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Journey to Planet Key

Written By: - Date published: 6:40 am, September 19th, 2012 - 56 comments
Categories: class war, Minister for Overseas Holidays - Tags:

In the House yesterday, Metiria Turei threw National’s ‘Planet Labour/Planet Green’ line back at Key, asking if ordinary people get to break the law too or if that privilege is reserved for ministers on Planet Key. Like all little bullies, Key couldn’t take it back. He lashed out and, like Romney’s fatal gaffe the same day, it exposed something of Key’s real world view.

He said that Planet Key “would be a lovely place to live, it would be beautifully governed, golf courses would be plentiful, people would have plenty of holidays to enjoy their time, and what a wonderful place it would be”.

Golf and holidays, eh? Well, not all of us get to holiday in Hawaii (or Maine, or Europe, or the Islands, or Japan …. in fact, has our Minister of Tourism ever holidayed in New Zealand?). Indeed, Key voted against 4 weeks annual leave, then he made that 4th week saleable. He voted against Mondayising our public holidays too. And against a public holiday on Matariki.

So, who gets all the holidays and golf on Planet Key?

And, what’s missing from Planet Key?

271,000 jobless?

270,000 children living in poverty?

The typical household, which saw its income fall 3% last year?

The 80,000 kids turning up to school hungry?

The 1,000 people a week who are leaving for Australia?

I kind of wonder how small Planet Key is – because there’s obviously no room for the 99%.

—————————

And, you know what would be the anthem of Planet Key, eh?

56 comments on “Journey to Planet Key”

  1. RedLogix 1

    Or more to the point … while ‘plenty of golf courses’ is not my personal idea of nirvana …. the crucial thing here is that Key is mocking the very idea that a better life could be better for ordinary people.

    No … that privilege is to be reserved for the rich like him.

    • Dr Terry 1.1

      RedLogix, You have got just the right word in pointing to Key’s perpetual “mockery” (accompanied by shrug of shoulders).

      • alex 1.1.1

        It really is bizarre to have a glib, wealthy joker in charge of the country during a harsh economic downturn. Its almost as ridiculous as imagining Boris Johnson as a wartime Prime Minister.

        • georgecom 1.1.1.1

          Glib to the extreme. Seems to set the tone for his entire government in its second term.

        • Jokerman 1.1.1.2

          excellent.(Boris could slip-line oér the channel and weee on the Hun)

        • mike 1.1.1.3

          Did someone say glib?

          Google “glib superficial charm” and see what happens.

        • Tiresias 1.1.1.4

          “Its almost as ridiculous as imagining Boris Johnson as a wartime Prime Minister.”

          Or, of course, as ridiculous a wartime Prime Minister as that born in a palace, dyed-in-the-wool Tory, scion of the Spencer dynasty, son-in-law to rich American industrialist and wonderfully dry-witted Winston Churchill.

          Though I suspect our Winnie would have had little time for self-made, jumped-up proles like JK.

  2. Bill 2

    And I was worried for a second when I saw the so-called reforms to welfare entitlements. Silly me! Now that Sickness Benefit is being abolished, my and other people’s ailments will, obviously, miraculously disappear and we’ll all have many a jolly hockey stick time on his golf courses and in his resorts as we generally get to enjoy ourselves. Wonderful!

    That cunning little Paula. What a card she is – winding everyone up with her ‘the party is over’ statements. Now I can hardly wait for July 2013 to roll round. No more harassment. No more denigration. Leisurely pain free days in the sun and the general feeliing of well being that accompanies a restored sence of dignity.

    Thankyou John and Paula. You’re magnificient – both of you!

  3. irascible 3

    He, Rommney and Cameron must all be on the same page of the Tory hymnal. Crass arrogance and totally disconnected with reality.

    • I think it is a world wide movement.  

      The US comes up with these bat shit crazy extremist ideas which then seep into popular culture and then the rest of the world follows suit.  Sort of like the collective progressive movement except these people want to wreck the environment and make most of us poorer so they can enjoy the wealth they think they most richly deserve.

      • RedLogix 3.1.1

        Disconnected from reality is how it happens. These people never actually go outside somewhere and sit looking at the natural world long enough and carefully enough to understand anything.

        In the absence of a grounded reality their own vain imaginings and idle fantasies overwhelm them.

        • Macro 3.1.1.1

          I believe that is the fatal error with our modern western life style – milk comes in plastic bottles , meat on a plastic throw away tray and bread is sliced. We get it all by jumping in our car and going to the super market where we have a choice of what style and brand we buy! All these modern features of everyday life form a huge disconnect with the natural world, and it is quite understandable that people today have little to no understanding of the effect their lifestyle has on the planet. If you are further insulated from all of this by having minions to do the shopping for you, well golfing is the only thing left to do!

