National’s 12 days of Christmas

Written By: - Date published: 4:16 pm, December 13th, 2012 - 43 comments
Categories: grant robertson, national - Tags:

Grant Robertson in the Christmas adjournment speeches yesterday gave a great list of National’s terrible 2012 gifts to Aotearoa.

For the twelfth day of Christmas National’s gift to Kiwi folk,

twelve Hekia stuff-ups,

eleven diplomats a leaking,

ten cronies conspiring,

nine paper boys crying,

eight leaks of personal details,

7.3% unemployment,

six ACC casualties,

five assets selling,

four brain fades,

three insulted countries,

two cheques for 25,000 and

John Banks on a cabbage boat.

The full clip has the story behind each day’s ‘gift’. Starts about 1:30 into the below (after he’s finished thanking those who make parliament work and MPs’ long suffering families). If Robertson could sing, you could sing along…

43 comments on “National’s 12 days of Christmas”

  1. Am looking forward to Labour releasing their next Christmas LP. I hope it includes last years surprise hits such as “Santa Claus ain’t coming to town” and “Bye plebs its Christmas in Hawaii for me” and “Foodbanks ain’t got no turkey, bennies ain’t got no bread, but Key got his tax cuts, rich bellies fed.”

    • ColonialPete 1.1

      You’re missing out a couple of my favourites:
      Hark, the Herald pundits sting!
      Dotcom merrily on high

    • TheContrarian 1.2

      This ‘Key holidays in Hawaii’ hatred is weird. who gives a fuck? It’s his holiday, he can go where he likes.

      • One Tāne Viper 1.2.1

        It isn’t hatred, silly, it a perfectly natural exploitation of the fact that the alleged “first citizen” feels more at home overseas.
         

        • TheContrarian 1.2.1.1

          Hatred is the wrong word, admittedly. But it is kinda weird.
          How does holidaying in the same country each Christmas = feels more at home overseas?
           

          • Bunji 1.2.1.1.1

            It’s a big thing in the UK about the PM supporting locals and holidaying within the country. PM is no ordinary job and you are setting an example to the country. Unlike celebrities you’re actually meant to be a role model.

            But it’s more that our Minister of Tourism, whose job it is to convince the world that the best place in the world to holiday is Aotearoa… but obviously doesn’t believe it himself.

      • TheContrarian, correct Key can go wherever he likes but in the same breath as saying he was off to Hawaii for Christmas Key was advising New Zealanders as Minister of Tourism to support local tourism and to take their Christmas holidays locally rather than going overseas.

        • TheContrarian 1.2.2.1

          Got a link for that?
           
          Nonetheless – it would appear that having a Christmas holiday in Hawaii is a Key family tradition and Christmas is family time so where ever Key choses to spend time with his family at Christmas should be entirely outside of political consideration.

          • Tradition? The apartment in Maui was brought in 2008.

            • McFliper 1.2.2.1.1.1

              lol
                   
              Bets on whether he reckoned he’d have to do a Marcos after his tenure as PM?

            • NoseViper (The Nose knows) 1.2.2.1.1.2

              There is also the suspicion that Key’s interests are more aligned to the USA than NZ and that the Key family see themselves as visiting celebrities brightening the dim outer reaches of the galaxy until they move to their place in the sun.

              • Rhinoviper

                You know, astronomically that makes no sense, but I get your point 🙂

                • NoseViper (The Nose knows)

                  Yes my analogies get a bit fanciful. But I do wonder whether he would like to reside in NZ which seems to be shrinking in many ways, when PPM (postPM).

  2. NoseViper (The Nose knows) 2

    Thanks Bunji for putting this post up.
    The wit and satire brigade are going to step up and give us some laughs which we (me anyway) sorely need.

  3. One Tāne Viper 3

    There’s always Slippery’s favourite:

    “God rest ye merry merchants may ye make the yuletide pay.”

    Apologies to Tom Lehrer.

