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ImperatorFish: Revolution!

Written By: - Date published: 9:17 pm, November 4th, 2013 - 10 comments
Categories: Satire - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.


Welcome, Comrades!

It’s always exciting when a group of people get together to create something new. This week we learned about the creation of a new organisation with very leftist ideals and aspirations, and with a set of governing rules bound to bring tears of nostalgia to any old-time socialist.

This week we welcomed the arrival of the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union (NZTU). A brand new union at a time when unions are struggling to survive. And what a union! They are doing it old-school.

And you can join this union for only a few bucks.

So what makes these guys so special? Let me tell you. Most unions give members the right to vote. The rules differ from union to union, but most union officers derive their positions through the support of the membership.  But the NZTU does it differently. The only way to be appointed to the board of the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union to be appointed by the board of the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union. It’s gloriously undemocratic.

And yet they want to be our largest union. A union in which the governing body has all the power, and where members have none.

You know which other large union this reminds me of?


But to be fair, the NZTU’s membership rules are slightly more progressive than communist Russia’s. Unlike the old Soviet one, people are actually allowed to leave this union. Some may even end up fleeing in horror. So perhaps it’s not so unlike the USSR after all.

Transparency! Openness! Accountability! Just not for us!

The NZTU want to see more transparency, openness and accountability in government. They also want your money. What will they do with that money? I’m sure members will hold the NZTU board to account if there isn’t sufficient disclosure.

Oh, wait…

Who could object to those aims?

The objects and aims of the NZTU are set out in its constitution. The objects are:

To give taxpayers a voice in the corridors of power

Oh, so they’re lobbyists.

To educate New Zealanders against excessive and wasteful government spending

I also think excessive and wasteful government spending is a terrible thing. I look forward to reading the NZTU’s press releases attacking National’s extravagant spending on roads, and its ridiculous generosity towards the consultants and merchant bankers involved in the Mighty River Power and Meridian share floats, not to mention what are effectively interest-free loans given to purchasers of Meridian shares.

To publicise government waste

Nobody likes government waste. I support this, Comrades. Tell everyone about that ridiculous spending! How about the $5 million the government just chucked to Team New Zealand?

To promote an efficient tax system

Nobody wants inefficiency. Again, I’m sure all good socialists will support this object.

To promote discussion on the balance of activities best undertaken by the private sector and the public sector

Certainly. Let’s discuss this. I have some views on the topic.

To promote public policies to advance New Zealanders’ prosperity

That’s what everyone in the politics game says they want. Even Hone Harawira says this kind of thing. Does this mean they’re just like Hone Harawira?

To identify, research and monitor issues affecting these objects

Sure, let’s do that.

To co-operate or join with other associations or bodies having similar objects

The Greens? The EPMU? Socialist Aotearoa?

Hone Harawira?

Generally to do all such things as would help to attain or further the Taxpayers’ Union’s objects

These guys should definitely talk to Hone Harawira. They seem to have have a lot in common.

The aims of the Taxpayers’ Union are also set out in its constitution. They are:

To reduce wasteful spending by central and local government

Agreed. Let’s start by calling for a stop to the wasteful and expensive asset sales programme.

To increase transparency and accountability of government spending

Sounds good to me. I want to know exactly what my government is doing. Let’s start with a line by line breakdown of all GCSB spending. What, too far?

To increase institutional checks on government spending

If we can put in place procedures to prevent extravagant spending on things like motorways, then I’m all for it.

To enable New Zealanders to easily scrutinise government spending

Sounds suspiciously like the second aim. But sure, why not? Sounds like a good idea.

To lower the tax burden on New Zealanders

I agree. Let’s start by increasing the tax rate paid by the highest income earners. It doesn’t say “all New Zealanders”, does it? I figure that if we tax the shit out a small group of wealthy people, the rest of us can then pay less. I’m sure that’s what this aim must be all about.

To promote evidence based public policy

And about time too. Let’s have no more of that blathering by right-wing think-tanks who take it for granted that the market is always the best, and that the government is always a problem. Let’s see some real hard evidence for a change.


Notwithstanding the suspiciously bourgeois title of the organisation, it seems clear that the NZTU are all about looking after the little guy, and finally sticking it to those capitalist fat-cats.

If a global proletarian revolution is your true heart’s desire, then you need to get on board. You won’t have a voice in this union, and your leaders will almost certainly end up betraying the cause. But that’s what always happens.

So do your socialist duty and join now!

10 comments on “ImperatorFish: Revolution! ”

  1. Mary 1

    People with views at home in the BRT or Maxim Institute hijacking the union concept. Greedy neo-liberals riding on the backs of the populist masses.

  2. Philgwellington Wellington 2

    ORWELL warning. Capitalist appropriation of the word and then the meaning. Nekminit it’s magical meaningless. This is the thought police taking over union territory. Can’t wait for them to join the C T U!

  3. toad 3

    The Directors and some of the founding members:


    David Farrar, National Party pollster and right wing blogger
    Gabrielle O’Brien, 9 years as an office-holder in the National Party
    Jordan Williams, former anti-MMP campaigner

    Founding members:

    Stephen Franks, Former ACT Party MP
    Stephanie Morrison – Young Nats office holder
    Hadleigh Pedler – Sensible Sentencing Trust
    Bryce Wilkinson – former Acting Executive Director, Business Roundtable
    Stephen Whittington – ACT Party candidate 2011

  4. Tracey 4

    Ah… its a way to promote act and national in election year

  5. Lloyd 5

    The NZTU website has a ‘tipline’ where whistle blowers can reveal dirty secrets about government overspending.

    I suggest that this tipline could be filled with facts about government corruption and overspending by the readers of this site. Whilst this might not reach the level of a denial of service attack, I am sure it would keep someone involved in the organisation much busier than they thought possible. Go to it!

  6. Will@Welly 6

    I like the idea of the taxpayers union. I’d like to join. As we march down the corridors of power, goose-stepping in unionism to the masters voice, my size 12 boot might just slip slightly and tip the rump of those leading the charge. Oh dear, what a shame. Still as that is where their intelligence lies, no harm will be done.

  7. Morrissey 7

    Jordan Williams and David Farrar forming a taxpayers’ union is nothing more than an exercise in humbug. It’s a Kiwi version of an apartheid supporter hanging an anti-apartheid banner on his wall….

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