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ImperatorFish: Treasury Report To Prime Minister On Meteorite Activities

Written By: - Date published: 2:41 pm, July 18th, 2012 - 4 comments
Categories: treasury - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

This report has been prepared for the purposes of verifying the Prime Minister’s statement on Tuesday 17 July 2012 that it was unlikely a meteorite would hit the earth that afternoon.

Having comprehensively reviewed a number of economics journals that we agree with, we can find no evidence that a meteorite struck the Earth on the afternoon of Tuesday 17 July 2012.

We did not review any of the information provided by NASA or other scientific bodies interested in the study of meteorological activity, in order to ensure our economic modelling was not polluted with unnecessary and inconvenient facts.

There is no lack of commentary on matters relating to meteorites, but unfortunately most commentators lack training in the science of economics. Ironically, many of these commentators describe themselves as “scientists”. A number of these “scientists” have claimed that the vast majority of meteorites are minuscule, and that it would be almost impossible to detect the average meteorite strike. If this were true, it would render our predictions all but worthless.

However, none of these commentators have had papers published in reputable, peer-reviewed economics journals. We have accordingly disregarded all of this commentary in favour of more robust economic models.

It is our considered view that the possibility of a future meteorite strike cannot be discounted, and that the Government’s moves to push ahead with the implementation of economic reforms will reduce the barriers to entry for most heavenly objects.

This should not be grounds for concern, because a massive meteorite strike could provide the government with growth opportunities currently unavailable as a result of the prevailing political climate. A devastating strike in a particularly depressed part of the country, such as South Auckland, would lead to a strengthening in the Government’s financial position.

Our data tells us that the residents of those hard-hit areas, homeless and desperate for food and clothing and for the money to bury their dead, would behave as rational actors and find market-based solutions to the various difficulties faced by them, rather than rely on the assistance of the state, which would struggle to provide a response. The resultant behavioural shifts, from communities traditionally reliant on government largesse, would lead to reductions in welfare expenditure.

The potential benefits to the economy from a large meteorite strike outweigh some of the negative aspects of a sudden localised occurrence, such as the potential for widespread collateral damage. It is for that reason that the government should investigate the feasibility of dropping large boulders onto depressed communities from great heights. It may be possible to convert the Air Force’s existing inventory of Orion and Hercules aircraft into efficient rock-droppers, and a feasibility study should be undertaken as a matter of high priority, using the most expensive international consultants available.

4 comments on “ImperatorFish: Treasury Report To Prime Minister On Meteorite Activities ”

  1. There is an address at the bottom of the terrace where a direct hit would result in even greater economic benefit and very little loss of amenity – it’s been an eyesore for a long time.

  2. jaymam 2

    I have heard that scores of meteorites per hour fall on an area the size of Auckland. There are radio transmitters (e.g. for remote weather stations) that rely on bouncing their signals off the ion trace left by the meteorites. Obviously most of them are very small, but they are meteorites. If you put some white cotton wool outside at night you can collect some.

  3. Tracey 3

    Indeed Imperator Fish, I think you missed a small press release yesterday from Treasury.

    “a treasury official was yesterday asked to clear her desk following an allegation of misconduct. The senior employee was heard to use a series of words which were inappropriate and deeply offensive to both Treasury and the Government.”

    While Treasury would not disclose the words she uttered a source has revealed that at a high level Treasury meeting, attended by both the Finance Minister and Mr Dunne she uttered the words at the end of Mr English’s presentation when he asked if there were any questions. “But the emperor has no clothes” she exclaimed. Mr English and Mr Dunne were ushered away from the meeting by handlers and refused to comment to the media.

    Mr Dunne was overheard uttering to his press secretary ” Get me Saks New York, I paid good money for this suit and now they’re telling me no one can see it.”

  4. Canute 4

    And even if a meteorite did hit the earth in the specified time-span Parliament can legislate that it didn’t.

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