat and the heavy uniforms. But, no, it could only have been, ‘the presence of the star!’ In our case, ‘the star’ would have been the Headmaster, I guess. A WWII vet who must have been in his 60s. He did wear his mortarboard with a certain jaunty imperiousness and, who knows, as he strode to the lectern, robes flowing majestically, cane in hand … yes, enough to give at least a few swooning young boys giddy faints of adoration, I suppose.

  34. just saying 34

    Thank you!
    Today of all days I really needed a good belly laugh.
    Very clever.

  35. Jemima 35

    The Dominion Post article was hilarious. It said that some girls fainted in all of the excitement. How absolutely splendid for the Chilton girls. Meeting their God, the rich and fabulous John Key. He is seen as Godly in their eyes, with his ability to make money and separate the Upper Class from the other commoners. When he went to a state school in Wellington, My sister’s school, Thorndon, people were not happy. My brother (who also goes their) asked for an autograph he could ceremoniously burn…Chilton (and other private schools) obviously doesn’t need anymore government funding. Low decile schools in low income areas need the money more.

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    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    6 days ago
  • Parliament, the Courts and the end of three strikes (for now)
    Last week, Parliament embarked on the process of repealing the so-called “three strikes” provisions in the Sentencing Act 2002. Given that Labour, the Greens and Te Paati Māori all supported this repeal Bill at first reading (and that NZ First no longer is in government to block the move), three strikes’ eventual legislative demise seems ...
    PunditBy Andrew Geddis
    6 days ago
  • NZ Politics Daily: 23 November 2021
    Today’s NZPD testimonial from Martyn Bradbury, Editor, The Daily Blog “’NZ Politics Daily’ is one of the most important news and political resources run in New Zealand. The expert collation of opinion and news makes it an invaluable day to day resource as well as an incredible treasure for researchers in the future. ...
    Democracy ProjectBy bryce.edwards
    6 days ago
  • New Zealand’s Emission Reduction Plan
    By Paul Callister and Robert McLachlan Fifty years ago, on 26 November 1971, the film “Notes on a New Zealand City: Wellington”, directed by Paul Maunder, premiered on Wellington TV. The narrator asks if Wellington’s future will involve suburban sprawl, traffic, motorways, suburban shopping malls, and the decentralization of employment; ...
    SciBlogsBy Guest Author
    6 days ago
  • Dissing The Farmers.
    Neale vs The Revolting Farmers: One has to admire the way Capital Government Relations CEO, Neale Jones, covers-off all the bases of the current political zeitgeist. In a masterfully composed tweet, he lambasts the Groundswell protesters as sexists, racists and reactionaries, clinging for dear life to “a purely extractive economic ...
    6 days ago
  • How will carbon pricing impact inflation?
    This is a re-post from the Citizens' Climate Lobby blog Inflation — the decline of purchasing power as prices rise — is currently at its highest level in 30 years. This has led to concern among the public and policymakers about the rising costs of many important products like food, shelter, gasoline, ...
    6 days ago
  • (Lack of) Public Service Announcement: The National Library of New Zealand, Internet Archive, and Al...
    The National Library of New Zealand has not covered itself in glory in recent times. The decision to axe most of the Overseas Collection (some 600,000 books) in order to make way for more New Zealand items (which it collects already, and which amounts to some 3,000 items ...
    6 days ago
  • Game over for the HRPP
    Since its election loss earlier this year, Samoa's Human Rights Protection Party has been pinning its hopes on the upcoming by-elections to regain power. That was a pretty forlorn hope - with 18 seats, they would have had to win all seven by-elections and have two additional women appointed to ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    6 days ago
  • Chinese influence and American hate diffusion.
    Over the last decade concerns have been raised about Chinese “influence operations” in NZ and elsewhere. Run by CCP-controlled “United Front” organisations, influence operations are designed to promote PRC interests and pro-PRC views within the economic and political elites of the targeted country as well as Chinese diaspora communities. The ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    6 days ago
  • The Real Interests Of The Country.
    Off Message: Into the extremely fraught relationship between Town and Country, the Groundswell organisers have blundered like an Aberdeen-Angus steer in an organic vege-shop. Unreasonably proud of their rural economic virtues, and dangerously forthright in their enumeration of the cities’ political vices, these Kiwi equivalents of America’s “good ole boys” ...
