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ImperatorFish: A Day In The Life Of Paula Bennett

Written By: - Date published: 2:07 pm, October 18th, 2012 - 25 comments
Categories: paula bennett - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of these posts here and here.

8:54 am

So John Tamihere wants to stand against me in Waitakere. Well good luck to him, I say, because the people of Waitakere adore me. I’m constantly astonished whenever I go walking about in Henderson at the number of people who honk their car horns, shake their fists, or start yelling at me. It’s nice to know they’re so vocal in their support.

9:31 am

People accuse me of not caring. But it hurts when they say such things, really it does. Hey, I’ve been there and done that, and I know how hard it can be. But look where I ended up. Who would have guessed a solo mum Westie chick would end up as a Minister of the Crown? I tell people who are down and out that if they work hard then they too can one day be in a position to take away from others the entitlements they had.

9:50 am

I tripped over as I was walking in the carpark to my electorate office, and the bundle of papers I was carrying ended up on the ground. A member of the public rushed over to help me, but I don’t bear him any ill-will.

1.48 pm

Joining LinkedIn was a big mistake. Now I’m being asked to connect with all sorts of people I’ve never even heard of. Who the heck is Ian McKelvie?

2:12 pm

I asked for a cappuccino, not a latte! It’s totally unacceptable that I am being treated this way by café staff. Let’s see how they like having all their financial records released to the public. I’m sorry if that sounds a little drastic, but they made the decision to serve me the wrong coffee.

2:24 pm

Called Peter to find out if I could get their IRD records. He burbled something about tax secrecy. God, he’s a boring old man.

3:36 pm

I’m really concerned about the plight of our young people. Life is difficult for them, and so many of them are without work. But we’re doing our best to help them, by making it harder for them to get benefits, imposing tighter conditions on their spending, reducing their incomes by introducing youth wages, and making it easier for employers to fire them at will. It’s tough medicine, but I have no doubt they will thank us in the end for motivating them to move to Australia.

4:58 pm

Got home to find the wind had blown over my Sky TV dish, leaving it dangling precariously  I got on the phone and told Sky TV to send someone over straight away, because I couldn’t afford to miss The Ridges, but they told me all their service-people were busy. Anyway, a guy eventually turned up and was just about to climb his ladder onto my roof when I ran outside and said “what do you think you’re doing?” I ripped the ladder away from him and told him I was keeping it. I’ve got quite a collection of ladders in the garage. Then he started having a go at me, saying he couldn’t do his job without the ladder. I said to him “You can’t talk to me like that. Don’t you know who I am?” “I know who you are, Mrs Shipley,” he said. “Now give me back my bloody ladder!” I told him to piss off. The cheek of the man!

6:17 pm

I assured the media today that I have not seen anyone in this government taking a cavalier attitude towards the privacy of others. It’s why I had all the mirrors in my house removed.

25 comments on “ImperatorFish: A Day In The Life Of Paula Bennett ”

  1. Tom 1

    Dear Paula, thank you for that.

    You say that you are a “westie”, but I had heard that you are a Taupo girl.
    There is nothing wrong with Taupo – except perhaps the 5.5 Richter tremor
    10k NW of its caldera yesterday. I guess it goes to show that you cannot get everything right. We live in interesting times ..

    Cheers, Tom.

  2. Tom 2

    Dear Paula,

    What will be your next career move after this responsible position ?



    • leftriteleft 2.1

      Dear Paula,
      That’s a good question. Because? If you blindly sell your soul to Dunnokeyo you’ll be out of a job. And I can’t wait until that coin turns.
      Your leader is comiting political suicide.
      See ya Paula. Have a nice tomorrow, and enjoy, it’s not going to last forever.

    • Dr Terry 2.2

      Tom. Her next career? To again become a beneficiary of course!

  3. Tom Gould 3

    Scott omitted meal times, or are these the bits bewteen 6am and 8.54am, 10am and 1.48pm, and 6.30pm and 10pm?

    • Beryl Streep 3.1

      Ha ha, Paula is fat. That’s some seriously good satire Tom, well done. Let’s really stick it to those female MP’s who don’t stack up to our expectations of attractiveness, misogyny ftw!

      • xtasy 3.1.1

        It’s not the size, it is what you do with it, perhaps? Mega Ego too, but is it deserved and of value and credit?

      • Tom Gould 3.1.2

        Same goes for Gerry, too. Or would that be misandry? Bottom line, bloated Tories sticking it to kids without breakfast. Fair game in my book.

        • Tim

          Of course they’re fair game Tom, especially when they pass judgement on others as they do – repeatedly. I’m not sure we can be certain though that Pulla Bent is actually fat. The only images I’ve ever seen of the woman are either airbrushed photos or on TV never showing anything below a Pamela Anderson bust.
          The only way I might get a glimpse I spose is to look out for a wheelbarrow carrying an ample load of sloth pushed by a woman wearing leapardskin shoes.

