You know love (or lust) at first sight? Forget about that (for) now; if you’re well matched then get married instantly and eternal bliss awaits you until death does you part. Of course, National would never contemplate MAFS; they would insist on a 90-day trial period with no certainty or firm prospects. Nothing personal, strictly business.
National has found a new love match in the form of the Sustainable New Zealand Party and although they play coy about their intentions, expert observers can see that the dating ritual is already in full swing.
I think the idea of a party in the middle that wasn’t about all the left-wing stuff, if you like, but was about the environment and doing something with that, could be quite powerful.
Yeah, that was a quote from Simon Bridges, in case you wondered – almost coherent. I do wonder what he means by “all the left-wing stuff” but I assume he means something like beating up a wee old retired KiwiSaver (don’t tell Winston and coincidentally Michael Cullen was one of the architects of KiwiSaver and also happens to be the chair of the ‘CGT mob’) in a dark alley, kicking them while they’re down on the ground, and then stealing their hard-earned cash. You know that kinda stuff all lefties are really good at and love doing especially to vulnerable and defenceless victims.
National has been on the prowl for a good nine years to find a potential match in a mate (soul mate or fuck-buddy?) who also is “about the environment” and “doing something with that” together with National. The long frustrating search is over! They have finally found each other and one can only wonder why it has taken this long; necessity is the mother of invention …
National’s new mate is the antithesis to eco-socialists (AKA the Greens) and on the blue-green label it says eco-liberals and on the sticky side it reads eco-Tories. They are a faith-based group in that they firmly believe that the business sector will be our saviour and free us from pesky problems such as climate change by unleashing “creativity and innovation” upon the Kiwi way of life. Ocean levels might be rising be several meters but there will not be another biblical flood wiping humanity off the face of the Earth thanks to good old Kiwi ingenuity! We are on the cusp of something special! The first part of this miracle will be acquiring 10% of the vote. Piece of piss; hundreds of eco-Tories are ready to register and write NZ history in 2020. I do hope I’ll be around to see them bear witness to this.
National has found its eco-liberal credentials in trying to get people out of cheap Japanese imports and gas-guzzling SUVs into EVs. What’s more, National is also showing the benefits of STEM subjects at school as it has deduced (without Steven Joyce, may I add, but Gerry Brownlee did check the calculations himself) that the shortest distance between Parnell and Omaha is a straight four-lane “pretty green” highway (Eureka!). Their logic is impeccable and so morally compelling that words fail to do justice to it and all I could think of was “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We’re scum! We suck!” Build it and they will come, but not if it’s a Waterview tunnel or a City Rail Link, obviously.
National should stop beating around the bush and jump into bed, in a straight line, to confirm what we already know, which is that they will do an Epsom-style deal with their newly found mate in order to get those dirty rotten eco-socialists out of government in 2020. Right now, National’s fake shyness is more cringing than watching MAFS.
*Not a new K-pop single by Psy
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