How low can Simon Bridges go?

Written By: - Date published: 3:12 pm, June 22nd, 2018 - 90 comments
Categories: Media, national, Simon Bridges, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Simon Bridges has a major problem. He is not John Key. He is not quick on his feet and he is not the least bit funny.

His attempts to be the lad with talkback radio have misfired badly. Like this attempt on Radio Hauraki that has just been reported on in Stuff.

He was asked if it seemed politically correct to have a female baby.  His response was:

Only under a Labour government.”

He was then asked if the baby should be considered genderfluid at this point and replied:

She should be going to school like in boy’s clothes right?”

It gets worse.

The hosts then check if he Bridges thinks the baby has already cost the taxpayer much money – she was born in a public hospital. Bridges agreed.

Some generic sounds of a baby crying are then played, while the two hosts and Bridges try to guess whether the baby is saying “capital gains tax” or “governing by committee.”

Bridges is asked how he will make sure the baby votes for National when it turns 18.

“Here’s the deal. See her parents I reckon were solid blue, I mean he’s a cop right, cops vote blue. They know we’re strong on law and order,” Bridges said.

And he wants to alienate the vote of anyone with a degree.

“Jacinda went to uni. She got some funny ideas.”

And the worst thing is that he thinks no one will notice his comments.

You know why I’m saying these things right now? Because I know that nothing I say is going to make the news in the next like seven days,” Bridges told the Hauraki hosts.

“I’m in a complete news vacuum.”

Not if what he said is embarrassingly unfunny and is spread far and wide.

Long may Simon Bridges continue to be National leader.  Because while he is there they will not get any traction.

90 comments on “How low can Simon Bridges go?”

  1. Anne 1

    He may have thought he was being funny but in point off fact he is revealing the cretinous mindset of your average Nat MP and many of their supporters. He’s politically finished if this crap is publicised.

    • Draco T Bastard 1.1

      Maybe 6 months to the next National leadership change?

      • Martick 1.1.1

        One thing I know is that not one govt MP would have made any similar reference to the new addition to the Bridge’s family or any of their children, ie that they would go to school wearing a blue suit and tie or some other jibe or so-called joke. Too many associated to the National Party incl MPs have a frequent problem with social media references and then have to apologise, that alone shows how shallow and ill-equipped they are to represent or give comprehensive service to a nation.

        • One Anonymous Bloke 1.1.1.1

          Look, that’s not a very nice thing to say about them, but if they get upset, just explain you were joking and ask them why they’re being so sensitive.

      • Michelle 1.1.2

        yeah agree Draco and then another 6 months for the next one they will do the same as labour did and long may it last

    • Frankie and Benjie 1.2

      “…he is revealing the cretinous mindset of your average Nat MP and many of their supporters.”
      He may also be showing what they are fearing at the moment. What he might be thinking is “Please, please don’t try to actually find out what socialism is. They might agree with some of its ideas!!! …and stop voting blindly for blueteam..”
      Actually thinking can give you “..Some funny ideas.”
      David Farrar’s tweet about socialism killing millions may show the same fear… “Please, don’t think, please don’t think….” just repeat “Red team bad, redteam bad, ..”

  2. tc 2

    Cue up the ‘it’s only banter’ etc memes from the shills. As you say mickey long may he continue to be National leader.

  3. Stuart Munro 3

    He’s a typical Gnat – he could get under a worm’s belly in a wheel rut without losing any Brylcreem.

  4. Gabby 4

    I guess Slick got his law degree by mail order and that’s why he didn’t get funny ideas.

  5. Draco T Bastard 5

    Jacinda went to uni. She got some funny ideas.

    Yes, having some idea as to how the world really works compared to the delusional ideas of National is definitely ‘funny’.

  6. marty mars 6

    He only has to get through to pension acquisition time then he be gone imo. He likes to play thick and is really good at it. The gnats are a mess – they got nothing.

  7. Kat 7

    At this rate National are out for three terms, minimum. Not even that old rag the Herald can make Bridges look like a PM in waiting. There is no one else in the ranks any better at the moment either. Wouldn’t be surprised if Hosking didn’t get a tap on the shoulder at some point, he would really enjoy the helicopter ride.

  8. Hanswurst 8

    He is not John Key. He is not quick on his feet and he is not the least bit funny.

    It’s almost as though you wrote the same sentence twice.

  9. DS 9

    Key was not the least bit funny either.

  10. Ad 10

    I really feel for him.

    Not easy being in a complete political vacuum.

    2024 is so, so hard for him.

    Honestly I just totally just feel.

