ImperatorFish: Budget’s School Report

Written By: - Date published: 2:31 pm, May 25th, 2012 - 5 comments
Categories: budget2012, humour - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

Mathematics

While Budget understands the basics of arithmetic, Budget displays a concerning lack of imagination and application in this area. Mathematics involves more than simple subtraction. More effort required!

Economics

Budget really struggles with this topic, but this is a result of the disruptive influences in his class. I have tried to separate Budget from his best friend Neo, but they do everything together, and the moment I turn my back they are sitting together again making trouble in class. I don’t hold out much hope of an improvement while Budget and his friend Mr Lib remain inseparable.

History

Budget displays a poor grasp of this topic. Budget’s project on the Great Depression was a terrific disappointment, and showed a profound lack of understanding of the subject. Budget will have to put more effort in next term if he is not to repeat the same mistakes.

Religious studies

Budget’s dedication to this subject is impressive. If I have one criticism, it is that Budget tends to get carried away during class discussions and refuses to listen to the points of view of others. Budget must learn to critically examine his own religious beliefs.

Science

Budget approaches this subject with enthusiasm, but he struggles with using real world evidence to test a hypothesis. He often writes his results down without even testing to see whether his theory is correct. On the occasions that I point out the error of his ways he becomes moody and sulky and tells me I know nothing about the subject. A difficult student who needs to work on his attitude.

Physical Education

Budget is a sluggish student who shows no enthusiasm or energy, and must be coaxed into making even the tiniest effort. His attitude is all wrong. He is something of a braggart, repeatedly telling all of his peers how fast he is, even though when challenged to a race he always finds an excuse to back out. A sore ankle, or bad weather, or a sick Greek uncle, there’s always a reason. I shall not be sad to see the last of this Budget!

English

Where do I begin? I don’t normally say this, but I suspect Budget would have been better off avoiding English altogether.

5 comments on “ImperatorFish: Budget’s School Report”

  1. fender 1

    Budget needs to be expelled along with the rest of his classmates. No matter how good the teacher is or how much the teacher repeats the subjects covered, there is unfortunately no way to improve the performance of these block-head non-achievers.

    • Carol 1.1

      I’d be a little careful on that, if I were you. It’s likely that Budget’s dad, Little Johnny Asprashnal, will come up to the school, and say it’s the teacher who’s not up to it. Little Johnny will claim that he’s really good with numbers, so he can tell his son’s (shonkey) maths is correct and the teacher is wrong, and out-of-teach with REAL maths.

      Also Mr Asprashnal will blame the previous head teacher for mis-spending the school funds on the wrong sort of resources, and not leaving enough of the materials that would have helped Budget.

      • fender 1.1.1

        “materials that would have helped Budget”

        Contraception for his parents!

  2. Dr Terry 2

    It would indeed be nice “to see the last of this budget”, but regrettably it will not die. We can only expect to witness a most horrible “resurrection” of its incarnation, through its deadly deliveries to the less privileged members of society. We must patiently wait for an “ascension”, when the apparition passes altogether out of sight.

  3. ropata 3

    Due to Budget’s antics the entire class will be held back another year. Budget has in fact demoralised the entire school, and teaching here is hopeless. See yas later cobber this is one jolly swagman who isn’t camping at this billabong any longer.

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