ImperatorFish: A prayer to the One
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- Date published:
2:21 pm, October 10th, 2013 - 3 comments
Categories: Satire -
Tags: reserve bank
Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.
A humble prayer entreating the favour of the One whose august majesty we must never dare to question.
Our Reserve Bank Governor, who art in Wellington,
hallowed be thy monetary policy;
thy LVRs come;
thy will be done,
in the housing market as it is in the banking sector.
Give us this day our official cash rate.
And forgive us our currency trading,
as we forgive those who speculate on the New Zealand dollar.
And lead us not into an overheated economy;
but deliver us from inflation.
For thine is the independence,
the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
3 comments on “ImperatorFish: A prayer to the One ”
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Forestry, Trade and Investment Minister Todd McClay, today announced at the Fieldays Forestry Hub, both inbound and outbound forestry trade missions with India this year, aimed at strengthening trade links, deepening industry ties, and unlocking greater value for both countries’ forestry and wood processing sectors. “India is one of the ...1 week ago
- Judicial Conduct Panel to inquire into Judge’s conduct
A Judicial Conduct Panel will inquire into and report on the alleged conduct of acting District Court Judge Ema Aitken, Acting Attorney-General Paul Goldsmith says. “Judge Aitken’s alleged conduct at the Northern Club on 22 November 2024 was the subject of a preliminary examination by the Judicial Conduct Commissioner. “The ...1 week ago
- Prime Minister to visit China and Europe
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon will travel to China and Europe next week. He will be joined in Shanghai and Beijing with a delegation of senior New Zealand business leaders. “China is New Zealand’s largest trading partner and a vital part of our economic story,” Mr Luxon says. The visit will focus on ...1 week ago
- Backing New Zealand’s native forest champions
Forestry Minister Todd McClay today congratulated the winners of the inaugural Growing Native Forests Champions Awards for driving real progress in native forest establishment and land use innovation. “This is what good land management looks like — native forests that support both the environment and the rural economy,” Mr McClay ...1 week ago
- Operation Gallant Phoenix deployment extended
New Zealand has extended its commitment the Operation Gallant Phoenix multinational intelligence mission in Jordan, the Government announced today. The deployment of up to 10 New Zealand Defence Force and Police personnel has been extended for two years until June 2027. “This operation is essential to our commitment to a ...1 week ago
- New and improved radiology services for Auckland City Hospital
Health Minister Simeon Brown has today announced funding for the first stage of a major project to upgrade and expand interventional radiology services at Auckland City Hospital. “This project will significantly improve access to radiology services for patients across Auckland and beyond,” Mr Brown says. “A $41.2 million investment will ...1 week ago
- Wool carpets for state houses a win-win
The return of wool carpets to state homes has been welcomed by Economic Growth Minister Nicola Willis and Associate Agriculture Minister Mark Patterson. State housing agency Kāinga Ora announced today that from next month, a new supplier agreement will deliver woollen carpets for the fit-out of new state homes. “The ...1 week ago
- Government backs voluntary nature credits
The Government is supporting the expansion of a voluntary credits nature market through the running of pilot projects across New Zealand. Establishing a market that is durable, measurable and transparent will help farmers, landowners, iwi, and conservation groups unlock new income streams for looking after nature on their land, Associate ...1 week ago
- New Zealand food and fibre exports on track to break new records
Farmers, growers, foresters, fishers and primary processors are driving New Zealand’s economic recovery with export revenue on track to surpass $60 billion for the first time, Agriculture and Forestry Minister Todd McClay announced today at Fieldays. “The latest Situation and Outlook for Primary Industries (SOPI) report forecasts export earnings of ...1 week ago
- New Zealand hits digital economy milestone
A key milestone in the push for a more connected digital economy has been reached, with over one million businesses now registered with a New Zealand Business Number (NZBN), Small Business and Manufacturing Minister Chris Penk says. “The NZBN is a simple idea with a big impact. It gives each ...1 week ago