          • Fortran 3.1.1.1.1

            Macro

            You are right – all that is /nylon/plastic now and it all comes as a by product of oil.
            No oil – no plastic.

          • SpaceMonkey 3.1.1.1.2

            Agreed. One of the things that strikes me is how unnatural our organisational structures, system designs and business processes are. Just like our economic models, the prevailing business and systems thinking is geared to protecting a steady-state (or business-as-usual), largely still adhering to mechanistic view of the world. When looking at nature, in which humanity is just one participant, we have to take a holistic view and the dynamic is a perpetual state of flux. There is no “business as usual”… there is only change and perpetual adaptation.

            I wonder if one of the reasons our institutions are failing us now is that while many industries, designed systems and thinking have made the shift to “holism”, utilising frameworks such as design thinking, the governance of these remains locked in mechanistic thinking. The result is the government and management within organisations that resorts to autocratic and arrogant behaviours, distraction, obfuscation and bullying to push decisions through. To me this is one of the death knells of society and the result is disaffection and disillusionment, in wider society and within our institutions, and one by one people withdraw from participating.

  4. There is a connection betweeen Romney and Key they both use the word ‘elegant’
    they come from the same rorting institutions and selfish ‘planet’

  5. tc 5

    If the opposition gets it’s act together in the house (DS being particularly inept) then the facade that our PM has been able to con the electorate with would be shattered beyond repair.

    ‘people would have plenty of holidays to enjoy their time’ should be stacked up against how many he actually has and paraded around to show what a lazy PM he is.

    He is one the oppositions best weapon after all, along with his albatross Banks.

    • Craig Glen Eden 5.1

      I have to agree with all the comments above. Planet key is a death star we just need the right people directing the right weapons and it will all explode.People need something to vote for, labour didn’t do that at the last election.Lets hope the caucus wakes Up and selects a leader who can reach nzers via that tv thing. If ya can’t present your politics in a tv interview you may as well do something else, anything but politics.

    • Jokerman 5.2

      D.S be-ing (dasein) more paced in delivery to Media
      ( albatross has come to mind)

  6. Brian 6

    What can you expect from a “man” that is too shit scared to read a report?

    • Dr Terry 6.1

      Funny how Key denigrates the police by refusing to read their report, when following the tea-tape facade he could not rush fast enough to the police to take his side.

      • Treetop 6.1.1

        Key says that the police are independent, that he will not read the police report on Banks.

        Only a WEAK PM takes the position of ignoring the truth because it SUITS him to do so. If Bank’s statements in the police report were to clear Banks, Key would be standing up at question time and waving the police report and quoting Banks.

        Key has no integrity when it comes to Banks being a minister outside of cabinet as Key’s judgement of Banks is, nothing wrong with what you did John, because you did not get caught within the time frame to be held accountable.

  7. Carol 7

    I’m not a great fan of Jane Clifton’s op eds. But she does have some good one-liners in her latest piece on yesterday’s questioning in the House about John Banks:

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/opinion/7699465/Banks-of-loud-rhubarb-on-Planet-Key

    ‘The Planet Key,’ he said, would be ‘a lovely place to live! It would be beautifully governed, golf courses would be plentiful, people would have plenty of holidays to enjoy their time and what a wonderful place it would be.’

    It actually sounded a lot like the verdant part of Mr Key’s electorate where internet mogul Kim Dotcom was living when he obliged Mr Banks with a very large donation.

    finally infuriated Winston Peters, who complained to the Speaker. ‘Frankly, I think that if the prime minister can get away with that, he might as well just get up and say, ‘Rhubarb!’ ‘

    Imbued with the carefree spirit of the Planet Key, Mr Key leapt up, flung his arms in the air crying ‘Rhubarb!’ and sat down.

    That last line makes the whole scenario sound like something out of Alice in Wonderland

  8. Blue 8

    The video is well worth watching:

    It is unbelievable that it takes Winston Peters to ask the obvious question.

    Watch for the Freudian slip where Key almost refers to Banks being ‘no longer a Minister’.

    Johnny Sparkles ranting on about verdant green golf courses and lots of holidays is delicious. How he must be dearly wishing he was in Hawaii and not stuck here being PM trying to defend the indefensible.

    • tc 8.1

      ‘ It is unbelievable that it takes Winston Peters to ask the obvious question.’ no not when mallard is still pulling the strings it’s quite predictable really.

      Labour are heading toward a similar result that English led the nats to in 2002.

      DS and Blinglish are about as charasmatic as each other and it’ll be a soundbite TV campaign as they always are and after DS’s performance on ‘the nation’ you’d be very uncomfortable being lower down that labour list.