  4. Jenny 4

    One Kyoto back out

    Two tornadoes killing

    Three parties climate change ignoring

    Many $billions wasting

    On Seven motorways a building

    More off shore drilling

    More effen fracking

    Total climate collapsing

    While doing absolutely nothing

  5. Rhinoviper 5

    OK, nnnnnnggghhhh… [straining] to be fair, I actually hate Shearer for his vanity in the face of his obvious incompetence, his demands for expressions of complete loyalty, his support – tacit or otherwise – for bullying by Curran (spit) Mallard and his Mini-Me, Hipkins (hmmm, spit or giggle? Certainly not swallow) and most of all for his own overtly stated hatred for beneficiaries, I might admit to some appreciation for Robertson in his wit here.

    Actually… ummmm… nope, nah, nihil, nada, nein, nyet. I just can’t do it because the word “hypocrite” keeps sticking its foot in the door to my mind. As a Wellington Central MP, Robertson’s been useless – he’s far more interested in taking control of the caucus and its staffers. His office in Wellington on Willis Street is literally across the road from a WINZ office and he’s never there, he doesn’t give a shit. I’ve seen him respond with eye-rolling condescension to people who have real problems, ignore criticism, duck out of meetings when he’s pressed to make a real commitment to his rhetoric.

    Grant Robertson is deeply committed to and working hard for one thing and that’s Grant Robertson. He might actually be competent as a PM – certainly better than Key – but don’t imagine for a second that he really cares about YOU.

  6. Neoleftie 6

    Ohhhh rhino viper, I know grant of old, he’s a hack to be sure and career minded but he has a depth too him that very few have seen yet.
    If shearer doesn’t have the good to take it to key very very soon I would suggest a Robertson cunliffe mahuta Parker front bench four some, as H1 held her closest rival close by I would suggest the gant tie cunliffe to the treasury bench and let him loose sorta…
    CC who cares about her, not the voter in her electrorate anyway. See party vote 2011.

    • Rhinoviper 6.1

      Hi Neoleftie, I’ll admit that he has ability…ngggh, [twinge] and that he might actually be an OK PM… argh… [cramps!] and errrgh… [ow!] he might argh… [grimace]… be… argh… acceptable [SPASM!!!!]
       

       
      ngggghhhh…
       

       
      Better than Key.
       
      [Oh God, the relief]
       
      Ends justifies the means and all that.
       
      AHHHH!!!

      • Neoleftie 6.1.1

        Um giddy from the deep south….nice ummmm humour.
        Once new a guy a gay guy loud and funny witty and bold
        New age glasses tinted deep red with a rainbow as told.
        Good heart and lungs, alway up for a joke an agrUement or a pint
         
        Modelled himself on another brave funny poli soul.
         
        Large in life full of fun and a cup a tea.
         
        Man of the people you see.
        The man for me you and you’re mum.

        • Rhinoviper 6.1.1.1

          🙂
           
          I live in Welly, but grew up in Dunedin and left my heart there.
           
          Cheers.

          • McFliper 6.1.1.1.1

            Must be what I stepped in on the way to work…

            • Rhinoviper 6.1.1.1.1.1

              I was wondering where it was – can you give me the exact address?  I’ll be down there after the 22nd.

              • McFliper

                footpath from 100 t0 400 George St.
                Sorry, it was a bugger to scrape off

                • Rhinoviper

                  George as in Positively George Street, as in the very locus of the Dunedin Sound?  I’m honoured, truly honoured!

            • Neoleftie 6.1.1.1.1.2

              And what I kicked into the gutter after the old flipper here stood on it.

              • Rhinoviper

                Oh great, now it’ll be in the drain and on it’s way to the sea, no doubt.  Oh well, I can’t say that I’ve missed it if I’ve survived without it after all these years, but it did have sentimental value.

                • Neoleftie

                  their the gutter in the king Edward and hillside intersection where a wee slip of a girl all bright pink dull looking eat it yum yum yum….now I have a heart she cried and slipped back thru the window in her office.

                  • Rhinoviper

                    Ah, like Daenerys Targaryen eating the horses’ heart in Game of Thrones?  Kewl! Watch out for her, she’ll come to something.

    • Rhinoviper 6.2

      … [hyperventilation]… he might be competent… [hurghhhh] which is better than… than… that guy… David Shhhhh… [faints]

  7. Fortran 7

    We have just booked 2 weeks touring holiday in the South Island from Auckland, at various Top10 camps, which are very good, but the overall cost of Petrol, Ferry, and Accommodation to do this makes a cheaper holiday in Queensland look great.
    Such a local tour costs as much as 50% more than flying to Aus.
    Though I was doing something worthwhile ?

