ImperatorFish: Are they really the Green Taleban?

Written By: - Date published: 1:02 pm, November 14th, 2013 - 21 comments
Categories: conservative party, greens, humour, peter dunne - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.


Green Party members attend a pot-luck dinner

Peter Dunne last week said that some of the Green Party’s MPs were as extreme as Afghanistan’s Taleban.

But is he right? Let’s put the Greens to the test.

Green Party


Strategy for victory

Compete at national elections by asking people to vote for us. Do this by shaking a lot of hands, putting up hoardings showing pictures of rainbows and happy smiling people, and generally being nice. Attempt to gain enough support to have some say in government. Use violence, terror, intimidation, and fear. Obliterate our enemies.

Main threats to society

Climate change. Environmental destruction. Women. Education. Beardlessness.

Views on science

While the anti-GE views of some Greens have been challenged by scientists, science is at the heart of most Green Party environmental policies. Science is the work of Satan.

Views on women

Women deserve the same rights as men. End all discrimination against women. Women are vessels of sin. Keep them at home, and take a firm hand.

Views on homosexuality

Diversity should be celebrated. People should be treated with respect, regardless of their sexual orientation. The law should not favour one sexual orientation over any others. Stone the polluters to death, or cut off their heads.

When they have power they will

negotiate with their coalition partner in an effort to get as many of their policies accepted as possible, though with some inevitable watering-down. make the Dark Ages seem like a time of enlightenment.

Policy on the Arts

Our artists and our creative sector need to be supported and nurtured. Destroy all art.


We need to build a sustainable economy that lifts New Zealand’s economic performance. We’re too busy killing the people who disagree with us to be concerned about things like the economy.

The organisation’s leadership

Green MPs are sometimes criticised by their opponents for being naïve or economically illiterate, but they are mostly nice people. Murderers and thugs.

On sharing power

The Greens are willing to work with anyone who will advance their policies. Enthusiastic supporters of MMP. Not very good at working with others.

Dealing with people who don’t like them

Attempt to persuade them that we are right. Threaten them with violence. If that doesn’t work, kill them.

People don’t like them because

In the eyes of many voters their policies are unrealistic and unaffordable. They kill a lot of people.

Views on dress, hair, and attire

Let people express themselves however they like. Follow our strict rules to the letter, or risk being beaten or killed.

Views on Peter Dunne

A bit of a dick. As a member of a pro-US government, he is an enemy of God and should be destroyed. But not really worth our effort at this time.


Voting for muppets

21 comments on “ImperatorFish: Are they really the Green Taleban?”

  1. dv 1

    Please note this is NOT satire.

  2. weka 2

    He said the Green Party had captured the market for environmental outrage. “In an open society, there is a place for a Green Taleban – but that is at the fringes, not centre-stage”.

    Dunne is not a bit of a dick, he’s a complete dick. There’s a place for the Taleban? Really?

    He wouldn’t know the environment if he tripped over it, which I’m sure he does quite frequently (bothersome thing).

    • SpaceMonkey 2.1

      Huh? “Captured the market on environmental outrage”? What’s the going price on that? Outrage is usally good for some creative destruction… can we trade derivatives in it yet?

  3. Anne 3

    The Colin Craig Conservative Party would be a better fit.

    • JK 3.1

      oh No, Anne. Don’t put that thought in the Dunny mind. He’s already been a member of how many variations of a political party – he doesn’t need another one. He just needs oblivion.

  4. aerobubble 4

    A party of one MP is an oxymoron. Its why people turn off politics. Dunne, Hone and Banks should not be party leaders. And what happens when the Maori party is down to two, a party of leaders???? if they are of different sexes but a party of one leader and one follower if they are the same sex???

    • Crunchtime 4.1

      I’m sorry that you think only MPs count as party members. I think you’ll find that every single political party has vastly more members than they do MPs.

      From the United Future fiasco we learn that a poltical party must have a minimum of 500 signed up members. Only Dunne is struggling to find that many members.

      • aerobubble 4.1.1

        Greens and NZF both need to get 5% before they realize any, let alone, extra seats. All Dunne, Hone, and Banks need is an extra ?1%?, its wrong. The 5% rule should apply or never apply., not sometimes apply because rich pricks, or a Maori tribe, or whatever Dunne flock is, should get lucky (although Hone has never had that luck).

  5. Tracey 5

    Does this mean we can call Key a facist and Craig a facist bastard?

  6. Outofbed 6

    Maybe it might be a great help Peter Dunne if all woman were in fact forced to wear Burkas , particularly female journalists .

  7. captain hook 7

    the taliban are just like any group that has hired an ad agency to massage their image.
    in Arabic a talib is a wise man but the afghani lot are just bloodthirsty tribesmem with access to sophisticated weaponry with no other end in view except conquest and domination over anybody they can.
    The greens have a scientifically valid explanation for their actions and are to be listened to.

  8. ropata 8

    Greens: are all hippies
    Taleban: beards, sandals and robes

    Greens: disagree with Peter Dunne
    Taleban: despise Peter Dunne (and all other infidels)

    Greens: low carbon, hi tech future in agrarian communes
    Taleban: low tech, high explosive future in caves

    OMG Greens = Taleban !!1!

  9. ropata 9

    As for the conservative muppet billboard, WTF? Colon Craig is counting on at least 2 votes and will then laugh insanely about it, perhaps. The Conservative tagline should be “Just saying what a few useful idiots are thinking” … sponsored by the tea party and millionaire property developers

  10. eating cunliffe 10

    Try to loosen up Fish, read the words fish, Dunne said ‘some Greens’, not the Green party .
    Its a metaphor, and a good one. Greens are dangerous. They are not going into any NZ Government
    and that is that .

    • ropata 10.1

      what are you afraid of, astroturfer?

    • Draco T Bastard 10.2

      Greens are dangerous.

      Only to those who are presently destroying our world and our lives for their own personal benefit.

      They are not going into any NZ Government and that is that .

      You can continue to believe that but, like most beliefs, it will turn out to be wrong.

      • Fisiani 10.2.1

        The Greens have never been in Government and not even The Cunliffe truly ever wants them in goverment. They are potential economic suicide bombers who would ban half the current economic activity of the country. No coal, no gas, no oil, no cows, no fishing. no mines, no tourists on planes, no dams , no wind farms, no new roads, nowt. That is why they deserve the Taliban label. It fits. The Cunliffe would actually rather go with Winston and even Colin Craig if he could.

        • felix

          “No coal, no gas, no oil, no cows, no fishing. no mines, no tourists on planes, no dams , no wind farms, no new roads”

          None of that is true, fizzy. Not one word of it. You either know nothing about Green policy, or you do know but you’re lying.

          ps I’m just being polite. I have no doubt that you’re 100% aware that you’re lying.

        • ropata

          WTF?! Did you not notice National™© destroying the asset base of the nation, lowering income tax to the rich and turning a surplus into a deficit? Lying about ACC and letting thousands slip into poverty?

          Instead of fearmongering about what the greens “might” do, take off the blindfold and see the economic vandalism achieved by your Neocon Nationals.

          Incidentally, here is a story about how The Alliance (aka Greens) saved Auckland assets from being flogged off in the 90s by Bolger and Shipley

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