ImperatorFish: Call Me, John

Written By: - Date published: 2:50 pm, February 3rd, 2012 - 41 comments
Categories: humour, john banks - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here

John Banks says Catherine Isaac is qualified to oversee the trial of Charter Schools because the ACT list candidate “loves education”, and spent six years on a school board of trustees.

I love cricket, and I spent several years playing the game in my youth. Should I take over John Wright’s job when he retires?

I am also a fan of the All Blacks, and have played a bit of club rugby in New Zealand and England. Clearly I can do just as good a job as Steve Hansen.

I’ve also watched quite a few films over the years, and I did a film appreciation paper at University, so Sir Peter might as well hand over The Hobbit directing duties right now.

And I’m a big fan of education. I spent several years in various schools and universities, so I would also like a role in setting up these Charter Schools. Give me a call, John.

41 comments on “ImperatorFish: Call Me, John”

  1. ianmac 1

    And I love my wife. Been married to her for decades. So I am expert. I will be able to be so with everyone’s wives. Who is first?

    • Ianupnorth 1.1

      I love aviation and I can land a Boeing 777 on Microsoft Flight Sim, can I take control of an Air NZ long haul flight?
      BTW the writing is on the wall for small schools, expect mass closures, Dunedin and Kawerau were the experiments of how to best do it.

  2. coolas 2

    I love drinking. Can I be on the Alcohol Advisory Board – pleeeze –

  3. Irascible 3

    Following on the Banks logic path:
    I’ve handled a lot of money in my time at the TAB. I want to become a Money speculator like my hero, KeY or better still, a Treasury wonk like my other mate, Doble Dipton.
    I also know how to put band aids on wounds I want to be a surgeon or something similar in one of our hospitals or even advisor to my mate, Muckup McCully.

  4. Anne 4

    I’m a dab hand at lawn mowing so can I be Minister for Agriculture.

  5. tc 5

    I’ve been known to screw things up, can I form a government pretty please.

  6. Colonial Viper 6

    I’ve got a few trees in the backyard; Minister of Forestry for me please. And I enjoy the occasional Blue Cod meal – Fisheries thanks.

  7. Anne 7

    Don’t be greedy CV. You can have Forestry or Fisheries but you can’t have both.

  8. Tazirev 8

    Previously from over the ditch, I’ve now been a resident for over 30 years here, I’ll take Immigration

  9. felix 9

    Is anyone Minister of Energy yet? ‘Cos I can sort out some good Es…

  10. fabregas4 10

    Had a holiday and love love loved it – I’ll take tourism and couldn’t be worse than the current guy.

    • fender 10.1

      Ok but it’s holidays in Hawaii you will be promoting.

      • ropata 10.1.1

        You have to actually BE a tourist, just follow the example of our fine PM.
        His Remmers mansion is just a bach while he plays at running a small country. What a lark!

  11. Hateatea 11

    All the good jobs are gone already, darn it!!

  12. felix 12

    I only have a restricted driver’s license so I probably shouldn’t put my hand up for Transport Minister, but I could easily manage an associate transport portfolio provided that the Minister has a full license and I don’t have to work after 10pm.

    • fabregas4 12.1


    • rosy 12.2

      I can be transport minister – full licence and never had a ticket in 30 years, so I can be a self-righteous tut-tutter as well.

    • Craig Glen Eden 12.3

      Dont sell your self short felix think of bunter beany Bennett, she should be your inspiration hell mate dont let a lack of a real qualification hold ya back. A restricted license ya say well ya wont have to drive mate if your the minister, ya get a beamer and a driver no actual driving skills needed!

  13. fabregas4 13

    I enjoy the odd punt and especially being invited to the members lounge at Racecourses for cheap plonk (but not at Egmont Racing Club) – Minister of Racing material for sure.

  14. Akldnut 14

    Been unemployed a coupla times and apreciate looking at women so I’ll put my hand up for Minister of Social Developement and Associate Minster of Womens Affairs if the post is still available.

  15. Akldnut 15

    Huh…….What’s happenned to my comments?????????????????????????????????

  16. Tazirev 16

    Ok, looks like foreign affairs is still vacant, I’ll put my hand up for that, anyone game??

  17. fabregas4 17

    Love sport and have looked longingly at corporate boxes on occasion. Even have programme collection and an encyclopedic knowledge of english football (1970-date) and New Zealand Cricket (73- date). Was there when Coney bowled the bowling ball, when we lost the Rugby League test in the last minute at Carlaw Park, when we beat Bahrain to qualify for the World Cup, and have attended quite a number of rugby matches including way back in time when BOP beat Aussie at the beautifully named Rotorua International Stadium. Minister of Sport material.

    • bbfloyd 17.1

      a bit overqualified i would have thought… understand it too well…

      • fabregas4 17.1.1

        Ok, I’ll take finance- can’t balance the chequebook at all. In fact last year I ran up an $18b deficit.

  18. fabregas4 18

    But I promise to get back in credit by 2014 (or later- maybe).

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