    • TheContrarian 7.1

      I have forsaken a Christmas break and am instead spening 3.5 weeks in Japan early next year. 
      Now that is an expensive holiday. Bullet train passes alone for the trip are around a grand. 
      Enjoy your South Island trip – I did a simialr sort of trip a few years back and loved it – topped it off with hiking the Milford Track. A NZ ‘must experience’

    • NoseViper (The Nose knows) 7.2

      Fortran
      Does the oz trip include accommodation?  And have you added on medical insurance?

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • National’s shame: worst homelessness in the OECD
    National’s legacy is a housing crisis that has given New Zealand the worst homeless rate in the developed world, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    54 mins ago
  • Labour taking action on school donations
    Labour will end so-called voluntary school donations for the majority of parents across the country under its $4 billion plan to revitalise the education sector, says Labour Leader Andrew Little. “Labour has always been committed to a world-class free education ...
    4 hours ago
  • Labour to work with Queenstown to build more houses
    Labour will work with Queenstown-Lakes District Council, iwi, and the Community Housing Trust to build the modern, affordable housing Queenstown desperately needs, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. ...
    21 hours ago
  • Nats blow the Budget on motels after bowling state houses
    National is spending $140,000 a day putting homeless families in motels, the legacy of nine years of selling off and knocking down state houses, says Labour Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    21 hours ago
  • New revelations in Joanne Harrison report
    The State Services Commission’s report into the treatment of whistle-blowers by Joanne Harrison has revealed new accusations against the convicted fraudster, says Labour MP Sue Moroney.  “The report found that four staff inside the Ministry of Transport who had raised ...
    21 hours ago
  • Snafu at Princess Margaret
    Jonathan Coleman has to stop the stalling over a new building for mental health services in Christchurch to replace the quake damaged Princess Margaret Hospital, says Labour’s Health spokesperson David Clark. “The Government must accept that Christchurch is still recovering ...
    1 day ago
  • Labour’s fiscal plan to build a fairer New Zealand
    Labour will re-build our housing, health and education while responsibly managing New Zealand’s finances, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little.  “Under Labour’s Fiscal Plan we will deliver big investments in the services we all need and care about, invest ...
    2 days ago
  • Nats show they’re the tax dodgers’ best friends
    The government is taking the knife to IRD at a time when we need a highly skilled department to ensure that multinationals and speculators don’t get away with dodging tax, says Labour’s Revenue spokesperson Michael Wood. ...
    2 days ago
  • Labour secures the future for NZ Super
    A Labour Government will secure the future for New Zealand Superannuation so we can continue to provide superannuation to those retiring at age 65, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. “One of the first things a Labour-led Government will ...
    3 days ago
  • Multinationals must pay fair share of tax
    A Labour Government will crack down on multinational companies that are dodging paying their fair share of tax, says Labour Leader Andrew Little. “New Zealanders are missing out by hundreds of millions according to the IRD because multinational companies can ...
    3 days ago
  • ACT’s approach to children backward and ill informed
    Act’s new deputy leader’s claim that Labour’s support for families could “extend the misery of child poverty and even child abuse” is ill informed and offensive, says Labour’s Deputy Leader Jacinda Ardern. ...
    7 days ago
  • Canterbury hatchet job a disgrace
    The Government’s glib acceptance of advice that the Canterbury District Health Board doesn’t need more money is a hatchet job and a disgrace, says Labour’s Health Spokesperson David Clark. “To claim that the DHB was using tactics to leverage more ...
    7 days ago
  • Quality for Kiwi kids at ECE
    After more than a decade of rapid growth in the number of children participating in Early Childhood Education (ECE), it’s time to take stock and map out a clear plan for the future, says Labour’s Education spokesperson Chris Hipkins. ...
    1 week ago
  • Labour to boost ECE quality
    Labour will ensure kids get the best start in life by boosting funding for Early Childhood Centres to employ 100 per cent qualified and registered teachers, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. ...
    1 week ago
  • Labour will stump up a million dollars for Maniototo Hospital
    A Labour led Government will make a million dollars available to rebuild the Maniototo Base hospital in Ranfurly, says the Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little.  “This will be a much needed boost for a long overdue rebuild that has ...
    1 week ago
  • No vision for the West Coast