    7 days ago
  • NZ Politics Daily: 22 November 2021
    Today’s NZPD testimonial from Minna Reid, Law student, Victoria University of Wellington “As a Uni student, staying up to date with current affairs is always important. The Daily Politics & Democracy Project by Bryce Edwards is of great service for this. It offers varying news sources I would not have found myself ...
    Democracy ProjectBy bryce.edwards
    7 days ago
  • Free speech is a people’s frank confession to itself
    by Daphna Whitmore The government is devising new “Hate Speech” laws to save New Zealand from something that has not been defined. When asked what is hate speech the Prime Minister replied “You know it when you see it”. The Human Rights Commission is supporting the law change and sees ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    7 days ago
  • 2021 SkS Weekly Climate Change & Global Warming News Roundup #47
    Listing of articles linked to on the Skeptical Science Facebook Page during the past week: Sun, November 14, 2021 through Sat, November 20, 2021 The following articles sparked above average interest during the week: Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheeple? A.I. Maps 20 Years of Climate Conspiracies, COP Negotiators Demand Nations ...
    1 week ago
  • The F Words, by Barbara Gregorich
    Book review Barbara Gregorich is a writer and long time anti-capitalist in the US. She and her husband were interviewed for Redline about the social movements of the 1960s. Her latest book The F Words, has been reviewed by Guy Miller for Redline. The F Words by Barbara Gregorich bears ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • The Scourge of the Aimless Kick
    The below-par All Black performance against France was – sadly – afflicted, again, by what has become a feature of New Zealand rugby – the scourge of the aimless kick. It is surely a truism that, to win a rugby match, you must have the ball. But time and time ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • Delta Rocks Gibraltar: Lessons to be learned from Covid-19’s global resurgence.
    Hard To Beat: Perhaps the most important lesson to be drawn from what is happening in Gibraltar is that vaccination is not a magic bullet. Yes, it makes it harder to contract the virus, and significantly ameliorates its worst effects, but it does not confer absolute immunity to Covid-19 – ...
    1 week ago
  • I’ll take the masks and vaccines, thank you
    From Stuff:I don't want to be pedantic, but I'm pretty sure neither masks nor vaccines figure much in the Gospel of Saint John; nor has Jesus shown much efficacy in protecting people from anything. ...
    1 week ago
  • Hell To Pay: The alarming similarities between the Anti-Vaccination Movement and the creators of the...
    Never Let Go: If the violent prejudices of the Jim Crow South, echoing through contemporary struggles, teach us anything, it is that the defence of rationality, science and progressivism must never be allowed to falter. Those pre-modern night-riders, filled with unrelenting hate, are still out there. If the troops of ...
    1 week ago
  • A Peak Out of Auckland? + Other Covid Musings
    At last, we have some cause for optimism out of Auckland’s interminable Covid outbreak. Knowing our luck, it might be a false dawn… but there are some signs that we have seen the peak:
    1 week ago
  • Sing Song about Hard Times
    Celebrating Poet Anne KennedyThe 2021 Prime Minister's Award for Literary Achievement for Poetry went to Anne Kennedy. I have enjoyed her work since her first collection Sing Song. The poems’ setting is in the domestic life of a family of four, told from the mother’s perspective: moving house, the gruelling ...
    PunditBy Brian Easton
    1 week ago
  • A good problem to have
    Norway is the global success story on electric car uptake, with early policy and a well-signalled 2025 cutoff point for fossil vehicles resulting in 77% of new cars being EV's. But now they have a problem: not enough dirty cars to tax: Norway’s electric dream has been credited to ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Gordon Campbell on the politics of anger, plus a music playlist
    Angry? Are you talkin’ to ME? Of late, the Code Red levels of resentment inspired by the government’s Covid policy almost make one hanker for the days when people could write best-selling books about New Zealanders being The Passionless People. Not anymore. A hissy fit arms race seems to be ...
    1 week ago
  • No, vaccinated people are not ‘just as infectious’ as unvaccinated people if they get COVID
    Jack Feehan, Victoria University and Vasso Apostolopoulos, Victoria University   Some recent studies have shown similar peak viral loads in vaccinated people compared to unvaccinated people who contract COVID. This has raised concerns for the efficacy of vaccines for preventing transmission. How concerned should we be? Are vaccinated people just ...
    SciBlogsBy Guest Author
    1 week ago
  • Electric cars alone won’t save the planet. We’ll need to design cities so people can walk and cy...
