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National’s 12 days of Christmas

Written By: - Date published: 4:16 pm, December 13th, 2012 - 43 comments
Categories: grant robertson, national - Tags:

Grant Robertson in the Christmas adjournment speeches yesterday gave a great list of National’s terrible 2012 gifts to Aotearoa.

For the twelfth day of Christmas National’s gift to Kiwi folk,

twelve Hekia stuff-ups,

eleven diplomats a leaking,

ten cronies conspiring,

nine paper boys crying,

eight leaks of personal details,

7.3% unemployment,

six ACC casualties,

five assets selling,

four brain fades,

three insulted countries,

two cheques for 25,000 and

John Banks on a cabbage boat.

The full clip has the story behind each day’s ‘gift’. Starts about 1:30 into the below (after he’s finished thanking those who make parliament work and MPs’ long suffering families). If Robertson could sing, you could sing along…


43 comments on “National’s 12 days of Christmas”

  1. Am looking forward to Labour releasing their next Christmas LP. I hope it includes last years surprise hits such as “Santa Claus ain’t coming to town” and “Bye plebs its Christmas in Hawaii for me” and “Foodbanks ain’t got no turkey, bennies ain’t got no bread, but Key got his tax cuts, rich bellies fed.”

    • ColonialPete 1.1

      You’re missing out a couple of my favourites:
      Hark, the Herald pundits sting!
      Dotcom merrily on high

    • TheContrarian 1.2

      This ‘Key holidays in Hawaii’ hatred is weird. who gives a fuck? It’s his holiday, he can go where he likes.

      • One Tāne Viper 1.2.1

        It isn’t hatred, silly, it a perfectly natural exploitation of the fact that the alleged “first citizen” feels more at home overseas.

        • TheContrarian

          Hatred is the wrong word, admittedly. But it is kinda weird.
          How does holidaying in the same country each Christmas = feels more at home overseas?

          • Bunji

            It’s a big thing in the UK about the PM supporting locals and holidaying within the country. PM is no ordinary job and you are setting an example to the country. Unlike celebrities you’re actually meant to be a role model.

            But it’s more that our Minister of Tourism, whose job it is to convince the world that the best place in the world to holiday is Aotearoa… but obviously doesn’t believe it himself.

      • TheContrarian, correct Key can go wherever he likes but in the same breath as saying he was off to Hawaii for Christmas Key was advising New Zealanders as Minister of Tourism to support local tourism and to take their Christmas holidays locally rather than going overseas.

        • TheContrarian

          Got a link for that?
          Nonetheless – it would appear that having a Christmas holiday in Hawaii is a Key family tradition and Christmas is family time so where ever Key choses to spend time with his family at Christmas should be entirely outside of political consideration.

          • Tradition? The apartment in Maui was brought in 2008.

            • McFliper

              Bets on whether he reckoned he’d have to do a Marcos after his tenure as PM?

            • NoseViper (The Nose knows)

              There is also the suspicion that Key’s interests are more aligned to the USA than NZ and that the Key family see themselves as visiting celebrities brightening the dim outer reaches of the galaxy until they move to their place in the sun.

              • Rhinoviper

                You know, astronomically that makes no sense, but I get your point 🙂

                • NoseViper (The Nose knows)

                  Yes my analogies get a bit fanciful. But I do wonder whether he would like to reside in NZ which seems to be shrinking in many ways, when PPM (postPM).

  2. NoseViper (The Nose knows) 2

    Thanks Bunji for putting this post up.
    The wit and satire brigade are going to step up and give us some laughs which we (me anyway) sorely need.

  3. One Tāne Viper 3

    There’s always Slippery’s favourite:

    “God rest ye merry merchants may ye make the yuletide pay.”

    Apologies to Tom Lehrer.

  4. Jenny 4

    One Kyoto back out

    Two tornadoes killing

    Three parties climate change ignoring

    Many $billions wasting

    On Seven motorways a building

    More off shore drilling

    More effen fracking

    Total climate collapsing

    While doing absolutely nothing

  5. Rhinoviper 5

    OK, nnnnnnggghhhh… [straining] to be fair, I actually hate Shearer for his vanity in the face of his obvious incompetence, his demands for expressions of complete loyalty, his support – tacit or otherwise – for bullying by Curran (spit) Mallard and his Mini-Me, Hipkins (hmmm, spit or giggle? Certainly not swallow) and most of all for his own overtly stated hatred for beneficiaries, I might admit to some appreciation for Robertson in his wit here.