  11. Ankerrawshark 11

    What a complete idiot. Surely not even a diehard Nat supporter could think that was ok. I notice no sign of Alywyn et al on this thread. Even they must be cringing

  12. Timeforacupoftea 12

    For Gods sake bring on Judith Collins, anybody, Simple Simon is a complete plonker.
    At least Key was kinda funny, but not quite as funny as George Bush though.

  13. Tricledrown 13

    Slimy Simon has to slip in a nasty backhander.
    Ugly hearted slime ball.

  14. R.P Mcmurphy 14

    mean spiritedness from a wanna be police prosecutor without a warrant but still dumping on anyone he can get his horrible little hands on

  15. Obtrectator 15

    Caption for the photo: “The bulls**t comes from the other end, Simon!”

  16. Chris T 16

    He is a bit wrong for the role but tbf he is right about the news vacuum.

  17. JustMe 17

    In their race to the bottom of the barrel I would say Simon Bridges is doing quite a good job. So my advice to Simon is “keep up the good work. With your help the NZ National Party will cease to exist in record time”.:
    John Key and then Bill English started the ball rolling in destroying a political party and it’s up to Simon Bridges to finish off the good work of Key and English.
    It’s quite obvious that the aforementioned other two were ONLY interested in ego trips, photo opportunities, opportunistic financial gain etc and afterwards a knighthood.
    Simon Bridges appears to have been thrown into the deep end of a political party with no future and no value when it comes to ordinary NZers.

  18. I pray he stays as Nat.leader-The sight of Judith Collins sneering at the governments best efforts daily would repulse me-she cannot even look her interviewer in the eye-the sideways eye ,eye rolling and eye brow squiggling is simply repulsive-and thats before she opens her mouth-no,long may slick remain,in his puddle of grease.

  19. Sabine 19

    he will go as low as his enablers and money donors want him to go.

    When told low enough he’ll stop.

  20. Ankerawshark 20

    Of all people Tova O’Brien has written a scathing article on Simon’s sayings on radio hauraki. Will try and post the link

    • mac1 20.1

      https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/politics/2018/06/tova-o-brien-simon-bridges-has-some-apologising-to-do.html

      “But ridiculing people because of their identity and their gender is not okay.

      Simon Bridges will argue it was all just light-hearted banter, but there are children and people all over the country struggling with their identity because of the stigma and shame perpetuated by ignorance.

      Casual discrimination can be incredibly hurtful and incredibly damaging. When the country’s leaders do it, it’s even worse,” wrote Tova O’Brien.

      Bridges is not a comedian. He has neither the wit nor the timing. He should stick to bonding with bulls; though the bull above looks somewhat discombobullated………

  21. Philj 21

    Never write an opponent off. Remember Trump, Corbyn, Australia at The World Cup…

  22. It’s his utter lack of awareness and political nous that has many gobsmacked (as well as his offensiveness).

    No; one cannot dismiss inappropriate behaviour or insults as “lighthearted banter”. He wouldn’t accept it if directed at his wife or children. A measure of common sense and empathy should indicate where those boundaries lie.

    By refusing to apologise and move on, he has made this a greater issue and may be developing an unfortunate reputation for foot-in-mouth – just as Key was lampooned for his “failing memory” and brain farts (and later on, outright lying).

    If this is how National defines it’s moral compass and values, then their “base camp” in the Opposition benches may become a semi-permanent settlement. (In other words, get used to Opposition, boys and girls.)

    Crass, Mr Bridges, just crass.

    • Pat 22.1

      Bridges is fulfilling his role as interim National Party leader

    • Baba Yaga 22.2

      Crass?

      Not as crass as shutting down an entire industry without consultation or even a business case.

      Not as crass as Andrew Little describing a sexual assault as just a pinch on the bottom.

      Not as crass as David Parker’s attempt to exempt one company from a law banning foreign house buyers.

      Not as crass on Labour’s little hit on democracy here https://norightturn.blogspot.com/2018/06/a-childish-tantrum.html.

      Not as crass as the inept manner in which the house is being run by the government. https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/104874267/greens-leave-oral-question-blank-as-more-resignations-hit-backroom-office

      Not as crass as the hypocrisy displayed over PPP’s. https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/104702124/doublebunking-and-a-ppp-wasnt-what-kelvin-davis-had-in-mind-for-waikeria

      I could go on. How does it feel now that you have the government of your choice to find it so inept and corrupt?

      • Stuart Munro 22.2.1

        ” How does it feel now that you have the government of your choice to find it so inept and corrupt?”

        They’re not everything that we had hoped. But they are lightyears ahead of their predecessors.

