Key’s panda plan falls through

Written By: - Date published: 6:21 am, May 13th, 2011 - 24 comments
Categories: Economy, john key - Tags: , ,

The second plank of John Key’s economic plan for New Zealand has fallen through. First, the ‘national cycleway’ became a scattered assortment of cycle paths that were already under construction. Now, the pandas Key was going to rent so we could get rich buying tickets to see them won’t be coming and we have revealing emails to share.

A spokeswoman for Prime Minister John Key said a decision to defer the acquisition of giant pandas was made earlier this year.

“The significant financial implications of a number of disasters, the most recent being the second Christchurch earthquake, meant the Government needed to reprioritise any spending that it could.

“While we are still keen to secure a pair of pandas for a New Zealand zoo, it will have to wait until the economic situation improves.”

Geez, the country sure seems to be on the bones of its arse when it can’t afford to rent a couple of pandas. Of course, no suggestion that perhaps the rich should give back their tax cuts, or ministers should stop using the Air Force as a taxi service.

Now, half a year ago, we were leaked some emails on Key’s panda idea and we’ve been sitting on them waiting to see what happened. Most of them are Wellington City Council staff talking about how Key’s chief of staff Wayne Eagleson is worried that the ‘big story’ of pandas for Wellington zoo, which they code-named(!) ‘Project Doctor’, would leak out.

But one from then-Mayor Kerry Prendergast gives an insight into Key:

“wiggled his hands in glee” – cringe.

The ludicrous thing was that Key tried to sell these pandas to the public as an economic boon. As if tourists would flock in from overseas to see pandas in Wellington zoo.Or as if selling ourselves zoo tickets makes us richer.

Maybe he should have just been honest with us: all he wanted was a cute photo-op and we were going to pay but it just became indefensible with all the cuts they’re planning.

24 comments on “Key’s panda plan falls through”

  1. tc 1

    ‘maybe he should have been honest with us’ LOL Eddie theres the Friday funny right there. Once a banker……

  2. I thought this was another satirical piece but:

    Oh my lord…

    • rosy 2.1

      “wiggled his hands in glee”

      Who needs satire ay?
      This is just sooooo funny I’m scared to share it with my right wing rellies.

  3. john 3

    but i thought key said on hard talk nz was in a strong financial position?

  4. Bored 4

    Where IS my fekkin Cycleway John???????????????????????????????????????????????

  5. ghostwhowalksnz 5

    Since ‘nice to haves’ are no longer affordable, how about some polar bears with a bit of black spray paint. From a distance who could tell the difference ?

    The russians were fooled by the ‘ kiwis’ they had !.

    Its along the lines of the plastic waka, why go all the way when cheap and tacky and right now is much easier

    • felix 5.1

      Can Key have a cuddly photo-op with the polar bears pls? Or perhaps with the African wild dogs?

      • uke 5.1.1

        Apparently the chimpanzees are considered by the zookeepers to be the most dangerous of the Wellington zoo animals.

        • William Joyce

          I’d pay to see that! We could get Tim Burton to direct a la Planet of The Apes. Put Key in a Bozo the Clown outfit, put him in the ring and release the chimps.

  6. joe bloggs 6

    Good to see you LWNJs focussing on what really matters.

    • Eddie 6.1

      I believe the competence of the government does matter.

      And you can easily see that most of our posts are on big issues – like this government’s complete failure to manage the economy successfully.

      • PeteG 6.1.1

        While there is plenty of scope for criticism the only “complete failure” is in satisfying Labour supporters, which is completely predictable.

        • Lanthanide

          Yeah, if we want to be really pedantic, then they haven’t “completely” failed.
          Bit of a back-handed compliment, really.

        • Blighty

          I think that quarter of a million jobless Kiwis, 80,000 more people on benefits, a still-shrinking economy, a record deficit, inflation at twice the rate of inflation, and a growing exodus to Australia also count as “complete failure”, PeteG

    • Bored 6.2

      I take promises and commitments very seriously which is why I keep asking where the delivery of the cycleway is? RWNJs and their pathetic government dont seem to understand that. Their “business” world is dominated by adherence to contracts, so whats so bloody hard to understand about the government delivering on its word?

      • Draco T Bastard 6.2.1

        If it’s not a contract written on papyrus and signed in blood they don’t consider it binding.

  7. And suddenly Key’s desire for an unconstitutional pre-election royal visit makes sense. Denied a photo-op with a cute Panda, he wants Prince Charles instead…

    • Blighty 7.1

      I’ll bet you right now that there is no royal visit.

      a) Key couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery but he can sure promise one

      b) Key might not care about the constitution and the drop-kick media might see disregarding the constitution as a strong act but if there’s one thing the Palace cares about is protocol and if there’s another thing it cares about is its long-term survival – being seen to aid a political party only haastens the day NZ becomes a republic.

      • rosy 7.1.1

        Too late for that bet

        Prince William looks unlikely to make it to this year’s Rugby World Cup, as was previously tipped, because Buckingham Palace says he will be posted to the Falkland Islands for two months.

        However, the Duchess of Cambridge told Prime Minister John Key on her wedding day that she was desperate to come to New Zealand. Now reports suggest she will get her wish but it will be after the World Cup, and not for at least a year.

  8. pseudopanax 8

    In these dire times shouldn’t we be returning to our fantastic Kiwi ingenuity? I say we lock him in a room with a grizzly, and a few litres of Resene’s best black and white.

    She’ll be right.

  9. seeker 9

    @Blighty 10.40am

    ” Key couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery but he can sure promise one.”

    Perfect (and polite) description of Key’s skillset (or lack of) as a P.M.

    • William Joyce 9.1

      Let’s face it, it’s not as though he was ever invited to a piss-up.

  10. William Joyce 10

    The ever smart, economically savvy, John Key developed an entirely new economic system PANDANOMICS.
    See it’s development in pictures.

  11. sarkey 11

    Since the policy of Pandering to the rich [I know but its suites]which basically how Key had to make his poor boy to riches life work doesnt seem to work in the real world and is indicative of the BS financial culture that we call the free market which is just a euphenism for easy money and top self thieving amongst other far more serious and corrupt practises that those who have made enough money to last a few generations continue to sport on the vast numbers of ordinary people who just want a govt that can create security by firstly looking after this country and what it has that makes it unique instead of being told it needs to do this and that to gain favour and trade from the wealthier wider world.
    This govt should tell the greater powers that we dont need to be in afghanistan or buying into carbon trading or paying fines because of northern hemisphere pollution or supporting the private sector employers and making workers rights insignificant etc but downsize our govt most oustanding useless depts in the govt and make it worth while for people to work and once again believe that that is the norm if you want a decent life .
    Its taken a couple of major disasters to wake this lot up to what a govt should be doing and if all the govts of the last 40 odd years had taken more notice of some of the real stats regarding the vunerabilty of this country to natural disasters maybe we would have to put up with the waste of the countries money supporting media BS about what we should focus on that keeps our money and resources floating away like Rogering Douglasses famous flying dollar.
    People want real value for their work not constantly being told take this and thats the way it its

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