    The West Coast welcomes any Government investment in our region but the lack of any real alternative vision for the West Coast’s economy is disappointing, says Damien O’Connor Labour’s West Coast-Tasman MP.  “The establishment of a Mining Research Unit will ...
    1 week ago
  • National’s youth work scheme too little too late
    After nine years, National’s belated attempt to provide work opportunities for unemployed youth should be seen for what it is, a half-hearted, election gimmick from a party that’s ignored the problem till now, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. ...
    1 week ago
  • Kiwis won’t fall for Joyce’s spin
    Steven Joyce’s embarrassingly obvious spin on Labour’s Families Package won’t fool anyone, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. ...
    1 week ago
  • Labour prioritises families and public services
    Labour’s Families Package delivers a bigger income boost to more than 70 per cent of families with children than Budget 2017. By not spending $1.5 billion a year on tax cuts, Labour is able to do more for lower and ...
    1 week ago
  • Kiwis can’t sleep in your ghost houses, Nick
    The Government’s housing infrastructure announcement is another Nick Smith special – over-promising with no detail on delivery, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    1 week ago
  • Labour helps older New Zealanders and low income families with winter heating bills
    Labour will further boost its commitment to warm, healthy housing with a Winter Energy Payment for superannuitants and people receiving main benefits, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. “Everyone deserves a warm, healthy home to live in. But that’s ...
    2 weeks ago
  • National must rule out retrospective override for Ruataniwha
    National must categorically rule out using retrospective legislation to override the Supreme Court’s decision that the land swap of conservation land flooded by the proposed Ruataniwha Dam was illegal, says Labour’s Shadow Attorney General David Parker. “Having not got their ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Flavell’s failure a win for Māori landowners
    The Māori Development Minister’s admission that his unpopular Ture Whenua Māori Bill won’t pass into law prior to the election is a victory for Māori landowners, but only a change of government will keep the Bill gone for good, says ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Stats confirm growing housing shortfall
    National’s failure to fix the housing shortage has been starkly illustrated by new statistics, says Labour Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Systemic abuse of kids in state care
    After admitting there was systemic abuse of children in State care the Government must do the right thing and launch an independent inquiry, says Labour’s Deputy Leader Jacinda Ardern. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Migrant worker exploitation needs sharper focus
    The astonishing number of employers found guilty of exploiting migrants shows that migrant exploitation is a serious problem in New Zealand, says Labour Workplace Relations and Safety spokesperson Iain Lees-Galloway. “A total of 53 companies have been banned from recruiting ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Minister faces questions over dam debacle
    Today’s Supreme Court ruling dismissing an appeal to allow a land swap for the controversial Ruataniwha Dam is a victory for our conservation estate and Hawke’s Bay ratepayers, but leaves the Conservation Minister with serious questions to answer, says Ikaroa-Rāwhiti ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Too little too late on Wellington housing
    The announcement today on social housing in Wellington by the National Government is a pitiful and cynical election ploy, says Labour’s Wellington Central MP Grant Robertson. “In 2012 Housing New Zealand emptied out the Gordon Wilson Flats, taking 130 places ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Foreign trusts wilt in the sunlight, but more transparency needed
    The fact that the numbers of foreign trusts registered in New Zealand has plummeted after the Government’s belated and reluctant imposition of a new reporting regime, in the wake of the Panama Papers scandal, shows the need for a transparent, ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Speech by Grant Robertson: The Future of Work and Labour’s Economic Vision
    At the election in September voters will face a choice between a government led by Andrew Little with a fresh approach to give every New Zealander a fair share in prosperity or the continuation of a tired government, out of ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Swimmable Rivers Tour: Waikato
    Last week, we rolled up to the mighty Waikato on the final day of our swimmable rivers tour. Co-Leader James Shaw, Denise Roche MP and I started our day in Horotiu where the primary school has been focussing on the ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    3 weeks ago
  • Nats’ failure to train young people contributes to housing stall
    Budget documents forecast that housing construction will stall in the coming year, despite the massive housing shortage, and National’s failure to train young people in building trades is partly to blame, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. ...
    3 weeks ago