        The Gnats were so fucking hopeless they never even tried to resolve problems like housing – didn’t even go through the motions of governing.

        Inept and corrupt? Never heard a dickie bird from you, sonny, over Key’s railway shares, over Brownlee’s CERA and Southern Response rorts, over Methcon or any of the other cons that proliferated under National.

        Your manufactured outrage is contemptible even by the lower-than-a worm’s-soul standard that represents the apogee of troll thought.

        • Baba Yaga 22.2.1.1

          “But they are lightyears ahead of their predecessors.”

          No, they simply aren’t. They are more corrupt, more dishonest and more incompetent.

          • Stuart Munro 22.2.1.1.1

            You’d have a tough job to proving that claim.

            This is a white bread government – bland, pasty, but not especially corrupt.

            “More corrupt” – than the team who featured in the Panama Papers? Nope.

            “More dishonest” than Key the liar: https://thestandard.org.nz/the-great-big-list-of-john-keys-big-fat-lies-updated/ Nope.

            “More incompetent” Than the party that floated Nick Smith as a housing minister, but had to take it off him because even their supporters didn’t believe he was doing anything. More incompetent that Brownlee – the ruins of Christchurch tell a different tale. More incompetent that Bill English – the fool who for nine long years failed to get growth ex migration over 1%.

            Whoever writes your schtick needs a better set of lies.

            • Baba Yaga 22.2.1.1.1.1

              It’s actually a really easy job. My list above is just a start. Collapsing business confidence, the failure of kiwibuild, the $1b provincial slush fund…and we’re less than a year in!

              And you mention growth! When Labour is even turning that sour!

              • Stuart Munro

                Business confidence is, like job ads, neither here nor there. They were always going to sulk once they had to start obeying the laws again.

                Growth – under Bill English was among the worst in the OECD – under 1%.

                Kiwibuild doesn’t look especially promising – but Nick Smith did nothing whatsoever. You’re on a hiding to nothing there.

                So – we’ve gone from a government that was a screaming joke on its best day, to a bunch who are rebuilding capacity destroyed by the epic fuckwittery of the Key kleptocracy.

                It must be obvious even to the meanest intelligence that this is a vast improvement.

                • Baba Yaga

                  It’s easy to deride business confidence when it suits you Robert, but it is businesses who employ people, pay taxes that keep your socialist schemes going, and generally earn the country it’s living standards. Of course you wouldn’t understand that.

                  • Robert Guyton

                    You mean “Stuart”, I presume, given you replied to …Stuart. Slow down, Baba – you’ve gone into a troll-spin!

                    • Baba Yaga

                      Sometimes its hard to tell you apart!!

                    • Robert Guyton

                      I’ve noticed you have trouble differentiating things: fact and fiction, for example. You good with day and night? Up and down?

                  • Stuart Munro

                    I’m not Robert, muppet.

                    Actually I know quite a few business people.The ones who are aggressively politically involved are on the whole the less skillful. Trying to obtain gains by flapping their gums instead of productive enterprise is typical of uncompetitive exploiting monopolists who make up the non-performing rump of NZ society.

                    Of course their confidence is falling – their rorts are being wound up. Some of them may be compelled to do an honest day’s work for the first time in their trivial lives. Entrepreneurs they ain’t, nor do they deserve a shred of public respect.

                    It would be more concerning were their reaction to government the complacency with which they treated Key, confident that no activity, however corrupt, would ever be investigated or regulated.

                    • Robert Guyton

                      Man! Wish I’d said that!

                    • Stuart Munro

                      It was kind of a failure as an insult too – had he mistaken me for Gosman I’d’ve been cut to the bone.

                    • Robert Guyton

                      He may be Gosman, for all we know. Baba seems to be unravelling a bit tonight; his spirit broken, I’m guessing; maybe maintaining too many alter-egos, maybe just drunk, who knows. In any case, he’s a spent force.

                    • babayaga

                      Stuart how do you know it is only the gum flappers whose confidence is waning? Do you do your own surveys?

                      The reason business confidence is waning is because this government is incompetent. It shuts industries without consultation and against sound advice. It is multiplying costs into the economy. It is imposing a minimum wage regime that will cost jobs. It is borrowing more to fund it’s overspending. It is failing to control wage inflation, and industrial action. And it is already slowing growth. Now those are remarkable achievements. Almost as remarkable as Labour having the country sliding into recession before the GFC.

                    • Stuart Munro

                      I don’t imagine you’ll read it, but the whole “business confidence” thing is a PR campaign – there’s no objective truth in it.

                      https://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/13/the-death-of-the-confidence-fairy/

                  • Graeme

                    Business, and especially the upper echelons of New Zealand business are also exceptionally skilful at loosing money or “making poor choices”, in other works fucking up.