    Timothy Welch, University of Auckland   At the COP26 climate summit, world politicians patted themselves on their backs for coming to a last-minute agreement. Humanity now waits with bated breath to see if countries implement the commitments they made, and if those commitments help the planet. If the rest of ...
    SciBlogsBy Guest Author
    1 week ago
  • Worn down by bad news? You’re not alone…
    Feature image: The weight of the world’s news can be too much. (Shutterstock) Neill Fitzpatrick, MacEwan University In 1983, Canada’s Anne Murray released another hit song. This one, though, was different than what her fans were accustomed to. A Little Good News is a sombre ballad summarizing the mood of ...
    SciBlogsBy Guest Author
    1 week ago
  • Alexander Gillespie, University of Waikato   Last week’s COVID protest outside parliament served as a warning that New Zealand is not immune to the kinds of anger seen overseas. As Labour Party whip Kieran McAnulty put it, “I think everyone needs to be aware that things are starting to escalate.” ...
    SciBlogsBy Guest Author
    1 week ago
  • NZ Politics Daily: 19 November 2021
    Today’s NZPD testimonial from Brendon Burns, Marlborough-based communications consultant, former Christchurch MP “Politics Daily is simply the best go-to summary of everything in and around central and local government and much more besides. Compulsory daily reading.” Anyone can sign up to NZPD for free at: https://democracyproject.nz/nz-politics-daily/ Today’s content Govt management of Delta outbreak Michael ...
    Democracy ProjectBy bryce.edwards
    1 week ago
  • Buying Back The Whenua.
    Dangerous Visionaries: Rex Connor wanted to “buy back the farm” (i.e. nationalise Australia’s mineral wealth) and ended up bringing down the government of Gough Whitlam. Nanaia Mahuta’s Three Waters Project is seen by many as a first step to “buying back the whenua” (repatriating Māori lands and waters). A policy which threatens the longevity of ...
    1 week ago
  • nuremberg, and history
      There’s a lot been said recently about the Nuremberg code. So what is it, and why is it popping up now? As described in this excellent NEJM article, the Code was developed over 80 years ago in August 1947, by judges involved in the “Doctors Trial” at Nuremberg. There were ...
    SciBlogsBy Alison Campbell
    1 week ago
  • Skeptical Science New Research for Week #46, 2021
    Housekeeping: New content New Research is primarily focused on reports published in "the academic literature." Thanks to a diversity of publishers, journals, editors, reviewers, researchers and institutional affiliations, such publications are statistically highly successful at approximating and reflecting our best dispassionate understanding of research topics. Any given personal agenda not ...
    1 week ago
  • Another OIA horror-story
    NewsHub reports on another OIA horror story, a simple request for information on the supply and distribution of PPE which required the intervention of the Ombudsman to get a response. And reading the article, it seems to be the usual story of an overly-secretive agency abusing the process to hide ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Bribing for convictions
    Imagine that you've been arrested and are facing criminal charges. Now imagine that the government tries to bribe your lawyer to encourage you to plead guilty. It's obviously corrupt and a complete mockery of justice. But that's exactly what the New Zealand Government wants to do: The Criminal Process ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • How does Labour expect to get away with this?
    Yesterday's decision by the government to open the Auckland border in December was, like all their other recent decisions, immediately panned by public health experts. The polite version, on Stuff, is that Covid will "travel for summer" with Aucklanders, leading to outbreaks. Newsroom's Marc Daalder cuts through the crap and ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • The Chronicles of Kregsmal and Krunch: Volume III
    Another update from the ongoing D&D campaign… Session 5: Before starting this session, the DM announced that he had got his hands on an actual Iron Kingdoms in Fifth Edition guide, so there was a bit of re-jigging of character stats. Here are Kregsmal’s amended ones: STR: 19DEX: ...
    2 weeks ago
  • The Good Ship Jacinda Ardern
    Has any New Zealand Prime Minister had to face as many challenges as the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” that Jacinda Ardern has had to confront? The coronavirus epidemic alone has presented a myriad of problems, impacting as it does on so many different people and groups of people, ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    2 weeks ago
  • Climate challenges mount for California agriculture
    This is a re-post from Yale Climate Connections by Jan Ellen Spiegel California agriculture has experienced just about every form of climate change-induced calamity: Heat, drought, fire, floods. None bodes well for the future of farming in this state that is the U.S. king of agriculture. But there are a couple ...