    Actually… ummmm… nope, nah, nihil, nada, nein, nyet. I just can’t do it because the word “hypocrite” keeps sticking its foot in the door to my mind. As a Wellington Central MP, Robertson’s been useless – he’s far more interested in taking control of the caucus and its staffers. His office in Wellington on Willis Street is literally across the road from a WINZ office and he’s never there, he doesn’t give a shit. I’ve seen him respond with eye-rolling condescension to people who have real problems, ignore criticism, duck out of meetings when he’s pressed to make a real commitment to his rhetoric.

    Grant Robertson is deeply committed to and working hard for one thing and that’s Grant Robertson. He might actually be competent as a PM – certainly better than Key – but don’t imagine for a second that he really cares about YOU.

  6. Neoleftie 6

    Ohhhh rhino viper, I know grant of old, he’s a hack to be sure and career minded but he has a depth too him that very few have seen yet.
    If shearer doesn’t have the good to take it to key very very soon I would suggest a Robertson cunliffe mahuta Parker front bench four some, as H1 held her closest rival close by I would suggest the gant tie cunliffe to the treasury bench and let him loose sorta…
    CC who cares about her, not the voter in her electrorate anyway. See party vote 2011.

    • Rhinoviper 6.1

      Hi Neoleftie, I’ll admit that he has ability…ngggh, [twinge] and that he might actually be an OK PM… argh… [cramps!] and errrgh… [ow!] he might argh… [grimace]… be… argh… acceptable [SPASM!!!!]


      Better than Key.
      [Oh God, the relief]
      Ends justifies the means and all that.

      • Neoleftie 6.1.1

        Um giddy from the deep south….nice ummmm humour.
        Once new a guy a gay guy loud and funny witty and bold
        New age glasses tinted deep red with a rainbow as told.
        Good heart and lungs, alway up for a joke an agrUement or a pint
        Modelled himself on another brave funny poli soul.
        Large in life full of fun and a cup a tea.
        Man of the people you see.
        The man for me you and you’re mum.

        • Rhinoviper

          I live in Welly, but grew up in Dunedin and left my heart there.

          • McFliper

            Must be what I stepped in on the way to work…

            • Rhinoviper

              I was wondering where it was – can you give me the exact address?  I’ll be down there after the 22nd.

              • McFliper

                footpath from 100 t0 400 George St.
                Sorry, it was a bugger to scrape off

                • Rhinoviper

                  George as in Positively George Street, as in the very locus of the Dunedin Sound?  I’m honoured, truly honoured!

            • Neoleftie

              And what I kicked into the gutter after the old flipper here stood on it.

              • Rhinoviper

                Oh great, now it’ll be in the drain and on it’s way to the sea, no doubt.  Oh well, I can’t say that I’ve missed it if I’ve survived without it after all these years, but it did have sentimental value.

                • Neoleftie

                  their the gutter in the king Edward and hillside intersection where a wee slip of a girl all bright pink dull looking eat it yum yum yum….now I have a heart she cried and slipped back thru the window in her office.

                  • Rhinoviper

                    Ah, like Daenerys Targaryen eating the horses’ heart in Game of Thrones?  Kewl! Watch out for her, she’ll come to something.

    • Rhinoviper 6.2

      … [hyperventilation]… he might be competent… [hurghhhh] which is better than… than… that guy… David Shhhhh… [faints]

  7. Fortran 7

    We have just booked 2 weeks touring holiday in the South Island from Auckland, at various Top10 camps, which are very good, but the overall cost of Petrol, Ferry, and Accommodation to do this makes a cheaper holiday in Queensland look great.
    Such a local tour costs as much as 50% more than flying to Aus.
    Though I was doing something worthwhile ?

    • TheContrarian 7.1

      I have forsaken a Christmas break and am instead spening 3.5 weeks in Japan early next year. 
      Now that is an expensive holiday. Bullet train passes alone for the trip are around a grand. 
      Enjoy your South Island trip – I did a simialr sort of trip a few years back and loved it – topped it off with hiking the Milford Track. A NZ ‘must experience’

    • NoseViper (The Nose knows) 7.2

      Does the oz trip include accommodation?  And have you added on medical insurance?

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