                    Fletchers and Fontera have poured around 4 billion down the dunny in recent times, and how much of a generation’s savings went “poof” between 2005 and 2009, and in the ’87 crash.

                    I think you’ll find New Zealand gets along despite of the business community, not because of it.

                    • babayaga

                      Funny then that businesses pay so much tax!

                      “I think you’ll find New Zealand gets along despite of the business community, not because of it.”

                      So if there is no business, no-one is employed, because without tax income, even the government cant employ. Without employment there is no tax, and without tax there is no…well you get it. Or maybe you just don’t.

                    • Graeme

                      Oh come on. Business taxation amounted to 13% of government income in 2013/14. Personal taxation was 41% and GST accounted for 33%. OK, so a small amount of the GST is paid by business, around 15% of their profit, so we can put the total at a bit less than 20%.

                      So 80% of taxation is from the non-business sector, that’s the workers. (withholding and indirect taxes generally fall on the non-business sector too)

                      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxation_in_New_Zealand#/media/File:New_Zealand_tax_revenue_2013-14.png

                      Please get your facts right or go back to your cave, and mind you don’t bang your knuckles on the step on the way out.

          • Robert Guyton 22.2.1.1.2

            Pure trollery from Baba Yaga; not saying anything but “I don’t like them. I want to badmouth them”.
            Trolling 101.

            • Baba Yaga 22.2.1.1.2.1

              It’s not badmouthing, its stating the facts. How do you feel about Twyford having to use the private sector to build his ‘kiwibuild’ homes eh? Or Parker trying to exempt a ‘pet’ company from the foreign buyers ban? Or Little’s pinch on the bottom? Or the hypocrisy over PPP’s? Seriously try answering to just one of those. Less than a year old, and already corrupt and incompetent.

              • Robert Guyton

                Yours are not facts, Baba Yaga; they’re overheated, unsubstantiated opinion, troll-pinion, I call it.
                “Seriously try answering to just one of those. ”
                Parker doesn’t have a “pet” company; your argument fails at the first jump.
                Replying, “He does! He does!” and stamping your tiny foot is not “stating the facts”.

                • Baba Yaga

                  “Parker doesn’t have a “pet” company;”
                  https://www.nzherald.co.nz/politics/news/article.cfm?c_id=280&objectid=12075267

                  Next.

                  • Robert Guyton

                    A link (which I’ll not read) is your argument?
                    Next.

                    • Baba Yaga

                      Because you don’t want to actually learn anything.

                      Next.

                    • Robert Guyton

                      Because a link, uncommented upon, is not an argument, troll. If you want to discuss facts, Baba Yaga, provide some. You are thus-far, quite boring.

                    • babayaga

                      The link speaks for itself. Unless you can’t be bothered reading it because you’re afraid of an inconvenient truth.

                    • Robert Guyton

                      Meh, link-schmink! If you’re to idle to express yourself, I’m not going to bother with some reading you might recommend. Can’t stand lazy debaters! If you’ve a valid point, baba, make it! Don’t hide behind your bad form, boo-hooing “he won’t read my link; my link!!!

                    • One Anonymous Bloke

                      But but but the link is compelling! You should’ve read it: it demonstrates that Hornetinthegaga is dishonest as well as lame and lazy.

                    • Robert Guyton

                      I ought to have posted another link in reply to Baba’s powerful read-my-link argument, but I was spoiled for choice. Of course his link proved him wrong, I could guess that without reading it; every factual presentation proves Baba wrong. And dishonest, you say, OAB? That diminishes him even further, making him barely visible and to all intents and purposes, mute. Bad night for Baba, all up!

          • Tricledrown 22.2.1.1.3

            Nasty National babygaga trying to shift the blame.
            Sorry seems to be the hardest thing to say.

      • Tricledrown 22.2.2

        Baby gaga when you read your links they tell a different story to your propaganda.
        The greens hand over their question time to National.

        • Baba Yaga 22.2.2.1

          Ah no.

          “”We didn’t file it on time. And because of that we also didn’t have time to hand it over to National,” Davidson said.”

          They really are inept.

      • ankerawshark 22.2.3

        Bullshit Baba

      • Gabby 22.2.4

        What’s this industry that’s shutting down babby gagga? Foreign trust farming?

    • Tricledrown 22.3

      Bridges continues to use dehumanising rhetoric

  23. JohnR 23

    I spent 35 years as a cop and I don’t vote National. The one thing that most cops know, even if they don’t admit it publicly, is that policing only ever advances under Labour governments.

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