    2 weeks ago
  • NZ Politics Daily: 18 November 2021
    Today’s NZPD testimonial from Kara Tait, External communications manager, Kiwibank “The morning email from Bryce at the Democracy Project is must-read for communication professionals. It provides a comprehensive overview of the issues covered by New Zealand media in an easy to read format. It supplements my media monitoring and ensures I don’t ...
    Democracy ProjectBy bryce.edwards
    2 weeks ago

  • Further COVID-19 economic support for Cook Islands and Fiji announced
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced a further package of support for the Cook Islands and Fiji for COVID-19 economic support and recovery. “Aotearoa New Zealand remains committed to supporting our Pacific fanau and vuvale to respond to the impacts of COVID-19 on their economies, and move towards long-term ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    12 hours ago
  • New law will clear the air for tamariki in vehicles
    From today, it’s illegal to smoke or vape in most vehicles carrying children aged under 18 years old - whether the vehicle is moving or not. “Second-hand smoke poses an unacceptable risk to our tamariki and rangatahi,” Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall said. “We know children in vehicles ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    17 hours ago
  • Nine countries designated very high risk
    Nine southern African countries are being added to the very high risk countries list following public health advice around the newly discovered COVID-19 variant Omicron, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said. This afternoon, a public health risk assessment was carried out to assess the emerging evidence and any risk to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • Foreign Affairs Minister concludes final stage of world trip
    Foreign Affairs Minister Hon Nanaia Mahuta today departed North America to return home to Aotearoa, concluding the last stage of her 17-day world trip. The final leg of her trip saw her visit the United States of America and Canada for a number of high-level discussions. While in Washington D.C., ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Milestone launch of Pacific Languages Unit
    Today’s official launch of the Pacific Languages Unit is a milestone for our Pacific communities, the Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio said. The Pacific Languages Unit brings together a new set of language supports within the Ministry for Pacific Peoples to provide advice, commission research, maintain standards, promote ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Public Health Lecture – University of Otago
    Public Health - Lessons from New Zealand’s COVID-19 response and opportunities for the future E nga mana, E nga reo,                                          E nga iwi. Tēna koutou katoa. Ka huri ki nga mana whenua o te rohe nei. Tēna koutou. He mihi hoki ki a tatou kua tau mai nei I raro I ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New Zealand statement on situation in Honiara, Solomon Islands
    Aotearoa New Zealand is deeply concerned by the events which have been unfolding in Honiara, Solomon Islands, since Wednesday. “New Zealand is a long-standing partner of Solomon Islands, and there are deep and enduring connections between our two countries,” Acting Foreign Affairs Minister David Parker said. “Our engagement in Solomon ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Investment to support maternal mental health
    Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall has announced an investment to help expand maternal mental health services in five District Health Boards. “Supporting parent’s mental wellbeing during their child’s first 1000 days, from conception to two years of age, is critical to the long-term emotional, mental and physical wellbeing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Workplace vaccination requirements extended to cover Police and NZ Defence Force
    With the support of the organisations, additional vaccination requirements will cover sworn members, recruits and authorised officers of the New Zealand Police, and all New Zealand Defence Force staff. First doses of the vaccine for workers in these organisations are required by 17 January 2022, and second doses by 1 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Aotearoa New Zealand and Canada to pursue greater Indigenous collaboration
    During her visit to Ottawa, the Honourable Nanaia Mahuta, New Zealand Minister of Foreign Affairs and Associate Minister for Māori Development, met with the Honourable Patty Hajdu, Canadian Minister of Indigenous Services, and the Honourable Marc Miller, Canadian Minister of Crown-Indigenous Relations, to further expand and develop the positive relationship ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Māori vaccination rates reach 80% first dose
    Associate Minister of Health (Māori) Hon Peeni Henare today confirmed that Māori across the motu have now reached 80 percent for first doses of the COVID-19 vaccination nationally. “We have seen a huge increase in vaccinations for Māori throughout November, since the beginning of the month the increase for first ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Subsequent Children legislation to change
    The Government has today introduced legislation that will reverse provisions in the Oranga Tamariki Act as part of a path to rebuild trust and confidence in the organisation. “The Oranga Tamariki Amendment Bill makes a number of changes but by far the most important is the partial repeal of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Security Information in Proceedings Legislation Bill introduced to Parliament
