Kiwi* Dad Michael Fay and his wife Sarah announced today that they would be keen to invest in any SOEs the government privatises. “My old mate David Richwhite and myself made $500 million off the last round privatisation.” said Fay, “It was a great success. We used other people’s money to buy public assets. Asset-stripped, flogged them off and walked away. I can’t wait for an opportunity to do that again”.
“I would think any Kiwi mum and dad in Remuera with a few hundred grand sitting around would be mad not to take a flutter on any SOEs that National will give us a crack at”
Asked about Kiwi mums and dads who don’t have thousands of dollars to invest in SOE floats, Mr Fay looked puzzled “Like who? I know a few people on Waiheke who are a bit short on cash after the financial crisis but they can always liquidate some of their T-bonds”
Told that many families have nearly no net assets and cannot even afford to get a house of their own, Fay said “Wait, there’s a South Auckland? Well, look. If you couldn’t make a few mil by playing the margins during the commodity booms in the 2000s I’ve got no sympathy for you. These people obviously wouldn’t know what to do with an asset anyway. Better for Remuera mums and dads to take them off their hands”
*(currently resident in Switzerland for tax reasons)