- Double-digit growth for aquaculture exports
New Zealand’s aquaculture sector has experienced double-digit growth in export revenue over the past year, sending a clear signal that more is to come from the enormously promising sector, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The forecast export results were released today as part of the latest Situation and ...1 week ago
- Elective boost delivers over 9,500 additional procedures so far
More than 9,500 additional procedures have now been delivered as part of the Government’s elective boost, Health Minister Simeon Brown says. “This is what putting patients first looks like. We are focused on increasing delivery of elective treatments – across both public and private hospitals – to reduce wait times ...1 week ago
- Foreign Minister strengthens relationship with Italy
Foreign Minister Winston Peters has concluded a constructive visit to Italy, marking 75 years of diplomatic relations. Mr Peters and Italy’s Foreign Minister Antonio Tajani met in Rome overnight and confirmed the strength of the bilateral relationship that New Zealand and Italy share. “New Zealand and Italy are long-standing ...1 week ago
- Partnership approach to FMD signed and sealed
A new agreement between the Government and key livestock industry groups marks a major milestone in New Zealand’s readiness for a potential foot and mouth disease (FMD) outbreak, Biosecurity Minister Andrew Hoggard announced today. “The Foot and Mouth Disease Operational Agreement confirms how Government and industry will jointly prepare for, ...2 weeks ago
- Public consultation begins on legal aid review
Public consultation begins today aimed at improving the legal aid scheme for those who cannot afford advice and representation, Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith says. “We have a duty to ensure all New Zealanders have access to justice by means of a fair and open process. “To do so, we need ...2 weeks ago
- Solar on Farms: Unlocking farm cost savings
Energy Minister Simon Watts has announced the Government’s new Solar on Farms initiative, which will support farmers in taking the next step towards installing solar and battery systems, helping them reduce energy costs, increase on-farm resilience, and allow farmers to gain greater control over their power use, leading to increased ...2 weeks ago
- New Zealand Grass-Fed certification to take on global competitors
New Zealand is raising its game on the global stage with a new Grass-Fed certification scheme to help our red meat and dairy producers go head-to-head with competitors in premium international markets, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Agriculture Minister Todd McClay announced today at Fieldays. “International consumers are increasingly willing ...2 weeks ago
- Innovative pasture project to drive farmgate returns
The Government is backing a $17 million partnership with farmers to boost productivity, profitability, and sustainability by identifying the most resilient, high-performing pastures for New Zealand conditions, Agriculture Minister Todd McClay announced today at Fieldays. Minister McClay confirmed the Government will invest $8.269 million in the Resilient Pastures project through ...2 weeks ago
- Radiology backlog cleared at Taranaki Base Hospital
Health Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed the clearance of a significant radiology backlog at Taranaki Base Hospital, calling it a practical outcome that puts patients first. “In March, more than 6,000 x-ray reports were sitting unprocessed at Taranaki Base Hospital. That was causing unacceptable delays for patients needing diagnosis and ...2 weeks ago
- Saying yes to more housing
City-shaping changes are coming to New Zealand’s largest city, ensuring that Auckland can fully harness the economic growth benefits of the new City Rail Link, RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop and Auckland Minister Simeon Brown say. The Resource Management (Consenting and Other System Changes) Amendment Bill (the Bill) has been ...2 weeks ago
- Primary Sector-Government partnership to boost rural health and resilience
The Government is stepping up support for rural New Zealand with a $4 million Rural Wellbeing Fund to expand investment in community-based initiatives, Agriculture and Forestry Minister Todd McClay announced today at Fieldays. “The establishment of this fund is a result of advocacy by Federated Farmers Chair, Wayne Langford, who ...2 weeks ago
