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MAFS National Style*

Written By: - Date published: 10:32 am, March 3rd, 2019 - 61 comments
Categories: capital gains, Deep stuff, election 2020, kiwisaver, MMP, Politics, same old national, superannuation, tax - Tags: , , , , , , ,

You know love (or lust) at first sight? Forget about that (for) now; if you’re well matched then get married instantly and eternal bliss awaits you until death does you part. Of course, National would never contemplate MAFS; they would insist on a 90-day trial period with no certainty or firm prospects. Nothing personal, strictly business.

National has found a new love match in the form of the Sustainable New Zealand Party and although they play coy about their intentions, expert observers can see that the dating ritual is already in full swing.

I think the idea of a party in the middle that wasn’t about all the left-wing stuff, if you like, but was about the environment and doing something with that, could be quite powerful.

Yeah, that was a quote from Simon Bridges, in case you wondered – almost coherent. I do wonder what he means by “all the left-wing stuff” but I assume he means something like beating up a wee old retired KiwiSaver (don’t tell Winston and coincidentally Michael Cullen was one of the architects of KiwiSaver and also happens to be the chair of the ‘CGT mob’) in a dark alley, kicking them while they’re down on the ground, and then stealing their hard-earned cash. You know that kinda stuff all lefties are really good at and love doing especially to vulnerable and defenceless victims.

National has been on the prowl for a good nine years to find a potential match in a mate (soul mate or fuck-buddy?) who also is “about the environment” and “doing something with that” together with National. The long  frustrating search is over! They have finally found each other and one can only wonder why it has taken this long; necessity is the mother of invention …

National’s new mate is the antithesis to eco-socialists (AKA the Greens) and on the blue-green label it says eco-liberals and on the sticky side it reads eco-Tories. They are a faith-based group in that they firmly believe that the business sector will be our saviour and free us from pesky problems such as climate change by unleashing “creativity and innovation” upon the Kiwi way of life. Ocean levels might be rising be several meters but there will not be another biblical flood wiping humanity off the face of the Earth thanks to good old Kiwi ingenuity! We are on the cusp of something special! The first part of this miracle will be acquiring 10% of the vote. Piece of piss; hundreds of eco-Tories are ready to register and write NZ history in 2020. I do hope I’ll be around to see them bear witness to this.

National has found its eco-liberal credentials in trying to get people out of cheap Japanese imports and gas-guzzling SUVs into EVs. What’s more, National is also showing the benefits of STEM subjects at school as it has deduced (without Steven Joyce, may I add, but Gerry Brownlee did check the calculations himself) that the shortest distance between Parnell and Omaha is a straight four-lane “pretty green” highway (Eureka!). Their logic is impeccable and so morally compelling that words fail to do justice to it and all I could think of was “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We’re scum! We suck!” Build it and they will come, but not if it’s a Waterview tunnel or a City Rail Link, obviously.

National should stop beating around the bush and jump into bed, in a straight line, to confirm what we already know, which is that they will do an Epsom-style deal with their newly found mate in order to get those dirty rotten eco-socialists out of government in 2020. Right now, National’s fake shyness is more cringing than watching MAFS.

*Not a new K-pop single by Psy

61 comments on “MAFS National Style* ”

  1. Gabby 1

    MAFS stands for something that the cool kids know about does it?

    • lprent 1.1

      I believe that you have to watch ‘free’ to air tv. I think that it stands for something like “Married At 1st Fuck” or possibly “Married At First Sight”.

      I failed to connect our TV to an aerial back in 2012 when I moved and only connected it to the much cleaner net.

      So the only thing I know about this is from reading breathless PR puff ‘articles’ in the NZ Herald. I believe from the excerpts that it has something to with non explicit sex and extremely poorly scripted melodrama. Basically a badly scripted daytime soap disguised as a ‘reality’ show. Part of the general trend to poor quality fantasy.

      The comparison to National PR fantasies I leave to other readers… But think of Brownlee’s ability with numbers.

    • left_forward 1.2

      I don’t watch this kind of telly either, but it pretty much becomes clear when you read Incog’s piece Gabby, and if you still can’t work it out, never mind, you just missed the joke.

  2. Incognito 2

    The MMP system was “rightly representative” but there was room for improvement to ensure the best democratic system possible and fair access, Ghahraman said.

    https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/110934374/greens-want-prisoners-voting-ban-overturned-to-strengthen-democracy [not just about the voting rights of prisoners]

  3. Gabby 3

    Well Ghahraman probably knows what MAFS stands for.

  4. NZJester 4

    The party is just a puppet party set up in backroom deals with National and I wonder how many of the 500 paid party member names needed to register it are people sent over by National to prop up the numbers needed?

    • Incognito 4.1

      The threshold for registration is so low it means nothing. They’re aiming for 10% of the vote, which is a few more than 500. Of course, they’d only (!) need 5% or one of those teapot deals …

      Until these inconsistencies are sorted, any talk of maintaining proportionality in Parliament is a moot point. This may be another reason why JLR is still an MP; the hypocrisy would go off the charts, even for National and that’s saying something.

    • Anne 4.2

      …how many of the 500 paid party member names needed to register it are people sent over by National to prop up the numbers needed?

      The most likely ‘volunteers’ will be the off-spring of National Party members.

      In the 1970s a person only had to purchase a raffle ticket from a National Party stall at a local community function and they would end up on the membership list. They had the largest membership of any political party in NZ. Yeah… and a third of them didn’t even know they were members.

      They wouldn’t get away with it now.

  5. A 5

    Seems like Act, II.

  6. Jenny - How to get there? 6

    What I find remarkable about all this, is that the Green Party are still in indulging in the fantasy of “Good Faith Negotiations” with these back stabbers.