    • deuto 8.2

      The following clip on Question 5 by Grant Robertson yesterday in Question Time is also well worth watching as Robertson’s supplementary questions focus in on the two aspects of the Police report, namely the one where they did consider that Banks had breached the Act and they had sufficient evidence to prosecute but could not do so because it was outside of statutory time limitations, and the other where they did not consider that there was suffient evidence to prosecute.

      Key quite knowlingly IMO attempts to focus only on the latter aspect.

      http://inthehouse.co.nz/node/15073

      • Draco T Bastard 8.2.1

        Key quite knowlingly IMO attempts to focus only on the latter aspect.

        Yep, been noticing that myself – Key is trying to confuse people into thinking that there was only one charge and that that charge didn’t have sufficient evidence to be taken to court. The fact is that there were two charges and in one Banks is protected by a legal limitation but if that limitation hadn’t been there then he would be in court and, after that, probably jail.

        • mike 8.2.1.1

          Yep and everytime someone tried to point that out to him he gave the same response. As in “I haven’t read the report so I can’t comment on that. However I’m aware that the report says there was insufficient evidence to charge him.” And the report did say that. About one of the two charges. The other is a different story.

          Lying by omission is lying. Buy Key sidesteps that by saying he didn’t read the report. The cabinet manual says that ministers should not just obey he law, but be perceived to do so. When the police cough up a 126 page report that says his minster broke the law, and/or when public opinion agrees, the PM has a fricken duty to read the fricken report. Why isn’t the opposition raising this point? Is he really going to get away with the equivilent of putting his hands over his ears and making loud siren noises?

          By saying ‘the test is what I say it is’ he’s showing his dictatorial leanings. Ffs he even tried to pass the blame on to the underling who supposedly checked the return for Banks. Sorry, but that’s John Bank’s signature on the form, no one elses. If he trusted someone else to read it for him then that was his decision, and thus his responsibilty.

          If there’s anything good coming from this it’s that Key’s slimy side, (I never saw another side akschully), is sorely exposed for all to see.

  9. Steve Wrathall 9

    So Greens get their speech notes from Uranus?

  10. gobsmacked 10

    “Planet Key” is a good example of Political Communications 101 … you take a phrase your opponents have used (so it already has some resonnace – “Planet Labour” etc), you throw it back, and it becomes a memorable line repeated across the media (social and mainstream).

    Plus you have got your oppnent taking the bait – Key describing it in such a revealing and self-defeating way gives the phrase real impact.

    Time and again, the Greens or Winston (even Hone, crudely) get their snappy lines in the media. It simply beggars belief that nobody working for the Labour leadership has ever read a “Beginners Guide To Propaganda”. My suspicion is that they have, but they don’t want to waste their good lines on a leader who can’t use them.

    Thank God – or Gaia – for the Greens.

  11. BernyD 11

    Not much of a golfer myself, the ball always ends up 200meters behind me and 400 meters left or right.
    Something to do with swinging the club too hard apparently M8,
    The club twists while your forcing it through space and time M8

    • Jokerman 11.1

      thats post-modernism and deconstruction for ya.
      me? if i had the hubris for a pers. plate on me last bike-woodabeen Jagdpanzer (spend too much capital on ,making a Harley haul arse) been there done that .FXDX

  12. blue leopard 12

    Mr Key, as PM, could create more of his ideal and improve things for the rest of us.

    Lower the working week, so more people could go on holiday
    Encourage people into education, so more people could share the sector of jobs that NZ is having to import people for.
    Encourage self employment
    Hell! opening more golf courses would create more jobs than is being achieved at present.

    But no, too fixated on welfare and giving tax cuts to the very wealthy to bother with anything productive.

    …I wish he and the rest of our government would go on holiday and leave Labour & Greens in charge. Even if this extended holiday was funded by taxpayers we would be better off than we are now.

  13. aerobubble 13

    Key, doesn’t believe in shares plus, so having
    discussions around it, merely provides ticking
    the box on consultation. Which is perplexing
    since it shows Key is willing to provide some
    compensation for rights, that Key also believes
    don’t exist. Muddled. But then he also believes
    he can have confidence in a man police had the
    elements for a crime, in the new super city
    (constructed under Key’s government) had
    Banks committed an offense overseas would Key
    have been so keen to rely on the technicality
    that the offence had timed out. So
    here you have the current ACT leader, who
    ran for the super city mayor, overseen by the
    previous ACT leader (Hide), Hide who also had
    lapses of memory about identity fraud of his
    own MP. A pattern of illigant ethics plagues
    National starting with denying the reality of
    Police reports, Police who did have time on their
    hands (teapot time), Key used Police over the teapot
    privacy issue, but now isn’t interested in the
    problem too much information about Banks. As a
    Hamiltonian, i was struck by another ethical case, the
    V8 debacle, where a former Mayor/CEO of Hamilton
    resigned from the super-city when question
    started to arise. Unlike Banks, who has no such
    qualms, its seems the higher up they are, the less
    worried they are about the stench of wrongdoing.
    Hide was thrown out too, would not walk.
    Banks ran for office, where a staff member resigned
    for the integrity of that office, Auckland saw
    into Bank and said no, so why won’t Key?
    National degenerate denigration, funny how National
    on women right to vote day, failed to acclaim
    the first women voted by the people to be their PM,
    but remember the woman she beat. Again, its okay
    to fail to remember the full truth of matters, just
    like Key defence of Banks, just like Banks own
    problems with electoral documentation.
    Why does this matter, well it seems the CTV building
    that killed so many had a civil engineer who also
    may have grilled the lilly. A employee, or a minister,
    as a duty to bring all matters to their bosses, or the
    PM’s attention. Banks obvious has not, and Key obviously
    knows he has not and doesn’t care that Banks hasn’t.