- Applications open for $30 million Coastal Shipping Resilience Fund
Applications have opened for a $30 million fund for projects that will enhance the resilience of New Zealand’s coastal shipping connections and help boost economic growth, Associate Transport Minister James Meager has announced. The Coastal Shipping Resilience Fund was established through the Government Policy Statement on land transport. Funding will ...2 weeks ago
- Foreign Minister focuses on Pacific resilience during visit to France
Foreign Minister Winston Peters has taken part in two major international events in Nice, France this week, focused on Pacific resilience, prosperity and security. The sixth Pacific-France Summit, hosted by French President Emmanuel Macron, took place in Nice overnight. “The Summit brought together Pacific countries for discussions with France on ...2 weeks ago
- NZ places travel ban on extremist Israeli politicians
New Zealand has joined Australia, Canada, the UK and Norway in placing travel bans on two extremist Israeli politicians, Foreign Minister Winston Peters says. The bans will prevent Israel’s Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich and National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir from travelling to New Zealand. “Our action today is not against ...2 weeks ago
- 6th Pacific-France Summit – Intervention by New Zealand Minister of Foreign Affairs
6th Pacific-France Summit Intervention by New Zealand Minister of Foreign Affairs, Rt Hon Winston Peters Nice, France, Tuesday 10 June 2025 Thank you, President Macron, for convening this meeting today, the sixth Pacific-France Summit. We were privileged to have also been at the second Pacific-France Summit, during the Presidency of ...2 weeks ago
- Tourism Growth Roadmap speech to Business Events Industry Aotearoa (BEIA)
Tēnā koutou katoa. Thank you for the warm welcome. It is my pleasure to welcome you all to MEETINGS 2025. First, I would like to acknowledge Mayor Wayne Brown attending MEETINGS 2025 today and a special acknowledgment to Ngāti Whatua Orakei for their pōwhiri and welcome. I would also like ...2 weeks ago
- More funding to grow international tourism
The Government is increasing funding for attracting overseas visitors and investing in tourism infrastructure as part of its new Tourism Growth Roadmap, Tourism and Hospitality Minister Louise Upston says. “We’re investing $35 million to deliver the first stage of the Roadmap, which sets out the Government’s plan to double the ...2 weeks ago
- Major changes to proposed anti-stalking law
Justice Minister Paul Goldsmith is welcoming changes to toughen up the proposed anti-stalking law, including being triggered after two specified acts within 24 months. “This change better recognises patterns in stalking behaviour and time that can pass between incidents. For example, stalking that occurs around anniversaries would not be covered ...2 weeks ago
- Speech: APAC energy capital assembly, Singapore
I am delighted to be here in Singapore once again, to speak to you in my capacity as New Zealand’s Minister for Resources and Associate Minister for Energy. If you haven’t heard of me before today, I’m proud to declare myself the champion of New Zealand’s petroleum and minerals sector. ...2 weeks ago
- Speech to the Law Association 2025
Thank you all for the invitation to speak with you this morning. I have been looking forward to this opportunity. May is a busy month for the Government, and it is always a relief to have the Budget delivered. Today, I would like to speak about what I see as ...2 weeks ago
- Government backing rural resilience and wellbeing
The government is boosting support for rural resilience and wellbeing announced by Mental Health Minister Matt Doocey and Rural Communities Minister Mark Patterson. “We’re backing Rural Support Trusts by committing $3 million over the next four years, to help improve rural communities’ access to primary mental health services and specialist ...2 weeks ago
- Israel blocks Gaza aid organisations’ access to fuel, hospitals running out
BEARING WITNESS: By Cole Martin in occupied Bethlehem Kia ora koutou, I’m a Kiwi journo in occupied Bethlehem, here’s a brief summary of today’s events across the Palestinian and Israeli territories from on the ground. Sixty nine people killed in Gaza, 12 while seeking aid, and 221 injured (172 seeking ...5 hours ago - Destiny Church protesters set flags on fire in Auckland rally
Deputy PM labels Destiny Church call for NZ to become a Christian nation as "un-Kiwi," after protesters chanted "no immigration without assimilation" and set flags on fire. ...9 hours ago - Analyst dismisses ‘lie by rogue’ Netanyahu over Iran’s nuclear programme