  4. Rogue Trooper 4

    What was very sad to hear uttered in a New Zealand Parliament today was the Minister of Social Development arguing that ” we are focusing on those (children) that would otherwise end up broken or dead” and in pursuit of higher Standard here endeth my foray into political commentary.
    ( except to acknowledge Banksie’s employment of Aotearoa New Zealand in his second reading debate of the hammering of the education sector)

    • xtasy 4.1

      What about the youth, the unemployed, that are having to compete for non existing jobs, that are pressured by WINZ and employers to do all to take on any job, to do all to earn a living, while WINZ is upping the threshold to be entitled for a meagre, poor survival and a crap benefit?

      Now the minimum wage for youth up to 19 of age to be lowered to just over 10 dollars.

      What about those NOT managing, those that contemplate, try and in some cases even do take their lives?

      Does damned high moral Paula Beneshit ever think of this? Does she ever think of mentally ill and unstable struggling to defend themselves, while her hatchet doctors try all to throw people off sickness and invalid’s benefits? Does she lie straight in bed at night, does she sleep “in peace”, perhaps, does she even bloody care, apart from her damned verbal diarrhea over broadcasted by mainstream media all the time?

      I feel Paula Bennett does not really give much of a shit, apart from holy holy grail pretencious shit, for her agenda, and her masters in the damned National Party!

  5. captain hook 5

    why does New Zealand end up in the power of these lowbrow speedfreaks everytime there is a turn of the wheel.
    Must be something in the spray the lazy bastards use because they are too stupid to use a hoe.
    oh and the colchicine in the clones.

    • bbfloyd 5.1

      “must be something in the spray”… I have been wondering if johnny has started showing the long term side effects of whatever it was that made his eyes so moist, and red, right through the ninties…..

  6. My thoughts.

    9.31 These young ones have to learn the hard way if i am going to teach them anything,
    and i’m just the westie to do it, i will cut benefits,that’ll teach them,i will put
    retrictions on them,that’ll control them,i will give them a card for food etc
    that way i can see what they are buying,that’ll help me understand if they can
    manage with less on their card,perhaps i might be able to see where the $50
    bucks goes to,hmm,anyway ‘they love me,all’

    1200 Lunch time, thank goodness, someone joked i get too much to eat when i’m
    at Bellamy’s but i dont think so,its good food and drink and i dont have to pay
    anything,so why not make use of it.

    1500 Afternoon tea time, there is alot of talk about the gcsb,who are they ? never
    heard of them,i asked john,bill,gerry,that general fella,they haven’t heard of
    the gcsb either,strange,i banged into winston,he was really annoyed,he had
    this paper work that he had to pick up off the floor,i helped him,he told me
    he has all he needs to hunt down those involved in the gcsb conspiricy, i just dont
    know what he is on about,beats me

    1800 Home thank god for that, it’s been a tough day,there has been a bit of a
    security leak in the kiosk’s, but its nothing to worry about,i will make
    enquiries after tea,it will be ok,i think,privacy is just a seven letter word

  7. captain hook 7

    and now its time for a big fat”J”.

  8. Red Rosa 8

    And my very own Facebook page is going rilly, rilly, well…..


  9. 12:00 am
    911 call log:
    “I’m telling you there is a white van outside with people inside ….. There’s GCSB written on the side”
    “Call 111 …. 48 HOURS …. what do u mean there’s nothing u can do?”
    Look do you know who I AM?”

  10. Frankie and Benjy Mouse 10

    Hon PAULA BENNETT: I have not leaked any information or any beneficiaries’ information. That member may struggle with that, but I transparently put it out there and did it myself without any—I know that the Opposition struggles with that, because those members prefer to pass little notes under doorways to the media, and everything else. I point-blankly went out there and said what I said. So there has been no leak from me.


    Apparently breaching privacy is fine as long as you don’t “leak” it. !!!!!!!!!

  11. xtasy 11

    Always think positive, dear Paula, there is always a place and some use for you.

    Once they get rid of you, a new shining career is at your doorstep, I suppose:

    Just take an example of this:

    Maybe apply for “Canadian” or another idol show, they’d love ya!

    Best wishes,

    You need it!

  12. xtasy 12

    Paula –

    Who was the father of your daughter? Did you name him, did you “dob” him in, as you now seem to expect others to do? How do you feel about having been given a good chance by the taxpayer to help you to study on the training incentive allowance to get where you are now, but you deny the same chance to sole parents and invalid’s now, since actually 2009?

    Are you happy to be a mercenary to Key and rot gang? Must be nice to get over half a mil a year.

    What if Dotcom comes to you tomorrow and offers you a job paying 10 to 50 k more than you get now, any second thoughts?

    No morals and values I can detect in your recent conduct and behaviour, I am afraid.

    Go and bugger off, the sooner the better, dear lady.

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