    The Minister of Justice has confirmed the introduction of the Security Information in Proceedings Legislation Bill to Parliament. National security information is information which, if disclosed, would be likely to prejudice New Zealand’s security, defence, or international relations. “This Bill adds to the Government’s work to strengthen New Zealand’s protections ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Shortcomings revealed in power cut investigation
    No household should have had their power disconnected 18 recommendations, mostly EA and Transpower related The EA must strengthen its oversight of the system operator An investigation into power cuts that left more than 34,000 households without electricity on one of the coldest nights of the year has found that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • COVID-19 Protection Framework supported by new testing and contact tracing strategy
    Wider use of rapid antigen testing from 1 December Increasing daily laboratory capacity to 60,000 PCR tests Q1 2022 A new national telehealth case investigation service with 475 investigators A nearly $1 billion investment in testing, contact tracing and case investigation A new national testing strategy will provide better protection ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Supporting New Zealanders to recover from COVID-19 in the community
    $300 million boost to Pharmac to buy new medicines to treat COVID-19 Care in the Community approach will see most cases receive initial contact from a healthcare provider wiithin 24 hours Support pack provided within 48 hours Regular health checks throughout recovery The Government is increasing the support for New ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Additional support for people isolating at home
    New regional MSD COVID-19 welfare teams to coordinate social service support for those isolating at home Regional teams working alongside other government agencies, iwi/Māori and community providers for housing, food and income support Government investment of $204.1m into welfare system support for Care in the Community Minister for Social Development ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Tax bill provides vital support for families
    A boost to Working for Families tax credits, as part of a package of financial support that will see 346,000 families better off, has been passed into law late last night.  Revenue Minister David Parker said the measures would lift the incomes of those receiving the Family Tax Credit, the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New text service to support disabled peoples’ vaccinations
    Efforts to support disabled peoples’ vaccinations go from strength-to-strength with the launch of a new text service, Minister for Disability Issues Carmel Sepuloni announced today. The service, run by Whakarongorau Aotearoa on behalf of the Ministry of Health, is in response to feedback from the disability community and is an ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Proactive Calendar Release – October 2021
    ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Pacific community reach vaccination milestone
    Pacific communities across the nation have rolled up their sleeves and played their part to reach a major vaccination milestone, 90 percent  have now had their first vaccination, Aupito William Sio, Minister for Pacific Peoples and Associate Minister of Health said. “Reaching this milestone reflects the work Pacific Health Providers ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Reconnecting New Zealand – the next steps
    Fully vaccinated Kiwis and other eligible travellers can travel to NZ from Australia without staying in MIQ from 11.59pm Sunday, 16 January 2022 Fully vaccinated Kiwis and other eligible travellers can travel to NZ from all other countries from 11.59pm Sunday, 13 February 2022 All fully vaccinated individuals will be ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Shot in the arm for Canterbury tourism
    A brand new tourism attraction launched in the Canterbury high country is designed to transform the regional economy from seasonal peaks and troughs of past visitor trends. Regional Economic Development and Tourism Minister Stuart Nash has officially opened the Ōpuke Pools at Methven, which received government backing from the Provincial ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Combined efforts connecting locals to nature
    A Government investment in six community and iwi-led projects across the Hawke’s Bay district will provide nature-based jobs for more than 60 locals, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. “Combined, these projects are contributing to a really ambitious conservation effort across the region, while at the same time up-skilling and offering ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Empowering Diverse Communities
    Minister for the Prevention of Family Violence and Sexual Violence Marama Davidson has approved five funding grants to support national-level family violence and sexual violence prevention initiatives for LGBTQIA+ people, disabled people, older people and new migrant communities. “Local community initiatives are a key lever in reducing violence. The Government ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Moriori Claims Settlement Bill passes Third Reading
    The Moriori Claims Settlement Bill has passed its third reading at Parliament, marking the completion of the historical Treaty of Waitangi settlement process for Moriori. “This is the final milestone for Moriori and the Crown and is a new beginning in our relationship,” Minister for Treaty of Waitangi Negotiations Andrew ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Permanent drug-checking law passed and new providers appointed