  14. ianmac 14

    Anyone notice that during Question Time Today Wednesday, John Key was able to quote from the Police Report, off the cuff, yet says he has never read it.
    Perhaps the Question should be, “Have you read the Police Report or a summary of the salient points?”

    • gobsmacked 14.1

      Everyone noticed, except the people asking the prepared questions. If they could think on their feet, Banks would be gone and Key would be in trouble …

      “How does the Prime Minister have such a detailed knowledge of a report he has never read?”

      (his answer would be along the lines of “I’ve read media reports” …)

      “Is the Prime Minister telling the House that he relies on newspapers to tell him what his Ministers have done? Who does he trust, the media or the police?”

      and heaps more, as previously discussed on here. Key has misled Parliament, and got away with it, yet again. He must be laughing.

      • Treetop 14.1.1

        Has Tolley seen the Banks police file as she would be the most likely source to advise Key?

        It is unknown just how much involvement there is between Banks and Dotcom and I think that the police file has further disclosure of Banks relationship with Dotcom. I read some where that Banks was questioned for three hours.

  15. Nick 15

    From the herald back in June:

    “Psychologists, poker players and the criminal profilers on Criminal Minds will tell you that every person has a “tell” – a tic that gives them away when they are fibbing, hiding something or not totally convinced by their own argument.

    In Prime Minister John Key’s case, that telling tic is a sharp intake of breath at the end of the sentence – a tight “pfiss”.”

    Every sentence coming out of Key’s mouth these days ends in this annoying noise. Including all his ‘answers’ involving Planet Key, John Banks and child poverty. I think National MPs have this Pavlovian response now to clap like trained seals whenever Key says a one liner that ends with this pfiss.

    I hate it and it makes watching / listening to question time very difficult.

    On the plus side the fact that its coming out so often means that Key is got things to hide and is feeling the pressure. The opposition will keep it up and something will give.

    • BernyD 15.1

      I’ve found watching parliament TV is best at double speed, if you’ve got digital it makes it much easier to follow the audio still works in Media Center.

  16. weka 16

    #planetkey

    https://twitter.com/#!/search/?q=%23planetkey&src=hash

    PM says there wouldn’t be any toilets on planet key? But Planet Key is populated with arseholes – how does that work? #PlanetKey 
     

  17. Roy 17

    Martyn Bradbury has never heard of totara corks?

  18. illuminatedtiger 18

    I would be interested in hearing some statistics on what percentage of time he has spent on holiday along with previous Prime Ministers for comparison.

  19. Georgecom 19

    With the demotion of Pluto to ‘dwarf planet’ status, there is space within the Solar System for an extra planet.

    Key may be promoting ‘Planet Key’ as a suitable candidate to fill the space.

    As Pluto is spatially, Planet Key is equally far removed from most Kiwis daily reality.

  20. Populuxe1 20

    I say we adopt the Golgafrinchan’s tactic and take our chances with any plague spread by unsanitised telephones. Tell the whole Nat caucus that we’ve found planet Key and we’re going to send them all there….
    Or put them in a rocket and fire them into the sun. That works too.

  21. Phil 21

    My oath, it really is true, Planet Key DOES exist.
    Until recently it was designated as Swift J1765.9-2508

    “It’s essentially a white dwarf that has been whittled down to a planetary mass.”

    After billions of years, little remains of the companion star, and it remains unclear whether it will survive. “It’s been taking a beating, but that’s part of nature,” adds Krimm.

    With an estimated distance of roughly 25,000 light-years, the system is normally too faint to be detected at any wavelength.

    From “Astronomy” magazine.
    Whoda thunk it?

  22. burt 22

    How dare Key play the Clark line and take a minister at his word when it’s fricken obvious the prat was telling porkies…. It’s OK when Labour do that but just not good enough from National. Perhaps if Banks had held up a big “NO” sign it would have all been OK and Banks would have been defended by the lovers of corruption.

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