Mum & Dad investors keen to put a few mil in privatised assets

Written By: - Date published: 10:47 pm, July 10th, 2010 - 10 comments
Categories: privatisation, Satire - Tags:

Kiwi* Dad Michael Fay and his wife Sarah announced today that they would be keen to invest in any SOEs the government privatises. “My old mate David Richwhite and myself made $500 million off the last round privatisation.” said Fay, “It was a great success. We used other people’s money to buy public assets. Asset-stripped, flogged them off and walked away. I can’t wait for an opportunity to do that again”.

“I would think any Kiwi mum and dad in Remuera with a few hundred grand sitting around would be mad not to take a flutter on any SOEs that National will give us a crack at”

Asked about Kiwi mums and dads who don’t have thousands of dollars to invest in SOE floats, Mr Fay looked puzzled “Like who? I know a few people on Waiheke who are a bit short on cash after the financial crisis but they can always liquidate some of their T-bonds”

Told that many families have nearly no net assets and cannot even afford to get a house of their own, Fay said “Wait, there’s a South Auckland? Well, look. If you couldn’t make a few mil by playing the margins during the commodity booms in the 2000s I’ve got no sympathy for you. These people obviously wouldn’t know what to do with an asset anyway. Better for Remuera mums and dads to take them off their hands”

*(currently resident in Switzerland for tax reasons)

10 comments on “Mum & Dad investors keen to put a few mil in privatised assets”

  1. BLiP 1

    *(currently resident in Switzerland for tax reasons)

    And Ireland before that – for extradition reasons, New Zealand doesn’t have a treaty with them.

  2. Jum 2

    Ahh the best sort of satire – so close to the truth, it’s hard to believe it’s being called satire!

  3. jcuknz 3

    I love it … the article 🙂

  4. ianmac 4

    Be kind to David. While we were puddling around doing menial work which befits our destiny, our David was in there grafting away getting the best deal that he could for New Zealanders.
    He engineered the transfer of funds from failing institutions like NZ Rail and the BNZ so that we could rise again from the ashes. And so like any other investor he was prepared to take the risks on our behalf and is entitled to a small share for his endeavours.
    Right? And he can do it again now with John Key’s blessing as a like minded Investor.

    • Margaret 4.1

      Scary, been there, done that, who did it benefit?

      A select few, who would argue we were happy for a while, because they channelled some of those profits into ventures like the “Americas Cup” which made them very successful.

      The same ones who ventured into the Cook Islands Tax Scam, depriving New Zealand of its rightful intake of taxable income, to their benefit.

      But with John Keys blessing, they can dismiss us as “envious”, go home and get a good nights sleep, and get ready for another days trading.

  5. Jona 5

    Heres a possible lead for the labour party to check. BP CEO Tony Hayward sold 1 third of his BP shares a couple of weeks before the spill and payed off his mansion. Goldman Sachs also sold 44% of their BP holdings around the same time. Some other major holders of BP stocks sold their holdings.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/energy/oilandgas/7804922/BP-chief-Tony-Hayward-sold-shares-weeks-before-oil-spill.html

    I don’t think Mr Key would be foolish enough to do this after all the questions about his blind trust but it might be worth a look to see if the trust has ever owned or sold any BP shares and if so the timing of those events.

  6. Maggie 6

    One questgion: Can you invest if you are NOT a Mum or a Dad?

    • ianmac 6.1

      Maggie: Definitely not though even illigitimate folk will be well represented!

    • Oh lovely Maggie ,Im recovering from badly cracked ribs I’m not suposed to laugh so you owe me one some-day. On a more serious note who hell are these “mums and Dads ” who have all this money to invest.Most of the mums and dads I know ( and they are becoming a rare breed) can hardly pay the weekly bills let alone invest in stocks and shares.

  7. ryan_1908 7

    Satire? The corruption of this countries so called “elite” is much more than satire. We have a cow cocky justice system in the form of the supreme court and people like Stissany locking up journos with 900 dollar an hour lawyers.

    Any closer to the truth and The Standard will have to publish on Wikileaks. (not that they’ve been totally attacked and demonised already..)

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