Asia Pacific Report A leading Middle East analyst has pushed back against US President Donald Trump’s dismissal of the conclusion of his own national intelligence chief, who said in April that Iran is not building a nuclear weapon. Marwan Bishara, Al Jazeera’s senior political analyst, said in an interview that ...10 hours ago
- ER Report: A Roundup of Significant Articles on EveningReport.nz for June 21, 2025
ER Report: Here is a summary of significant articles published on EveningReport.nz on June 21, 2025. Former New Zealand PM Helen Clark blames Cook Islands for crisisBy Lydia Lewis, RNZ Pacific presenter/producer Former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark believes the Cook Islands, a realm of New Zealand, caused a ...12 hours ago
- What does the government consider a couple, anyway? – Ask Susan
RNZ's money correspondent answers your questions. ...13 hours ago
- Former New Zealand PM Helen Clark blames Cook Islands for crisis
By Lydia Lewis, RNZ Pacific presenter/producer Former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark believes the Cook Islands, a realm of New Zealand, caused a crisis for itself by not consulting Wellington before signing a deal with China. The New Zealand government has paused more than $18 million in development assistance ...14 hours ago
- PM appeals to China’s ego in the pursuit of peace
Analysis: The Prime Minister has singled out the Pacific, the Taiwan Strait and the South China Sea as tension points during his meetings with his Chinese counterpart in Beijing. And when pushed, he all-but confirmed he also raised China’s live-firing exercises in the Tasman Sea in February – something he’s ...19 hours ago - Christopher Luxon concludes China trip: ‘No evidence’ of collaboration with Russia, Iran...
The prime minister has wrapped up his trip to China, dismissing suggestions the superpower is working with Russia, Iran or North Korea - as alleged by NATO's top official. ...20 hours ago
- How big should a prison cell be?
Comment: The day after the 596-bed Waikeria prison expansion opened on June 5, 2025, The Press reported that Invercargill prison had New Zealand’s smallest prison cells measuring 6 square metres. Our newest prison was thus juxtaposed with our oldest one, which opened 115 years ago. Over that period, the Prisons ...21 hours ago
- Short story for Matariki Weekend: It followed her home, by Jessica Hinerangi Thompson- Carr
They lived in an overpriced flat two blocks from the beach. Peter, Nathan, Luke and Harley all took commerce, Isla studied environmental management, and Kiri had enrolled in marine science. Kiri met Isla through Te Rōpū Māori association, and as soon as she’d expressed needing a place to live, ...21 hours ago
- ‘A big, brave thing’: Janine Morrell-Gunn on What Now’s huge pivot
The children’s television veteran shares her life in television. A year-and-a-half ago, beloved local children’s series What Now made the hugest swing of it’s television tenure. After four decades as a live studio show, the series pivoted to be digital-first. YouTube became the primary platform for the show, with short ...22 hours ago - ‘Punitive and suffocating’: a doctor’s view of the working environment for nurses
In this excerpt from his memoir, A Dim Prognosis: Why our health system is on its knees, Ivor Popovich gives an example of why we need more nurses; and why their working conditions are less than ideal. Some years ago I was on a night shift looking after a patient ...22 hours ago
- Seymour’s ‘light up’ message alarms tobacco researchers
Deputy Prime Minister David Seymour’s comments to a London audience calling smokers “fiscal heroes” – and declaring people should “light up” to save their government’s balance sheet – are reprehensible and make light of addiction, tobacco researchers say. Seymour largely stands by his remarks, arguing smokers are a net economic ...22 hours ago
- Records fly but top swimmer to sit out world champs
Three women have met qualifying standards in the 50m butterfly for next month’s World Aquatics championships, all in lifetime best times. Two were in New Zealand record time; one was close to a Commonwealth record. It’s the first time three Kiwis have gone under the World Aquatics qualifying standard in ...22 hours ago
- Hawke’s Bay residents outraged over council’s proposed water rate hike
Hawke's Bay has some of the highest rates in the country due to three waters, roading and debt servicing. ...1 day ago
- Defence heads face scrutiny week hearing, promise to be fiscally responsible