    Drug-checking services will continue to operate legally at festivals, pop-up clinics, university orientation weeks and other places this summer and beyond, thanks to a law passed today, Health Minister Andrew Little says. The services have been legal since last summer under temporary legislation that expires next month. The Government’s Drug ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pacific communities supported to transition to the COVID-19 Protection Framework
    The Government has agreed to support Pacific health providers and communities’ transition to the new COVID-19 Protection Framework, Minister for Pacific Peoples and Associate Minister of Health, Aupito William Sio said. The Government recognises that there is a clear need to prepare new systems and healthcare approaches, to protect and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Government helps Pasifika Festivals to ride the COVID wave
    As we transition into a new way of managing COVID and take steps towards giving vaccinated New Zealanders more freedoms to enjoy Aotearoa’s arts and culture, 19 Pasifika festivals across the motu are receiving funding through the Pasifika Festivals Initiative, Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Carmel Sepuloni said. These ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Tech ready for businesses and events to open up for summer
    Businesses and events will be set for summer, with the free NZ Pass Verifier app to scan and verify My Vaccine Passes now available to download, Minister for COVID-19 Response Chris Hipkins said today. “New Zealand will move into the traffic light system (COVID-19 Protection Framework) from Friday 3 December, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Govt providing business the tools to vaccinate workforces
    Simplified vaccination assessment tool will be able to be used mid-December to help employers decide if they would require vaccination for different types of work. Workers covered by the My Vaccine Pass mandate need to have their first dose by 3 December and be fully vaccinated by 17 January 2022. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • The talanoa about the future of our Pacific Languages
    A ground-breaking survey launched today will give researchers valuable insights into the state of Pacific languages in Aotearoa, said the Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio. The Leo Moana o Aotearoa Pacific Languages Survey is part of a wider project that will support the revitalisation, and sustainability of Te ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Foreign Minister concludes successful visit to the United Arab Emirates and Qatar
    Foreign Affairs Minister Hon Nanaia Mahuta departed the Middle East today for Washington DC, concluding a successful visit to the United Arab Emirates (UAE) and Qatar. Her visit to the UAE saw her host New Zealand’s most important event at Expo 2020, Te Aratini, and meet with Emirati leaders including ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Govt to review high cost of residential building supplies in market study
    Ensuring Kiwis have access to fairly priced building materials is a driving factor in Government’s decision to review the residential building supply market, Minister of Commerce and Consumer Affairs, David Clark, announced today. “We’re looking at how we can lay the foundations for a more competitive building sector,” David Clark ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech to NZ Sepsis Conference 2021
    E nga mana, E nga reo, E nga iwi, Tēna kotou katoa. Ka huri ki nga mana whenua o te rohe nei. Tēna koutou. He mihi hoki ki a tatou kua tau mai nei I raro I te kaupapa o te rā. No reira tēna koutou katoa. Opening It’s a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Centre for the Child to be established in Tā Wira Gardiner’s name
    A research centre dedicated to improving the lives and wellbeing of tamariki is to be established within Te Whare Wānanga o Awanuiarangi in recognition of Tā Wira Gardiner’s contributions to society. The Minister for Children, Hon Kelvin Davis made the announcement with Te Whare Wānanga o Awanuiarangi at an event ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government funding supports new iwi led housing in Ōpōtiki
    Government funding to support iwi led housing development New iwi housing development supports Ōpōtiki whānau Seeing another deserving whānau move into a warm dry home is a further positive step forward for this Government’s Housing strategy, says Associate Minister of Housing (Māori Housing) Peeni Henare. “It’s fantastic to be here ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • NCEA and Scholarship exams begin Monday
    After a tough year, the Education Minister Chris Hipkins is wishing students well for their upcoming NCEA and New Zealand Scholarship exams. “The last few months in particular have been a challenge, and I encourage students to do their best with exams – the last milestone before a well-earned summer ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Funding for vaccine development to help prevent rheumatic fever
    Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall has announced today the Government is supporting the development of a vaccine to help prevent rheumatic fever and rheumatic heart disease. “Rheumatic fever can have a devastating impact, especially for Māori and Pacific children and young people,” Ayesha Verrall said. “As an infectious ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • AstraZeneca arrives in New Zealand; second COVID-19 vaccine available this month
    New Zealanders will soon be able to access a second type of COVID-19 vaccine, Minister for COVID-19 Response Chris Hipkins said. A shipment of 100,000 doses of the AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine arrived in New Zealand today from Australia. “Enough for 50,000 people, these doses are for people who can’t have ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago