Have a right royal Christmas and a Brighter 2015

Written By: - Date published: 11:13 am, December 25th, 2014 - 12 comments
Categories: uncategorized - Tags:

G’day kiwis (and your wives – I hope they have a tv in their kitchen)


I have decided to implement a speech from the throne


Yeah, I do akshallee have a tv transmitting doohickey in my toilet, giggle

What a year. I am exhausted. I finally got my golf handicap toward single figures broke bread with Princess Kate and watched the last Hobbit movie last night.


Like you, I am watching this from my beach house. I hope you are finding the sound of the waves lapping as therapeutic as I am, regardless of whether you are in Hawaii, Tahiti or the Maldives. We have all earned this time to contemplate.


For those of you unlucky enough to be watching this from your beach house at Russell, Pauanui or Golden Bay, I say hang in their mate, even Ritchie McCaw was just an All Black once. It takes time and effort to be the Captain. You are nearly there, just keep believing.

To the rest of Nz’s inhabitants I say, how can you afford that tv and cigarettes? I hope that isnt alcohol I see in your glass. And finally at this most blessed time of the Year, why arent you at work?

Your friend













12 comments on “Have a right royal Christmas and a Brighter 2015”

  1. karol 1

    Beach house? What about those whose only “house” is a cardboard box in a doorway in a back alley?

    Oh – well, I guess they wouldn’t have access to any MSM, TV or internet, so don’t really exist.

  2. BLiP 2

    Well, dear, if you had been listening, you would know that the person living in the cardboard box made bad choices. Its his fault. Do pay attention.

    • tracey 2.1

      And the box was probably paid for by hard working new zealanders currently in their trust owned beach house.

    • karol 2.2

      My reading was, he referred to the “rest of NZ inhabitants” as being people who can afford TV and cigarettes.

      • BLiP 2.2.1

        At least the author referred to “the rest of Nz’s inhabitants” as people . . . oh, hang on.

  3. Clemgeopin 3

    [I have written a poem on the same theme. I sent it to the The Listener two weeks ago with a note to the editor that the poem though political but was appropriate to be published before Christmas and to let me know if he was going to publish it. There was no response. After about a week, I sent it again with a few minor changes and requested the editor to please let me know urgently if it will not be published. There was once again, no reply. As far as I know, it hasn’t been published. So, I am submitting here now. Cheers!]


    A poem by CLEM GEO PIN

    God has blessed all you poor sods,
    For surviving such shocking odds!
    Rejoice in our rock star economy,
    For you aren’t yet dead with melancholy!

    Praise this Gov-ment at joyous times,
    Haven’t banned no needy mission lines!
    Though greedy chain stores and conglomerates,
    Give no caring damn for unfortunates!

    For pressies, goodies, food and roasts,
    Low wages, rents and living woes,
    Have caught you underclass in such a squeeze!
    Go stand in line under cruel cold breeze,

    In all those scores of mission soup kitchens!
    And Oh! Have a good one won’t you cretins? Ho,Ho,Ho!

  4. Binders full of women 4

    Is the cardboard box full of water?
    No……. Luxury! We lived in a cardboard box full of water, worked 37 hours a day down pit, paid mill owner, and licked road clean for dinner!

  5. fender 5

    He’s on the throne with the runs after spoiling the roast, having never done it before saw him marinate it in Slater-slime and Banks-earwax. His arse is pretty ‘relaxed about it’, but he should come right in time to make it home to Hawaii soon.

  6. Murray Rawshark 6

    Wonder if he puts Kate in the same class as Liz Hurley? Some sycophantic broadcaster should ask him.

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