The increased budget means troops can now move past being only partly equipped, says defence secretary Brook Barrington. ...1 day ago
- View from The Hill: Albanese decides against pursuing Donald Trump to NATO
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra Anthony Albanese, just back from the G7 and his cancelled meeting with Donald Trump, has abandoned the idea of going to next week’s NATO meeting in pursuit of face time with the elusive president. ...1 day ago
- Britain’s support for AUKUS is unwavering – but its capacity to deliver is another matter
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Tom Howe, PhD candidate in International Relations, Monash University A recently announced Pentagon review of the AUKUS pact has sparked a renewed bout of debate in Australia. Led by the “AUKUS-agnostic” US Undersecretary of Defense Elbridge Colby, the review raises serious questions ...1 day ago
- ‘I was in a semi-breaking-down sort of place’: new study sheds light on the emotional toll for e...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Natalie Roche, PhD Candidate, Centre for Ergonomics and Human Factors, La Trobe University Sergey Dolgikh/Getty Images In Australia, there are around 235,000 emergency service volunteers who help communities respond and recover after natural disasters and other traumatic events. These include volunteers ...1 day ago
- Australia wants more foreign investment. That’s why a $29 billion bid for Santos puts the Treasure...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Shumi Akhtar, Associate Professor, University of Sydney Marlon Trottmann/Shutterstock The Australian origins of Santos have made an indelible mark on the company’s very name. The energy giant was first incorporated in 1954 under the acronym for “South Australia Northern Territory Oil ...1 day ago
- 15 months after ‘flour massacre’ shock, Israel commits daily Gaza food aid killings
BEARING WITNESS: By Cole Martin in occupied Bethlehem Kia ora koutou, I’m a Kiwi journo in occupied Bethlehem, here’s a brief summary of today’s events across the Palestinian and Israeli territories from on the ground. At least 16 killed by Israeli airstrike on al-Shati refugee camp in northern Gaza. 92 ...1 day ago
- Cook Islands PM Mark Brown slams NZ for ‘patronising approach’ over China deal
Brown has suggested a double standard, after the New Zealand government cut its development assistance by nearly $20 million. ...1 day ago
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In introductory remarks, Xi said now was a time to build on the two countries' past achievements and "strive for new progress". ...1 day ago
- ER Report: A Roundup of Significant Articles on EveningReport.nz for June 20, 2025
ER Report: Here is a summary of significant articles published on EveningReport.nz on June 20, 2025. Mark Brown: Cook Islands ‘not consulted’ on NZ-China agreementsBy Caleb Fotheringham, RNZ Pacific journalist Cook Islands Prime Minister Mark Brown has suggested a double standard, saying he was “not privy to or consulted on” ...1 day ago
- Mark Brown: Cook Islands ‘not consulted’ on NZ-China agreements
By Caleb Fotheringham, RNZ Pacific journalist Cook Islands Prime Minister Mark Brown has suggested a double standard, saying he was “not privy to or consulted on” agreements New Zealand may enter into with China. New Zealand Foreign Minister Winston Peters has paused $18.2 million in development assistance to the Cook ...2 days ago
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A new poem by Jordan Irvine. Then Worse Man stood over the bridge like That’s it Rocks stand scared stiff and water says Excuse me Drug dealers on scooters Polite men turn to looters Got a sentence longer than Virginia Woolf’s Look at the clock Chop chop ...2 days ago
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The only published and available best-selling indie book chart in New Zealand is the top 10 sales list recorded every week at Unity Books’ stores in High St, Auckland, and Willis St, Wellington. AUCKLAND 1 A Different Kind of Power by Jacinda Ardern (Penguin Random House, $60) Spot New Zealand’s former ...2 days ago
- West Australian miners flexed their muscle to block a federal EPA last year. Will it be different th...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Diane Dowdell, PhD Candidate in Sustainable Mining, The University of Queensland CUHRIG/Getty This week, Environment Minister Murray Watt met with groups representing business, the environment, renewable energy and First Nations communities in a bid to restart Labor’s stalled environmental reforms. There ...2 days ago