    While the Nats are attacking them at every opportunity.

    The Green Party seem dead set trying to prove the maxim “Good guys finish last”.

    • NZJester 6.1

      SNZ would love nothing more than to hinder a lot of the rebuilding of the damage inflicted on this country by Neoliberals. Their idea for environmental protection is likely to be to open up some of the National Parks to mining and exploration to fund other environmental projects because that is what the market forces want.

    • KJT 6.2

      If we have to join the National party, in lying and cheating our way into power.

      Is that actually, a win?

  7. Ad 7

    They only have to take 2% tops to kill off the Green Party.

    Don’t write them off.

    • RedLogix 7.1

      Combine that with TOP probably skimming another 1-2%. Or more if the two decide they have enough in common to make it worth combining.

      (Incidentally TOP does have around 4000 registered members and it will be interesting to see how far Simmons can make it go.)

      • Ad 7.1.1

        Sustainable New Zealand is a true voter catfish op.

        They are set up as the Green Party Kill Machine.

        Sure ain’t looking like the Greens have any charisma in the bank to make them peak to finish-tape like NZF has.

        At least Sage has finally brought home some bacon for DoC in Budget 2019 though.
        Gotta give them that.

        • Graeme 7.1.1.1

          “They are set up as the Green Party Kill Machine.”

          Well that may be the intent, but where will they actually pull their votes from?

          Socially focused Green voters, rather unlikely, and that group would be most Green voters.

          Market focused Green voters? Is that actually a thing?

          Or environmentally conscious / compromised National voters? From nat voters I associate with I know a couple who fall into this group, aren’t happy with the environment getting fucked over, but quite happy to fuck over someone “below” them to make a buck.

          Can see National shooting themselves in the foot with this caper, and it quietly disappearing after a couple of polls show not net gain, or net loss to the nat based group.

        • Stuart Munro 7.1.1.2

          Which party has the most educated voters?

          Sure the Gnats think they can sell green voters a pup – but they stand as much chance of doing that as said Greens have of selling agricultural machinery to the Southland agrimafia.

          It’s a lovely narrative, that strokes the egos of the Gnats and Vernon Tava, but its chances of resonating with environmentally conscious folk is slimmer than John Key’s chances of redemption.

    • They only have to take 2% tops to kill off the Green Party.

      Only if a substantial proportion of those votes come from the Greens’ core support, which is laughably unlikely.

  8. Ankerrawshark 8

    Whose paying their campaign manager?

  9. KJT 9

    Couple of good thought provoking articles. Incognito.

    • Incognito 9.1

      Mission accomplished, ta.

      I’m very happy with the quality and tone of the comments even when they are disagreeable. People do actually read what others write and respond accordingly and appropriately. Some threads go a wee bit off-topic but that’s o.k. with me. Not once did I come close to moderating 🙂

  10. BM 10

    I’d party vote for the Sustainable party.

    If we’re going to go Green I’d rather have someone like Tava helping make the important decisions than fucktards like Shaw, Davidson and the Iranian weirdo.

    • Sam 10.1

      Yup, and I’d love it if you are front and centre promoting your Sustainable Party. Winning ne.

      • BM 10.1.1

        I don’t have a party, I vote for whoever I think can do the best for NZ.

        That is currently National, but I do like what Tava has to say and reading the smoke signals, we’re heading along a defined UN pathway, who we elect will have little bearing that.

        I think Tava and National is the best bet as we move towards a one world government, labour would sell our sovereignty in a heartbeat National not so much

        • Sam 10.1.1.1

          I think the Sustainable Party needs more supporters just like you. Can get you a members form?

        • woodart 10.1.1.2

          nats sell safe seats for a hundred grand in a paper bag. you dont have a party bm, because nobody invites you(no surprises there)

    • Muttonbird 10.2

      Oh dear. Lots of commenters today were trying really hard promote the concept of civilised debate. A contest of ideas, and not a forum for personal attack.

      Then you came along and shat the bed, as usual.

      • RedLogix 10.2.1

        Sighs … BM may never be reliably house trained. 🙂

      • James 10.2.2

        The irony of that coming from you.

        Regardless the great thing is that the sustainable party only needs to drop the green vote a couple of percent and they are gone burger.

        • Sam 10.2.2.1

          Politicians act as if every decision is there last. That is the nature of 3 year election cycles.

        • Gabby 10.2.2.2

          2 out of 5 is 40% jimbo. Your joycematics is strong today.

    • Fireblade 10.3

      Would you really vote for that fucktard Australian weirdo Tava?

    • Incognito 10.4

      If we’re going to go Green I’d rather have someone like Tava helping make the important decisions than people like Shaw, Davidson and the Iranian MP.

      FIFY.

      Can you please make your argument without the personal insults? There are many ways to show that you don’t think highly of certain people but this is not one I’d encourage you to use here. Thanks.

    • If we’re going to go Green…

      There’s Tava’s problem right there. “If” voters like you were to go green – thing is, you’re not.

    • KJT 10.6

      If you vote for Tava, It will not be going Green.

    • left_forward 10.7

      Brilliant, a loyal supporter abandons the gNats!

  11. patricia bremner 11

    They say Green, but they really mean blue. You know, one of the cheap dyes that come out in the first wash.

    • Incognito 11.1

      Funny thing is that other items in the same wash usually come out with a green hue.

  12. Chris T 12

    “I do wonder what he means by “all the left-wing stuff””

    Would imagine he meant not condoning benefit fraud and worrying about the environment more than making weed legal.

  13. Michelle 13

    I wouldn’t bother talking about tava he wont be going anywhere NZers aren’t that dumb and he wont be getting enough votes to go anywhere. Act may also be gone hooray!

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