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COMMENTARY: By Eugene Doyle The surprise US-Israeli attack on Iran is literally and figuratively designed to unleash centrifugal forces in the Islamic Republic. Two nuclear powers are currently involved in the bombing of the nuclear facilities of a third state. One of them, the US has — for the moment ...2 days ago
- Technology to enforce teen social media ban is ‘effective’, trial says. But this is at odds with...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Lisa M. Given, Professor of Information Sciences & Director, Social Change Enabling Impact Platform, RMIT University MAYA LAB/Shutterstock Technologies to enforce the Australian government’s social media ban for under 16s are “private, robust and effective”. That’s according to the preliminary findings ...2 days ago
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Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Yvonne Breitwieser-Faria, Lecturer in Criminal Law and International Law, Curtin University Earlier this year, the European Union, the Council of Europe, Ukraine and an international coalition of states agreed to establish a new special tribunal. The tribunal will eventually be tasked with ...2 days ago
- 6 things Australia must do if it’s serious about tackling school bullying
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Vanessa Miller, Lecturer in Education (Classroom Management), Southern Cross University Wander Women/ Getty Images Bullying is arguably one of the most serious issues facing Australia’s schools. About one in four students between Year 4 and Year 9 report being ...2 days ago
- ‘Dumb decision’ to increase Nelson highway speed limit reversed
Part of State Highway 6 will remain at 60km/h after a campaign against the government rollback of speed limit reductions. ...2 days ago
- PM’s Intervention To Kill Simon Watts’ Ute Tax 2.0 Welcomed By Taxpayers
The Taxpayers’ Union revealed documents showing that IRD had been working on changes to remove the logbook exemption for work vehicles and impose FBT on the assumed private use of double cab utes. ...2 days ago - Keith Rankin Analysis – America’s imperial ‘gift’: ‘Crusader Democracy’ versus ‘Christ...
Analysis by Keith Rankin. Keith Rankin, trained as an economic historian, is a retired lecturer in Economics and Statistics. He lives in Auckland, New Zealand. The United States has always fancied itself as the founder of modern democracy (aka ‘Democracy’). And, although that country has been self-absorbed for most of ...2 days ago
- Many elite athletes live below the poverty line. Tax-deductible donations won’t solve the problem
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle O’Shea, Senior Lecturer, School of Business, Western Sydney University Australia’s Jaclyn Narracott competes in the women’s skeleton at the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics. Joe Klamar/AFP via Getty Images As the end of the 2024-25 financial year nears, the Australian Olympic Committee ...2 days ago
- ‘Puts New Zealand in a weaker position’ – expert on Peters’ Cook Islands mov...
The decision by the Foreign Affairs Minister to suspend payment of aid to the Cook Islands could backfire on the New Zealand government, an academic says. ...2 days ago
- The cost of being: A political adviser finishing their master’s degree
As part of our series exploring how New Zealanders live and our relationship with money, a political adviser and master’s student describes their financial situation. Want to be part of The Cost of Being? Fill out the questionnaire here. Gender: Female. Age: 23. Ethnicity: Pākehā. Role: I work full time as ...2 days ago
- Bribe or community benefit? Sweeteners smoothing the way for renewables projects need to be done rig...
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Hugh Breakey, Deputy Director, Institute for Ethics, Governance & Law, Griffith University Louise Beaumont/Getty When a renewable energy developer announces a new project, there’s one big question mark – how will nearby communities react? Community pushback has scuttled many renewables ...2 days ago
- Despite decades of cost cutting, governments spend more than ever. How can we make sense of this?
Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Ian Lovering, Lecturer in International Relations, Te Herenga Waka — Victoria University of Wellington Getty Images Recent controversies over New Zealand’s Ka Ora, Ka Ako school lunch program have revolved around the apparent shortcomings of the food and its delivery. Stories ...2 days ago
A-
Yes!
Am still waiting to see the walking on water bit (suspect Key is saving that for himself).
Fabtastic